《The Sword And The Butterfly》017. Misery
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This very evening, Ren went to bed for the first time since he learned how to cultivate. Instead of going into deep meditation he blissfully drifted into the realm of dreams, an easy smile on his face.
After waking up, the first thing that Ren noticed was that he was feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the new day, and not hounded like the last few days. Ren went straight into his morning routine, and while he still cultivated all the time, he did not try to turn everything out, instead making an effort to just let his spirit flow naturally and still take as much of the world around him in as possible.
Relaxing his system, felt beautiful to Ren, his circulation of spirit even seemed uncommonly smooth. With a leisurely step, smile on his face, he walked to his class.
On his way to class, Ren could now tell that multiple disciples were looking at him in a weird way, as if they were expecting someone else to walk in his place.
Ren was quite confident that it was not because of the green shirt he was wearing today. Though, as there were vanishingly few other disciples of his height wearing colours other than grey, they might as well be.
Another thing that Ren was once again aware of was the change of season. The forest was more vibrant, animals were already looking quite ready for the coming winter, in Ren's opinion, and he could see many disciples run around in pairs of two, chatting, and sometimes even holding hands. It was truly summer.
As he walked upon the clearing of his class, Ren suddenly got self-conscious. 'What if the other disciples are weirded out by his rapid changes? He was likely not very companionable at all!' And just as he even thought about just skipping the class for today, he heard a friendly voice call out from behind him.
"Brother Ren, why have you ceased your step? Class will commence in just a few short minutes."
It was one of the older disciples. Ren vaguely recalled his name being Ling Sen, or maybe something similar.
"Ah, yes I was just about to go. Brother Ling, right?" Ren said, a little abashedly.
Ling Sen looked more than a little surprised at being called by his name, and it even made him laugh. "You must truly have escaped your obsession, have you not, Brother Ren? Sister Ji referred me and the others of this change, though I have to confess 'tis was out of mine expectations." Ling Sen recounted.
Ren was a little caught off guard by Ling Sen's strange manner of speech, but replied swiftly, nonetheless. "Sister Ji told all of you? Well, yes, I did come out of it, as you said, but without Daiyu talking to me, it might have taken quite a bit more time." He paused for a moment and, before Ling Sen could answer, added another question. "Do you always meet up later in the day, Brother Ling?"
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"Oh, did the other scoundrels not post-haste inform thine self? Though I must be remiss, it likely came to pass as thou had not been in a true state of mind." Ling Sen told Ren in a regretful tone, slumping down slightly. He came up immediately, his index finger raised. "I shall put this solemn duty upon mine self, then. Brother Ren, we, the other disciples that is, convene by a clearing next to a marvellous waterfall not too far from here. We exchange our cultivation experiences, thoughts on the world, the sect, some general discussion, and make merry of course, for live shall ever be short, even in the pursuit of immortality." Ling Sen said rumbustiously, while spreading his arms and smiling at Ren.
Ren just nodded along, remembering that Daiyu had told him about a waterfall once, when he was still in the 'zone'. When thinking of it, he immediately told Ling Sen.
"Oho, I see, I see. It would only be right that the one who drew your stranded self back on shore would also be the one to tell thine self about the shore of our respite. Beautiful indeed!" Ling Sen, laughed again while talking. "Mayhap the two of you would even pursue a more romantic dalliance." Ling Sen wagged his eyebrows suggestively, making Ren blush crimson. "But perhaps not, you are young yet, both of you, and such decisions are for the future, pray forgive mine self, Brother Ren."
Ren could only bring out a slight stammer, all darks thoughts seemingly blown away by the wind called, Ling Sen. Before Ren could get some kind of retort out, Ling Sen already strode further along and made a gesture for Ren to simply follow after him.
When they walked into the clearing side by side, with Ren still having a slight hue on his cheeks, the other disciples were greeting them in good cheer, pointing out how Ren looked better now, or expressing their gladness. Surprisingly, for Ren that is, Adept Di Niu looked at him like a child would at a toy that was broken and could not perform like it used to, making Ren shiver.
The next week was some of the most enjoyable time of his short life, playing with the other disciples on the shores of a small pond with a waterfall. It was definitely true, what Ling Sen said, they made merry and talked, sparring occasionally. Multiple disciples talked about touring the world, exploring different kingdoms and visiting the nation of mages to the east, when they became Adepts.
Ren silently admonished himself for liking it all, as he sometimes felt that he was not putting enough effort into his cultivation, but his enjoyment was the truth nonetheless.
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At the end of this week came what Ren dreaded the most, being personally taught by Darkhaven.
It was a quiet walk from the meeting place of the disciples, to the one indicated by Darkhaven.
He had to ask Adept Di for the exact place, as Darkhaven actually failed to tell him.
Daiyu and some others even offered to accompany him for the walk, but it only made Ren feel embarrassed. He could walk on his own, he thought.
When he arrived, the old man was already sitting upon a pillar, the height of a man, in a meditative pose. Darkhaven wore black robes for a change, intricate red patterns woven into the fabric and his spirit permeated the surroundings, like fog in a swamp.
Only when Ren stood a few meters in front did Darkhaven open his eyes. They looked placid and heavy, as if he had not slept in days.
"Young Ren, today we will conduct our first lesson together." The man did not move from the pole, and to Ren's eyes, he seemingly didn't even move his lips. His voice coming from all around. "In our time together, I will push you, as I have said previously, and I will talk about different aspects of our lives as humans. You may not understand it all, neither now nor in the near future, but it is for you to frown over, make you think and contemplate. The first lesson, and perhaps only one of many, is on the topic of misery."
As Darkhaven spoke the word, the world felt like it was closing in on Ren, pushing him down. Every instinct was telling him to lie down and pray for the end. Ren of course did not simply go into a fetal position, he could clearly feel the old man's spirit all around them and even the surrounding spirit of the world working in accord to push down on him, trying to make Ren submit, and his spirit rose to the challenge. Faster and faster he had to circulate, trying to keep the hostile spirit out, only to keep on standing on wobbly legs.
"This level of suppression should be adequate, to push you further." Darkhaven said in a conversational tone, still echoing from all around.
"Now, onto the topic of misery. What is human misery, even? In laymen terms you could also simply call it human suffering, desperation, hardship, agony, anguish. They are all words for it, but what is important is not it's name, but its cause. What causes misery in all of us? It is a broad question, and there are many individual answers to it, but what it all comes down to, the core of the issue if you will, is simply man's wish to grow, to conquer, in all things. It is only natural, for that is how one might improve.
'To walk upon this path of a thousand evils, I can only smile, as I myself have wrought far worse before'.
A short verse of one of the poems written by a former Grandmaster of our very sect. This endless charade of hate and pain upon which the order of the world is built will ever perpetuate itself, and as cultivators all of us will experience misery as we will deliver it upon others. You will be betrayed, deceived, lose loved ones, maybe maimed, or worse."
Darkhaven halted in his monologue, and Ren had to grimace, the pressure kept steadily increasing as the old man talked. He didn't raise his voice, but he was clearly becoming more agitated as he went on.
Darkhaven continued. "And you will also be the cause of misery, if you intend to do so or not, as we struggle for immortality it is but an inevitability for ideals to clash and blood to flow freely. Even in performing a good deed, you might still perpetuate this cycle of misery, young Ren. We will meet again in two weeks, at the same time."
With this, the old Master left the clearing, and Ren took a deep breath and calmed his agitated spirit.
Thinking about Darkhaven's speech, Ren was once again at a loss for words. It reminded him of the notes of Sundering Sword, and those he also did not fully understand, if he was completely honest with himself.
While even he was clear on the fact that there were people who suffered and there were people who had tough lives to live, the stories he read in the orphanage could attest to that, he was not really sold on all this, you will suffer, and you will also make others suffer, if you want it or not, stuff. But trying to figure it out right now, by himself, also wouldn't really solve anything, and maybe Daiyu and the others could help him with it.
And so his first, if short, lesson with Darkhaven concluded, and Ren walked back to his sizable house, a smile still on his face.
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