Theodulus Aies Olcay I May 16th, 20XX

Two identical guards, each with a single streak of silver hair running across their otherwise dark hair, crossed their spears at lightning speed to block the entrance into my own home.

“Where do you think you’re going, kid? Didn’t anyone tell you not to come to this place?”

I couldn’t hold back my laughter and doubled over, eventually crumpling to a ball on the floor as tears rolled out of my eyes. Who could have predicted I would ever be called ‘kid’ by someone more than a thousand years my junior. Absolute rage bubbled restlessly under the thin layer of humour I depended on to get through this without resorting to murder.

If it were the past I would have probably ripped their horns off for the disrespect, even if it had stemmed from ignorance but maybe becoming a great-grandfather had done me some good as I was able to channel the rage into laughter.

The two exchanged glances with each other and the one on the left took a step forward but was stopped by the one on the right, who I gathered was quicker on the uptake. The tiny wheels in his head turned as he looked me up and down and his blood called to a truth he wasn’t experienced enough to understand.

“Wait, Rion.”

Considering both my hair and eyes were completely exposed I was surprised it had taken them so long, but then again I supposed it had been more than a decade since any of them had seen an emperor before, never mind me who hadn’t come down to the empire for so long.

The loud one was discontent at being stopped by his partner and once again prepared to move towards me for whatever reason his tiny brain came up with but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Stay.”

His eyes widened in horror as his very body disobeyed his will and he realized he couldn’t move but by now the one on the right seemed to have put it all together and quickly kneeled before me, swiping his staff across the back of the aggressive one’s knees on the way down.

“My apologies for failing to recognize you earlier.”

The aggressive one seemed to finally put things together and lowered his head into his chest as a further sign of respect.

“Emperor. You have returned.”

The two goblins, pathetic as they were hurried to kneel before me but I didn’t have the time nor the patience to address them properly. It was irritating enough that I had to return to the throne after a few thousand years but even the thought of having to go through all the formalities of an emperor was enough to drive me insane.

If not for that irritating great-grandson of mine there was no way I would’ve even considered it.

“You, on the left”

His head perked up by a few degrees but he still didn’t dare look me in the eyes.

“Emperor.”

I began walking even as I gave orders. It was embarrassing enough that I’d had to wait for them to realize who I was.

“Go call the Cáel boy to me and have him meet me within the next- How far away does he live now anyways? Let’s say 30 minutes, starting from when you depart. If you succeed I’ll make sure you get a nice reward.”

He jolted backwards as he felt the weight of a bet from an emperor for the first time and fell flat on his back but just as quickly he got back up and adopted a militant stance, feet together and arm raised in a salute. From the way he was tensed I could tell that the destination was much more than a half-hour roundtrip but that wasn’t really my problem.

I cut off a small patch of hair and handed it to the young soldier, once again feeling humiliated at having to provide proof of my presence but it couldn’t be helped. While I had confidence in the Cáel clan’s devotion to the throne I didn’t have that much confidence in their historical knowledge.

“Go now and tell them that their emperor has returned.”

He all but bit the foreskin off his thumb and pressed the silver tinted blood onto each sole of his feet then took off in a blur. A small dent remained on the floor as a testament of how much force he’d used to take off and made me chuckle a bit.

He may not have been so wise but it looked like he was strong enough to have a position guarding my home, empty as it was.

I couldn't imagine the humiliation I would have felt if the protection of my threshold had been left to a weakling.

The one that had been on the right repeated the same ceremony as the other one and dotted each leg with his blood but instead of chasing after his peer he turned around and ran ahead of me into the building.

I could have taken over my grandson’s palace since it was the closest to being operational but the thought of staying at that flashy and classless prison he called a palace was beyond me. Besides, whoever heard of a goblin taking over another goblin’s lair because it was unoccupied? It’d be one thing if I won it in a bet or something but It would be hard to fight fairly with a dead man.

The memory of that annoying grandson of mine temporarily made me slow down as I walked and I couldn’t help but spit at the ground in disgust.

This was why I hadn’t wanted to return.

20 minutes to go till the time was up.

As I walked towards my throne room to wait for Cáel to arrive I briefly wondered what to give the kid if he arrived. Although I’d made that deal with him it’d more been to test out if I could make them now.

One of the preconditions of me staying in that infernal pocket dimension was that my powers were limited to the influence of that space. It’d seemed like a good enough deal before but it was frustrating to think that when my great-grandson put himself in danger I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Tch.

I spat again.

Maybe it was retribution for how I’d acted in my prime but I still had to lament on how I didn’t have even one of my bloodlines that was a proper goblin never mind a proper emperor.

My son had been a war-hungry maniac, my grandson managed to lose a bet with a fairy and my great-grandson was a half-fairy that had lived the majority of his life as a human. The way things were going I didn’t have any high hopes for my future great-great-grandson either.

At this point wouldn’t it be more efficient to just have a new kid and try again?