It seemed that as quickly as my kingdom had been ripped from me, I had been given another. Well, once my grandmother abdicated or died. Not that I would hasten either of those eventual outcomes, I fully understood that I was not ready to lead at the tender age of ten. I had much to learn, much more than I realized at first. There was more to ruling the Yser than just court politics, intrigue, and political motions; there was also the issue of magic that I apparently possessed.

“Don't you have questions for me, child?” Evonia asked during our first dinner together.

The very same servants from the throne room had followed her to the dining table, taking turns feeding and fawning over her.

I know that I should have, this all seemed too good to be true, but there was something to be said about ignorance being bliss. Something so tantalizing had to come with downsides. Though I couldn't imagine any downside being bad enough to dissuade me from accepting the responsibility of being an heir.

“You seemed to have just accepted everything and have not thought hard on it. That worries me that you may be prone to making foolish decisions hastily.” While her words seemed like they should chastise, her tone told me that she did not truly believe that I was foolish.

“It is everything I wanted and perhaps more,” I replied, “it may be foolish to question too closely and lose ground.”

Evonia gave an approving tilt of her head and cracked a smile.

“Yes, you just might do well at this. Very well, I will tell you what you should know if you are willing to pay attention.”

I nodded in agreement, turning my attention to her and away from the plate of fowl before me.

“My time as the head of the Yser is growing short,” she began, “though by looking at me this may be harder to believe.”

She was right, she looked awfully spry and young to be very old at all. Any passerby may have mistaken her for my older sister rather than grandmother.

“I assure you this is just a vanity glamour, nothing more than an illusion. We have tried to figure out the necessary ritualistic magic for eternal life, but I'm afraid that it will not be within my lifetime. Though I do ask that if you happen to be the one who figures it out, that you remember to resurrect your dear grandmother.” Her face displayed humor, but also a glimmer in her eye that she was also being serious. “I believe that I have just enough time left in me to ensure that you will make as fine as a sorceress as I have divined.”

“Divined?”

I had only heard the word before whispered among servants. I believe that there had been particular women in the village who claimed to be able to tell your future with chicken bones or floating leaves. Obviously it had just seemed like an absurd way for the servants to waste what little coin they had to their names.

“That is my particular talent,” she explained, “all I need is a steady pool of water and the visions appear before me.”

“Then how did you not know what my mother was doing?” I questioned.

Despite her being generous enough to make me her heir, I would be slightly miffed if she had known what was going on and chose to let it happen anyway. It would have saved me a painful, long ride, and likely a bit of sanity.

“That's not how it works, though I sincerely wish it did,” she said with a bitter laugh. “The visions are not something I can control, I am shown that which I need to know and nothing more. I saw that you were born as a true daughter of Yser and that your sibling would not be. That is why I sent Mari to investigate and bring you back here.”

“So I was going to be your heir no matter what?”

She nodded her head and motioned for her empty plate to be taken from her sight. One of the servants seamlessly swept up from the floor around her and preformed the duty as if he had done so thousands of times.

“Yes, of course, I need a true daughter so I can ensure that all I have worked for has not been for naught.”

“What about your sister?” I questioned. “Not that I want to give up my position, but surely she would know better than I what your wishes are.”

Mari let out a small laugh and shook her head. “Toria, I believe you are allowing the glamour to confuse you. I am not much younger than Evonia, I won't last forever either.”

I nodded in understanding, but still, something felt off about this situation. “What about any of your other children or grandchildren?”

“I have had two other children, twins,” Evonia said with a slight snarl to her voice, “but I seem to have been cursed to birth traitors.”

I could tell by her sudden, annoyed shift in mannerisms to not pursue the topic any further at this time.

“And I chose to never have children,” Mari interjected, noting Evonia's soured mood. “I always felt like I shouldn't have to do what I am 'supposed' to do as a woman. I control my destiny, it is not predestined or commanded of me.”

My forehead wrinkled up in thought, I didn't understand how a woman could choose not to have children. By the way she dressed, I certainly doubted that she was a pious, chaste woman.

“There are ways to rid yourself of such things,” she explained with an amused smirk on her face, “there is much you have been shielded from.”

What a wonderful thing that could be, if it were true that women did not have to bear the children they did not want. The servant women would often moan that they were with child again and did not know how they would go about feeding another mouth. It made me wonder if perhaps the methods of ridding pregnancy were just not widely known for I would otherwise think it would be quite popular.

“Regardless,” Evonia sighed after seeming to regain some of her good humor, “you are right now the youngest, and perhaps last in the line. I have also foreseen you bringing the House of Yser to glory.”

It seemed like a very tall order, especially to a ten-year-old girl, not that I didn't have at least some confidence that I could do it.

“Tomorrow you will start your magical studies,” my grandmother instructed. “Unfortunately, you are several years behind in your instruction, but the best tutors in the land will be working with you. I am confident that you will grow to be perhaps an even more powerful sorceress than myself.”

The idea of magic and sorcery still seemed like a silly idea, but by the serious expressions on their face, maybe I was the silly one for never knowing about it before. It certainly was a tantalizing idea, especially if it always felt like what I had experienced while touching the great stone. The memory of the feeling of unbridled power sent shivers down my spine.

If I were to become a powerful sorceress, then surely nothing and no one would stand in my way. I would bide my time, learn all I could, then decimate the traitors and make them rue the day they decided to turn their backs on a daughter of Yser.

---

Five years ago my daughter had been taken for me. Rather, I suppose, she had left willingly, but she had only just been a child. I wondered if she had ever felt regret for her decision, maybe spent nights silently crying out for the comfort of my hand upon her forehead. I didn't want to know the true answer.

Florin had grown into a rambunctious young boy, spoiled greatly by his father who dotted on every first from first step to first word. I couldn't help but feel a little sour that his dedication to raising children had only fully manifested with our youngest. Looking back, he had not been quite this level of exceptional father to Toria. In the depths of the night and my sorrow for my daughter, I sometimes questioned if I had done the right thing. On the one hand, how dare my mother dictate what children I would bare. On the other, was Toria and Mari correct that I was a traitor who allowed her throne to be stolen?

“Mommy!” Florin bellowed, the word somehow finding a way to whistle through his two front teeth. “I want my cake!”

“Soon, soon, we have to wait for your father to return so that he can see you enjoy your cake.”

The little boy scrunched up his face and began to cry. Perhaps he was becoming a little too doted on and spoiled, Toria would have never thrown a fit at his age about having to wait a little longer. My heart pained to think about her that young.

“Surely a small piece shouldn't hurt,” my handmaiden chimed in.

She often treated him like he was already the ruler, though I suspected that it might have something to do with her ambitions for her daughter who was around the same age as Florin.

Florin's sniffling turned to excitement as he looked to me hopefully for approval. It was often this way, I would be made out to be the bad guy if I did not give in.

“I suppose...” I acquiesced.

Leon would be angry if he found out, he would not understand the position I was often put in. He thought me weak for the servants' ability to manipulate me through the heir. I suppose it was my own form of punishment for what I had done.

The handmaiden set aside her weaving with a triumphant smile and offered her hand out to the boy. He gladly took it and she toddled him away towards the kitchen for his ill-gotten prize. As they left the room, a sharp pain ran through my abdomen, causing me to have to catch myself in a scream. No one could know what was about to happen, it would likely mean Leon kicking me out of the kingdom in disgrace or worse.

Glad that the two were gone, I clutched to the side table for stability as I got up, a rush of wooziness washing over me. I felt deathly pale and unsteady, but I knew that it was to be expected.

Hunched over, I made my way quietly to my bedroom, my hand on my stomach and not down lower so that I could mask my look of pain as just a stomachache if I stumbled into anyone. Luckily, I did not have to pretend and made it to my bed without anyone being the wiser.

I had not known how long it would take for the herbs to take effect, nor what it would be like. The lesson had been given to me long ago and I had never thought I would have needed to use it. The act seemed vile and disgusted me to think about, but I would not allow myself to bare another child. Clenching my teeth against a scream, sweat began to pour down my face and soaked the bed beneath me. I knew the worst was likely yet to come, though I could not imagine in that moment how it could be any worse.

The herbs had been easy enough to come by. Buying or collecting them all at once may have been suspicious, so I had been carefully walking the gardens and village herbalists picking up the few sprigs of flowers and herbs over the course of a few weeks. Of course, the longer I waited, the worse it was going to be, but I could not afford to raise any suspicions.

The pain intensified, followed by a warm gush of blood that made me feel like I wanted to vomit. I did not know how I would explain what had happened to the maids, perhaps they would accept it just to be a normal miscarriage. But of course, then why had I not told anyone I had been pregnant? My head swam with worries and stabs of pain as I curled up into a ball and started to cry quietly.

Hours later, I felt weak, but the pain was beginning to slow to a dull ache. A few times servants had knocked on my door for various things and each time I had told them that I was vomiting and did not feel well. I was certain that at least a few of them would spread a rumor that the queen was pregnant. Life was full of bitter humor,

Trying to stand, my legs felt wobbly, but I thought that I was perhaps past the worst and was now recovering. Turning to look at the bed, I gasped at how deeply stained the down mattress was, deep crimson and brown that radiated out from where I had been laying. My dress as well was drenched and crusted to my thighs, I was a ghastly sight.

Determined to not be found out, I weakly undid the knots on the back of my dress and carefully pulled the fabric away from my body, revealing that the lower half of my body seemed to be covered with a thin, dried layer of blood. My stomach turned at the sight as I looked down and I had to steady myself by staring at the ceiling before I could continue.

With the clean top of the dress and my pitcher of water, I carefully scrubbed the dried blood from my skin, careful not to leave any trace behind. All it might take would be one handmaiden to help me get dressed and find a tiny bit of evidence for the questions to start. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but what I had done was not a crime anyone took lightly.

Feeling more clean, I dressed in a simple gown that I would often wear when ill and tossed my ruined gown onto the mattress. I had to find a way to get rid of them without anyone knowing. There would be no way I could drag the heavy, wet fabric without anyone noticing, so my only option was to burn it in my fireplace. Though too much smoke might draw attention as well. It would have to be done slowly and carefully.

I meticulously covered the giant stain and dress on the bed with an extra blanket and weakly waddled to the door with the servant bell in hand. I unlocked the door and cracked it open just enough to stick my sickly face into the hallway. I rang the bell and waited.

“Mistress Rela!” a young maid exclaimed, picking up speed down the hallway as she saw me.

“No,” I cried out weakly, “I may be contagious.”

Despite her concern she stopped short and seemed to try to not breath downwind of me.

“I have vomited all over my bed and had someone already take it away to be burned. Please go into the village tomorrow to purchase a new one. Oh, and please, let the others know that I may get them sick. I don't want people checking on me out of worry and getting the sickness going around the castle.” I pretended to wretch for emphasis.

The charade seemed to have the desired effect as her face turned green and she nodded furiously, obviously desperate to be released from my presence.

I waved her away and closed the door as calmly as I could before slowly collapsing to the floor. My legs felt like jelly and my heart was racing. I could not understand how aunt Mari could go through this time and time again, perhaps it got easier each time. Once would be quite enough for me.

Spurred on by a timeline, I crawled over to the side of the bed and tugged the mattress down onto the floor with me. With the knife I kept in my bedside table, I began to carefully carve the fabric of the mattress into pieces and feed them slowly into the crackling fire. It took nearly all night, but I fed the last piece of my dress and remaining feathers into the fire just as dawn peaked over the horizon.

I was exhausted, felt like I had spent the night on death's door, and was hungry beyond belief, but I also felt triumphant. I had taken my own destiny into my hands and won. The evidence was gone, the servants would stay away while I recovered, and no one would be the wiser. My mother may have not have given birth to a powerful sorceress, but at least I was clever.