I am woken up by a constant beeping noise coming from just in front of my face. I try to wriggle away from the noise and bury my face deeper into the pillow, only to realise I am digging into something much harder than what is supposed to be on my bed. Upon closer inspection, which I managed to do with my forehead, I decipher that the texture is that of hardwood flooring.

What the actual fuck is going on? How did I get on the floor?

Wait, why is my body aching all over the place, to begin with?

And what is that beeping?

I open my eyes, only to realise that I am indeed on the floor of my flat, all twenty square metres of it. A sudden gust of wind, which really isn’t supposed to be inside a space enclosed by four walls, forces me to jerk completely awake, since going back to sleep is going to be a hassle anyway.

I search for the source of the wind, only to be met with the peaceful panoramic view of the city I’m currently living in, which would be fine IF THE FUCKING WALL WASN’T RIPPED OFF.

Shit, I’m not getting my deposit back.

Alright, calm down, surely there is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to how I managed to sleep through a wall getting broken down into the apartment.

Wait, shouldn’t that actually cause some bodily harm? A little bit of aching just doesn't seem right for when a wall falls down on you.

The beeping noise persists through any rational thought my mind is gracing me with, which would make it one of the more pressing matters at hand. I don’t know how to rebuild a wall anyway, and I’m pretty sure people can’t see me on the sixth floor, so my privacy is not really affected.

Let’s stand up first.

I try to put some force into my legs, which don’t respond nearly as well as I remember. I look down, breaking contact with the gaping hole through which the evening Sun comes through. What I see isn’t legs.

Well, they could be called such. Maybe.

If they had feet on the end.

What I’m seeing is two tree stumps, branching roots and all. Ok, calm down. Someone just made your legs into trees, no big deal, right? Wrong. I want my flesh legs back. My feet weren’t the prettiest of feet, but I liked them. I was pretty attached to them I must say.

Well then, let’s check for everything else that seems to have changed to my body while I was knocked out. I’ll assume I got knocked out. People don’t sleep through this shit. At least they shouldn’t be able to. 

How is that beeping not stopping?

“Can whatever the fuck is beeping shut up already?!” My voice came out a lot deeper than I remember it being. Must be the dehydration.

The beeping relents my outcry. Of course, like I expected something to listen. Moving on anyway, if I get lucky I’ll go deaf and the beeping won’t bother me anyway.

So, tree legs. Less trees, and more branching roots that somehow amalgamated into what seems to resemble a construct I may be able to stand on and walk. I’d have to try anyway since the floor doesn’t seem a good place to spend the rest of eternity on.

I suddenly realise that the floor isn’t actually cold as it’s supposed to, so I bring up a hand to inspect.

Yep, branching arms.

I can feel the musculature, or at least the little muscles I had, I was never really the outgoing or the workout type. But it’s suppressed basically. It feels weird, it’s like feeling through a thick layer of clothing around every part of your body.

I wriggle my fingers, which in perspective are now at least tripled in size. The movements are a bit slower than I used to, it seems like any kind of movement is exerting a lot out of me in general.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Alright, I get it.

I use my hand to get a general feeling around my body, which doesn’t actually help much. Having a reduced sense of touch sucks. Plan B: go to the bathroom and look myself into the small mirror I have.

I try to stand up, which I manage to somehow do after falling over only twice. I rooted for root legs, they won. I really need to get back to society, as my inner monologue jokes are becoming dumb to me. To whoever is listening: you better be laughing right now.

Walking is more of a pain than standing up. I seem to have grown quite a bit in height since the last time I checked, which would be the day I got knocked out. I don’t seem to have magically gained weight since my stomach is flat. Well, if getting tree legs made me get a flat stomach, I’d wager it was a nice trade-off.

I trudge over to the bathroom, the only difference in the apartment being the improved view. I’m not going to go over to the gaping hole in the wall since a fear of heights is a perfectly rational one. Wait, is it a fear of heights or a fear of falling down from heights?

Once inside the bathroom that suddenly became way too small to move in since I had acquired about 20 cm in height and my hands are the size of an average tree branch (I might have made the average size of a tree branch up), I stumble across the first problem. One which probably should actually start pointing out to an explanation to all of this.

There’s no power or water, so something must be wrong. I know the building is old, like just post-WW2 old, but the power and water grid just doesn’t up and disappear for no reason. And I can’t Google that, since my computer doesn’t have power, and is being crushed by small chunks of wall.

Cellphone it is.

Oh right, I was supposed to get a new one, since this one got its battery fried. Damn it. 

Since there’s no power in the bathroom, I dig out a flashlight from the living room cabinet, which consisted of me pulling the entire drawer out and picking the flashlight out of the ensuing mess, considering my hands wouldn’t be able to fit inside.

Walking back over to the bathroom, I turn the flashlight on.

I’m greener than I remembered.

And my hair is gone.

No, wait, it’s still there. It just got replaced by a copious amount of leafy vines.

Two eyes, check. Eye colour stayed the same dark brown. They are a bit more spread apart than I recall, but my eyesight doesn’t seem affected. A nose I’m able to breathe through, check. Breathing, check. Teeth, check. The skin on my face looks more like bark than skin, but at least it seems to be able to feel more than my hands do.

I brush my hand across my cheek, the sensations flaring across my mind. Dulled senses suck.

Alright, now for the rest.

I rip off the shirt and shorts I found myself in, since undressing them by regular means seems to be not worth the trouble. My added height also made sure that the clothes started ripping by themselves, so there’s not much point in keeping them on.

Well, my body seems to follow the root principle. It actually seems more like my skin has melded into the roots themselves rather than being replaced by it.

Which also means that I lack body hair and nipples.

And a penis.

Now, that’s going to be a problem.

Not that I actually got any real use of it for the past twenty years, but I’d still like the option, damn it.

It’s starting to become less funny by the second. And the beeping doesn’t seem to be stopping soon. At least it’s not as loud or frequent anymore.

So, I’m essentially a tree…man. Treant? Ent? I wish I paid more attention during the Lord of the Rings movies.

Oh, I remember games when they had those. Treant. I’ll call myself a treant.

Wait.

Am I in a game?

Doesn’t feel like a game.

I mean I know they were developing VR, but this is way too advanced.

Fuck the beeping already.

Ok, I read a lot of web fiction. There’s one really improbable explanation, which would possibly work.

Am I seriously going to go with all of this?

…

Fine.

Status.

The beeping stops, replaced by a single short click. Followed by a surge of blue boxes appearing from seemingly nowhere. Damn it.

System successfully implemented

Welcome, Player 2151120210995

Activating initialisation sequence, please stand by

Emergency announcement

Greetings, humans. Planet 2345-3 is currently experiencing system implementation. Your numbers are expected to fall from the currently estimated 7.4 billion to a more manageable level. Expect things to get messy soon. 

-The Overlords

Special roll update: Condition change, race update. Implementing system.

Standby while the system updates your physical traits. This shouldn’t hurt. We advise rest and an increased intake of fluids. Loss of consciousness may occur in severe cases.

System status update – Day 3: The number of humans, and semi-humans, has reached a more manageable number of 100 000, spread approximately uniformly across Planet 2345-3. Implementation of various wildlife begins now. Standby.

-The Overlords

System status update – Day 5: Rifts have been implemented successfully and wildlife has been introduced. Current number of native players: 99 102.

-The Overlords

System status update – Day 7: We don’t actually care what happens to you from now on. Have fun.

-The Overlords

Status updated

Welcome, Player 13241

Status profile available. Your status isn’t visible to anyone but yourself. Party members have access to a restricted profile view of other party members. For more information, click the appropriate part of your status profile.

So here I am, standing in an enclosed bathroom, with only a flashlight in hand/branch, staring at a blue screen.

Just another day.

And I’m definitely not getting the deposit on this place back.