‘Myles, what the hell are you doing?’ Eva asked. Her voice was a faint echo in the vast sea that was the banshee’s soul.

‘What do you want from me?’ I snapped at her. ‘Leave me alone,’ I told her. It felt good there, no worries, no anger, no pain. I wanted to stay there forever.

‘Fuck it!’ I heard her voice echo again.

It felt as though I was being sucked out of that place. I didn’t want to. I fought back. I hung to the feeling of serenity and well-being that enveloped me there. Death wasn’t that bad after all. You don’t need to worry about mundane affairs anymore. You just die and everything goes away. It was an alluring concept. I just wanted to stay there.

‘Goddamnit!’ Eva’s voice was becoming a tad clearer then. ‘Wake up, you oaf!’

What was she so negative for? I couldn’t understand her. From where I stood, or floated, I couldn’t understand her frustration. Life was ugly. Death was better.

‘I am not letting you drag me down with you!’ Eva yelled at me. ‘Come out this instant!’

‘You go ahead and leave,’ I told her. ‘I’d rather stay here a little longer. It’s been so long that I didn’t sleep. Let me take a nap here, it’s peaceful.’

‘Yeeees,’ Ofelia’s soft, melodious voice told me. ‘Stay here with me. You don’t need to worry about anything anymore.’

‘See?’ I told Eva. ‘She’s nice. She knows how I feel.’

‘What about Utar?’ Eva told me.

She probably wanted to stir something inside of me. I chuckled. ‘He’ll also die one day,’ I told her. ‘Death comes to all of us. What’s the point in fighting it?’

‘What’s she doing here?’ Ofelia asked.

In that endless sea that was the banshee’s soul, I saw her emerge. She was the most beautiful fairy I’ve ever laid my eye on. Her long auburn hair brushed against her wide hips. Her oval face, her lips, red, exuding strong life force, curled into a charming smile. I unconsciously let out a faint “Aaah!” upon looking at her.

“Come to me, my dear boy,” Ofelia told me. “Let me show you around. Death is ugly to the living. It’s not as much to the ones who’ve crossed to the world beyond.”

I took a step toward her. I heard Eva cry out to me. I ignored her and took a second step. With each step I took, I felt a weight being thrown off my shoulders. I felt lighter. I felt younger, stronger. I was floating now toward the fairy. Why wouldn’t people want to die? I loved this feeling!

I glided to the fairy.

‘Oh no you don’t!’ Eva immediately materialized in front of me.

I recognized her face, her cupid bow lips. I thought I knew what they tasted like. I felt drawn to her. I could barely remember her now. I knew her name. I knew I was connected to her. I knew her suffering and pitied her. She deserved to die too. She’ll be all the happier for it.

Ofelia materialized next to her, and I was faced with two choices.

“Choose her,” Ofelia told me, “and you’ll live a life full of suffering, anger, and injustice. Do you really want that?”

I shook my head in denial.

“Go with her,” Eva said, “and you’ll forget everything. Do you really want to give up on Utar, on your vengeance?”

“How will vengeance help him?” Ofelia asked. “Look at him. He’s only seen pain and suffering in this life. Do you want him to live through more? You’ve done the same to him if I’m not mistaken!”

“That wasn’t me!” Eva protested.

“Oh yes, right,” Ofelia replied. “It was the evil you. You’ve changed now. But let me ask you this, how are you not evil now? You’re trying to deny him salvation. That’s what he wants. Go on. Ask him.”

Eva turned to me. She raised an eyebrow and her wide eyes urged me to speak. I didn’t know what to say though. Death was alluring. Who wouldn’t want to forget their worries, their woes? Who wouldn’t want to just erase it all in one snap of a finger?

“Death is easy,” Eva told me after a long silence. “I didn’t think you’re the type to go for the easy route!”

“What do you know about me?” I snapped at her. “What gives you the right to judge me?”

Eva smiled.

“I know you very well, Myles Stalwart!” Eva said. “You’re the coward who hid while his parents were slaughtered. You’re the helpless kid who watched his men die, one by one and didn’t even try to save them. You just curled in a ball and cried, didn’t you?”

I felt anger boiling inside. How dare she? If she had to deal with that Priest, she wouldn’t be sitting on the judge’s chair, acting high and mighty. Then I remembered. She had dealt with Utar. I smiled back at her.

“What about you?” I said. “Oh almighty empress! Did you forget how the same man played a nasty trick on you? Don’t tell me you forgot how you shot innocent people, driven with blind rage. You’re as guilty as I am. You let those people inside your country. You led them to their doom!”

I let my words sink in for a while. Eva averted her gaze, looking down at her feet. She chewed on her lower lip and I remembered the taste of sweet cherries. There was something about her I couldn’t remember clearly.

With the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the fairy, smiling. I nodded at her with a smirk on my face. She nodded back.

“At least I fought back,” Eva said. She was brooding now, like a wounded animal who just wouldn’t give up. “What did you do? You cried yourself to sleep every night. And now you’re willing to let the death of your parents go unavenged? What would they think of you?”

“The dead have no desires,” Ofelia answered for me.

“Yeah,” I picked up. “What she said.”

“Yet you’re alive,” Eva retorted, addressing me. “What are your desires?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked. “I want to stay here. I’ve never felt so peaceful in my entire life.”

“You have,” Eva said. “You’ve felt peaceful once, loved, desired.”

I snorted.

“Remember Utar,” she told me. “Remember the hate you bear him and the reason behind it.”

“How about you leave me the fuck alone?” I asked.

“I will,” Eva said, “as soon as you remember.”

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll indulge you.”

“NO!” Ofelia snapped at the both of us. “I’ve allowed this charade to go for far too long. It’s time I banished this she-devil to whence she came.”

“Afraid he’ll find out the truth?” Eva said, mockingly. “Afraid he’ll recover his resol –“

She wasn’t allowed to finish her sentence. She was immediately banished. Ofelia floated beside me. She smelled of the forest, of dirt after the first rain of autumn. I liked that smell. It reminded me of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“Shall we go?” she asked. Her melodious voice made me forget everything. I was at a loss for words. I looked at her, mesmerized, hypnotized by her beauty. I nodded and followed.

There was nothing for us in this vast green sea. But I got the feeling she was leading me somewhere beautiful. I wanted it to be the woods where I first…

what was I thinking about again? My memory started acting up again. Or did it? I could clearly recall the bad events that transpired during the siege on Yanoku. I could clearly recall the day Sam betrayed me.

The anger I felt was immediately subdued by the fairy’s gentle smile. Her large emerald eyes made me feel as though everything would be alright. I smiled back and followed her. We floated further, deeper. I could feel the concentration of energy somewhere deep within the sea we floated in. I wanted to go there, I sped up. It was easier to float when Ofelia accompanied me.

Then I heard a voice, familiar, rough. “Did you do it?”

“He was tougher than I’d imagined,” Ofelia’s melodious voice said.

“Be quick about it,” the other voice said. “My specimens won’t survive another day.”

Specimens… That voice was very familiar.

It felt like the other woman who’d spoken to me earlier. What was her name again? Damn memory. I could only remember bits an pieces now.

“What’s the matter dear boy?” Ofelia asked.

I inhaled deeply. I loved her smell. It reminded me… Oh man! I couldn’t remember anymore. I had to remember!

“Where will I go after I die?” I asked the fairy.

“You won’t go anywhere, dear boy,” the fairy said. “You’ll stay here with me. You’ll be happy, forever.”

“Forever?” I asked.

“Why, yes,” she said. She gave me another brilliant smile and I sighed in admiration.

“Why do you smell like the forest?” I asked.

“Is this how I smell to you?” she asked back, amused. She chuckled a bit and her voice bathed me in serenity. “I smell different to everyone who entrusts their life to me.”

“Why do I smell the forest in you?” I asked.

“It will all become clearer once we reach the center,” she said then floated further.

She’d just dismissed my question.

“Why don’t you tell me now?” I said. I wanted that memory. It pained me to forget it. I didn’t want to lose it. “Why am I happy when I smell the forest, and the dirt?” I asked.

“It’ll be better if I showed you,” Ofelia said. She waved her hand, beckoning me, urging me to follow her. But I stayed put.

“Once I die, I’ll forget everything,” I told her. “I want to remember before I die. Grant me this one wish, will you?”

She frowned, and for a fraction of a second, I saw her true face. I saw her missing lower jaw, the flesh dangling from the upper one. I saw her dirty hair and her withered white dress. Then I remembered and I stepped back.

The smell of the forest still lingered about my nostrils. I hung to that feeling, that memory. I saw her face and I remembered her voice, her giggles. I remembered how happy she was and how she made me a better person.

“You won’t take this away from me!” I told her. My fists were clenched and my eye fixed the fairy with an unrelenting gaze.

I mentally prepared for the spell I had memorized for emergency cases. I needed a strong catalyst back then. I had used my anger, but it wasn’t as pure as the happiness I experienced with the woman that changed my life.

I clung to those memories. Everything came back to me, the touch of her soft skin, the taste of her rosy lips, the sound of her laughter and the harshness of her remarks. I collected all those thoughts, everything I loved about her, and cast it all toward the fairy.

“Electo!” I yelled.

I felt my body being drawn back, away from the fairy. Ofelia screamed, her sharp wails penetrated my ears but I didn’t flinch. I’d survived the worst, and I wasn’t about to give up now.

When I came back to my senses, I was surrounded by a dozen undead, Lemien, and the banshee.

‘Welcome back to hell,’ Eva’s voice echoed inside my head.

I smiled.