I wrench my arm out of the cavity carved into Carol's chest, sending chunky pieces of meat scattering all over the ground. Carol manages to stumble a few steps backward before she collapses like a bag of wet cement, weakly pawing at her wounds. Her body continues to shrink, the regression back into Buddy's fox form almost complete. The Bioform pack waits with baited breath, eagerly observing how all this will end.

"Adaaam," Carol groans, her voice a mixture of human speech and animal grunting, "you won't .... you won't ... get away with this ...."

My claws glisten coldly in the moonlight and in the background, the roar of the approaching dust storm gets steadily louder. Carol squirms about weakly, and a halo emerges from Buddy's fox body.

"Its over." I announce, "You never stood a chance against me."

"I had you on the ropes just now," Carol pants, swaying back up on all fours, "I can still fight!"

"Doesn't matter how strong or fast you are." I roll my eyes, "You'll never be able to beat me. Want to know why?"

"No more bullshit." Carol curses but doubles up, puking up another torrent of blood and causing a healthy chunk of her halo to dissipate immediately.

"You gave up on yourself." I say, slowly approaching Carol to deliver the final blow, "You don't see a future for yourself in this world."

"I just ... just ... don't want to hurt others," Carol protests, "I'm not like you!"

"Everyone hurts others." I snort, "Get a promotion? You hurt one of your colleagues. Feeling hungry? An animal probably died for your sake. Its just life."

"We don't kill our own!" Carol shouts, "That's what separates us from animals!"

"Neither of us are human anymore Carol." I laugh humorlessly, "I didn't want this fight. Its you who wanted to hurt one of our own."

"I'm still human," Carol coughs, blood flecked spittle raining down from her lips, "nothing will change that. You gave up your humanity, Adam. You took the easy way out!"

"Whatever." I shrug, grabbing Carol by the scruff, "We could have remained friends, Carol. But now, I suppose you know what I'll be doing to you."

"No! No!" Carol howls, struggling as she realizes her fate. The halo surrounding Carol abruptly contracts, shrinking away from me. I manage to grab a tiny strand, pulling doggedly away.

"Even animals kill to survive." I snort in derision at Carol's moral posturing, "So that kind of makes you a failure of an animal as well, huh?"

Carol's halo is slippery, constantly twisting free from my metaphysical grip. She's still strong enough to resist me, but its only a matter of time before her wounds overwhelm her.

"That's right, I'm not an animal." Carol chuckles almost delightedly, "Adam, you may have won, but remember one thing."

"Last words?" I shrug, "Sure. I'll grant you that courtesy. Go ahead and say what you want."

"Neither of us can evade the end forever." Carol gurgles, reddish foam forming at her mouth, "There will come a day where you're on your knees, waiting for death to take you. On that day, can you say that you're proud of the choices you've made? The people you've hurt in your futile quest?"

"No idea." I reply honestly, "All I can do is keep moving forward."

"You're not even denying your quest is doomed?" Carol hacks out, "Why not make your peace then like I have?"

"I don't know whether what I've done will ever be worthwhile." I sigh, looking up at the night sky, "It might not ever be justifiable. But I treat our condition much like how I handle going to work."

"Urg." Carol burbles, both from the pain and from confusion at my statement.

"My job at the Guild is not important. It never will be." I explain to the night sky, "When I leave, no one will remember me or what I did. But I keep doing it anyway. Because the job isn't what matters to me."

"There's pride, honor -" Carol huffs distantly in objection.

"Its the satisfaction of living another day." I continue, tears forming in my eyes, "Buying food with my paycheck. Being able to afford the rent for my shitty apartment. That's what keeps me going."

Carol falls into silence, her movements becoming oddly still.

"Life isn't beautiful. Its not ugly either. For most of us, life is just a grey slog." I sigh, my cheeks feeling warm, "But that slog is so precious to each of us, don't you see? Because we need to fight for each day we have, until our time on earth runs out."

"There's more to life than living," Carol finally responds, "There's principles, ideals."

"No ideal is worth dying for." I look back down at Carol's mangled body, "What about you? Have you spent your life well, ending everything this night?"

"Hah." Carol's head lolls weakly, "I've always been true to myself. Even now. I just hope it won't be too late for you when the realization finally strikes."

"Realization of what?" I quirk an eyebrow in return.

"That a life of being enslaved to your needs is an empty one." Carol's eyes focus, staring me down, "And at the end of your road, you'll have nothing to show for it."

"And you do?" I ask, and Carol hesitates, "What have your ideals brought you?"

"Peace. I won't struggle anymore." Carol finally says, "But I'll allow myself one moment of satisfaction, as you put it, Adam."

"Go on." I nod, pulled in by the magic of this moment. An unexpected, but real, heart to heart.

Carol's paws reach up to her wounds and with demonic strength, she tears her torso open, letting all the assorted guts flop about obscenely in the wind.

"The satisfaction of denying you, Adam." Carol chuckles, her voice fading, "But don't worry. If there's a hell for whatever we've become, we'll meet each other again ..."

"Sure." I assent, dropping the fox carcass to the ground as the halo gutters out in an instant. Nothing more than dead meat. The Bioform pack parts, quickly scattering with the wind. Leaving their native Rift wasn't their choice and with Carol dead, there's nothing keeping them from going home.

Cancelling minor polymorph and retrieving Love, I begin limping my way through the darkness. My sense of direction's bad, but the winking of an emergency torch in the distance gives me a waypoint to aim for. The grit from the wind gets into my clothes, chafing my wounds raw.

Life is struggle.

To deny struggle is to deny living itself.

That is what I truly believe.

If so, then why bother with living? Endless struggle means endless misery. Make your peace like Carol did. Or dedicate yourself to a higher ideal. Spend your life on something worthwhile. But I cannot accept that. If only because I can't envisage a world where I do not exist. To let myself just die is completely unacceptable.

No matter the cost.

Perhaps this is just me being selfish. If so, then so be it. I strive onward not for others, but for myself. Just like

how we took Excelsior's Love

We did it for ourselves didn't we?

We refused to die.

We refused to remain a nothing in Excelsior's past.

We could have reconciled Excelsior's past in a different way. Refused absorb Love as our own. But we didn't. We wanted Love for ourselves. This is the root of our heart. The desire that endures beyond death.

Ambition.

Carol was right. Our life would be empty without an ideal. But we do have one. An ideal that is unbreakable, irrefutable. And ultimately centered on ourselves.

Is that alright?

Yes. So you know what must be done?

We must face Excelsior. Conquer our destrudo. Only then will the way forward open to us.

It will not be easy. When faced with our fated end our resolve will waver. The call of peace, to make amends.

The easy way out.

The easy way out that Carol used to justify her own demise. At the end of the day, her heart was weak. She lacked the driving force to stay alive. To endure the grey churn of life.

Carol's ideal was a mere denial of herself. She bore the weight of that denial, until she broke under it.

We will not break. I swear it. No matter what comes, I will endure.

These grey days, no matter how many, we will persevere, onward ever onward, until we find power of our own. Power to make ourselves the man we are meant to be.

Power to conquer death itself.

And on the day we reach Salvation, we shall tower over this world like a giant, everything falling under our shadow. Our hand reaches upward, grasping for the distant stars.

This is what we've decided.

This is what I've decided.

So be it.