A Few Hours Earlier

W, A, N, I, T, and P trudged along the dusty fields East Eden. They had no destination. No goal other than to run as far and as fast as they could. To flee from Killer-throatslitter-taxevasion-littering. To flee Eden so that their family could never be harmed again.

P leaned against a discarded plastic water bottle to catch her breath, and wipe his brow (which, to clarify, was the top portion of reverse ‘C’ that formed his head). He was the leader of the group, a relentless consonant.

“We have to keep pushing forward. The promised land will not be for many more moons.” P said.

“The promised land died with E.” T said. A nodded in agreement (as much as a letter could nod).

“And so, fellow consonant, you would rather be E-radicated.”

“Don’t you dare say her name.” T grilled P, acidic rage in his voice.

While to the rest of the letters it seemed like T was just expressing his frustration, W knew otherwise. It was a challenge of P’s very authority. T had something in mind. No doubt. For every ounce that P was relentless, T recklessly determined.

“We all lost a friend today, T. We all grieve for the loss of E, and take solace that her spirit lives on in our words.”

“What a fucking X-out! If you really cared for her, you would be doing something instead of leading us on a trip to nowhere.” T spat.

“At least someone cares about everyone else’s safety. You’ll get us all killed, you Z.”

“Excuse me, I’m part Z!” said N, befre he began to cry.

W gasped, they should know better than to refer to those letters. She would have to intervene, or P and T would ptear each other apart. She had heard the tales of a similar event, once.

“Both of you apologize right now.” W forced between the two consonants in an act of grammatical defiance. P and T turned around, refusing to face one another. W certainly had her work cut out for her.

“I-” W said, before being interrupted by I.

“Yes?” said I.

“Sorry, I-”

“Yes?” I interrupted once more.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to say your name, I.”

“Oh, happens all the time.”

“Look, guys, let’s talk this out. Clearly there is an underlying issue at hand. And maybe. Just maybe. There’s a solution. Also, both of you apologize to N right now.”

P remained silent, but eventually T gave into W’s plead.

“I-”

“ooo, me!” said I.

Everyone else groaned, and in unison said “No. Not you. I.”

“Sorry again!”

“I just feel like,” T started up again “Even if we are leaving Eden for the promised land, we might at least have some way to honor E’s memory. And I feel like, under P’s leadership, this simply won’t happen.”

Shots had been fired. How would P defuse the situation? Could he? It was hard for W to tell, she rarely got to stand next to him.

P turned around and stared at T for quite some time before replying.

“There was a time, long ago, where our ancestors stood next to one another as leaders, forming whole words with PT at the front. Now look at us, we can scarcely agree on what letter goes where. And we’ve made N cry.”

The two consonants stared at N, who had fallen over on his side and now looked like the letter Z.

“We weren’t in harmony. My people were unpronounced slaves to your kind. Again, tell me how a leader that refuses to listen to one of his own is a good leader. Tell me why you always refuse to let me speak. Is it because you want to return to the days of pterror?” T objected.

“Z” cried even louder. P looked pained at the jab,and W could tell he was deep in thought.

“No. And I suppose you’re right. I haven’t been letting you speak, and I am a lesser letter for it.” P said.

The letters were all silent now. Even “Z” held back his tears, so as to not interrupt the drama of the scene.

“So, T, what would you have me do?”

“I want revenge. I want to find a way to make Real Galadhorn pay for what he did. And for you to apologize to N.”

“And is that what everyone else wants?” P asked.

The rest of the letters looked at one another, and then all nodded in agreement.

“Alright, T. Before we leave I-”

“Yes?” I asked. P ignored her.

“-will give you one chance to get your revenge, however small, on Galadhorn. But, if I-”

“Yes?” I once more interrupted. P glared at her, and continued.

“-feel that the situation unfairly puts the lives of everyone here at risk, you must promise me to that you will follow my orders, and we will abandon the mission. The survival of this family takes precedence over revenge. E would not want us to throw away our lives for nothing. Is that fair to you, T?”

“It’s fair to me. But we still need to apologize to N before I agree.”

Both letters helped N to his feet, and apologized for using the letter “Z” in vain.

P extended a noodle-arm out to T, and the two letters shook in agreement. P would still lead, but revenge was now on the table.

“So, T, what’s your plan?” P asked.

“We need to wait for a moment when he's distracted. A moment where he least expects anyone would attack him. We’ll figure it out from there.” T said.

“And how long do you think it will be until such a moment presents itself. P asked?

As if by pure narrative serendipity, a piece of paper that had been carried by the winds descended in a back-and-forth rocking motion from the heavens.

ATTEND FOR A SHOW OF AMAZEMENT AND MERRIMENT NOT SEEN FOR MANY YEARS IN THIS CITY.

THE SLIGHTLY-LATE SHOW WITH ZUNE TEE-EM!

A NIGHT OF INTERVIEWS, COMEDY, AND ROWDY FUN.

TONIGHT ONLY: SPECIAL GUEST REAL GALADHORN.

BEGINS AT SUNDOWN. WATCH REAL GALADHORN BE VERY DISTRACTED BY AN INTERVIEW FOR THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE HE DESCENDS INTO HIS USUAL MURDEROUS RAGE!

“Well.” W said, after reading the flier (she was the only one that could read.) “It says here that Real Galadhorn is being interviewed, and will be really distracted. Seems as good of a time as any to get in the last word again him.”

P began leading the party east once again.

“Alright family. Looks like we have a job to do. For E!”

“For E!” the letters cheered, as the narrator slyly folded them into the main narrative, hoping that they might do something to help Zune.