“Hm… What do you guys think?” Elise asked, looking at the others.

Volos and Elise went through the species and their many racial offshoots, after eliminating all the non-humanoids in one go after Elise was presented with the horrendous image of a centipede wearing her face.

It wasn’t just about appearance for Elise, that much became clear when she was presented with sexy options like the succubus and declined her, while some races like the stout and bearded Magma Dwarf and the motherly-looking anthropomorphed porcupine called a Caring Hugger survived the first draft. She read the descriptions carefully, unless Volos told her to skip the species outright.

Still, there were a lot of options to choose from and many were rather samey, given that she mostly unlocked barbarian classes and races. In the end, those all came down to generally the same racial benefits and build.

The skills could make a huge difference, but Volos said that he couldn’t tell her which ones would be better than others with absolute certainly. The finer details shifted every season to prevent show-hosts from buying cheap contracts on promising crawlers and then advising them optimal builds before sending them back into the dungeon.

As a result, Elise could choose the prettier species from her final selection without putting beauty before the beast.

The choices had been illuminating about what kind of options they would be getting. Their size could vary wildly, but stopped around three metres tall and wide. Some Corporations allowed you to become a kaiju because why the hell not, but Borant couldn’t make a balanced and well-written dungeon with tunnels and doors that were accessible to huge creatures while remaining fair for the smaller ones, or vice versa. But becoming as small as a mouse? Go for it!

“Don’t put too much stock in the physical representation, though.” Volos told them. “Your stats will make it possible for a fairy to eventually bench-press an ox, or for a slug to zip around and climb on walls like a freerunner. An ogre will be better at lifting stuff than the fairy, but only to some degree.

“But that goes both ways. Borant and most other companies long since nerfed full minmax builds. The audience likes overpowered crawlers, but not because of some basic trick. There’s still virtue in going one stat for the most part, but you shouldn’t rely on a perceived end-result.

“For example, going full Dex isn’t going to allow you to defeat anything with a lower dexterity than yours simply because they cannot hit you. In terms of damage there is a linear stat increase, but otherwise your numbers only weigh in on the balance without breaking it. If you come across a mob and a boss with exactly the same dexterity modifier, you could run circles around the former while finding the latter fast enough to hit you anyway. And no matter your strength, your size and race will prevent you from breaking physics too badly by wielding pillars or lifting building-sized monsters.

“Generally speaking, you’ll be limited by what you may expect of the creature and your race, without being penalised for it. Entertainment and fun can allow for silly stunts like a full-sized orc riding a cat-sized Pigeotter in flight, but penalties and boons will always remain yet never spiral out of control. And things that fit your race, like a minotaur’s head-butt charge, will silently scale along with weapons to not grow worthless over time.”

“So I don’t really need to worry about how their looks and form should affect their performance? In that case, let’s put the tree back in the running as well.” Elise said.

Four options came into view, Elise’s final selection. The best of the options that wouldn’t alienate her too much.

Species seemed to average around giving her ten stat points and one or two basic skills, and you could unlock races that got the species’ stats with better and more skills replacing it. Some of the skills were really good or even impossible to attain by other means, but the best advantages lay in the species’ innate features like not having to breathe or being resistant to an element.

The Uphetchug had been the best one by far by granting 12 stat points all in strength and constitution, three natural weapons that would always scale with her level and skills, natural armour and three skills from which two were pretty good. If Volos wouldn’t have had a team member choosing this very race to directly experience the downside of the hands, it would’ve been the best option despite the dog face.

Her choices weren’t that far behind, despite retaining her good looks.

She had two Scorrow options, which were anthropomorphised scorpions. The Beat Cop Scorrow was a brutish gall with thick armour and an improved stinger poison, while the Urban Yuppie Scorrow was more feminine and agile with a hand instead of a stinger on her tail. The hand had long nails that could still inflict poison damage, though it was inferior to any other Scorrow race. Both had pincer claws instead of hands, but were otherwise like humans with scraps of carapace.

They were clearly semi-barbarians, even the petite one. Strength score improvement, lesser constitution improvement, natural armour and skills that increased their fast brutal strikes and ability to persist through pain and injury. They also got scorching weather resistance and didn’t have to eat or drink for months, but that was less useful in the dungeon.

“I guess the heavy armour one is better?” Elise asked. “She’s still sexy and human enough in a muscled goddess kind of way, so I can live with that.”

“She is, in some regards. Definitely tougher and her venom can be devastating.” Volos said. “But the other one isn’t too bad either. She can twist her tail freely in any direction and wield weapons in her hand, or equip five nails with special effects instead of being limited to one stinger-enhancer. Beat Cop is definitely superior in a straight-up fight, but Urban Yuppie will make it easier for you to wield weapons with improved reach and allow you to dodge more. Neither is worse, per se.”

The third option was human in every regard but her skin, which was light blue with yellow veins. The Storm Valkyrie would change Elise’s hair from red to a silvery white and her eyes to be permanently glowing white, and she was floating with ever-billowing hair and clothes. A pale version of X-men’s Storm, basically.

“This one would be a class change, if you were to pick her. You could be a Storm Royal barbarian, but it would be sub-par. But unless you unlocked a very rare barbarian class, don’t feel dissuaded from making that change. This is the best time for it.” Volos said.

“Storm levitation isn’t that fast, but floating in the air is reliable and looks very dramatic. A real crowd-pleaser. Lightning attacks and lightning immunity are about what you’d expect. Wind Sense is quite amazing; few ambush monsters can avoid detection against air displacement. And you’d get some skills and bonuses to intimidate and command. But they can be glass cannons, and you need to be careful to avoid friendly fire.

“She is a bit spread-out, though, which can be great or terrible. Being a little good in several things can be great if you’re popular enough or liked by the AI, but without that edge you’ll end up coming short in everything instead of succeeding in the one way you optimised. The AI can make chance-dependent skills weak or amazing, while having many lesser skills can end up as having many worthless skills if you’re not ahead of the level curve.

“Most Storm Royals are made to be spellcasters, but you didn’t unlock any of those. The Storm Valkyrie is one of the rare few meant to be a frontliner, being able to float despite wearing most kinds of armour and able to wield weapons. The others lose one or the other. You cannot control the weather or summon storms, though that’s a situational power at best, and your lightning is stronger but can only be transferred through your weapons and body. And your Wind Sense would be dimmed down some.”

The last option was the Frontier Forest Entette, a three-metre-tall tree woman that looked almost exactly like a naked Elise with the parts that needed censoring removed and her skin smooth sand-blasted wood. The only two differences were that her hair was a bushy canopy and her smooth legs turned into thick branching-out roots below the knees.

She came with an always active Barkskin spell effect that didn’t consume mana, the ability to root in place for a better resting bonus and increased healing, could hold her breath for half an hour, and would gain immunity to a whole slew of poisons, venoms and other effects meant for fleshy creatures. Her static strength would increase massively, meaning she could exert force or hold on in an exhausting position for much longer, but she would become more slow-moving as a penalty. And she would gain vulnerability to fire and blight-effects.

“The decreased speed can be very penalising if you don’t compensate by putting points in dexterity, but it won’t be too much of a problem. You just shouldn’t rely on your reflexes to dodge, and try to predict your enemies’ moves to strike where they’re going to be. But this species is viable because Borant patched out the Dex minmax method by removing the downsides of slowed species, meaning that you won’t have enemies always dodging you.” Volos said.

“Alright. So sticking with these four, let’s see the class options.” Elise said.

The species list disappeared and a list of 97 class options appeared. There was no model this time, only text.

“Not a lot of classes, but brutes do have a tendency of being pretty much the same savage in different bodies. Even the content creators don’t want to make the exact same class under a dozen different names. But you’ve got even less choices for having a Vanquisher pass with a barbarian build, that locks you out of a lot of options.” Volos said. “You unlocked mostly barbarian classes, along with some fighter and charisma options. You never got much dexterity or used a finesse weapon, so most charisma fighter options haven’t been unlocked.

“I don’t see any of the good drunken brawler or showman wrestling builds either, so I take it you never got drunk in the dungeon or fought unarmed. That means that you didn’t really get something to keep your strength with a hint of charisma theme going. You unlocked a few bardbarian builds, but I personally think that the gimmick isn’t worth risking your life over.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, anyway.” Elise shrugged. “I’m the charisma mule because my base charisma is the highest and I could equip the items without losing out on others, but we were already planning on getting a new member to tackle the charisma stat.”

“Try finding a healer. Charisma is mostly for charming spells and healing, though there are plenty of classes that allow you to add charisma bonuses to combat, dodging, spellcasting, etc.” Volos said. “But just to be sure, let’s go through all of the charisma classes you got so that you know what you’re declining on.”

The options weren’t bad, but with Volos commenting on how they were situational or poor in comparison to the good stuff, they definitely didn’t sound good either.

“So, a strength class it is. Let’s see what the AI is actually recommending for you.” Volos said.

The three choices were pretty straightforward in why they were recommended.

The Rabid Ranger would hone her Bloodlust and make it easier to fall into it, with the boon of maintaining focus on one enemy marked before raging. For that enemy only, she would retain any tactical sense she normally had and continue to learn their moves, where normally the bloodlust raging rendered someone careless. A good class to get a berserker build while surviving Bosses that would just slap through the berserker’s rage defences.

The Crouching Kindergartener, Hidden Librarian was an oddly named monk class that was about maintaining a stillness of mind amidst chaos even when caused by your own body. Where the Ranger was a fighter build that still boiled down to falling into a rage and regaining one’s intelligent sentience bloodied and with the job done, the main selling point of this class was that you could rage while maintaining your wits even while raging. It would diminish the enhancements of bloodlust and raging unless you still acted reckless, but it removed the whole truly being reckless thing and allowed you to switch to being careful and defensive in a second.

The third class was a barbarian charisma combo, and the only class that Volos gave any pause when they went through the charisma options. The Barberina was quite literally just a ballerina that was also a barbarian, with a clearly made-up story about Russian child ballerinas growing too old and being thrown out after years of rigorous training wrecked their feet and left them uneducated in anything but ballet. The class literally seemed to revolve around graceful twirls and jumps, while holding some oversized weapon that splattered enemies as you gracefully waved it around. And bloodlust would be rewritten to make you lose yourself in the performance.

All three classes also came with several more benefits and requirements, but the above was the intent and base builds that set them apart from one another.

“Alright, so I’ve got two choices, and some more we can look through.” Elise said. “Because I’ve worn these damned ballerina shoes for over a week now, and I’ve had it. They’re killing my feet.”

“Both of these options are pretty good, but not great.” Volos said, seeing no reason to argue about a gimmick barbarian build. “You would’ve gotten much better classes if you had a Desperado Club Pass, Vanquisher doesn’t really do bloodlust. At least not the kind that doesn’t come with religious fervour.”

“The AI clearly wants to keep your rage and bloodlust theme going, but you definitely don’t have to do that.” Volos continued. “You can just pick a different build entirely, and keep using your bloodlust from your bat until you get a better weapon.”

“This Librarian class, would that work with the Feral state too?” Elise asked.

“Hm, good question. Classes and races can have very potent benefits that ignore various hazards and issues entirely, but the feral state is particularly nasty.” Volos said, opening his menu and scrolling through some invisible tabs. “As I expected, that class will blunt the Feral state but not remove it entirely. Just enough to make using your mask more enticing and viable, but it won’t resolve the issue entirely.”

Elise nodded and started going through the other options. She had a sparse few monk and cleric options, but those weren’t nearly as great as the many barbarian, fighter and paladin options she was given.

The good paladin options were scarce as well, as they were very powerful but came with rigorous conditions of what you could no longer do. Their requirements included things that you shouldn’t have done before coming here, but that you must’ve been presented with the choice to do it at least once. For example the Duelling Oath Paladin required you to never attack a foe with more than one person at once, and maintain an honour code of duelling that only faintly resembled Earthly virtues. If you didn’t know of those rules in advance, and you didn’t, then you needed sheer luck to not block yourself out of that route.

But most of the proper options were fighters, who got proficiency with a lot of weapons and armour, and barbarians for barbarian stuff.

She fished another two classes out of the list to add to her two recommendations and then lamented on the choice for a bit. One was a fairly straightforward Barbarian class that didn’t entirely rely on Bloodlust, while the other was a knight class that would go well with her Storm Valkyrie race.

The Skyfowl Swoop-in Slicer was effectively a knight that could fly easier with armour on, accelerate flight when swooping down on a foe, came with several of the base skills you wanted to have as a heavy armour and martial weapon user, and allowed for a few flight-based martial arts that thematically mixed really well with the Storm Valkyrie theme.

“What do you guys think?” Elise said exasperated, the sheer weight of this monumental choice weighing down on her.

“It’s your life and thus your choice.” Darryl said. “We know just as little about this as you do.”

“That’s sweet, but not that helpful.” Elise said, pinching his cheek. “Thanks, though.”

“I think that the Librarian wouldn’t be that great in general. It would allow you to use the mask more often and fall further into a rage without massive issues, but we’re talking a whole class for a rather narrow application.” Thomas said. “As a monk you wouldn’t be using the combat skills you gained thus far, and if you switch to monk skills then you’ve got a sub-par class designed to alleviate the issues of another class’s weaknesses.”

“True. The mask will be great for a while, but it has a limited amount of uses and I can see how this might end up being an inferior class in the late game. If we get that far.” Elise said. “Still, if we focus on berserk combat…”

“You’ve proven most adequate in maintaining your composure, after that first issue with the Felake and the tiara. I’m sorry about snapping at you at the time, you’ve proven that you’re not just recklessly charging in and putting us all at risk. At least not any more.” Thomas said. “You don’t have to worry about what we think, right guys?”

“Aw, shucks.” Elise said, actually blushing. “Come here, you guys.”

Elise dragged the three of them in for a hug, and Cuddles scratched at her leg while chirping dejectedly about being left out.

“Okay, so that’s one choice eliminated. Ben, what do you think?” Elise asked.

Ben didn’t say anything, just emptily glancing forward with blood running down his nose.

“Oh right, I think his pubescent brain fried back when we went through your racial options.” Darryl said. “They were all naked, after all. And some had some uhm… improved proportions.”

“Right, I guess you have been ogling my body all along, haven’t you?” Elise said, half embarrassed and half-teasingly. “I forgot, considering she didn’t look completely like me. Better cherish the memories, boys, because that’s the last of that you’ll see without dinner and roses.”

Elise looked at the choices, thinking hard and making a decision but finding it difficult to commit to something this important regardless. She looked over at Thomas and blushed a little. “You’re a spellcaster and that Chain Lightning is really good, right? There’s some good synergy there, I think. Shall we do it?”

“If you want to.” Thomas nodded.

“So… Let’s go with this class and race combo. I just press here and here, right?” Elise asked.