“Remember, don’t aggro the guards. They will instantly and permanently grow aggressive towards you, and that goes for every guard in the entire settlement.” Volos fussed over them like a mother over her kids on the first school day. “And don’t be outside at night until you’re ready. And avoid Elites at all cost! I’ll still be here to give you guys advice for the rest of this floor, but you can only find Tutorial Guides in the larger settlements! Don’t use the shops in small villages!”

“We know, Volos. You told us half of this stuff during the Tutorial already. But thanks.” Ben said.

“I don’t remember hearing any of this stuff.” Elise said.

“You didn’t take the full tutorial, but we did. It took over half an hour of crammed info-dump, but Volos gave us a lot of invaluable information about all the floors to come. Within what he was allowed to tell us, of course.” Thomas said.

“Yes. I would be able to give you more useful information if one of you guys picked the Manager benefit, but that’s unfortunately not the case.” Volos said. “Which means that once you’re done with this floor, you’re on your own.”

“What’s a Manager do?” Ben asked.

“It essentially means that I’d be travelling with you guys all the way to the end, though I would always stay inside the Safe Zones. I would be able to share everything I know with much less censure than I have to deal with now, and use my experience of the previous crawls to give you guys the advantage of knowledge.” Volos said. “I’d lose my space-Google access for knowledge on all races and skills, but as a Manager I would’ve been allowed to share everything I know from the top of my head.

“It also greatly increases the time taken off my contract, so most of us Guides want to land a manager gig if we can. It’s so good for us in fact, that we’re not allowed to talk about it before class selection or recommend a class for that boon. As a Tutorial Guide my mandatory service is reduced for every minute that a crawler is inside my Guild, assuming they live past the Third Floor. But as a Manager, every day counts and I end up with several seasons worth of tutorial guiding.”

“Damn, that does sound pretty good. Sorry none of us picked it.” Ben said.

“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, I wasn’t allowed to say anything about it myself so you couldn’t know.” Volos said. “But I’ll still be here for the next week if you need me!”

With that, Volos turned around and opened the door. Sunlight flooded into the room and everyone squinted. Volos, the poor soul not having eyelids to squint with, had to take the full brunt of the sun as he stepped out and began announcing us.

“I present to you, Elise Berghen the Swoop-in Slicer Storm Valkyrie.” Volos said.

Elise floated out, and a few pop-ups appeared above her with her new information.

Crawler # 9,123,587 “Elise Berghen”

Level 12

Race: Storm Valkyrie

Class: Swoop-in Slicer

Strength: 22 + 12

Dexterity: 10 + 0

Constitution: 15 + 4

Intelligence: 5 + 4

Charisma: 20 + 5

Storm Valkyrie

This race required 10 Charisma, 15 Strength and the Powering Through Achievement to unlock.

The Storm people are a rather bland folk, also known as humans. Their nobles are more interesting, but they are still just humans with some innate lightning powers. Storm Royals though, they are interesting! A completely different species, who embody both power and physical perfection while still looking kind of human. They are floating masters of UNLIMITED POWER!!! that know exactly how to lord their superiority over the weak! The rich ones amongst them absolutely love to buy themselves a century of being a god amongst primitive dirt dwellers that haven’t even figured out the radio yet, and Earth was once such a resort!

The Valkyrie aren’t quite as lavish or smite-happy as the other Storm Royals, but they are still just as arrogant and prickly! Knowing that their master race’s supremacy occasionally needs to be maintained with an iron fist, the Valkyrie train to wear sturdy armour in flight and wield weapons that bolster their attacks instead of diffusing them. Neither are easy things to do, and they lost quite some of their species’ UNLIMITED POWER!!! in exchange. Still, these royal guards and generals are the first called upon when the Storm Royals encounter an actual threat to their rule!

+3 Str, +2 Con, +2 Dex, +3 Cha. Storm Royal Levitation and Lightning Immunity unlocked. +3 Sparkle Blade and its level cap has been extended to lvl20, +1 Crackling Cuirass, +1 Armour Proficiency (Medium), +1 Martial Weapon Proficiency. Bans combat spells without Lightning or Thunder damage, all spells are capped at lvl10. This race requires a minimum of 20 Cha and 10 Dex.

Swoop-in Slicer

This class required 15 Strength, 10 Constitution, a means of flight (or other way of gaining elevation or controlled falling) and at least 70% of all kills being from a melee weapon to unlock.

Birds and heavy armour don’t really go well together. I know that, you know that, even the Skyfowl know that. Yet there’s always a bunch of arrogant knights that insist that their superior race has to wear the shiny and expensive suits of heavy armour AND be able to fly doing so! If you’re not looking down on the plebs you’re repressing, you’re doing it wrong! So they went to the gym and didn’t leave until their shoulder muscles were bulging! They cannot fly for long, or very fast, or agilely, or even carry the heavier weapons like a lance, but they can fly in heavy armour. Well, heavy-ish. Slightly above medium.

This class focuses on combining flight with being a knight, allowing you to dive-bomb into a group of enemies or make flybys while still being well-protected! Slicers try to get all the benefits of being a knight, and some benefits from flight. And they kind of succeeded in that, I guess.

+1 Armour Proficiency (Heavy), and the weight and categorisation of your armour no longer affects flight and hover abilities. +1 Martial Weapon Proficiency (Already obtained), +3 Dive-bomber, +1 Flyby Floosy. All spells cost +25% Mana. This class requires a minimum of 20 Strength and 15 Constitution. You have to select a subclass on the 6th floor.

Elise waved at the non-existent camera and started floating upwards to scout out their surroundings. Cuddles ran after her and jumped into the air squeaking worriedly. He had gotten a lot needier after being alone for some time.

Her race and class had been quite demanding for her stats, leaving her with only two of her 36 stat points left to assign herself. Volos recommended them all to have at least 10 Dexterity and keep up their Constitution as they would progress, so it was still mostly what she would’ve chosen herself. She only disliked the high charisma that her race and items continued to force upon her.

“Allow me to introduce to you, Thomas Bennet the Split Shadow Battle-Klepto!” Volos said, and Ben entered the third floor.

Crawler # 13,385,919. “Thomas J. Bennet”

Level 12

Race: Split Shadow

Class: Battle-Klepto

Strength: 10 + 0

Dexterity: 28 + 6

Constitution: 15 + 0

Intelligence: 10 + 0

Charisma: 5 + 0

Split Shadow

This species requires any Stealth skill to have reached lvl10 and for the crawler to have used at least 3 exploits before they were removed by those killjoys upstairs.

Nananananana, Dotman! Dotman? Dotman! Polka-dot, polka-dot, does whatever a polka-dot does. Shiv a bitch? Steal some cash. Sure, that’s what the Dotman does.

Ever wanted to be a comic book character? Not those well-drawn ones they made just before the Earthling society collapsed, but the old-timey ones filled with misogyny, paedophilia and for some reason a thematic gadget-filled car for every hero and villain? Well, this species is kind of like that! You’ll be a walking, talking anomaly that really stands out amongst all the normies! And don’t we all want to be the centre of attention? Good thing this isn’t a rogue class. Oh wait… Welp, you can always just hide in your own shadow if you’re shy.

+5 Dex, +2 Int, +1 Str, +1 Con. Shadow Merging, Shadow Movement and Shadow Unmerging unlocked. +3 Shadow Running, +1 Shiv a Shadow, +1 Dotfection, +5% skill progression for all Stealth skills and level cap is increased to lvl18 for any Stealth skill (max. 3 skills).

Battle-Klepto

This class required Pickpocketing to be at lvl5, the Battle Burglar Achievement and the Was Some Rubbish Really Worth All The Hassle? Achievement to unlock.

Do you like looting? Do you want to loot everything you can get your hands on, no matter how worthless it is? Do you get a sense of unease and un-fulfilment when you can’t grab everything or accidentally take the correct path before checking out all the dead ends? Well, then this season’s inventory system must be a dream come true for you! Hell, I know exactly how crazy you Earthlings are for getting more stuff for the sake of it, I monitor your hoarding behaviour!

But have you ever asked yourself: Do I want to loot more? Well, how about looting everything before killing the mobs guarding the stuff? That’s right! You can choose to skip the whole combat mechanic of this game, and thus have more time left for your addiction to get more worthless junk to fill some kind of hole that certainly isn’t your lack of friends and happiness in real life! That’s a nice sword that City Boss has! But I have to spend hours on *urgh* fighting them in an epic clash before I can actually get it? Not anymore! Joink! One oversized sword you’ll never use, added to your ever-growing collection of junk and priceless artefacts all thrown on the same pile!

Ignores the ‘Hey, I’m using this!’ status of carried items while pickpocketing, reduces the weight penalty on your success chance for pickpocket checks during combat. Stealth and Movement penalties on all armour up to Lower Medium reduced by 10%. All civilised enemies carry an additional [1 x level] gold on them that disappears once they die if not stolen beforehand. Improved quick-steal menu unlocked. +3 If Eye Spy, I Take and +2 Bold Burglary. +5% skill progression for all Theft skills. Pickpocket and Bold Burglary level cap increased to lvl20. Spells cost +25% Mana to cast, wearing armour of Medium or greater classification will apply encumbrance penalties on all skills.

Ben walked out and followed Elise’s example of waving at the air around him. Cuddles immediately ran up to him and began jumping against his leg to alert him of Elise’s disappearance, pleading with him to do something about it.

Ben’s species and class had been the opposite of Elise’s, coming with no stat requirements at all. His stats were a lot lower, as he hadn’t gotten many stat-increasing items. His power was in a whole bunch of skills with great damage multipliers unlocked by his gear, which Volos said was much better both right now and in the long game. If you survived the first two floors with lesser stats, that is.

As a result, he started a bit behind the curve in raw stats, but could assign them however he wanted. His build required a little intelligence to steal faster and smarter, and his theft was partly dependent on his strength score to ‘lift’ heavy stuff easier, but for the rest he could throw everything in dexterity with a little constitution to not have dying being one of the things he was very fast in.

“Next up, Thomas Haanen the Choldrith Supreme Artillery Mage!” Volos said.

Crawler # 9,438,236. “Thomas R. Haanen”

Level 12

Race: Choldrith

Class: Supreme Artillery Mage

Strength: 8 + 0

Dexterity: 10 + 0

Constitution: 12 + 0

Intelligence: 30 + 16

Charisma: 2 + 0

Choldrith

This species requires someone to have some really weird sexual preferences or absolutely zero regard for their self-image to unlock! Also 10 Intelligence, the Neurotic Tic Achievement and a maximum of 5 Charisma, I guess.

You know those Jehovah's Witnesses that keep bothering you? Small minority, don’t have anything but that one thing making them ‘unique’ but they’re extremely persistent about it? And somehow they all come with a complete disregard for that unease you’re supposed to have when broaching and forcing topics that others clearly don’t want to talk about? You’d think that they would all ace class presentations and make it big time in marketing with such a lack of social inhibitions, but instead they just dedicate themselves to that weird cult that they keep yapping about!

We call those guys Choldrith Light, because these zealot fanatics are insanely dedicated to spreading the word of their god! Not necessarily following their own religion orthodox style, fighting for it, lobbying millions for tax cuts and incentives, or even going on the internet to argue endlessly with trolls in religious forums! Just an innate desire to bother others in person with incessant requests to convert to their specific religion! If it weren’t for them being amongst the stronger spider races and being recruited by even mightier spider races that like one specific religion enforced in their demesne, they’d be just some weirdo species no one cares about. But because both those things are the case, they are a middle management and inquisitor caste that no one cares about!

+1 Str, +3 Dex, +2 Con, +4 Int, -2 Cha. Unlocks Spider Climb, Chitinous Shell, Silk Formation Rune-casting and Web Sense. Immunity to all Venoms (Spider). +2 Religious Fervour and +1 Delusion Venom Bite. Charisma capped at 10.

Supreme Artillery Mage

This SUPREME class required the Dedicated Mass Murder Mage, Fireball an Orphanage Factory, and Spell Sniper Achievements, 20 intelligence or higher, and at least three achievements for 500 kills by spell type: You’re Gonna Burn Alright, Systematic Surprise Shower and Light Up the Sky!

Do you know those wizards that round out a fantasy adventuring party, the haggard old man that spent decades learning how to make sparks fly from his fingers and then has to dodge mild breezes because he never spent any time at the gym or eating healthily? Well, those guys came before nation-wide literacy and education, the printing press and government incentives enabled wizards to learn magic without ruining their health and muscles to do it! After this change, many other classes like meatshield in armour, angry meatshield, scout with a bow and scout with a dagger became obsolete!

But it wasn’t a slow and peaceful transition that turned armies into nothing but militia and mages! No, that was just what kept the other classes down after the massive industrialised World War where only the wizards managed to upscale their destruction to the new standards! The Artillery Mage went with the times by not figuring out why magic works, ignored all magic that didn’t go Fwoosh! or Blew-Blam! or Kaboom!, and then asked themselves if they could do it bigger.

Spell damage increased by 300% and spell range increased by 200%. Spell upscaling and spell effect maintenance costs reduced by 50%. All Area of Effect spells have their spell radius increased by 25%. Mana reserves increased by +25%. Spell damage increased by 1% for every metre between the caster and target, starting at -25%. All spell level caps extended to lvl20.

This class decreases the effectiveness of all armour worn by 80%, increases mana cost of all spells by 100% when wearing armour heavier than Very Light and decreases Dexterity by one point for every 5kg of armour worn. (So don’t wear armour, dummy!) All weapon damage decreased by 80%. All weapon-wielding, defense and dodge skills capped at lvl10. Unable to cast spells that don’t deal damage.

Thomas didn’t wave as he walked out, and just looked around while patting Cuddles’ head.

His build was definitely the most minmaxxed of them all, due to the ludicrous class he unlocked. One’s race was usually better than their class, the latter focussing more on unlocking some good skills or a wide variety of skills needed for a specific build, and increasing the skill limit of a few. This one however was as rewarding as it had been difficult to unlock.

And while his choice was still unnerving, Thomas was correct in that the Choldrith was a great balancer for the class restrictions imposed upon him. This cleric-theme species had a chitin that provided an alternative for the armour that he couldn’t don any more, even if the protective value wouldn’t increase with time or levels. Spider Climb was almost as good as flight, allowing him to get out of range of melee enemies if there were walls or ceilings nearby.

But the thing that Thomas had been most enthusiastic about was the Silk Formation Runes. He couldn’t cast any non-DPS spells any more, but this special form of spellcasting didn’t cast but rather weave spells. Apparently that was a significant enough distinction to subvert the rule. By weaving his own threads into certain patterns bolstered with his mana, he could create three-dimensional runes with a wide variety of effects like traps, barriers and even healing effects.

He didn’t even need to get the spell unlocked, Silk Formation was such an underused system due to the required spider transformation that it wasn’t incorporated into the Dungeon System. Meaning that there were zero restrictions but also zero skills and unlockable boons or spells for using it. Sure, he started with no spells at all and had no chance of gaining any spells in loot boxes or shops, but he might figure out how to cast a few.

Right?

“And last but not least, aside from popularity that is, Darryl the Cobalt Talossi One-Man Phalanx!” Volos said. I walked forward into the light.

Crawler #12,985,917 “Darryl D”

Level 11

Race: Cobalt Talossi

Class: One-Man Phalanx

Strength: 20 + 1

Dexterity: 15 + 0

Constitution: 20 + 12

Intelligence: 5 + 0

Charisma: 4 + 0

Cobalt Talossi

This race required 15 Constitution, the Swooping in to Save the Day! Achievement, to have been part of a party of over 30 people fighting together, and the Vanquisher Pass to unlock.

When the other species explored the galaxy and found Primal tech from a precursor race older and more advanced than theirs, they also started to connect the dots with some of the weird shit that they found! Species that can technically exist, but would be impossible to evolve into their current form from scratch. Let alone be the last remaining species of their branch, leaving no evidence of their missing links behind!

The Talossi are one such species! Creatures that consist of one metal element for about 89% yet move around fast and easy enough to wreck societies and slay heroes, creatures capable of reproduction to distinguish them from the regular androids and constructs. An artificial species made by the Primals to do a whole slew of different things. They’re probably meant as resource collectors for their respective element, but often double down as society destroyers, to terraform a planet or to keep it in its current uninhabitable state!

The Cobalt Talossi is the softest variant, emotionally that is! They are more social and able to stand the weaknesses of organic races, and they’re the only kind of Talossi that can enter a city without leaving it covered in blood and gore!

+3 Str, +5 Con, +1 Int, +1 Cha, the Talossi Body benefits, Mediocre Lightning Resistance.

One-Man Phalanx

This class requires any spear and any shield skill to have reached lvl5, any defensive skill to have reached lvl10, a constitution of 15 or higher and the Two Way Defence Achievement! (Achievement requirement negated by racial choice.)

One of the earliest and easiest tactics that people figure out when they start to fight back against their much bigger and more ferocious predators, is that more hunters makes for an easier hunt. The second tactic they figured out is that tying their sharp stone on the end of a stick gives them greater reach, making it a lot easier to attack without getting attacked! The third tactic is that a simple shield makes for a very good and simple defence. Eventually some big brain boys in every society realises that they can combine these three into one great strategy!

Bane of the much cooler barbarian rush style that completely flounders when trying to charge their way through a shield wall, the phalanx is a lame and cowardly but very effective technique once there’s a whole bunch of you! But you’re all alone, aren’t you? No friends to form a wall with? Fortunately, wacky wavy dungeon magic can solve every problem, including this one! You can just ask your imaginary friends to form a shield wall with you!

+1 Armour Proficiency (Heavy), +1 Martial Weapon Proficiency (spears and polearms). +5% experience gain in all shield and spear skills. +1 Phantom Phalanx and level cap raised to lvl20. This class requires a minimum of 15 Strength and 20 Constitution. You have to select a subclass on the 6th floor.

I stepped out into the light, and similar to Thomas I didn’t wave. I didn’t have that many viewers anyway, so it wasn’t as if that many people were watching right now.

I spread my points out more than anyone else, to ensure that I wasn’t lagging behind in anything. Except charisma, that felt like a stat that I could leave to whomever would end up as the charisma mule. It wouldn’t be Grace as planned and promised thanks to the whole Third Floor Shuffle, but it certainly wouldn’t end up being me. Not with my stats.

I increased Intelligence a bit, though, raising it to a respectable above average for a normal human. No more making fun of me being an idiot, even if I wouldn’t be putting more points into it and would soon be vastly outranked by spellcasters and the likes. But that wasn’t my role anyway. Right now I was durable, strong and fast enough to put myself between my friends and danger.

Elise came back down, and Cuddles immediately ran up to her for attention. “Looks like we’re starting in a small village, but I can see larger settlements in the distance. So, what’s our plan?”