《The Long and Exciting Life of Kreet the Kobold (Life 3)》Outside Kobolds
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“Can I give it to you?” Kreet asked. “I’ve decided it’s not really a material thing.”
Goldworm/Pelor rolled onto his side. “Oh, you can. If you will it. But you have to want to give it up. Not something that’s happened very often before I can tell you.”
“But then… if I get myself killed.”
“Welcome back to mortality, Kreet. As it should be. I think you realize that.”
Kreet willed the jewel into her hand and it was there. “But what use would a god have for this?”
“None. I will return it to its rightful owner though. It is high time it be returned in fact, before it causes more harm than good.”
“And you’re not going to tell me who the owner is?”
The dragon turned his eyes back to Kreet. “It would do you no good to know, Kreet. And it might confuse our relationship in your mind. Do you need to know so badly?”
Kreet held the jewel up to the sun. It seemed to suck the light into its blackness.
“Death,” she said simply, but then sighed. “Well, I never wanted to be immortal anyway. But you mentioned getting something in return?”
“Yes. I can give you an artifact that you can use to see your family with. I think you’d find it much more useful than this.”
Kreet’s eyes bulged and she proffered the jewel immediately. “Take it then!”
“I’ve not told you…” Pelor/Goldworm began.
“I don’t care. Let me see them! I don’t want this!”
The dragon stretched out it’s claw and Kreet dropped the jewel onto it without hesitation. It promptly disappeared.
“You are a unique creature, Kreet. It’s rare for someone to give up immortality so easily.”
“I doubt that, Lord Pelor. Not when it is given at such a cost - or to someone who never sought it in the first place.”
The dragon closed its eyes and nodded. “True. As for your boon, look at your feet. There you will find a looking glass. It is already keyed to your husband. But be careful with it, Kreet. It is a physical thing, and can be easily broken.”
Kreet looked down, and there was the looking glass. It was a disc of silver on one side, glass on the other, about the size of her palm. It sat in a frame of green stone, engraved with runes she couldn’t read. But when she turned it over, she saw Kallid.
She sat down on the ground, forgetting her surroundings and watched intently. He seemed to be inside of a carriage. She gasped when she saw Grace beside him. She longed to reach out and touch her daughter, and she found her other hand trying to do so.
“Kreet,” said the dragon.
She looked up, her eyes watering.
“Your son lives.”
Her eyes darted back to the glass, and there he was. Night. Riding on the floor and playing with Kalindra. It was too much, and she started crying for joy, mouthing his name.
It took some minutes before her eyes cleared enough to refocus on the glass. She saw Miss Tribi there as well, watching the children and talking to her husband. She longed to hear what she was saying, but only images came from the glass.
“Wait,” she said aloud. “Where are they going? Where is my husband taking my family?”
“They are coming to meet you, Kreet. Not here. But not too far either. I have let it be known where you and they will meet. Fallon.”
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Kreet tried to comprehend what she was hearing. “They are travelling to Fallon? From the Royal City?!”
The dragon nodded.
“But… how? That will take months! The children are too young for that! It’s too dangerous!”
“He loves you, Kreet.”
“You! You will look after them, right? You’ll make sure nothing happens to them?”
“Kreet, I’ve done what I can. Fate…”
“FUCK FATE! YOU told him where to find me, didn’t you?! Without your meddling he would have stayed put! Damn you Pelor! STOP FUCKING WITH MY LIFE!!!”
The dragon pulled away.
“You watch over them, GOLDWORM!” she spat. “I swear one fucking twisted ankle and you can kiss all your damned plans goodbye. I won’t lift a finger to help you or your precious kobold family unless you swear it.”
“But Kreet! My hands are tied. I can’t interfere…”
“Bullshit. You’ve interfered with my life since the day I was born. Goddammit Pelor, you keep them safe! Is that so much to ask?”
“Look, I’ll do what I can. It’s all I can promise. I’ll do the best for them I can.”
Kreet had had enough. She looked back at the looking glass a moment and soon realized she could move the image back and slightly away from her husband too, though not far. Then she tucked it into her bra and marched up to the dragon - not stopping at the head but climbing right up the nose.
“Let’s get this clear then. I’m going to help you in your damned project. I’ll teach your people Common. I’ll teach them how to live with humans. And I’ll watch my family too. If one of my family gets hurt, your project is off immediately and I start walking. I might go the wrong direction. I might never see my family again. But you... All that you’ve done. All that you’ve planned for me. I swear it will be for nothing. You want me to help you? Then you DAMN BETTER MAKE SURE NOTHING HAPPENS TO MY FAMILY!”
She was literally standing on his snout by this time. For a brief second she realized she was lecturing a god, but she would not let that stop her.
“I… I’ll talk to some… entities. Try and smooth the way…”
“That’s more like it. I know there’s something you can do. Now, I guess it’s time you take me to your Outside kobolds. I gather I’ll be spending a lot of time with them.”
The dragon set out a claw, and Kreet jumped down off it’s face onto the open palm. This time she kept her eyes closed, but kept a protective hand over the disk between her breasts. She longed for more time alone with the looking glass, but she was also a creature of duty, so she tried to forget it until later.
When the talons opened, she found herself in a flat grassland just outside the edge of a forest. Many kobold eyes peered out from the darkness of the forest as she was allowed to step from his claw in a more dignified manner.
“My children,” Pelor/Goldworm began in Kobold. “My time with you is nearing its end. This is Kreet. She will be your teacher now. She will introduce you to the humans and show you how you can live with them in harmony, as it should be. Listen to her, if you would be a true servant of Goldworm!”
Kreet looked at the dragon. “Nice.”
“Well, that should ingratiate you to them. They love me out here, but I’m heading back underground now. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow. Oh, and let them lead you in. The woods are filled with traps and you don’t have the Stone anymore.”
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Suddenly Kreet turned back to the forest. A few kobolds were venturing out towards her, but she was looking around them. Everything could be a trap, she realized suddenly. She was about to say something to Pelor, but he had turned around and was taking to the air again.
She turned back. Three kobolds were now advancing towards her. One was a large green male, probably as tall or taller than her if he stood up straight. He wore a hide loincloth and a long spear strapped to his back. Beside him a shorter male, dressed similarly and somewhat older looking. FInally a female kobold she would estimate to be about her own age.
“Kreet of Goldworm,” said the shorter male. “You are welcome to our clan. You will teach us? You will not hurt us?”
“I come only to do the will of Goldworm,” she said. “And he wants you to learn the Common tongue and learn how to live with the humans. He has given me this task. I have done it. I have a family living with the humans. And I bring no weapons.”
“Goldworm is our Lord and Master,” the tall one said. “But we must protect, you understand? Our clan is small. And Goldworm is gone.”
Kreet held her arms and legs out, taking the disk from her bra while the female verified she did not hide any weapon.
“What is that?” the short kobold asked, pointing at the disk.
“This,” Kreet said, turning the glass towards his eyes. “Is my only possession. It is a gift from Goldworm and he would not be pleased if someone should take it from me. It is a glass that shows me my family.”
She wasn’t sure what the glass was showing currently, but it impressed the three. The large male and the female pressed in beside the shorter male to gaze into the glass.
“They wear human clothes!” the large male exclaimed.
“Wait… Did that one have… wings?!” the female said, eyes wide.
All three heads turned back to Kreet, and she put the disk away.
“Yes. One of my children has wings. His name is Night.”
“How did you manage that?!” the female asked, incredulous.
“Impossible! Goldworm is much too big! She couldn’t possibly…”
“Well, maybe he…” the large male began with an all-too obvious gesture that Kreet felt she must interrupt.
“NO! He’s not a child of Goldworm! My husband is a kobold no different than you. He is the father of all my children.”
“Oh,” said the tall male, apparently disappointed.
“Gart, stop being so horny,” the female said, then turned back to Kreet. “Welcome to the Outside clan, Kreet. I am Sythe, the far-too-horny one is Gart and this is our chief, Fot.”
“Good to meet you!” Kreet began, and held out her hand, which the three just looked at.
“It’s a human custom. You grasp my hand in yours, and then shake once. Here, give me your hand Sythe. I’ll show you…”
In a minute, proper human introductions were complete.
“Now, come meet our clan, Kreet of Goldworm. Also, why are you wearing my clothes?” asked Sythe.
“Oh! I’m sorry. Goldworm said he got them from someone’s drying line! I came here naked with nothing at all. Please, I’ll give them back as soon as…”
Sythe shook her head. “No. What Goldworm gives is not mine to take back. Oh! Please, step this way Kreet!”
Sythe pulled her to one side unexpectedly.
“Sorry. You don’t know the traps yet. Don’t go outside our village until you have learned them Kreet.”
“What was it?”
“Loaded spike trap.”
“Really! I didn’t see anything!”
“We do good work Outside, Kreet,” Fot said proudly. “Very good work. Our traps have gotten so good we rarely have to hunt anymore!”
“But we do anyway,” Gart said proudly. “We love the Inside clans too, you know. We give them food. We don’t make war on them. Goldworm has taught us that.”
They were leading Kreet into the forest now, and she did see occasional structures that looked somewhat out of place around the forest edge. Probably more traps.
“Old Kras doesn’t like it, but we don’t listen to him anymore,” Sythe explained.
Suddenly Kreet looked up as a motion over her head caught her eye.
“Oh! You live in tree-houses!”
“Yes. It’s safer,” Fot agreed. “Though we have a meeting house in a clearing over that way. You don’t need to worry about traps here, Kreet. They’re only along the outside of the forest and along the inner fence you see there.”
Now that she knew where to look, Kreet saw heads popping out from fairly elaborate structures built up in the trees.
“Who is she?” called down one of those heads.
“This is Kreet of Goldworm! He brought her to us to teach us how to live with the humans!”
“Oh, Kras is going to LOVE her!” said another.
“Don’t worry, Kreet. We’ll introduce you to everyone tonight,” Gart said. “Come up to our house for now though, if you would. Let us get you food.”
Kreet’s stomach rumbled at the mention. “Oh! Oh, that would be wonderful! So, are you a family then? You’re Sythe’s brother?”
Gart began climbing a crude ladder up towards what apparently was his own tree house. The house itself wasn’t terribly impressive, but it did look quite large and probably kept out the rain at least.
“Oh, no. Not yet. We’re mates.”
“You and Sythe are mates?”
“And me!” Fot added. “I’m their mate too!”
“Oh!” Kreet said.
“We are the leading household of the Outside clan, Kreet,” Sythe said as she began climbing up too. “That’s why we meet Goldworm.”
“I see. So… three of you?”
“Yes. Gart is the best of the Hunters… come on up, Kreet. We’ll show you around! Anyway, Gart is the best of the Hunters. Fot is the best of the Designers and I am the best of the Thinkers. So naturally we three are the leading household. We will make the best children.”
Kreet began climbing the ladder behind Sythe.
“That’s… an interesting arrangement.”
“Don’t feel bad, Kreet,” Fot said from behind her, “You speak with Goldworm. You outrank all of us so you can mate with anyone!”
Kreet was suddenly keenly aware of the incompleteness of the kobold loincloth.
“Sorry, Fot,” she said firmly as she climbed through a hole in the floor of the treehouse’s bottom story and stepped off. “I am married to my husband and will mate only with him.”
“Oh! That’s how humans are, right?” Gart said, sitting on a low bench. “They only bump with one partner at a time, right?”
“Well, yes. But… well, they’re different in that regard. Can we talk about something else? Also, I should have asked before… where do you pee?”
“Ah! Come over here Kreet! Let me show you,” Fot said as he stepped up. “Come, come! It’s my own design!”
He led her around and through a door into a room on the other side of the tree. There he showed her a truly ingenious device - especially since it was carved primarily from a gourd.
“You hold it here…” he demonstrated far too accurately.
“Well, I guess Sythe should show you this bit really. But you put it over yourself and it all goes down this tube and to a big tube underground. We’ve got these in all the houses now! A lot better than peeing over the edge!”
“Yeah,” Sythe said from behind her. “And you don’t get accidentally peed on when you’re walking below. Fot is the best designer ever!”
The two stood there after she’d taken the device.
“Well go on,” Sythe said. “Try it! You don’t even have to squat down!”
It soon became obvious the two weren’t going to leave.
Kreet sighed. If she was going to teach these kobolds how to live with humans, she obviously had some work to do.
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