Chapter 31

For No One's Sake

“Okay, heads, I leave. Tails, I’ll stay.” I flipped the coin in the air as soon as the coin fell to my eye level. I snatch it and then close my eyes.

“Okay, what’s my fate, coin.” I open my eyes to see the coin landed on tails. “Shit. Does this mean I stay?” I pace back and forth inside my small dark room. “No. I can’t allow a single coin flip to decide everything.” I nervously looked around like a kid trying to be sneaky. “Okay, best two out of three.”

I flipped the coin again and then closed my eyes when it landed on my hand. Then, I slowly opened my eyes to see the coin on the head's side.

“A tie? Of course, it’s a tie.” I took a deep breath before saying, “Okay, one more time.” I flip the coin in the air. My heart begins to race as I watch the coin slowly fall. I quickly tried to catch the coin, but in my haste, it bounced off my hand and flew towards the door, sliding underneath the crack of it. I guess that’s what I get for trying to allow fate to decide for me.

“So, what do I do?” I look up at the clock hanging above the door as if I was expecting an answer from it. Instead, the clock continues to tick, clearly not giving a damn about any of my problems.

“Seriously, what do I do now?” I repeated the question to myself. Then, I sat down and thought back to everything that had happened.

If I keep going, I might end up remembering something traumatic, but there's nothing waiting at home for me.

“Ha.” I let out a little sigh. Up till this point, I thought moving forward was the right thing to do. But now, it feels like the only reason I’m moving forward is because there’s no other road for me to take.

As I lose myself in my thoughts, a small light pours into the crack of the room. I dedicated all my attention to the light, desperate to escape my dark thoughts. I slowly open the door to see Prometheus sneaking down the hall or at least attempting to sneak.

Carrying two bottles of alcohol, Prometheus tiptoes down the hall, apparently forgetting the fact that she was the literal personification of fire. Her body brightly lit the hallway.

With nothing else better to do, I decided to follow her. My thief instinct kicks in, and I find myself slipping into the dark.

As Prometheus tiptoed down the hall, she occasionally stopped and looked around until she eventually reached a door. Before she could knock, the door swung open. A young man in dark red suit stood at the entrance. The guy grabbed the tiny spirit wrist and pulled her into the room. He nearly shut the door until he caught, he caught a glimpse of me.

“Whoa!” Max backs himself into the door.

“That was quite the reaction” I step out of the shadow. “Did you think I was a guard?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Hmm.” I peek into Max’s room. Prometheus whistles to herself, clearly hiding something behind her back. “I doubt the guards will be happy seeing you drunk since tomorrow is the big day.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Maybe. But if you treat me to drink, I won’t say a thing.”

“Are you even old enough to drink?”

I let out an annoyed sigh and looked up to the young man, that was somewhere around seventeen or eighteen years old.

“We’re heading to the literal city of the dead. Does age even matter at this point?” Before Max could answer my question, I pushed my way into his room. “By the way, I am an adult, not sure how many times I have to repeat this.”

I look over at Prometheus, who shrinks away from me, still hiding the wine bottle behind her back. Honestly, if her body weren’t composed of her fire, I would’ve loved to pet her red hair.

“Well, are you just going to stand by the door awkwardly?” I sat down in one of his chairs and waited for Max to come into the room.

Max groans before shutting the door. Prometheus poured alcohol in two cups and handed me one. The liquid was clear, but it had a pungent stench. I take a small sip. Like the smell, the drink was strong and bitter, which reminded me why I dislike alcohol. It tastes awful, and it dulls your thoughts and reflexes, but after nearly dying five times in one day, the last thing I want to do is be able to think.

I look over at Max, who winces as he raises the glass to his mouth.

“Don’t like it?”

“Huh? Oh yes, I do.” Max takes a swig of his drink. I turn my attention over to Prometheus, who fidgeted around while shooting nervous glances at Max. If Dante had never taught me about spirit’s behavior, I would’ve just assumed she also wanted a drink, but now I know that she’s simply expressing Max’s genuine emotion: fear.

“Ah!” Prometheus’ eyes met with my mine. The room seemed warm as Prometheus’ face turned a rosy red. She nervously looked around like she was looking for something to hide in, and then she poofs out of existence, taking the light with her.

Almost instantly, my eyes adjusted to the darkroom just in time to catch Max creating a small fireball which illuminated the room.

“I appreciate it if you didn’t stare at her too much. She’s quite shy.”

“Sure, she is.” I thought back to when Dante got embarrassed when I stared at Minos for too long. I took a sip of my drink to keep myself from smiling. Even though the alcohol tasted terrible, I chugged it down. I push my empty cup to Max, who is already pouring himself another shot.

As I waited for him to pour me a drink, I looked out the small circular window—the occasional clouds flying by reminded me that we were in an airship flying high above the ground. I would be glued to the window, taking in all the views in most other situations. But right now, I didn’t even want to look, fearing I might catch a glimpse of the accursed capital.

“You think there are any demons in Black Dawn?” For a moment, the ball of fire hovering around Max flickers when I mention the old capital.

“No, they abandoned the area ten years ago.” Max pours my drink, clearly

“How can we be sure? No human has been there in years.”

“A military base was created near the city after the Majin left. Its main job is to keep watch. There are also boats off the coast, constantly making sure nothing escapes.

“Is that so?” I lean back in my chair, somewhat relieved to know there’s some human presence at the old capital.

“However.”

And just like that, whatever confidence I just gain instantly shatter.

“It is still unknown what resides insides the capital currently as all expedition inside the city has failed.

“And let me guess, they want us to explore the city?”

“Probably.” Max looks down at me and smirks. “You can always quit, you know.”

“Maybe, I should.” I took a sip of my drink, debating if I should flip a coin again to decide my fate.

“You’re not seriously thinking of leaving?” The smirk on Max’s face faded.

“I’m thinking about it.”

“You can’t!” Max jumped out of his bed and reached out towards me. I reflexively punch Max in the stomach. He let out a grunt and fell backward onto his bed. I jumped out of my seat and rushed over towards him.

“I’m so sorry! My body moved on its own!”

“It’s fine.” Max raises his hand to stop me from getting close.

“See, that’s the reason you can’t leave. I need to beat you. If I don’t, then this tournament will be pointless.”

For a moment, I thought he hated me until he looked up at me. There was no hatred or resentment in his eyes. Instead, he had the looked I probably had a day ago. The look of someone determined to accomplish the goal in front of him.

“I took another sip of my drink before asking him. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you here? As a noble, you should have everything you ever need and desire.”

“…” Max silently looks down at his cup, clearly to avoid looking at me. “This power.” Max grabs the ball of flame and holds it towards me like it was a trophy. “Is proof that I’m the next head of the Phoenix family. But my father and brother don’t think I’m worthy.”

I swirl my drink around, thinking about what I should say to him. I’ve heard horror stories of nobles who put unrealistic expectations on their kids. Seeing how Max is still willing to participate in these trials to prove his family wrong, I guess the story is true.

I supposed I should feel bad for him. I can’t imagine the stress of trying to live up to your parents’ expectations. But even now, “I’m still envious.”

“Huh?” Max looks up at me, confused. It took me a moment to realize I ended saying my thoughts aloud. Perhaps, it is because of the drink, but I continue to let my thoughts spill out.

“Now that I think about it, Jez told me she had an older sister. It must be nice having a sibling.”

“I wonder about that,” Max mumbles as he averts his gaze from me. I chuckled to myself as I took another sip of my drink.

“I guess what they say is true. People don’t know how good they got it until it's gone.”

“What are you trying to say?” Max glares at me.

“I don’t know a thing about your family, but seeing that determine looked in your eyes, I get the feeling that you care about them enough that you want their approval. That’s what I envy about you. I don’t have anyone I want to impress. No one at all.”

The weight of my words pressed down on my heart, threatening to crush me. I raised my glass, hoping the alcohol would wash the pain, but I was meant with immeasurable disappointment when I looked down to see my cup was empty.

“Catherine.” Max raises the bottle. I offered my cup so he could pour me more. “Why are you here?”

His question felt like a punch that hit me directly in my heart. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. It’s funny. Just a day ago, I could’ve easily answered this question. All I wanted was to get my family store back to honor them. Now I’m not sure if that’s what I ever truly wanted.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, it's not that. It just that….” I take a deep breath to calm myself down. “Max, have you ever killed someone?”

Max's eyes widen at my question, and then almost immediately, they narrow.

“Yes, I have, and I will probably do it again. It’s my duty as a Phoenix to protect this country and my family.”

Hearing the resolve in Max’s voice, I once again felt a bit jealous.

“I think you are strong, Max, far stronger than me.”

“I… I fail to see how I’m stronger than you when you beat me in a duel.” The ball of fire grew seemed to grow bigger and brighter.

“I…” My tail repeatedly slapped the chair as I tried to speak. “I killed someone for the first time yesterday.” I began to talk faster so Max wouldn’t interrupt me. “After the third trial, some gang members chase me to what I only could assume was a drug house. I tried to barricade myself in, but they broke, and then….”

“You had no choice.”

“I know, it just… it just felt pointless.” I wipe the tears forming in the corner of my eyes and continue to speak. “There’s a purpose behind every action. Even criminals have their reasons. Even though they may not have good reasons, at least they have a reason. Unlike me, I don’t have such a thing. Everything I have done up until this point has been utterly pointless.”

Once again, my own words hit me. What have I’ve been doing these past ten years?

“What have I been doing?” I grabbed my chest. My heart began to race as I looked deep within myself for questions that I didn’t have an answer to. The more I looked, the more I could feel a hole opening inside me, sucking all the air out of my lungs.

“Ha!” I drop my drink and grab my throat. It felt like something was wrapping around my neck squeezing the air out of me.

Was it all for nothing? No! it wasn’t all for nothing! Everything I did was for my family's sake. It was for-

“Catherine!” Max grabs my shoulders, pulling me out thoughts. Max looks down at me, terrified. I tried to assure myself I was fine, but I ended up violently coughing when I tried to speak.

“Sorry about that.” I gasp. “I guess I got a little lost in my thoughts.” I smile, but it was apparent he didn’t believe me. Hell, I doubt I even managed to smile. Thankfully, a knock at his door stopped him before he could say anything.

The ball of fire floats towards the door. As it drew closer to the doorknob, it expanded until it burst. A little girl in a red dress emerges from the flames. Prometheus opened the door, a woman in a simple white dress shirt and black pants stood at the door.

“Oh, what is a cute girl like you doing on the ship?” Emma kneels and tries to pat Prometheus’ head but immediately pulls her hand back like she just touches something hot.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t treat my spirit as a pet.” Both Max and Prometheus cross their arms simultaneously and look sternly at Emma.

“So, this is a spirit? I didn’t know they were this cute.” Emma reaches for Prometheus but stops remembering the spirit is the embodiment of fire.

“What do you want?”

“We’re having a little party in the mess hall. You’re welcome to- oh.” Emma raises her eyebrow as she finally notices me. “I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“No.” I get up from my seat. Max grabs my shoulder as I approach Emma.

“Are you sure?” Max whispers in my ears. I gently placed my hand on his and peeled it off me.

“I’m fine.”

“If you guys want some alone, I can go-“Not even in the mood to fix Emma’s misunderstand, I gently pushed her out of the room and gestured for her to lead us to the mess hall.

“A noble, huh? Not bad a catch, kid.” Emma playfully punches my shoulder. “You should be careful, though. I heard most noblemen aren’t satisfied with just one woman.”

Annoyed, i tried to change the topic

“… Last time I checked, the royal guards wanted to go sleep early and prepare for tomorrow. Are we even allowed to be in the mess hall at this time?”

“Nope,” Emma said curtly. “You should enjoy yourself a bit more

“I’ll try.”

We quietly walked down the hall, making sure not to alert any guards, although it seems others didn’t get the memo. Shouts and cheers could be heard coming from the brightly lit mess hall.

“Finally, some women to liven up this sausage party!” Someone shouted, clearly drunk.

“Women? I only see one babe and two brats!” Another person yelled.

I ignore them and walk over behind the counter. The metal cabinets that held the drinks were wide open, the lock laying on the floor. I ignored the obvious sign of vandalism and grabbed a bottle before heading towards a lone table in the corner of the room.

I pop open the cork, intending to enjoy a drink while looking at the night sky. However, that plan is quickly ruined when I felt an intense heatwave. Prometheus sits next to me. Her very presence made the area feel like a sauna. I moved my chair away from her to escape the heat, but she simply scooted towards me.

“Is something wrong?” I look down at Prometheus, staring at me with a childlike wonder. Realizing she would keep following me, I let out a sigh and turned my attention to Emma sitting on the other end of the table.

“So, what are you doing here?”

“To advertise.” Emma slides one of her business cards towards Prometheus.

“You’re a spirit, right?”

“Fu!” Prometheus nodded.

“If you want to defend your other half properly, you should join my school!”

“You don’t have a school.” I reminded her.

“Not yet. When this tournament is over, I’ll have my dojo. You two will be my first students.” Emma said as she pointed towards Prometheus and me.”

“When did I become your student?”

“When I gave you my business card.”

“Fu.” Prometheus curiously touches the cards. The card catches on fire and burns away.

“Don’t know why I didn’t see that coming.” Emma rubs her chin deep in thought.

Suddenly, flames erupted from Prometheus’ engulfing her. The wildfire spread and then suddenly vanished like it never existed. Max sits in the chair Prometheus was in. “I have no idea why you told my spirit about your school and not me.”

“Obviously because I care about her more than you.” Emma whisper.

“Catherine! Catherine!” A young boy around fourteen years old ran across the room and flopped down next to me. “Glad to see you’re still alive!”

“You too.” I examine Aaron closely, specifically his stomach, where he got shot. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Nope! I’m fine!” Aaron proudly hits his chest. I stare at Aaron, trying to figure how he has so much energy despite nearly dying a day ago.

“You know you nearly died, right?” I spoke slowly, making sure he understood what had happened to him.

“Yea!” Aaron nodded.

“And you know there’s a high chance you might die in the trial.”

“I heard. We’re heading to the old capital of this country, right? Is it that dangerous?”

I look over at Max, who let out a sigh before saying, “Yes, incredibly so. Even though the Majin has long since abandoned the area, anything can now reside in that city.

“Sounds dangerous.” Aaron closes his eyes and crosses his arm. “Still, I have to go.”

“I see.” I lean back in my chair. “You must have something worth fighting for.”

“Yes, my whole village is counting on me.”

When Aaron mentions his village, I again remember that Aaron is from Ath, a neighboring country ruled by the Church and overrun with bandits and monsters.

When he told me where he came from the first time, I should’ve immediately known the reason he’s here is to earn money to feed or protect his family.

Once again, I’m reminded that everyone has a reason to fight.

“As expected of my brother!” Leo stomps to the corner of my room and tightly hugs Aaron. “You know I have three kids of my own!”

“Oh, did you come here to support your kids?” I lean forward, curious about Leo’s story.

“Nope!” Leo happily yells. “I left my kids with my four wives so I could go out and see the world!”

“Cute way of saying you’re a deadbeat dad!” a drunkard shouted.

“Hey, I’m doing this for my kid! I went on this adventure so I could have stories to tell them!”

“And I’m assuming you’re going to mention all the asses you were checking out to your kids too, right?!” The whole cafeteria bust out laughing.

“Okay, you assholes, what are you fighting for!”

As if anticipating Leo’s question, one of the contestants stomps onto the table and loudly proclaims, “I want every man wants. Money! Fame! Women!”

“Ha!” Leo pointed towards the man. “You’re even shallower than me.”

“Even if it's shallow, it's worth fighting for, am I right, guys?!” one by one, people stood and shouted out what they wanted, and each time I felt a slight twinge of pain. It almost feels like someone is stabbing multiple needles into my heart.

“I would like to fight one of these royal guards.” The samurai said as he took a sip of his drink before saying. “I heard they’re quite strong.”

“Good luck with that one!” Everyone laughed. I also raised my glass to wish him luck on his lofty dream.

“So, you got any big dreams, cutie?” A drunkard flops next to Jez. “You are cute, right?” The man reaches for Jez’s hood, but her wyvern quickly crawls on her shoulder and growls. The man jumped away.

“You should be careful, friend. All the women here have teeth.” Another drunk guy approached Jez.

“Sorry about my friend, but can you tell us why you’re here?”

“Sure.” Jez puts down her drink and turns to the two drunk men.

My ears perk up. Out of everyone here, Jez is probably the person I'm the most curious as to why she’s here.

“New. Age.” The room fell silent as they waited for Jez to continue. However, she simply grabbed her cup and took another sip.

Used to Jez’s short and simple words, I knew she wasn’t going to elaborate. I look over Max, the only other person who spent time with Jez. The newly formed Prometheus sitting on his lap shrugs her shoulders.

Realizing Jez wasn’t going to say anything else, the two drunkards moved to the opposite end of the cafeteria, where two guys sat alone at their table. One of the men wore old, rusted armor, and the other one had their backs to everyone.

“Hey, you two, stop being shy and tell us your dreams!”

“My dream?” Lock with his helmet still looks down at his cup, clearly deep in thought. “I will make sure everyone remembers the sacrifices my comrades made.

A shiver went down my spine. Once again, for some reason, I felt threatened when Lock spoke. And it seems the two drunks felt threatened, too, as they quickly went towards the other loner.

“…” The guy turned to the two drunks. I nearly dropped my cup when I saw the familiar scars on his face.

“What… do you want?” Scar turns towards the two men, his eyes hallow

“We just want to know your aspiration.”

“I don’t have one.” Scar said in his usual monotone voice.

“Oh, come on. Every man has a dream or someone to fight for.”

“With if I told you I don’t have any inspiration nor anything to fight for?”

I wince at Scar’s word. Everything he said felt directed at me.

“Then I’m afraid you’re a fool for risking your life for no reason.”

“If I’m a fool, then what does that make you?” Scar rises from his seat. Even though he was about the same size as the two men, he seemed to loom over them. “Please tell me, what’s different between someone who has a purpose and someone who don’t?”

“Well, obviously, a person who has something to die for well always be stronger than a hollow man.” One of the drunks pounds their chest, proud of his answer.

“I see.” Without warning, Scar pulls a knife and thrust it at one drunk’s neck, stopping just before the blade pierces his neck.

“Hey, you assh-“Scar grabs other the one’s neck.

“Well, what’s wrong? Unlike me, you have resolved a purpose which means you should easily be stronger than me, right?”

“Ack.” One of the drunks tries to speak; however, Scar squeezes his neck, squeezing the air out of him.

“I see, so there’s no difference between us. “Scar lowers his knife and lets go of the other guy. Without a word, he stomps out of the room.

“What a mood killer, so what are you here for, little one?” Leo places his heavy hand on my shoulder. I kept my eyes on the window, staring off into the night sky.

Why is it so important to have a dream? Is it wrong to live without a purpose?

I thought back to Scar. His eyes were empty like usual. However, before he left the room, there was a looked of disappointment and sadness on his face.

“C’mon, tell us what you want!” Leo squeezes my shoulder. I continue to stare out the window. Through the reflection, I vaguely saw a girl staring back at me with empty eyes.

“I…” Unable to answer his question, I said what I desired right now. “I just want a stronger drink.”