"How am I supposed to do this?"

"What do I even say?

I asked myself these questions for the millionth time. I ran my hands through my short brown hair and sighed. I'd been sitting in the driveway for over an hour after getting home and it was now dark outside.

I looked up into the mirror attached to the sun visor and locked eyes with myself. My pale blue orbs stared back. Without breaking eye contact I said aloud "Jonathan Benjamin Kaine, you are going to walk into that house and tell your family what you did. It doesn't matter if there will be yelling and screaming. Honesty is what's needed right now."

I took a deep breath but couldn't force myself to open the car door. Instead, I cursed myself for being a coward. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back against the headrest.

A flash of light to my left caught my attention. The living room light was now on and in the window my 4 year old niece and 2 year old nephew were staring straight at me. As I watched them, my niece leaned back and half turned, talking to someone while pointing at me. Busted. I didn't have to wait long for my sister to appear in the window. She had on an apron, which meant she was cooking something messy.

That made me feel even more guilty. It was likely that she was cooking up some of her delicious fried chicken. One of my favorites, and she knew it. In fact it was probably a surprise for me. She was the type to do that. I've been moping around for the past few days and she most likely decided to make it to cheer me up.

Looking over again I caught her eye; her arms were crossed and she was frowning. I rubbed my eyes, took a deep breath and said to myself "the only way through is to man up and just do it." I briefly considered starting the car back up and driving away, but where would I go? And besides, the car belonged to my sister.

I opened the door and stepped out, closed it and started for the front door to the house. Before I got there my sister vanished from the window. As I reached for the knob, the door burst open and I was confronted by two children. "Unka Wanny!" My nephew flew into my arms, holding me tight. I swept him up in a big hug. His blond hair burrowed itself in my chest as I tried to get a secure grip on him.

"Hey buddy," I said to him in greeting.

My reception from the other child was the polar opposite. Kayla stood there with her arms crossed and a stern look on her face. Her gaze roze to mine. "What were you doing in the car Uncle Jonny?" She asked in a tone that seemed too serious to come from a child.

I shifted Tyson to my left arm and patted my niece on the head with my right. "I was just doing some thinking."

She ignored the pat and looked up at me from under her long blond hair. I could see worry plastered across her face.

Before either of us could say anything else, I heard a loud sizzle and the smell of breaded chicken caught my nose. I put my nephew back down on his feet and addressed both children, telling them to wash up for dinner. After they ran off, I made my way into the kitchen.

There, standing over a frying pan, my sister Jennifer was cooking fried chicken. It smelled amazingly delicious. Her back was to me and her long raven hair danced as she moved the meat around.

"We need to talk, " I said.

Without turning around she replied. "I know." One hand rose up and pointed at a large brown envelope sitting at the end of the counter. I picked it up. It was from the Allied Starforce Command and it was addressed to me. Stamped diagonally across the envelope was the word 'Orders' in bright red lettering. Awe fuck. "That came for you today by courier, it arrived just before you got home. Jonny, why are you getting orders from the ASC?" she asked, her voice was monotonous.

I layed the envelope back down and rubbed the back of my neck. She knew the answer already, but she was trying to make me say it out loud. "I was going to tell you today. I signed up."

"That's funny," she said with absolutely no humor. "I distinctly remember having a conversation with you about this last year. A conversation in which you explicitly promised me you weren't going to join the Starforce." she set a pair of tongs down and whirled on me. Her blue eyes were burning with anger and shimmering with tears at the same time. "You fucking promised me Jonny."

"I know." I said with a heavy heart.

She whirled back to attend to the chicken before any tears began to fall. But I knew she was crying because her voice cracked as she continued talking. "So what, you're just going to run off to space like dad? You're going to go fight like dad? You're going to go get yourself killed like dad?" she sniffed and in a small voice continued. "You're going to abandon us like he did?"

"No, god no." I said and crossed to her. I took her by the shoulder, spun her around and pulled her into a hug. The top of her head only came up to my chin. As I held her I said "No Jenny, it's not going to be anything like that. You know dad was in the Starforce while we were at war with the V'Tori. That war ended over ten years ago. The V'Tori are part of the alliance now. We're not at war with anyone. After a couple years I'll be able to choose where I want to go and what I want to do."

I looked down at her and used a finger to tilt her chin up to me. I looked her in the eyes and said" Jenny, you know I have wanted to join the Starforce since I was Tyson's age. It's all I did as a kid was pretend to be a soldier with my friends and fight off aliens."

She squeezed me tight and buried her face against my chest. "I'm scared Jonny. You're only eighteen. You don't know what it's like. You were just a little kid when they came to the house and told us that dad had died. And then three years later it was mom. I can't lose you too."

She was right. I hardly remembered my father. I was only seven years old when he died. And he was always out on deployment when he was alive so I hardly ever saw him. I only had two real good memories of him. A few years later, our mom had been a translator working at the Taemen embassy when a terrorist group known as 'Humanity First' bombed it. She was one of sixty-two people who died.

Jenny and I had gotten lucky. Because the house was paid off and there was enough in inheritance and life insurance that Jenny could look out for the two of us, the state let her act as an adult instead of liquidating the home and putting the two of us in an orphanage. She was sixteen when mom died and she had to step up to be my second mother and look out for me. I could not imagine having her strength. I held her for a minute longer and said "I'll be ok Jenny. I'm a big boy now." It was the wrong thing to say.

"heragh" she growled in frustration and shoved me away from her. "No you're not. No you're fucking not." With each word her finger pointed at me and thrust in my direction. "You're a dumbass kid making all the same fucking stupid decisions I warn you not to." Before I could reply we both caught sight of Kayla. The little girl's eyes were red.

Jenny glanced at me and if looks could kill I would have died right there. She crouched down and held out her arms. The little one ran over and dove into the embrace. Tyson stood in the doorway, not understanding what was going on. "Kayla, dinner is almost ready. Can you take Tyson outside with you to get your father? Tell him dinner is almost ready?" Jenny's voice was very gentle as she spoke to the girl.

Kayla looked over at me, then back to her mother and nodded. Without saying anything the little girl took her brother's hand and led him out the back door of the house. Out the kitchen window I could see Sam from where I was standing. He was using an axe to chop up a fallen tree into firewood and stack it along the fence. My eyes returned to Jenny where I found her boring holes into me with a glare that could stop a lion in its tracks. "Why?" she said before her facade cracked and the tears started again. "You promised." she said in a weak voice before wiping tears away from her eyes.

"Jenny, you know me. I could never be happy here." Realizing what I just said I walked it back. "Wait, that came out wrong." I sighed. Taking a deep breath I tried again. "I have a shit job with no better prospects on the horizon, my first and only girlfriend along with nearly every friend I have ever had either joined the Starforce or went off to college. I am alone and I feel unfulfilled. Yes I have you, Sam and the kids are wonderful too; but this is your family, and I am a fifth wheel. I needed to do something, to take my fate into my own hands instead of just plod along and get by." I said with animated hands.

"Jonny, you could go to college, you're so smart" she pleaded with a last desperate whine.

"Even if we had the money, or I was lucky enough to get governmental aid, we both know it wouldn't work out. I belong in the Starforce." I said with finality.

Silence fell and out the window I could see Sam making his way to the house. Tyson was riding his back and Kayla was walking along beside him. Jenny saw him too and quickly turned back to finish preparing the food.

Silence would permeate the remainder of the evening.

************

Later that night I found myself sitting in the living room alone in the dark after everyone had gone up to bed. I knew that I hurt my sister and that the kids would hold a grudge once they understood I was leaving and I wouldn't be coming back for a long while. But I still felt it was the right thing to do.

"Lights, twenty percent" the lights in the room brightened to a dim glow. It was Sam. He wasn't wearing a shirt and the curly blond hair on his head and chest were almost orange in the dim light. He looked at me for a minute and without a word walked over to the refrigerator in the kitchen and returned with two bottles of beer. He popped the cap off a one bottle and handed it down to me. He then plopped into the big leather chair adjacent to the couch I was sitting on. He popped the cap off his own bear, took a long swig and said "Welp, you really fucked up this time."

I looked down at the beer in my hands. The legal drinking age here in North America is twenty-one, but as kids do, I'd tried a few different things with friends, but it never really appealed to me. I took a sip and nearly spat it out but managed to swallow. My face twisted and Sam smiled as I said "I know". He seemed to be amused that I didn't like the taste of the beer. Personally I prefer liquor and mixing it with different things.

"Jon, I have been married to your sister for five years and dated her for much longer. I was dating your sister before your mother died. You say you know and you may think you know, but you don't." he took another swig and swallowed before continuing "the death of your parents really messed her up, you never saw it as a kid because she wouldn't allow that to happen. She put on a brave face but that was just for you. Inside, she was broken. "

He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked intently at me. "You are both a brother and a son to her and I want you to understand exactly what this means to her. She is absolutely terrified that if you leave with the military that you are going to die like your parents. She is afraid of being left alone."

I sat there in silence and really thought about what that meant. I looked down at the bottle again and took another taste. It was foul, but not as bad as the last sip. After a third sip I found it growing more palatable. I saw Sam's eyes rest on the envelope next to me. "Mind if I take a look?" After I handed it to him he slid a pack of papers out and glanced over them. He began to read out loud. "Jonathan Kaine, Under the authority of the Allied Starforce Command you are hereby ordered to report to the Starforce recruitment office on Washington Street in Columbus Ohio at 0900 on October 3rd 2810." He glanced down at his watch and said "That's the day after tomorrow."

He hit me with a penetrating stare then continued to read. "There you will board a shuttle bus that will take you to a processing center in Chicago, Illinois. From there you will be sent by air to the secondary basic training site in Andria Italy. You will receive further orders in the event of your graduation from basic training. You are required to show this document to the shuttle bus operator and all Starforce personnel that require it. Food willl be provided three times a day and uniforms will be issued to you after your arrival in Andria Italy.

You are required to bring the following items with you:

These orders

*Any and all forms of government issued identification (such as a birth certificate, picture ID card, passport, med card, etc

*All medical documentation for yourself.

*Any required medications and documentation for the medication.

*Clean clothing for three days

*Personal travel size toiletries

You are prohibited from bringing any of the following:

*Weapons

*Liquids or chemicals other than the required personnel toiletries

*Food

*Animals

*Electronics of any kind (without pre-approval)

*Excessive baggage

*Medication that is not specifically prescribed to you

*Medication without documentation

"Failure to comply with these requirements and prohibitions may result in court-martial or criminal charges."

Sam laid the packet down and looked at me. "This is serious, once you get on that bus you can't take it back." he said

I took another sip of the beer and swallowed it. "I know." I looked up at him and said "This is for the best."

"For the best?" He barked a laugh. "Jon, you have to leave in a little over 30 hours from now. You decided to wait until the last minute to tell us. And you think that's for the best? It's a real dick move not telling us and letting us discover it by receiving these." he gestured down at the paperwork.

"I had too." Putting the beer down on the coffee table I stood and began to pace around the room as I talked."If I had waited until after I talked to Jenny to enlist, it wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't have let me. And if I had told her last week she would have been worried about me the entire time. My presence would of been torture for her as she waited for me to leave. Better to rip the bandage off fast."

Sam watched me wander the room from under hooded eyes and after I finished talking he leaned back in the chair. "You can tell yourself all the justifications that you want, it doesn't change the fact that you broke your sister's heart and her trust in you." His voice was flat and calm but it drove daggers into my chest. He stood up, drained the rest of the bottle and tossed it into a nearby recycle bin. "Get some rest Jon, you should spend tomorrow with your sister and the kids. Give them a happy moment to remember you by." Then he turned and headed back upstairs.

I sat back down and thought more to myself as I continued sipping on the beer. Once it was emptied I took Sam's advice, tossing the bottle and going to bed.