I’ve never been a religious person, but reincarnation was something that always seemed interesting to me. The Buddhist concept is tied to your karma, and depending on how good of a person you were, you’ll live a more fruitful life in the next one. If I were to believe that, I would have been a disgustingly evil person in my previous incarnation.

We’re talking theft, extortion, fraud on a global scale, genocide, maybe even jaywalking. I must’ve done it all to deserve this. My life finally started to look up, only to get smitten down to the ground and stepped on cruelly.

Eva has been dying of laughter on my couch for the last five minutes. Though; it might as well have been an eternity. It all started when we got home, and I decided to start my strengthening process. We didn’t fully unlock all the potential as the expensive rock was only enough to get me half my available points, but it was enough to get started. As per her suggestion, we only focused on upgrading base stats, ignoring skills.

Bumping up my stats to something more reasonable also unlocks classes based on my stats, personality, experience, and skills. Luckily the base classes don’t require skills, hence why a good character sheet was more important.

We had improved my survivability by an impressive amount, and I could feel the newfound power flowing through my veins, my status menu reflecting my sentiment.

Eugene Blackwell

HP

56/56

MP

29/29

Stats

STR

10

INT

12

DEX

10

WIS

12

CHA

1

CON

13

An admirable power-up if I do say so myself! I wanted to increase my charm as that had always been a sore spot for me. However, Eva advised against it, stating that it doesn’t have much use in the beginning. We should be focusing more on the straightforward stuff instead.

She hasn’t been wrong yet. So surely I could trust her on this, right? Well…

[Congratulations, you can pick a new class! Here are your options.]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to SUPERHOBO]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to NERD-MAN]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to HUMAN, BUT SLIGHTLY STRONGER]

My options are… lacking. What kind of classes are those even? What the hell even is a superhobo?

I hear the laughter in the background die down finally. “Are you done?” I ask, my hands in my hair as if it’s the only thing keeping my last ounce of sanity within my head. Her hand close to her mouth to keep any and all snickering under control. “Not really, but I suppose you should look and see what class would suit you the best, nerd-man!” she barely pushes out before bursting into laughter again.

If it were possible to throw my status screen out the window, I would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, both the rectangle and Eva are mostly intangible and safe from any outside influence. At least, when it comes to everything in the real world. Dungeon monsters and items can hit her just fine, anything that's part of this world can, for that matter. Dreading having to make a choice, I decide to start from the top.

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to SUPERHOBO]

[Having beaten up every hobo in your vicinity, you have transcended and become the king of your battered adversaries. No hobo shall walk past you without showing you proper respect or face the consequences.

Hoboes respect you, and whenever they are closeby, they will aid you in combat.]

Well, that seems completely useless. I don’t know much about the dungeon’s socio-economic situation, but I doubt there will be many hobos down there to fight for me. Next option!

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to NERD-MAN]

[While going on a school excursion, you were bitten by a radioactive book. After getting abducted by NASA, you were experimented on and mainly probed to see what kind of unique powers you inherited. Once they discovered you didn’t get much, you were promptly released.

You can now eat books. You gain nothing other than its nutritional value.]

I can’t even gain the knowledge of the books I consume, only the calories? I’m pretty sure I intended to lead a healthier lifestyle. Eating paper is probably not my number one priority. Next!

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to HUMAN, BUT SLIGHTLY STRONGER]

[Once upon a time, you used to be a regular human being. Those days have long since passed. After doing some intensive exercise for half a week and thinking about maybe eating a little bit healthier, you have evolved into the absolute beast you are today!

You gain a slight boost to stats every time you level up.]

I feel personally attacked. How can a floating, semi-transparent rectangle be so cruel? Either way, it feels like there’s only one useful option here. Eva interjects in agreement. “As hilarious as it is, you don’t have to worry. Once you hit more thresholds, you’ll be able to evolve your class or even change it,” she said with a cheeky grin.

I picked the slightly stronger human, lamenting my bruised ego after the hit it took from the hurtful description. “cheer up, buttercup! Tomorrow will be a great day. After work, you and I will be looking into teaching that goblin who’s boss!”

I almost forgot that little gremlin is walking around somewhere. I almost feel bad for the gremlin. It has no idea the walloping it is about to experience. Don’t worry, little man. I’ll teach you a lesson or two!