Neckbrace jumped from her apartment’s window. She lived on the 66th floor of a tower in some city on Earth, or at least she did until four seconds ago. At this rate it was unlikely she would be returning. She had leapt off plenty of cliffs back on Venus, so she was more than used to falling, but the sensation felt somehow different on Earth. Maybe it was the slightly higher gravity, or the thin atmosphere, or the soldiers chasing after her, but it just wasn’t as fun. Neckbrace landed on the street below headfirst and bounced off the concrete like a rubber ball. She flipped in the air, body stiff as a board, and landed on her feet. Before she could congratulate herself on sticking the landing, she remembered the troops after her vampire blood. From a standing position, Neckbrace launched into a brisk 400 km/h walk. She glanced over her shoulder to see the tower rapidly shrinking behind her as soldiers burst out its front doors. She chuckled to herself. Humans were weirdly strong for being basically sacks of dirty water, but even at full sprint they couldn’t even eclipse ten percent of her power-walk. Neckbrace focused back ahead to make sure she didn’t walk into anything, then picked up the pace. She wanted to lose track of the humans as soon as she could.

‘So… Whatcha doin?’

Neckbrace almost tripped over herself in surprise. She snapped her head to the right to see a… thing running alongside her. It was shaped like a person, wearing a button-up top and slacks, but its skin was fire. White hot with occasional licks of blue and red, arcing out in random directions like solar flares, with piercing, pinpoint eyes. The air rippled around it, and its voice was like radio static.

‘… Walking,’ Neckbrace replied.

‘That’s cool. Hey, did you see those army guys back there?’ asked the thing. ‘They said there was a vampire running around. Weird times we live in, huh?’

Neckbrace couldn’t think of anything to say in response. ‘What’s… what’s your name?’

‘Waterman Monoxide. Yourself?’

‘Neckbrace.’

‘That’s cool. I’m gonna go now.’

And with that, the glowing fire thing jumped off into the sky, leaving a trail of rippling air in its wake.

Neckbrace quickly vented the encounter from her mind, lest it distract her from her escape, and kept on walking.

After a few minutes of Neckbrace winding through the city’s terrible urban planning, Waterman returned, leaping down from the sky and breaking into a run beside her once more.

‘Hey, so the army guys say you’re the vampire,’ he said. ‘Guess that means I gotta capture you now. Sorry.’

Neckbrace growled in annoyance. ‘What even are you?’

‘Hey, now. Rude.’

With a heavy sigh, Neckbrace broke into a sprint. In under a second, she broke the sound barrier, shattering all nearby glass. Her legs pounded the concrete road, smashing it into rubble with every step. Neckbrace took a deep breath and jumped. She shot into the air faster than a bullet, rapidly approaching the Earth’s escape velocity the higher she went. Her clothes threatened to tear themselves apart under the pressure, but they knew better than that. No self-respecting outfit abandoned its vampiric master. The air was thinning, and Neckbrace was only getting faster. At this rate she would be back on Venus in no time, and with no humans to annoy her too. She had come to Earth for the juicy history, but she knew better now. All that Earth had to offer was annoyance. She was almost in orbit now. The weird grey box the humans called their moon was dead ahead. Neckbrace would use it as a jumping platform for the leap to Venus. Then she would be home.

‘Hey, so, I can’t let you do that,’ said Waterman Monoxide. Neckbrace looked down in shock. There he was, his fiery body streamlined by their speed, his hand wrapped around her ankle.

Neckbrace cried, ‘WAIT, STO-‘

With a single yank on her leg, Waterman sent the vampire spiralling back towards the planet. After a brief stint of being just as on fire as Waterman was, Neckbrace re-entered the atmosphere, and then moments later impacted the ground with a deafening boom.

She came to lying spread eagle in the centre of a crater. Dust rained from the too-blue sky, and Neckbrace’s joints ached. Ahead of her was the half-collapsed mess of the building she had been staying in earlier that day. Standing right beside her was a human in a black suit.

‘I am Agent 600,’ said the human, ‘I work with the Federal Bureau of Secret Stuff and Other Stuff Like That. We at the FBSSOSLT have searching for people like you.’

‘No,’ Neckbrace coughed out. ‘Go away. Don’t want it.’

Agent 600 sighed and reached into his blazer pocket. He pulled out a palm-sized black rectangle and showed it to Neckbrace.

‘This is a mobile telephone from the year 2014,’ said the Agent.

‘No,’ said Neckbrace.

‘We retrieved it using the Bureau’s time machine.’

‘No!’

‘We understand you vampires… fear the future?’

‘NO!’

Agent 600 threw the phone at her. It landed face down in the dirt. Neckbrace roared in agony. Vampires lived through the past, and died through the future. There was no greater torture.

‘STOP IT! STOP IT!’ she shrieked.

Agent 600 rested his chin on his palm. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Did you just say you wanted more?’

He pulled out a thin strip of silver. ‘This is a communications implant from the year 2160,’ he explained before dropping it on Neckbrace’s forehead. She writhed in seething pain. Tears streamed down her face.

‘I’LL HELP!’ she screamed. ‘I’LL HELP!’

Agent 600 waited an excruciating six seconds, then retrieved the telephone and implant and tucked them back into his pocket. Neckbrace rolled over onto her hands and knees and begun dry heaving into the dirt.

Agent 600 smiled. ‘We’ll be needing your obscure vampire powers to help us postpone the apocalypse, Ms Neckbrace, so I do hope you’ll cooperate more in the future.’

Neckbrace only growled in response.