[IP] Ancient Gate

...

"Now everyone, remember: No matter what, no one leaves the car. We're not stopping until we're through, and this should take us right to the Eastern-Coastal highways." I spoke in a patient tone, ignoring the mild hangover and persistent lack of coffee as I instructed my passengers. "After that shit we pulled getting into the country, you can bet they'll try and string us up the moment they realize who we are, so lets not have that happen."

"Right." Several replied came in atop one another in the cramped vehicle.

"Now, I had us take some precautions, and I think they might work." My hands flexed along the wheel, eyes straight ahead over the many draped clothes of white linen and Holy symbols atop the car's hood. Each matching with the many other decorated portions of the vehicle, fluttering slightly in the wind as I continued, "But if they don't work- I'm going to have to go right to plan B."

"Where we 'Make like Trees,' right?" I heard Lars ask from somewhere behind me.

"That's exactly right Lars." Looking ahead, the city arches approached and overwhelmed with a oppressive regalia. Statues of white stone gleaming in a humid polish of warm morning air. The Capital City of Doterra's Holy Kingdom shown with a brilliance in the rising Eastern Sun. "We'll make like trees. Everyone buckled in?"

Instinctively I checked my own, comforted by the strap across my waist and chest. Beside me, riding shotgun, my second in command did the same- flashing a quick signal of confirmation as we continued our approach. Several grumbling "Yes" replies came from the back as well, no one was particularly thrilled by the perceived hindrance.

They didn't see the reason for them yet, and I wasn't about to bore them with safety statistics. The last thing I needed was a bunch of passengers with cold-feet directly before attempting to sneak through the largest city in the world.

This world, anyways.

"Listen, once we're through the city I think we've got enough Silver to barter for residence just about anywhere in the rural areas, but we don't have enough fuel to double back. There aren't any Dwarves in the area, so the car is eventually going to run out of fuel unless we can find some. If possible, I think we're going to make this a straight shot to the coast, then play it by ear."

"But what about the inns?" My trusted second in command piped up from from the passenger's seat. "No more sleeping on straw or rocks, you promised."

"Right, well we'll still have money for an inn or two, probably..." I knew that I probably didn't sound very convincing. "After that we'll have to find some form of income." I paused, winding to follow along the cobblestone road. "I really do think we could be alright taking on a few more Monster hunting Contracts. Only small ones though. No more Basilisks."

"No more fucking basilisks." A sharp eyed woman in the back seat nodded agreement beside a taller man, hunched forward slightly to keep his bald head from tapping the ceiling with the bumps and jostles of the car. Beside them both, a younger boy, no older than fifteen, stared out the window, eyes wide and nervous.

"No more basilisks." I repeated in agreement, eyeing several thankful nods.

Everyone in the vehicle was dressed as planned, each in flawless white robes. Far back, Lars poked his head out from the trunk, leaning over the back seat with a thick headrobe, and sitting pretty in the passenger's seat Sola was decked to the nines in the Church's finest. Thick white cloth, a nun' headdress, even a golden necklace of the holy-symbols. Even I had fallen into line, beard as trimmed and tame as I could manage with a dull pair of scissors, sat complete with holy garb adorned. I'm sure if my mother could have seen me, she'd be proud. Apparently, I clean up nice.

As we slowed beneath the massive arch, all eyes stared upon the massive expanse of stone and art that reached high above our heads. A massive city, walled and filled with faith and zealous peoples, was about to be intruded upon by a car full of heathens (possibly felons depending on how badly we'd been marked on our last Church related encounter.)

At some point in the past, I was fairly certain I'd once watched a sitcom with this exact premise- minus the magic, the world jumping, the Crusading armies and the evil wizard.

"HALT!" A guard shouted beside the massive arch, tragically outclassed by his surroundings even in the immaculate armor and shining gold-inlaid steel atop his breast-plate and shield. "Who goes there? I order you to cease!"

"Peace my son, we come in peace." I replied as saintly as possible, rolling down my window with a humble nod in the man's direction. "We are but humble priests, Brave Knight. As the High-Bishops have summoned, we have answered their calls."

"Priests? Ah, please forgive me father. I did not intend rudeness but..." Visibly startled by the car's window, the armored man pulled back a step, weapon at his hip almost drawn before settling. "What sort of creature do you ride this day? It might almost seem a demon if not embellished with such finery." His gauntlet covered hand pointed towards the car and towed camping trailer behind it.

"Oh no, not a demon. I assure you. It is nothing but a machine, powered by the white magic of gods, and our own faith." I held my smile as best I could beneath the scrutiny. "Still, I might ask your pardon. As you might be aware, we have an appointment to Keep. The Bishops don't like to be kept waiting."

"The Bishops! Heavens above, you're right about that father, certainly..." Helm lifting, the knight beside the archway peered in past my face, squinting through the shade of the cabin. "I'd not realized nuns were such fine company these days!"

"Nuns?" I asked, blankly.

"Why light help me, yes! Lords have mercy, were your companion not already married to the love of god, I might propose here and now!"

Beside me, I heard a light snicker. It took more than expected to keep palms away from my face, and continue holding my enlightened composure.

"Please, for the love of the Holy Light." The Guard continued, approaching the vehicle to lean beside the window, "Your name, please dear nun. I must know of it."

The snicker was already turning towards open laughter as a hand shook at my arm. "Hear that? He'd marry me." Behind her, the rest of my "Passengers" were already joining in, smiles cracking on several watching faces with my sight along the rear-view mirror.

"God help me." I muttered. "Of all the..."

"Please fair maiden!" The Knight raised his voice dramatically, "I must know your name. I, Sir Gawain, will bend knee here and now to my pledge my allegiance." The guard continued, leaning in further. His breath smelled like elderberry wine. "For such beauty could only have been bestowed by the gods."

"Hear that? This Knight would really marry me!" My trusted second in command shook my arm again as she broke into true laughter this time, head throwing backward as she cackled. "Did you hear him?"

"I swear on my family name, I swear on my honor as Knight!" The man spoke proudly, "For even your laughter is but music on my ears, and your... your..." He stopped, eyes blinking slowly. I leaned back, casting a quick glance to my right as the still chuckling passenger.

"Your ears are... quite... strange..."

Sola's headdress had fallen loose. Plain as day, large pointed ears shook along with her wide smile. "What did you say, Brave Knight?" She asked, completely oblivious. "Go on."

I stared at her, a mix of dumbstuck and terrified. Oh no.

"You're... an Elf?" The guard leaned back, eyes widening. "But... an Elf can't be a nun." His hand fell towards the sword on his hip as his smile faded, replaced by a look of startled fear. "Such is not the way of the Faith..."

"Now hold on a second-" I tried to interject, just as the sword came free: steel gleaming in the morning light. "She's a special case, very religious- I swear." I raised my hands in the most religious gestures I could think of. "We're just here to see the Bishops-"

"You LIAR!" The Knight shouted with a strong gust of elderberry, giving me no such chance. "FALSE CLAIMS IN THE NAME OF LIGHT!" He blade pointed dangerously close as his rallying cries continued. "MEN TO ARMS! SOLDIERS TO ARMS! INTRUDERS AT THE GATE!"

Up until this exact point in time, I'd gone over many contingencies for what I might need to do- should something have gone awry with our plan. As such, I wasted little time as the car came out of park and my foot gunned the gas, engine roaring.

"On to Plan B." I muttered, braced as the wheels spun wildly to grab purchase on the stone below and charge forward; Stunned faces of armored soldiers shouting in horror as the acceleration began. "Hold on to your butts people."

Father forgive me, for no matter what religious background someone might have: This was definitely a sin.