“That is enough for today,” the priest said, snapping the book he had been reciting from closed, “tomorrow I will administer an exam of what we’ve covered so far. I will allow you to have your texts for that so that you can record exact quotes and such, though it will still be an impossible task to complete successfully if you don’t know where to look for things, so you must make sure to spend some time tonight reviewing the sections we’ve covered so far.”

There was no a window in the dank study, but judging by my level of hunger and exhaustion it was still fairly early to be ending our study session. I couldn’t remember if the dark room had ever been used prior to my father’s death, I had always assumed it was just some sort of storage room by the fact that I had never seen anyone go in or out of it during the day, though I supposed that I had never had reason to take much notice of it before. Perhaps it had been a study prior, it was located fairly close to the castle library and the room smelled deeply of old books and the soot of long extinguished candles. My father was not one to sit down with a good book or take the time himself to research anything, if I had to guess it might have been used sometimes by my mother, she was known to disappear in and around the castle for hours at a time, always returning with a contemplative look on her face.

“Is there anything wrong?” the priest said gently. He had always been friendly and kind to me, at least as much as anyone else ever had been, but ever since my breakthrough and the methods through which that was attained, he had softened his interactions with me and even pretended to feign distraction when I closed my eyes for a second too long and drifted off. “Normally you pack up and leave as soon as I give the go ahead.”

“It’s very early,” I said with a wince. The woman had focused on my upper body today, some of the blows falling on my face and jaw. I didn’t think it was broken, but chewing was going to be an experience for a few days, this would likely be the only time I would find myself happy to know that liquid porridge would be my only food for a while. “Won’t my trainer be upset that you’re letting my slack off on my studies?”

The old man’s face fell slightly, but he quickly corrected and leaned back in his chair, jaw moving subtly in thought. These days I felt lucky to end my day in his presence, he was not quite as old as my father had been, but he couldn’t have been far behind, and that elder male presence brought a bit of comfort. Despite a boy being expected to look up and idolize his father, I couldn’t say I fit that expectation exactly. I was sure my father had loved me enough in his own way, but he was someone much more interested in running a kingdom or in his own leisure pursuits than dealing with children old enough to be toddling around on their own. I could remember him gathering me to his lap at night when I was very small and telling me snippets of stories he could remember or exciting parts of battles from historical wars, but that had ended once I had grown enough to talk and have my own opinions.

“It is not my place to say what is best for whatever sort of training it is you are doing with the cleric,” he began, drawing out his words slowly as if he was afraid they might spill out and say something he shouldn’t, “but I can’t help but notice that you are not quite yourself as of late.” He paused, the corner of his right lip twitching beneath his mustache like he felt it was almost funny that he couldn’t plainly say exactly what he meant. “Children need nourishment of the body, mind, and soul,” he continued, “and I’m worried that you might be lacking in those categories.”

A weak part of me wanted to toss myself onto his lap and weep, cry out the physical and emotional pain I was feeling, but I was certain that it would only led to a messy outcome for myself. The woman had made it very clear that a painful situation would befall me if I acted like I was anything but grateful for the opportunity she was giving me. In fact, I should be joyous and singing to the heavens my gratitude for the good fortunate that was being trained and ascending towards glory in the Great Church. What exactly what glory there was to be had and what I was destined for exactly was not something I was allowed to inquire about, that was all part of the grand plan in the glorious path that was supposedly laid before me whether I walked it of my own volition or not.

“I am following the path laid out for me.” My voice sounded fake and practiced, but I agreed to say the words, not say them with passion. “It is mine to walk and any hardships only aid in my development towards the powerful monarch and fixture of the Church I’m destined to be. My journey should be unimpeded and left to the hands of my trainer, the divine, and my own developing fortitude.”

The priest made a deep, grumbling sound in his throat and waved away my statement with his hand. “Yes, yes, that sounds exactly like what you’ve been told to say, but I wasn’t asking you to recite to me some line you’ve been given. You’re barely old enough to start being considered not quite a child, but you certainly are not a man yet, your needs and well being should be attended to and made sure that you are healthy and well. I’m not sure I could twist what you look like it happening to you as you being happy and well.”

I looked over his outfit and the way he sat as I considered what I should do next. He wore a simple, plain outfit of pale yellow trousers and a matching, high-collared, long sleeved shirt along with a small silver pendant around his neck depicting the sun. The priest had never been one to wear official Church garments on a daily basis, typically he dressed like any other low level noble and blended in with the castle populace, but since my father’s death I had only ever seen him in the same outfit or a slight, I’m assuming approved, variation. I could only assume that he was being pressured to assume a more pious observation of his religious garb and I had a good guess as to whom was applying the pressure.

The best I could give him was a shrug in return, I simply couldn’t risk the trainer catching wind of me saying anything that she would consider out of line. The treatment she was giving me while she supposedly was pleased with my progress was quite enough, I didn’t want to know what she would end up doing if she wanted to punish me. I didn’t think she would intentionally permanently maim or kill me, but I was pretty sure that it wouldn’t weigh on her mind or conscious if she accidentally did. No, it was best to let things ride as they were even if they were absolutely miserable until there was a more clear path out.

“I see,” he said with a long huff and a shake of his head, “this stays between us my son, but I do not like any of this business at all.” His eyes darted to the door like he expected it to burst open at any moment. After nothing happened following a long pause, he turned his attention back to my face. “I am just a low level priest and not some expert in how royal court works, but any fool could see that it appears you’ve been usurped by the Church. Far be it from me to say that’s necessarily a bad thing, I have devoted my life and livelihood to serving the divine, but I have never quite seen or heard of anything so… intense as the changes that are happening before us.”

I wanted to ask questions and get him to expand on just what all the Church was and had to do with what was happening to me, but I knew better and kept my mouth firmly shut. I certainly wasn’t going to stop him from telling me what he would say unprompted, I felt reasonably certain I couldn’t be held at fault for that.

“I have been living here, being the religious resource for the castle since before you were ever born, I even oversaw your mother and father’s marriage nuptials and blessed their union. I don’t think there’s been a baby born in a several mile radius in and around this castle that hasn’t had the touch of my hand for their baptism and I feel that I have been a very pious man.” He stopped again and watched the door, his hands fiddling with the cover of the book sitting in front of him. “However, I do think there can be such a thing as being a bit too pious or confusing being pious with a lust for power.”

There was a far off cry of a young child in the castle, a wail that spoke to just how unfair the child thought the world was horribly unfair in that moment. It was not something out of the ordinary and usually would have gone unnoticed as part of the background noise of living in the stone fortress, but the sound made the priest jump in his seat and his eyes widened. Once it dawned on him that it was just a child in the distance his shoulders dropped once again and he let out a little laugh.

“I perhaps say too much,” he said, voice now barely above a whisper, “but I think there is a lesson that all young people should eventually learn, perhaps it’s even more important for someone such as yourself who has the throne to look forward to. Please remember that there are people who despite following everything to the letter of righteousness fumble on the spirit behind the guidelines. There are dark and dangerous people in the most glittering of cathedrals, they lurk among the truly good and though they appear to be pillars, they are actually undermining the very foundation they claim to glorify. It is even more dangerous when they can’t comprehend that they are the snakes slithering through their flocks that they warn others about.”

My eyes widened as I realized what he was saying without directly saying it. I couldn’t imagine anyone being out to harm a priest of the Church, but I got a chill up my spine about what exactly might befall him if she found out. I hoped that it would just be a removal from being my religious tutor, though I suspected it would be much worse if the dread on his face was anything to go by.

“I won’t say anything,” I managed to whisper out.

He nodded his head and looked at me gratefully, then opened the book before him once again. “Perhaps you were right and it is a bit too early for us to wrap up, there is so much more about the Church for you to learn and your studies have been neglected up until recently, open your book and study with me in contemplative silence.”

Taking his cue, I opened the book we had been focusing on for the past few days and turned to a random page. I half-lidded my eyes so that if someone walked in it would look like I was deep in reading and let my mind and body rest somewhere between sleep and waking. The aching in my body mercifully dulled and I let my mind wander the space on the edge of dreaming.