《Truck-Kun's Adventures in Isekai-land》8. Shenanigans
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Two men were sitting in a room with a rectangular table between them. The walls were pure white and the room was very clean, practically spotless. One of them was in a blue patient's outfit and the other was in a policeman's attire.
"Ophie," said the policeman tentatively. "After the incident, some people have been interested with... doing tests on you."
"What incident? Who are you?" asked Ophie.
He bent down, scratch his foot. The policeman sighed.
"I'm Morris."
"Okay," said Ophie. "Are you one of my fans? Sorry, I don't give autographs."
"Nope. I've been tasked with doing some simple tests on you."
"Okay."
It was fairly apparent that Ophie had no interest in cooperating however as he continued to scratch vigorously.
Morris had been against the whole idea of the tests from the start. The incident was just too suspicious; it didn't add up at all. If you asked him, it was clear that the incident had been fabricated, most likely because new outlets were running out of ideas. The poor man was already insane. There shouldn't be any reason to trouble him any further just because of some nonsense.
He had no idea why he was tasked with such a task from his superiors. Surely they weren't childish enough to believe superhuman powers existed, did they? But in the end, it was his task. He had to get on with it.
"Hey, take this."
The policeman handed a handgrip.
"Okay."
"Is okay the only word you can say?" asked Morris, mildly annoyed.
"Okay."
"Just try to cooperate with me, will you? We can both leave quickly if you're fast."
"Okay."
As dozens of minutes past, the Morris got extremely frustrated. He had tried what felt like hundreds of ways to convince Ophie, but all he got was a bunch of 'okay's as the patient continued to scratch his leg. At that point, Morris was just saying random things that he didn't think would actually convince the crazed man.
"If you stay here for too long, what will your fans think?" said Morris with a bored look.
Ophie froze.
"You... you bastard! My fanssssss!" screamed the man.
He continued to yell hysterically, banging the table several times then kicking his chair around and running around the room.
"Hey! Stop that!" said Morris as he reached out his hands to grab the man. "Uh... your fans aren't angry yet?"
Ophie calmed down. He grudgingly put the chair upright and sat, tapping his feet impatiently.
"Fine! What do you want me to do? They're waiting for me!"
Morris sighed. The man was probably going to try to break out of the hospital the moment he was let out of the room. But it wasn't his problem. He just wanted to it over with.
"Squeeze that handgrip I gave you. It's not that hard, right?"
Ophie glared at the policeman. He held one of the handles in his hand and squeezed as hard as he could, his face scrunched from the effort.
"You liar! It's very hard!" Ophie accused.
"No! That's not how you're supposed to use it!"
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At this point, Morris was so annoyed that he decided that the moment the grip test was done, he would let Ophie out. There were still a few other testing devices he was given, but he didn't care anymore. Afterwards, he would just say that the patient was unwilling to cooperate.
As Ophie pressed harder and harder, Morris suddenly heard the horrid sound of screeching metal. He was filled with shock. The metal handle of the grip was crushed! Ophie yelped and threw the damaged grip to the side.
"Ahhhh! It screamed!" Ophie picked the device back up with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorrry!"
"You- you- are you alright?" stuttered Morris.
He ran up to Ophie and pried the grip away from his hands much to Ophie's frustration, taking a better look at the hand. Ophie's hand was completely unblemished, with not even a scratch on it.
Faced with such impossibility, Morris wondered if he was dreaming and did the good old pinching trick. It hurt. And naturally, nothing happened. Whether it was a dream or not, he decided that he should carry out all the tests properly after all.
"Alright, good job! Now, for the next tes-"
"Ahhh!" Ophie yelled.
"What is it this time?" Morris furrowed his eyebrows.
"Someone dabbed!"
"What?"
The crazed man charged towards the windows and bodyslammed it, shattering it and falling out.
"Hey! Heeeeyyyy!"
Morris sighed again, taking out his phone.
Two figures in green ran out of a bakery with bags of bread.
"Haha! That was too easy, boss!" Bob grinned.
Alther frowned.
"Don't be too complacent. If they don't even have basic magical artefacts, we must be in a city with strict law enforcement." he said. "I only agreed to take the risk because we had no choice."
They both got hungry.
"Okay boss!"
"Now, what we need to do is to escape right away before anyone hunts us down."
"But boss, can't we take a short break to eat first?"
Alther was about to reprimand his underling when he suddenly felt his stomach growl.
"I supposed we could." he said after a short pause.
Alther cast a levitation spell, getting both of them onto the roof of a tall building. Bob immediately took out a random sandwich from the bag and took a bite.
"Mmm! Boss, this sandwich is amazing!"
"Alright, but we shouldn't sit around for too long. We should just eat a few quickly."
Alther took out a strange-looking piece of bread. The top of it looked like it was coated in oddly fluffy sawdust. He gingerly took a bite and found to his surprise that it was fairly tasty. He had never tasted bread so good.
"Not bad," he said.
"I know, right!"
But that made Alther slightly worried. Did they rob a high-class bakery? Who knew how much trouble they were going to get into with the rich owners if they were caught?
It wasn't his fault though. The people were completely unreasonable. He tried to hand them gold coins, but they rejected him. Fine, it wasn't their currency and they couldn't be bothered to go to a money exchange. But after he took out one of his less important magical artefacts to trade for the bread, they shouted at him disrespectfully! And he was being so generous to trade such an expensive item for cheap bread!
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But now that he knew the bread was from a high-class store, it made sense now. They must have been looking down on the value of his artefact! Alther scoffed. Stupid greedy owners running overpriced food stores. In the end, what sane people would buy bread at prices higher than artefacts?
Suddenly, he heard the yelling from a distance.
"Boss, whaust's thwaaut sowund?" asked Bob, still stuffing his face.
A man in blue clothing jumped from roof to roof on nearby buildings with incredible speed, swiftly heading towards them.
Alther spat out the bread in his mouth and stood up, facing the man with caution.
"Awarhhh! Brooss, dwon wasste fuuud!" shouted Bob with his mouth full.
"Stop stuffing yourself! We might be up against an enemy!"
The man in blue, Ophie began yelling at them in the language they couldn't understand angrily. Bob stood up too after placing the half-eaten sandwiches on the floor, continuing to chew his food.
"Sorry, we don't speak your language," said Alther.
In response, Ophie leapt towards him, spreading both his arms out in a grabbing motion.
Alther quickly waved his hand. The man was sent flying backwards, down the side of the building.
"Oh no! Boss, you killed him!" squealed Bob.
"Oops. I wasn't planning to do that."
"Oh... It's okay boss. It's self defence."
Alther: ...
Screamed echoed from below as Ophie crashed hard onto the pavement. He got up shakily.
"Bastard! Is dabbing not enough to satisfy you? I must destroy such evil!" he yelled.
"Are you okay?" asked a concerned passerby.
"Shut up! You're not my fan!"
"What?"
Ophie pushed the confused man away and began to climb the building, ignoring the crowd urging him to stop.
Alther watched in shock as Ophie climbed back into view and began shouting again.
"Huh. You're a lot tougher than-"
He stopped himself. What was the point of talking to someone who didn't understand? That would be just silly.
The opponent seemed to specialise in physical defense. He decided to try something else, tossing a fireball towards Ophie.
Ophie simply punched it and continued to charge forward, much to Alther's shock. As the crazed man got close, the bandit boss hopped to the side. Dodging an inexperienced fighter was too easy!
"Yeah! Go, boss!" cheered Bob.
Ophie screeched in anger. He raised a fist and punched the roof of the building, making it crumble from the impact. Unfortunately, the rebound force from throwing a punch that hard send him flying into the air and off the building again.
Alther quickly levitated the both of them, preventing them from falling into the rumble. What the heck was that monstrous strength? Could he be one of the bodyguards from that bakery?
He hurriedly floated to another building with Bob, running away. He didn't think he would lose to a fight to a strongman that couldn't use magic, but he felt like the "guard" was a huge pain to deal with; he didn't want to wait for more to show up either.
"Boooss! You left our bread behind!" mourned Bob.
"Now's not the time for that! We have to escape!" Alther was very frustrated by the priorities Bob had.
"Okay... fine."
Just as he thought he got a good distance away, he heard someone shout. He turned his head, only to see a huge chunk of rubble flying over at incredible speed.
Not good! He quickly conjured a mana shield to block it. The hastily summoned shield shattered from the impact, allowing the he concrete to hit his head, knocking him out cold.
"Boooosss!"
Ophie lepth from a nearby building to where the bandits were. Bob shivered in fright.
"You... I won't let you hurt boss!"
Bob charged over. Ophie kicked him, making him fall in anguish.
The madman laughed. He reached out both arms and grabbed Alther. The bandit boss jolted awake, feeling extremely dizzy. He felt like strange magic was being used on him! It was as if his mind was being assaulted and being squeezed for every drop of information. He tried his best to resist, but failed, fainting again.
Ophie seemed dazed, dropping Alther to the ground with a thud.
"What did you do to boss? I won't forgive you!" screamed Bob, clutching his stomach in pain.
"Ohhh, I can understand you now!" Ophie smiled, clapping his hands.
"Huh? You can speak Iyash?" Bob was stunned.
"No, I just read his memories. Wow, you two came from a different world!"
"What! How dare you!"
Bob was enraged. How dare this random man steal the precious memories from his boss? All the embarrassing memories and naked moments of the boss were now in the bastard's head!
"Shut up!" said Ophie.
He gave Bob a kick in the head, knocking him out.
"It's your fault for dabbing. Don't act like you're the victims here!"
Ophie harrumphed.
He raised his feet, preparing to kick the two of them some more.
"That's enough, Ophie."
Ophie turned over in surprise. Since when did this weirdo in a costume get here too?
Haliton was quite troubled.
The sentient machine parked outside that gates piqued his interest, but he did not have the time to examine it properly. To make things worse, he legally could not drag a random unidentified machine through the gates just for research.
He sighed. Did he really have to turn it to one of the dwarven guilds?
It took a while, but he made up his mind. He entered the guild and headed straight for the receptionist.
She was a red-headed dwarf wearing glasses. At the moment, she was writing something on some documents.
"Hey, Ellor." he said.
"Hi, Hali! What brings you here?" she smiled, pushing the papers away.
Haliton sighed.
"I'm here to meet Anvar."
"Oh? I thought you had a falling out with him?" she asked.
"Just get me there. I have something I want to report," he said, frowning.
"Alright, alright." the receptionist seemed amused.
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