I tried to sign out, I really did, but I had no clue how any of this worked. Thinking “sign out” or “log off” real hard did nothing, and I couldn’t speak since I was apparently inside a cut-scene and Ser Rufult wasn’t inclined to help me by going off-script here.

This pissed me off. My real body was standing in the middle of the atrium in a public library, and god knows what was happening to it right this moment, and I did not want to wake up in a hospital yet again.

And it was so that I turned my attention to what I could actually do in this situation, and that was venting my frustration in glorious combat against the unfortunate demon in front of me.

It may have never come up so far, but I’m pretty darn good at video games, if I may say so myself.

I’m also obsessed with winning.

Which is why what happened next pissed me off to no end, but I digress.

I rushed towards the demon, or tried to, only to discover that my feet were conspiring against me as I fell to the ground face first.

It was to be expected, really. I was like a little toddler making their first steps into the world for the first time.

The only problem with that analogy is that a toddler’s limbs didn’t go akimbo every time they tried to move. They didn’t fall to the ground and twitch like a fucking epileptic mess, and without system assistance, woe is me as I attempted to rediscover my virtual body’s muscle groups.

Meanwhile, a demon was standing on top of Ser Rufult, kicking and teabagging—I assumed—the shit out of my avatar.

Luckily, and as I soon discovered: I didn’t see a dwindling health bar—or anything analogous—to speak of. Which lent credence to the theory of this being a tutorial of some sort.

It took me a couple of minutes to get my bearings and willingly flex an honest of god pinky properly. The rest of my muscles soon followed. I swore in that moment to kick the shit out of the simpleton who designed this game if I ever got the chance to do so.

Now to the problem at hand, and the teabagging little demonic shit. I had to fight and kill it, that was obvious. The issue here was that I was currently lying face-down, and my greatsword was stuck underneath my body, and I had to get it out from underneath me somehow. The issue was exasperated by the fact that I was currently decked out in full fucking plate armor.

They don’t tell you about this shit in history lessons, nor do they capture this fact in fantasy movies, but the predicament of a knight in full-plate falling down is a real issue, usually followed by a swift death from a more mobile foe. On an actual battlefield, a fallen knight is about as useful as dumbells on a spaceship.

Regardless, I managed it somehow. I think it was because the system assisted me somehow, but in the end, I managed to throw off the demon and got up. Sword in hand, I was now facing the monster and prepared to slay it in glorious combat.

[Insert inconsequential battle montage where I beat the crap out of the demon here. What? It’s the tutorial or whatever]

Anyways, I beat the living shit out of it, and yet, as I drove my sword into the demon’s heart for the last time, it suddenly gained its second wind and managed to ignore all the damage I’d done to its body and bit its way through my neck. I died right then and there.

I’d won, but then I was made to lose. A most frustrating plot device that I hate with all my being.

I lost because the game designers wanted me to. Absolutely not because I sucked at the game or anything. Honest.

Regardless, I was fucking hyped! I’d never experienced anything like it and it was everything I’d ever dreamt!

Then everything faded to black, and I found myself standing in the same position in reality. I silently wondered what the fuck was going on. Was this game bugged or what?

Then I glanced at the phone, where a veritable wall of the most clichéd monospaced green text was scrolling by too fast for me to catch anything, and then there was a pause and a loading indicator, after which a single blinking message appeared:

> Synchronization scenarios completed: 1/5.

And so I understood. That wasn’t the real game, and it wasn’t a tutorial either. I was simply being introduced to the VR functionality via pre-made scenarios. That lazy cyborg hag hadn’t considered that maybe—just maybe—I would have to unlock and use my phone in a public area.

I checked the time, and only 3 minutes appeared to have passed since this debacle had started, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But no matter. I was glad nothing was stolen from me, at least.

I sighed heavily and began checking my messages as I walked back towards the mag-rail station.

Many of the messages were from my dear cyborg witch, repeatedly and vehemently warning me against coming over to visit her before “I lost my tail,” which had me surreptitiously checking over my shoulders with manifest paranoia as I walked. No succubus tails sprouted there, for sure, and nobody was following me. Either they were too good, or she was talking out of her ass to stop me from coming over and punching her in the family jewels.

The last message gave me pause. It was from principal Arthur, asking me if my notice of withdrawal from school was still valid in light of me becoming a fully integrated citizen. I was wondering how he found out about that when I realized that he was dropping some unsubtle hints about possible discreet inquiries from the UEF military about my current status, with some key phrases alluding to imminent conscription in case I really left school.

I sighed and replied in the negative, I’d rather finish school right now over an uncertain future of being conscripted to be a test subject right now. Besides, now I won’t be forced to go to special-ed—my biggest pet-peeve against going to school—according to the message. Yay.

His prompt reply told me to get my ass over to class right this instant because the school day was about to begin.

I checked the time again, and it was 10 AM.

Still giddy with excitement, I decided to go.