When I finally came to, I was laid down in a dark area with my head resting on Brandr’s soft lap. She was gently stroking my hair, and even though sight was quite limited, there didn’t seem to be any sign of trouble around. Just what the heck had happened?

“Feeling better, my Lord?” She asked when seeing me stretch.

“I suppose,” I grumbled. “What the heck happened?”

“You…” she paused for a moment, which somehow seemed a little suspicious to me, “… fainted.”

“Fainted?” With my CON?!

“Well, I may have helped you with that a little,” she finally admitted.

Brandr had ‘helped me faint’? In other words, she knocked my ass out! I knew it was something much scarier than a damn goblin champion that hit on me!

“Why?” I just had to ask.

“You were bleeding. You wouldn’t stop.” Her voice was soft and gentle in my head as she slowly stroked my hair. “My voice couldn’t reach you, and it is never wise to allow a warrior to run out of control; it simply leads to nothing but problems. Father has warned me many times that it is better for a warrior to lose the battle against an opponent, rather than the battle against the battle itself.”

What the heck is something like that supposed to mean? I won the fight, but lost the war? I don’t have a clue what the heck her father was talking about, but I guess I did deserve to be thwaped. Isabella had lost herself and couldn’t hear my voice, and I beat the snot out of her for it. How could I really blame Brandr for holding me to that same standard?

Taking a deep breath, I slowly reached up and caressed her breasts from under the edge of the loose top she was wearing. “Thank you, my Blade.” I don’t know why, but Brandr seemed to appreciate it whenever I got all formal with her and called her my blade, and since I was thanking her, it seemed like a good time to use the title.

“You have served me well and kept me from losing the battle against the battle itself.” What the hell did something like that even mean? I guess it doesn’t matter if I don’t understand, as long as it makes her feel appreciated. “It seems I shall have to reflect upon my actions and try not to place such a burden upon you in the future. Forgive me for losing your voice. My heart aches for the misactions of my ears.”

Was something like that good enough? Tilting my head back, I tried to look up to gauge her expression, but Brandr was already bending down to kiss me passionately. “’Twas not a burden to be of service to my Lord. The honor is mine for being able to serve, and it is my fondest wish to be able to continue to do so forever more.”

I passionately returned her kiss and then laughed lightly. “Well, my Blade, that’s a wish that I can easily grant to you. You’ll be serving me, in all sorts of ways, for the rest of our days.” Finally stretching, I sat up and tried to get my bearings for where I was. The best I could determine, I was currently in one of the trashed classrooms, but I had no way of knowing exactly which one I was in.

“Where are we now?” I asked Brandr.

“In the room where the goblin came from. I thought it was safest in here, until you healed somewhat and recovered,” she informed me.

Well, that made sense, I suppose. “Any sign of the goblin’s loot?” I asked.

“I found its chest in the corner, but I waited for you before opening it.” She told me. “Would you like to see what we found?”

“Absolutely.” I stood up and took a moment to look around while Brandr rose with me. Sure enough, there was a plain brown chest in the back corner of the room, but nothing else seemed to be of much value in here. The goblins had already looted this place well before we killed them and rescued the two girls to start with, and the candy creatures from Christmas didn’t carry or care about collecting any treasure. Only the single chest stood out in the whole room.

Slowly, I worked my way over to it, so as to not trip or fall over any of the debris in the floor. Looking closer at it, the chest looked like it was made of gingerbread – this was definitely the Christmas champion’s treasure! I decided not to open it here and instead picked it up and tucked it under my arm and headed to the door.

“Can you find my spike? I dropped it when I... umm.. fainted in the hallway.”

“I’ll get it, my Lord.”

“Good,” I told Brandr. “Then let’s get out of here and get back to Isabella.

“Affirmative,” was the simple response I received as we headed out the door and back down the hallway towards the barricade and the side of the school where we’d set up our temporary base.

The walk back was slow and easy, and it took a little effort to work the chest under the jumbled mess which was the make-shift barricade between halls, but the trip itself was uneventful. Getting back into the teacher’s lounge, Isabella was sprawled in one of her flashier yoga poses while trying to study the small book in front of her. She didn’t seem to notice us at first, so I tip toed up on her and gave her a nice solid smack across her backside which was up and easy to reach at the moment. She yelped, jerked up somewhat, lost her balance, and then flopped boob-first onto the ground.

Brandr’s laughter echoed in both our heads as Isabella sputtered and flopped like a fish trying to spin around and see what had “attacked” her. The look on her face was priceless as she turned and half-pouted, half-scowled at the two of us. “You’re back!” I wasn’t certain if she was happy or upset by the way she sounded.

“We are,” was Brandr’s simple reply. “And I brought back something suitable for you.” Gently, she held out her hand and offered something to Isabella, which she took.

Opening her palm, it was two small red balls of cinnamon candy, which made Isabella giggle. “You did bring me back the eyes!” She laughed and popped one in her mouth to suck on it.

“Not quite,” was Brandr’s response. “The Lord shattered the creature’s face. The eyeballs were broken and unsalvageable. I found some other balls which I thought a woman like you might enjoy sucking on.”

Wait.

What?

She didn’t, did she?

As my mind was slowly working out what her words implied, Isabella spit out the candy and threw the other ball at Brandr. Her whole body was going white, and she was starting to tremble. “I’m gonna gut you!” She yelled and leaped for Brandr, who easily moved out of her way.

“What? Is there a problem? Were they not sour enough for your licking?” Brandr sounded innocent, as she moved off to the side and held both hands up in front of her in a peaceful gesture, but somehow I was wondering if she might not be going a little too far with her taunting. I knew the two girls picked on each other quite a bit, but surely those weren’t what she was acting like they were. Were they?

Isabella’s hands were starting to glow and blue lightning flashed in her eyes. Fearing an all-out escalation of war, I dropped the gingerbread chest, leaped forward, and wrapped my arms around her. “Brand! Go check on Buster,” I shouted mind-to-mind.

“Certainly, my Lord.” Calmly Brandr turned and walked out the door, as if nothing was unusual at all.

“I’m.. I’ma.. I..” Isabella was sputtering and shaking in my arms, before finally shouting, “I’m a gonna kill ‘er!”

All I could do is hold her close and stroke her hair. (I’d considered kissing her, as it usually helped call Isabella; but honestly, if those were what I feared they were, I really didn’t want her tongue in my mouth until after she’d brushed and gargled several times!) Even the thought made me shiver slightly. Surely those were eyes from a different candy goblin. Right?

It took several long minutes of just holding her and stroking her hair before Isabella calmed down and simply leaned against me. We stayed in each other’s embrace for several more moments, before I finally let go of her and kissed her lightly – on the nose.

“It’s just candy,” I tried to reassure her. Grumbling, Isabella said something under her breath, which I didn’t quite understand, but she nodded her head a few times in what I was hoping was agreement.

Looking down, the gingerbread chest had crumbled under the impact when I dropped it, and crumbs were scattered across the floor. In the center of the largest pile of gingerbread was what looked like a large red book, and some type of cloth. I spent a few more moments watching Isabella to make certain that she wasn’t going to go chasing out of the room and after Brandr, and when she finally sat back down cross-legged in the floor and picked up her book, I started digging through the mess to see what we’d found.

Inside the crumbled remains of the chest were a single large red book, and a glorious pair of pants! The book I sat down off to the side to see if it was similar to the one Brandr had found previously, but the pants I dug out of the crumbs and shook off to have a better look at. They must’ve been some sort of Christmas gear, as they were a neon-rainbow striped pair of leather pants, but they did look like they might be my size.

At this point, being down to a single pair of tattered cover-alls, I didn’t even hesitate in trying them on. Being gentle not to tear any more holes in my coveralls until they could be patched, I took them off, and then I wiggled into the leather pants. They were a firm, snug fit, but not so tight, that I couldn’t move in them. Maybe my prayer had been answered!

The moment I snapped the button in front and finished zipping them up there was an echoing ding and a system notification popped up.

DING!

WARNING! You have discovered a cursed item – Leather Pants of Chasity!

Wait!

What?!

Cursed!!

Quickly I tried to unbuckle them and take them off, but the pants wouldn’t unfasten. I couldn’t unzip, or unbutton them, and no amount of wiggling would make them slide down my hips! I was stuck in them, with no way to take them off – cursed items can’t be unequipped!

Those god damned gods! They probably did answer my prayer – I’d just forgotten that I had a negative spirituality! I figured they’d simply ignore me; never once did I imagine that they’d curse me!

Now, I know who my true archenemy is! It’s all those stupid ass Gods out there! AAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

(An image of a similar pair of pants, if anyone wants to have a look at them:) Spoiler :