It was on the third day after the shooting that her resistance crumbled. She went to the woods, to the place where she'd first met Ellie. What had once been a seperation point meant so much more now. This was their meeting place.

Not now, she thought to herself. Shreya pulled her hat down, making sure it was snug to her head. Now this is a memory.

In time, she'd forget all about Ellie, and move on. She had too much going on back at home to keep coming back here.

Shreya needed to stop pretending she was something more than another wolf. Thoughts like those would lead her down the path of destruction, to a fate like Loupe's. She needed to act more like her mother's daughter: a dogmatic, hateful wolf.

That was what the exile was supposed to teach her, wasn't it? There was no turning back from her people.

She was ready to toss off her hat and leave it behind as a final farewell when she spotted a book. It laid against a brick pile, its cover written in silver swirly letters. Cavalier.

Shreya picked it up. Noticing a piece of paper sticking out of it, she opened it and started to read...

Dear S,

This is difficult for me to write. I've tried so many times. Nothing sounds right. It's as if this paper and all of these letters are conspiring against me. But I digress!

"Sorry" isn't a strong enough word for what I did. You deserve more than a "sorry."

I never intended to hurt you. I was scared of what may have happened if you met the woman I was with. I acted on impulse, and for that, I genuinely apologize.

Forgive me for the assumption, but I feel that you would've done the same to keep me from meeting your sister. The woman I was with is similarly dangerous. Regardless, that doesn't excuse what I did.

I wasn't thinking clearly in that moment. I feared for your life, and it was that fearful feeling that overwhelmed me. The shot was to keep you away. I was trying to protect you, but I went the wrong way about it. I'm paying the price for that now.

I understand if you think of me as strange for writing this letter. Why try at all? Why not walk away from this blunder? I suppose this is my stubborn way of trying to hold on to you. I've failed to do that in the past with someone important to me, and I refuse to let history repeat itself here.

I don't want to have to miss you too, or imagine what could have been. I'm fighting hard for this. I'm doing everything I can, short of finding you myself. I'm not letting you go so easily.

I plan on coming to the wall every day for a week. If you don't want to see me, we can communicate through paper. There's room on the back of this for you to write.

If you don't want to see me or write to me, then... Just know that I'm sorry, and that, should we meet, I swear I will never hurt you again. I hate myself for hurting you.

Isn't it terrible how we tend to harm the very people we're trying to protect from harm? Life is cruel in that respect. I'd say more but I'm running out of space.

Please know that the brief time we have shared has meant a lot to me. I'd like to continue that. Please give me a chance to make this all up to you. If the week ends without any contact then I'll stay out of your life.

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

Very respectfully,

E

~ * ~ * ~

It took the sixth day for her to catch her alone.

On the fourth and fifth days, she'd been with her Zinnia friend and her Sunflower dog. Shreya'd watched them from on high, up in a tree. Fortunately for her, they'd never thought to look up. In her watching, she figured out their pattern. They showed up at the same time every morning, looking all glum and disappointed.

Ellie'd check the book, thumbing rapidly through all the pages. Zinnia'd give her some words of encouragement. The dog would stand there, barely able to comprehend what was happening. Then, they'd all leave.

They broke that pattern the third time she saw Ellie. She came alone. No dog. No friend to talk to. Ellie leafed through Cavalier, reread her message, and started to walk away, shoulders humbled. Shreya shimmied down the tree she was hiding in, making sure to keep quiet.

Ellie kept walking, oblivious to the girl stalking behind her.

Shreya unhooked her knife from her belt.

Ellie stopped. Shreya stopped, too. Ellie looked in every direction except behind her. Seemingly safe, she decided to continue going forward. Shreya timed her steps with hers, taking full advantage of the clumsy, clunky way the human girl walked.

She closed the distance on her. Shreya reached out, one arm snaking around her waist and the other around her shoulder to smother the scream that threatened to spill from her mouth. Ellie bent forward, trying to throw her off of her until she felt the knife against her stomach.

"Tell me why you're not dead," Shreya said. She pulled Ellie back up straight, the tension in the other girl's body loosening.

Ellie spoke against Shreya's hand, her words muffled into gibberish. Shreya removed it. "Because you won't hurt me. Because that knife's still in its holster," Ellie said. Shreya felt her take a deep breath. "A-and because we're friends."

Shreya released her. She shoved her, hard enough to make her stumble. Ellie turned to face her, her face reddened. "So why did you hurt me?!

"I should hurt you for what you did to me! You think I have not thought about it?" Shreya gripped the knife, her hand tightening around the leather sheath. "You are intelligent. You are logical. You are pure-hearted." She echoed all of Loupe's words. "Are you not all of those things? You should be afraid of me, but here you are, all alone like you want me to kill you. What are you doing?"

"I saw you the other day," Ellie said. Her voice was the weakest Shreya had ever heard it. "I guessed you wouldn't come down from that tree unless I was alone, so I took a risk. What was I supposed to do?"

"Didn't we talk about you never coming here alone?"

"I'm not alone. You're here." She tried to smile, as if desperately grasping for something to appease her with.

"I shouldn't be," Shreya said. Why was she here in the first place? "A letter and a book...they are not good enough. They need to be better. You need more."

"Why did you show up, then? If you weren't going to accept my apology, then why did you get my hopes up?" Ellie took in another deep, shuddering breath. "What the hell? What the hell?" She looked down. "You don't do that to people."

Shreya gripped the scabbard harder, to remind herself not to break. She had to remain the strongest one in this. She wasn't going to let Ellie's imminent crying get to her. Following Ellie's lead, she also looked down and away from her. It made talking easier.

"You're making a mistake. Walking away from this...it's a mistake," Ellie said, her words partially seethed. "You...jerked me around, made me think you wanted to make up and now you're just...doing this to me. O-okay..."

Shreya struggled to understand her. She charged on ahead, anyway, not wanting to lose her momentum. "I am not saying this is the end. I am saying you will earn my apology. Work for it."

"Of course! Of course, I'll do that. I'll do anything. I meant every word in my letter." From the sound of her voice, she'd stepped closer. Shreya kept her gaze on her shoes, not daring to look at her. "I swear I'll never hurt you again. I screwed up so, so bad, Shreya. I'll never forgive myself," Ellie said. "...Please look at me. Please?"

"Sorry, I can not," Shreya said. "You are ready to cry. If I see you cry, I will cry."

"I'm trying not to," she laughed breathily. "It's just hard to come so close to winning and then lose. I know this is forward of me, and I know it's weird to miss someone you barely know, but I missed you. I don't know. Is that weird? You can tell me if it's weird."

"Missed? Is that thinking of me? The word is close."

"Yeah."

"It was the same with me. I thought a lot. I thought of everything to say to you but now that you are here, it is like my words have flown away," Shreya said. Her anger. Her frustration. It was like all of her resolve melted away.

"We should talk at our house. I brought food," Ellie said. She stepped away. "If you don't mind, that is. If you'd rather go home, that's okay. I understand."

"No, you are right. Let's go."

Shreya was glad that when she finally looked back up, Ellie was already walking ahead.

-------------------------------------------------

A/N: Next update will be Chapter 20.1. Voting is still happening on the main site for Chapter 31 until Saturday, the 10th at 11:59 PM EST.