“Sup.” Volos said, waiting for them in front of a fancy medieval-style door.

“The sky. Even if it’s a fake one.” Ben replied.

“Well, at least you live to see it. You guys got real close to the deadline, and considering the average time needed to pick a race and class, you’re probably going to miss out on a few hours of third floor time when you start.” Volos said. “But don’t worry about that, you shouldn’t rush what comes next.”

“So, where are the others?” Elise asked.

“Others? Most didn’t make it. I only had about eight other crawlers assigned to me aside from you guys, and the two that made it this far already chose their race and moved on.” Volos said. “Which means I actually have an incredible survival record this time around, 6/12 is way better than what most guides get.”

“I meant the guys we were travelling with. The Frenchmen, Corey, Alexa, Grace, etc.” Elise said.

“Right. I would’ve told you this before, but I wasn’t allowed to until you’d make it to this point.” Volos said. “The third floor always starts with an unannounced Shuffle Surprise, throwing parties and carefully laid out plans into disarray.

“You will appear somewhere on the third floor, and unlike previously there is no more geographic consistency. From this point on your location is randomised by the AI’s wiles aside from two factors. First based on parties: If you’re in the same party, you’ll start in the same location. But if you’re not in the same party then the others will pop up in a different area, even if you go down the same Stairs at the same time. Second, going down a different Staircase will also make you appear in a different location from your party.

“But for this floor transition only, your Tutorial Guide also matters. My services will stop once you make it to the Fourth Floor, as I told you before, but right now I still serve a key role to help you pick a class and species. Which is why I’m here, and all of your other party members are with their own guide.

“And consequently, those other party members will start in a different area of the third floor. The whole purpose of the Third Floor Shuffle is to take large groups relying on numbers and parties with their party balance planned out, and crap all over those plans. Or officially, to persuade crawlers to form smaller groups that are easier to promote and fit the recommended difficulty settings.”

“So the others…” Ben hesitantly said.

“Are with Zartas, for the most part.” Volos laughed. “Oh, he must absolutely hate that. A hundred crawlers, and he’s forced to patiently help each and every one of them? Gold. With that many people, at least one person is going to pick the manag- Disregard that last bit, I’m not allowed to say anything about that yet.”

“Dozens rather than hundreds, I’m afraid. We only got eleven of the non-combatants to the Staircase, in the end.” Darryl said.

“Really? What happened?”

“We had to fight a Borough Boss with insta-kill abilities, and then we had to fight and outrun literally thousands of Brindled Vespa!” Ben said.

“Somewhere between sixteen and seventeen hundred Vespa, actually. So over a thousand, but not quite thousands.” Thomas corrected him dryly.

“That’s still a lot more than there should be.” Volos said, his eyes bulging out instead of going wide on account of him having no eyelids. “There should only be up to two hundred and fifty Vespa per Borough after the last fix, talking averages at least.”

“Well, that certainly wasn’t the case.” Elise complained. “But we survived and never have to fight those damned hornets ever again, that’s all that matters.”

“Indeed. And the instant-kill shouldn’t be that much of a problem for you guys, those attacks may sound scary but have been nerfed to the centre of the universe and back.” Volos said.

“No megacorp wants a popular crawler to just drop dead because a Mako Monkey glared at them, or for a crawler to just spam that ability on every foe they meet, so instant death abilities are usually just a threat to pets and in battles with a huge level difference.” Volos continued. “The save for those abilities are your level, Con, Int and Cha scores, meaning that only low-levelled crawlers and pure Dex builds have to worry about it.

“I’d recommend not getting instant-kill abilities at all, unless they were handed to you on a silver platter without other options. They level incredibly slowly, if they level at all, and the results are usually not worth it. Area insta-kills are always inferior to other AoE spells, and you’re not going to take down any bosses with the one on one abilities unless you can easily deal with them already.”

“The Mud Hag only took out the weak ones with that ability, yes.” Thomas contemplated. “I suppose she would prove a challenge to both large groups of weaklings and small groups of elites, given that she could’ve used more effective hit and run tactics had there been fewer of us. Our excess of artillery ensured that she had to keep moving, but we had enough elites to prevent her from massacring our spread-out numbers one by one. Not to mention, some of her abilities like that charm effect would’ve been a lot more serious if we hadn’t had hands to spare to restrain a crawler.”

“Mud Hags? Yeah, those are very nasty.” Volos said, before chuckling about his own joke. “Hags in general tend to be powerful in vicious ways. You wouldn’t be the first to die from a curse, days after you killed her. Mud Hags cannot really do that, though.”

“What about this?” Elise said, lifting up her shirt to show the black spot where the Hag pressed a charm on her skin before, the dark veins still lingering.

“Life leech effect. Pretty nasty if you run into an area infested with creatures using it, as healing doesn’t work and enough bites reduce your health to a point where a slight breeze can kill you.” Volos said. “It will slowly go away, and people with regenerative abilities might not even notice it. Don’t worry about it if it’s just the one spot. The danger lies in accumulation.”

“Anyway, enough chatter about the last floor. Soon that will just be faint memories of insignificant issues, once you guys see what kind of powers and abilities you’ll get from this point on. Come in!”

They followed him into a small hospital room, four beds to the side with privacy curtains ready to be deployed and a few chairs as an impromptu waiting room. And not matching this theme was the large teleport pad straight out of a science fiction flick on the other side of the room.

The moment they came in, Cuddles jumped off one of the beds and ran to Elise, nuzzling its head against her leg. She crouched down and patted his head, and he cooed angrily that she abandoned him for so long. It seemed that the two hours of isolation had an effect, as he hadn’t been this affectionate before. Either that or Darryl hadn’t paid attention to the critter’s ever-changing behaviour lately.

It might be their growth, actually. They had been big before, but the battle with the Hag had levelled Cuddles to lvl6. He was as big as a Labrador now, though built a lot tougher.

“The way this works is that the most popular crawler will go first.” Volos said. “That way the popular people can enter the floor earlier and minimise the time that their feed is blacked out. Or get stuck behind parties of hundreds, having to wait literal days before they can enter. Don’t worry, you’ll still spawn in the same place so you can easily find back the others afterwards. Elise is up first, followed by Ben, Thomas and finally Darryl.”

“What!? Your view count caught up to mine? But I one-shotted a boss!” Ben said.

“And I have these.” Elise said smiling, crossing her arms in a way that perked up her breasts. “Not to mention, I’ve been killing more gruesomely and consistently.”

“It’s mostly ‘those’, but you don’t have to act it up right now. Viewers can’t see what’s happening in here, we’ve got privacy until you go through that door over there.” Volos absentmindedly said, as he fiddled with the teleport pad to get it up and running. “But yeah, it’s mostly hormones deciding your popularity for now. Most adults don’t have the time to watch several crawlers, and just stick with the popular ones that their colleagues around the coffee machine also know of. And the preference of teens, well…”

“Other planets have coffee?” Thomas asked.

“Automated translation to Syndicate Common can take liberties with sayings and species based on intent and circumstance.” Volos shrugged. “Aaaaaand there we go. Alright Elise, please step up.”

“Do we have to sit here and wait, or…” Ben asked.

“You guys can read along with her choices, but remember that it’s her choice in the end.” Volos said. “Though I’ve seen pushy teammates forcing certain choices on their allies before, so the only rule is that the crawler has to push the accept button themselves.”

Elise stepped onto the pad and it lit up with circles of light and matrix-style symbols flowing upwards around her.

“We start with your species and then go to the classes, but that’s not actually mandatory. Most guild masters don’t mention that part to avoid crawlers going back and forth for hours looking for the perfect synergy, but my team got that option at the time and it really helped us out.” Volos said. “Don’t fuss too much about it though, it’s very difficult to properly gauge how potent an ability or combo is from the text alone. Case in point, I chose this crappy species hoping for brownie points from the guys upstairs while my teammates picked potent combos. I was the only one making it far enough to get this Guild Master gig.”

“Right. Just pick a species that looks awesome and maintain our popularity.” Elise said, before gasping. “And do some awesome stuff, apparently. Full elemental immunities and innate powers, for real!?”

“For real.” Volos said. “Let me repeat myself, mine is a very crappy race.”

“From the looks of it, you’re getting mostly brawny barbarian classes recommended to you.” Volos said. “Remember that your actions thus far unlock races, which will almost always be better than the ones you can always choose from, and that the AI recommends the best choices based on your actions thus far. They don’t consider popularity, and some early rankers fall into obscurity overnight because they pick something strong but done to death, like the Coal Engine.

“And more importantly, depending on your new form you may end up unable to equip your current items, so don’t pick a class and species based upon your best gear. The AI makes recommendations with your actions, items and geared-up stats and skills in mind, but that’s a fleeting thing. And some classes and races allow you to survive without relying on any gear at all.

“The third floor can be a fresh start, so pick what you’re comfortable with and don’t worry too much about the gear and skills you got before. Or even about a full build change. Unless you got legendary boxes upon entering the dungeon, your loot will only get better as things progress.

“Generally speaking, you’ll always get a few base choices including your own, primals and a few species and races that closely resemble yours. Then there will always be at least one race fitting each general class, to allow you to switch to a build that you couldn’t adopt thus far. Those tend to be shabbier, though. But most options will fit your general class and behaviour as shown thus far, and you should pick one of the exclusively unlocked races as those are always better.”

The AI’s first recommendation appeared, a hulking dog-faced creature standing over 2m tall. There were thick deep-brown armour plates running over her back all the way down to a 3m long scorpion’s tail, making her shoulders very brutish before growing smaller and thinner until they disappeared around the elbow joints. Her legs were unprotected and hairy, with inverted knees and cloven feet.

Fabulous Divastator Uphetchug

To unlock this species, you need to have reached a Strength score of 15 and a Charisma of 10, three or more barbarian skills at 5th level or higher and at least one intimidation skill.

Deep deep down in the fiery abyss of the Hell planet Katarrn live many devastating species, and the most devastating of them all is the... Klurichir. Did you think I was going to say it’s the Uphetchug? Nah fam, they're strong but they’re no match for the larger creatures that eventually go straight behemoth. But they are amongst the most fearsome in their size class.

The Divastator isn’t just aggressive, she is proud and sassy about it as well! Male Uphetchugs are afraid of her, and theirs is not a species where the men are decisively weaker. Sure, Divastators end up eaten by Hellworms or swarmed by Babaus more often than the other Uphetchugs because they refuse to run not daintily, but they just as often kick those worms and eat those Babaus instead of kicking it themselves!

This race will turn your categorisation into demon, and grant you resistance against fire, poison, acid and Hell-variants of all elements. +7 Str and +5 Con. You gain +3 Stinger!!! and extend its level cap to lvl20, +1 Goat Kick and +1 Savage Bite, and all demon and rage skills train 5% faster.

“Right. Definitely not that one. I’m not getting a dog face, no matter the boons.” Elise said.

“Fair enough. The Uphetchug race may look strong and has some great numbers, but those two-digit fingers are surprisingly penalising for all but a few two-handed weapons. And even then you’ll handle them worse than other species.” Volos agreed. “Unarmed or spellcasters only, otherwise I wouldn’t bother despite the amazing racial boons.”

The next recommendation was a huge green creature, almost rivalling the Mud Hag in how hideous it was. The Trouncing Troll race gave several barbarian and strength buffs, and of course their race’s regenerative abilities, but-

“No.” Elise said.

“A great race in stats, but no one wants the ugly races on their shows and their popularity will never be high. Especially yours will probably vanish overnight.” Volos said. “They make good side characters, though, especially if they play the dumb henchmen to a more handsome leader.”

The third recommended option was a minotaur called the Free Range Minos, a minotaur that lost their superior sense of direction to navigate mazes in exchange for not having agoraphobia and gaining the ability to swerve to the side while charging.

Free Range Minos

This race requires your Strength to have reached 15, at least one barbarian skill to have reached lvl5 and the Reckless charge! Achievement.

Most Minos are poor little cowfolk that are squeezed into narrow and cramped little mazes, where they scrape themselves on the walls and have to walk through their own shit. These Minos aren’t like that, for they have been allowed to frolic through open meadows despite the death and devastation that follows. Don’t you feel proud and responsible that you're eating meat that got some barely decent experiences living for like two months before getting crammed into a truck and killed savagely in a butchery?

+4 Str, +3 Con, +3 Dex. You gain +1 Bull Charge, +1 Tokyo Drift Charge, +1 Matador's Mightmare and the level cap of all three are extended to lvl20. All Rage skills train 5% faster.

“Not... terrible.” Elise said. “I can work with the eight-pack and bull legs, but… No. A cow’s head is just as bad as a dog face.”

“This race is actually pretty good. While a good navigation skill is priceless, the one this race won’t get only works for areas that you’ve already been to. Great for finding your way back somewhere, terrible for exploring new places. Meanwhile the linear path of a charge is usually one of its biggest downsides, so being able to use Bull Charge with swerving would make that attack very viable.”

“I’m not going to head-butt everything, I’m already having trouble getting all the blood and gore out of my hair as it is.” Elise said.

“Very well. Then you’ve got another 512 races to choose from. That’s a lot more than the others will get, because there are a lot more brute type monsters than other builds. You’re simply drawing from a larger pool.” Volos said. “There isn’t an option to organise them based on appearance and attractiveness I’m afraid, so we’re going to have to go through all of them manually. You guys can probably sit down and take a rest now, this may take a while.”