“Last kilometre!” Thomas shouted over the roar of the Excavator.

The creature slowly came closer, devouring the walls without slowing down and leaving the tunnel twice as broad in its wake. Their tongues were gone now, and Ben took a good quarter of its health by bleeding them out before the Excavator stopped using them.

Fortunately, no new tricks emerged after that. Yet.

Ben dropped a Krutnik from his inventory into the air, right into the Excavator’s mouth. It tore the heavily armoured bug into ribbons as if it was made out of cardboard, but it choked on the bite and slowed down.

Putting items on their path didn’t slow it down much, but hard objects were supposed to be sliced up by their outer teeth before reaching their gullet. This thing was effortlessly turning solid rock into pebbles before swallowing it all, so a bit of chitin wasn’t a huge inconvenience. But if you threw a Krutnik into the centre with the finer teeth, it needed a moment to chow down the obstruction or dislodge it with their tongues, and they couldn’t devour the walls at the same time.

So they slowed down considerably whenever we did that, and then slowly got closer again. As we were unfortunately just a hint too slow to stay ahead of it by our own speed, the delays were necessary though, each corpse buying us a precious minute.

We tried other stuff, but the creature’s rock-melting acid spray easily extinguished fires too, so Elise’s plan to make those Carl’s Jug O’ Boom now that we had the gold for it didn’t quite work out. She got an achievement for getting a boss monster drunk, but nothing else happened. The Excavator didn’t even sway or slow down.

We couldn’t try explosives. We didn’t have any, and the guy that was carrying the Kobold Kabooms had been blown up so thoroughly that he hadn’t left an inventory.

But we were finally almost out. We hadn’t gotten a notification of our quest being a success and Thomas’s spell ended a few moments ago, but maybe the AI waited until after the Borough Boss fight ended.

“Alright, we all know the plan?” I shouted.

“As much as we can plan for this fight, yes!” Elise shouted.

I double-checked if I put my new weapon in a quickslot, and read its description one last time just to be sure.

Tiny Giant Warhammer.

This is not a Giant Warhammer. It’s a miniature replica of a Giant Warhammer used by museums and cosplayers. The name might’ve given it away, if you being able to wield this thing hadn’t been. I could make up a whole elaborate backstory for this hammer, but I’m not gonna. It’s a hammer, and a pretty simple one at that, aside from the runes of power inscribed upon it. These runes are nothing compared to the real deal though, in this font size really does matter!

You gain +5 Str, +3 Con, +3 Ground Shattering Smash and +1 People Reaping.

The Chinese party unfortunately hadn’t had any polearm users, so I wouldn’t be wielding this weapon with my martial proficiency skill adding to it. And Miho said that Xin had to wield the weapon with both hands due to its size and weight. But the sheer bludgeoning damage should be a lot more effective against the Krutnik than my spear. Especially against the big boy behind us.

We hadn’t really gotten the opportunity to look through or equip the gear that Ben liberated from them, but we quickly distributed their weapons amongst us to optimise our bug smashing potential.

Elise didn’t get a new weapon, no one in Miho’s group had something better than her bat, but I got the hammer and Ben now had an armour-piercing rapier that Miho said had been very effective against the Krutnik. At least, in Xiang’s hands. He could just stab them right through the skull to kill them instantly, quick and silent. Unfortunately, there hadn’t been a spellcaster in their group so Thomas got nothing.

We ran up the sudden steep incline, and jumped out of the hole. Everyone scattered in any direction but forwards, and readied ourselves for combat. A few seconds later, the Excavator burst out of the ground, flew through the air for a few moments and then gravity returned.

It slammed down on the ground sending up dirt and dust, and a moment later we were attacking it from all sides. Its head was heavily armoured and 90% mouth, but its body looked like a caterpillar. Knobby legs on the sides and spikes for feet, heavily armoured but with clear and wide weak spots between the legs where its grey flesh had thin plating that could fold in on itself.

My new hammer appeared in my hands, a literal stick with a rock tied to the end with two crude ropes. Ooga ooga cave man hammer, yes! There were large but simply runes inscribed over the whole thing, and they glowed when I swung it.

The thin plating shattered as I brought down the hammer and tore a long gash of plate shards and minced meat. I stepped back and went to its next leg while Miho turned into a Krutnik Reaver and Alexa began to stab her rapier into the Excavator’s now exposed flesh.

I easily repeated the manoeuvre with another strike, and moved on to the next gap as Thomas began to blast spells into the wound. On the boss’s other side, Elise began smashing as well. I could smell the burned flesh and ozone from over here.

Elise: It’s trying to turn to you guys!

I looked at the head, and saw that the Excavator was indeed slowly craning its neck towards us while its tongues lolled out of its mouth again.

I quickly ran to its neck and took out my shield. I spread my legs in a sumo stance to activate my newest skill, and I could imagine how this skill made for an embarrassing combination with the kilt that disallowed underwear. I had to spread my legs as wide as I could, and if I still had dangly bits then they would be dangling freely right now.

But that wasn’t the case, and so I didn’t mind it. Even if the viewers could tilt the camera to get an upskirt peek, they could bite my shiny metal arse.

The Excavator met my shield, and in between my Sumo skill making me harder to move and the Stalwart skill granting me some steadfastness on top of that, it hit a wall it couldn’t push through. Maybe if there was any momentum behind the turn, but now they were just stuck.

Instead of trying to force it, the Excavator started to move forwards. Okay, that I couldn’t stop.

The Excavator picked up pace, moved faster, and… we just climbed on top of it. It tried to twist and turn, but made very stable and predictable turns. Most of us didn’t even need to hold on, and could attack it unimpeded.

Two figures approached in the distance to see what was going on, and I could almost see Martha’s scowl as she saw the Excavator leaving a literal trail of destruction in its wake. It might even be intentionally aiming for the fields, the AI having a little laugh.

Eventually I just sat down and waited for the others to whittle it down. I bashed three holes in the Borough Boss’s back plating for them to stab through, and now just enjoyed the ride looking at the scenery of endless farmlands and nature.

As the Excavator was on its death throes, we heard more shrieking. A few Leavers crawled out of the sinkhole, followed by Reavers and Cleavers.

I jumped off the Excavator and ran to the sinkhole. Instead of fighting, I just took out my shield and rammed my full weight into the first Reaver, sending it sprawling backwards into the hole and taking half a dozen Krutnik down with it.

Elise and Thomas were right behind me, forming a triangle and starting to kill the Krutnik before they could get a beachhead on solid ground. Behind me, Alexa also came rushing over, while Ben and Miho kept stabbing into the Excavator to make sure it died. The massive worm started to turn towards us, but it would likely die before we had to worry about it.

I swung my hammer at the climbing Krutnik below me, and I felt their skulls crack as they were thrown back. They fell onto a living tide of reinforcements, three more Krutnik crawling out of the tunnel for every one we pushed back.

Then there was only fire, and the screams of Krutnik as Thomas fanned fire into the hole with Fire Fingers. Elise and I quickly dispatched the few Krutnik outside the area of death, and then took positions to take care of the rest. Thomas put a Poisonous Fog in the hole right after ending his flames, and more Krutnik surged out before the spell even finished forming.

The world froze and we were congratulated on slaying a Borough Boss, and then we continued keeping the Krutnik at bay.

­­___ ___ ___ ___

“I think this is the last of them.” Elise panted.

“I hope so. My arms feel like jelly.” Ben complained.

Even my movements had been getting more sluggish, though I could no longer break a sweat. But that hammer really changed the game, the heavy bludgeoning and the People Reaping skill; a skill that buffed wide swings at the height that human heads would be for a giant, allowed me to hold off these bugs with brute strength and aggression. Something that my spear wasn’t very good at.

Elise brought down her bat on the last Reaver as it tried to spit acid at her, something that they fortunately weren’t very good at when spitting upwards, and when it died the tunnel began to collapse.

The surface cracked. A line of sinking earth rapidly moved in the direction of the hive, leaving a long crevice as it cut through two previously pristine fields before the tunnel went too deep to blemish the surface.

Congratulations! You burned down an entire colony worth of unborn children. Literally! And by killing thousands of innocent unborn Krutnik, you’ve saved thousands of people that are now free to continue their ungrateful and corrupt lives!

For successfully delaying the Krutnik insurgence, you gained a Silver Quest Box!

Bonus objective: You’ve killed 192 Krutnik in or under Tolley’s land, meaning that you went far above and beyond your duties to put him in financial trouble! He was expecting to pay you 10 gold, and even that is something he can barely afford! For going out of your way to put him in debt, I'm giving you an additional Gold Asshole Box!

New achievement! You Monster!

You have killed an infant! An infant!

Okay, okay. Unless you’re a complete psychopath, we know you probably didn’t wake up this morning and tell yourself, “Today is the day I’m going to slaughter a child.” Well let us put your mind at ease. All children mobs who die within this dungeon don’t actually perish. They’re transferred to a holding area where they’re safe and treated nicely and gently until they can be reunited with their loving parents at the end of the season.

Feel better? Good.

Reward: These past twenty seconds, when your conscience started to ease? That was your reward. It was also a lie. That baby is dead, and it’s dead because of you. You’re totally going to hell.

You’ve also received a Bronze Asshole’s Box.

New Achievement: Monster Grande!

You killed over ten thousand infants! Infants!

Okay, okay. Unless you’re a complete psychopath, we know you probably didn’t wake up this morning and tell yourself, “Today is the day I’m going to slaughter ten thousand or more babies.” Well let us put your mind at ease. If you killed this many children, you probably had a good reason for it, or you did it on accident. You’d be surprised how often this has happened before.

Feel better? Good.

Reward: These past twenty seconds, when you thought you weren’t the only one to whom this happened? That was your reward. This is also a lie. We all know you did this on purpose, and for a Silver Box nonetheless. You monster. This Achievement has been bestowed for genuine accidents three times before, but this doesn’t apply to you.

New Achievement! Yellow-Bellied Chickenshit!

You initiated a Boss Battle, and it somehow ended with neither of you dead. What a disappointment you are. What a goddamn smear.

Reward: Pussies don’t get prizes.

Quest updated! Matricide!

It’s Gozilla! Aaargh! Gozilla! Not Gozilla! Waargh, run away!

Not so fast, random panicking yadda yadda something racist yadda. You’ve read this quest before and it wasn’t as funny for you as it was when I gave this to the Chinese people that might take offense to me pretending I don’t know the difference between them and the Japanese. You want to know what changed, right? Well, you successfully managed to stop the princess’s transformation timer! AND survived doing so! That’s quite impressive! I promised you a certain bonus if you could do this, and I honour my word!

For stopping her transformation timer at 16/174, less than 10% of the allotted time, you overachiever!, every party member involved in the initial effort to stop her transformation will gain a Legendary Abortion Box once you finish this quest! Oh, and I’ll also allow you to get those other related achievements you got as well.

Slay the Princess to complete the quest.

You will receive a Gold Quest Box upon completing this quest!

“So, I guess we’re not going to get those legendary boxes.” Ben sighed. “Defeating a City Boss probably isn’t going to happen.”

“Well, we now have a whole week to get stronger and find more people to help us before we have to take her down.” Elise said. “And even if the AI isn’t going to give the Matricide quest to everyone that sees her, everyone in our party present for the boss fight should be getting the quest rewards anyway. So we can lure people with two upper gold boxes.”

“I doubt more people will solve this problem.” Thomas sighed. “I don’t know about you guys, but I got an achievement for being the first crawler to singlehandedly damage a City Boss’s for over 10% of her damage.”

“Wait, you dealt how much damage!?” Ben said. “Holy shit, that’s…”

“Exactly.” Thomas said. “Even with Firestorm burning her for several minutes with my class’s enhanced damage and me adding 1% extra damage for every metre of distance, I only dealt 10% damage to her. Which means that you guys are probably going to deal about 1% in a prolonged fight even when going all-out, if even that much. And I cannot do this again, because if the princess stopped transforming she’s no longer immobilised. This trick won’t work again.”

“Damn. Yeah, we’re going to take the Silver Box and leave the Gold and Legendary stuff for the suicide mission that they are.” I said. The others nodded in agreement.

Martha arrived, and let out a tired grunt as she looked around at the many destroyed fields and the sinkhole we almost filled to the brim with dead Krutnik. Tolley seemed more bewildered than realising the financial consequences of this outcome, but he could sense his wife’s anger and wisely held his tongue.

“We can’t afford to pay you for your quest.” She bluntly told us. “Even if we sell the house, we can’t actually pay you two gold per slain beast.”

Thomas PM’d something to Elise, who rolled her eyes but said what he wrote her to say with her higher Charisma.

“If you allow us to keep the corpses for one gold each, can you pay half?” Elise asked.

“A hundred and ninety-two gold…” Martha lamented. She struggled to say the words and clearly wanted to decline, but then she sighed. “Yes, we can manage that.”

Miho appeared from behind the Excavator in her human form wearing proper clothes, and Martha turned towards her with a fond smile. “And you. Thank you dearly for reducing our debts at least a little. Thank you so much.”

“Uhm, what are you talking about?” Miho asked.

“We get 2 gold for every Krutnik we kill on this field, but you’re not in our party.” Ben said. “Every Krutnik you killed, she doesn’t have to pay for.”

“Oh. You’re welcome?” Miho hesitantly told the orc, before letting out a surprised yelp when Martha pulled her in for a hug.

“So, let’s get to collecting and move on.” Elise said, rolling up her sleeves and looking at the hole of corpses. Corpses we had to lift up for four seconds each, each and every single one.