《Pandemonium》34th Night: Facing One’s Self

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It was now a little over a week since Amelia was left in the northern mountains range. She was currently practicing her sword swings.

The reason why she was doing this was because she couldn’t spend all of her time trying to discover herself. She also needed to keep herself in tip top shape physically, before focusing on her mental state.

“1145, 1146, 1147….”

She continued to count while swinging her sword with an empty mind.

“……….”

She just swung silently without making a sound. She did this for a few hours before stopping.

“Ah~. It’s no use.”

She suddenly held her head and said.

“Getting to know myself sounds easy, but it’s pretty hard to do. And the worst part is that I can’t rely on anyone.”

She sat down and placed her sword beside her.

“Why does it feels like the first step is the hardest one, when creating an animus?”

She laid down on her back.

“Serket said that I should ask myself questions that I wouldn’t normally want to ask, and accept the answers….”

She looked at the sky.

“I can’t think of anything like that, that’s why I’m in a slump.”

She sighed.

“I guess I should try simpler questions to start it off.”

She then thought of the simplest question she could think of.

“Who am I?”

She started by questioning her identity.

“That’s easy. I’m Amelia Rosa….”

She then remembered Serket’s words.

“No, that’s your name. I’m asking who are you, the physical person.”

“What defines you? What do you live for? What is your ambitions? How do you see yourself?”

“……….”

She silently pondered the words and tried to answer again.

“I’m Amelia Rosa. I’m a suspected orphan whose homeland and origins are unknown, but was raised in Buchse. I was given the name Rosa by the late king, who thought that I was as beautiful as a rose.”

She then shook her head.

“No, that’s not who I am. That’s just a biography of my life. It doesn’t really say what kind of person I am.”

She tried again.

“My favorite color is green.”

She shook her head.

“I like spicy food and bitter candy?”

She shook her head again.

“My hobbies include training and reading?”

She shook her head.

“My favorite genre of music is rock?”

She started scratching her head.

“Ahhhh!”

She shouted out in frustration and sat up.

“I’m just listing the shallow things about myself and not diving into main aspects of my person.”

She said.

“As I thought, this is harder than it sounds.”

She allowed herself to fall back on her back.

“Could it be that I don’t really know myself?”

She said.

“Or am I just that shallow of a person?”

She started to get depressed. She was someone who was used to catching on to something very quickly. So her stumbling over a simple question, made her start to lose faith in herself.

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“I bet if Rory was here, he would tell me who I am.”

She mumbled.

She then shook her head from side to side as if dispelling such thoughts.

“I can’t keep relying on him for help. And besides, it’s me we’re talking about here. How pathetic it would be if I couldn’t even understand myself without someone’s help?”

She said with a harsh tone towards herself.

“It’s fine. I just need to calm down and think. There’s no reason for me to run to that guy for every little thing. I must be independent!”

She clenched her fists and encouraged herself.

“Who am I?”

She once again question her identity. She once again calmed down and started review her life. She did so like she wasn’t looking at her life, but watching the life of a complete stranger. This way she would stay unbiased towards anything.

Soon a strange phenomenon occurred. Her consciousness started to fade, while at the same time it felt like she was being pulled into some world.

“……….”

The next time see opened her eyes, her surroundings had changed. She was no longer near the mountain range, she was now in a village.

“Where am I?”

She asked.

“Hm? Where’s my hands and legs?”

That’s when she realized that she couldn’t see any parts of her body. She could only see the village from a bird eye view. It was as if she couldn’t interact with the world, and could only see it.

“But…..”

She looked around the village. The buildings were quite old, but looked sturdy. They were quite large as well. The only reason she recognized it as a village was because it looked like it was situated in a rural area.

“This place looks familiar.”

This village gave her a nostalgic feeling, despite having no recollection of it.

She looked at the people in the village and saw that they all had a common trait.

“Sunset hair?”

All the villagers had the same hair color as her, which meant-

“They’re Lodons?”

That’s when she realized where she was.

“Could this be the place Rory talked about? The country where the Lodons resided that not many knew the location to, Sol?!”

She was shocked beyond her senses. From the amount of Lodons she saw walking around, she could only believe that this place was the Sun Island, Sol.

“But wait….Wasn’t Sol destroyed?”

She remembered Rory saying that something terrible happened in the country that caused the population to scatter. She naturally believed that the country was either destroyed or was no longer inhabitable.

However, the village before her eyes looked fine.

“Unless, this is the past?”

She thought of a possibility.

“Could this be in my memories? That’s gotta be the case, because I’m pretty sure I can’t time travel.”

She mumbled.

“Maybe I entered some kind of trance and dug up some old memories that I had forgotten?”

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She nodded believing that it was the only reasonable explanation. After all, the first three years of her life before arriving at Buchse are a mystery, even to her.

“Hey, Elia! Wait!”

She heard a voice calling her name, and looked towards it.

There she saw a little girl running while giggling. Amelia’s eyes widened when she saw her, that’s because the little girl was precisely her.

“I said wait!”

Not far behind, she saw a woman chasing her. The woman’s face was blurred out, but Amelia instinctively recognized her.

“Mother?”

She blurted without second thought.

“Hahahaha!”

Amelia watched as her younger self ran away from her mother while laughing.

“I said wait.”

Instantly, her mother caught up to her and held her.

“Gotcha.”

Her mother lifted her in the air.

“Sheesh. What a tomboy you are.”

Her mother said with a bit displeasure.

“I wonder who you take after?”

“Doesn’t she take after you?”

Said one of the villagers.

“He’s right. You’re the biggest tomboy in the village.”

“No, I think in the whole world.”

The villagers around the two laughed as they teased the mother and daughter duo.

“You guys have some nerve, teasing your leader.”

Amelia’s mother said.

“We can’t beat you, so we can at least tease you right?”

Said one of the villagers.

“But Amelia sure is active. She’s better than my son who just clings to his mother everyday. I’m worried if he’ll even become a true warrior.”

Said one of the villagers.

They just like Amelia’s mother, all had their faces blurred out.

One of the male villagers walked towards the mother and daughter duo.

“Amelia, I hope you can lead my son down the right path. You’re the future of the Lodons after all.”

“Don’t worry, uncle.”

Little Amelia beat her chest cutely.

“I will become the queen and lead all of my people.”

At that moment, Amelia’s voice overlapped with that of her younger self.

“Hahahaha! Well, isn’t that dependable.”

The villagers laughed.

“Hey, don’t laugh at my daughter. She’s a natural born queen, just like her mother.”

Amelia’s mother said with her hand on her hip, while holding Amelia with the next one.

“We know, we know. Amelia really hates to lose just like her mother. She always tries to better herself no matter how good she is at something.”

“I wish my kid could learn a thing or two from her.”

“Mine too.”

The villagers all praised Amelia.

Her mother lifted her up and smiled at her.

“You hear that, Elia? Everyone believes that you’re a natural born queen, as such you can’t let them down. You need to act fitting of a queen at all times. Never back down no matter how difficult the challenge.”

She shook her head.

“Instead embrace challenges and give it your all to overcome them. You should also have a strong sense of justice. Not everyone’s superficial Justice, your own.”

Her mother went on.

“Never stop aiming for higher heights, never become arrogant and conceited, but you must have a strong pride in yourself as well.”

She smiled at her daughter again.

“Also, if you’ve ever find your king you must do your best to stand beside him as a queen he’s proud to have.”

Surroundings immediately returned to normal. She was once again in the mountain range.

“I see….”

She sat up. It was as if she was enlightened. She then recalled her mother’s words and immediately realized that she had been living by them, despite not actually remembering them.

It was as if they were engraved in her heart, in her very being.

“I am a queen.”

She mumbled.

“I’m a queen without a crown. That’s who I am.”

James had once said that Amelia had a Regal air about her, he was absolutely right. All her life, Amelia acted in a way fitting of a queen.

She wouldn’t back down to anyone, even if she did it would only be for a second. She was incredibly proud in her abilities, but at the same time she was never satisfied, and continued to aim for higher heights, all while staying humble.

She also doesn’t get influenced by others and follow her own moral code.

Because of all this, people couldn’t help but to respect her even when she herself didn’t demanded respect from others.

If these aren’t the qualities of a true queen, then she didn’t know what were.

“I think I’ve understood myself a bit better now.”

She suddenly sprung to her feet.

“I guess that means I got the first step down….Well, kinda.”

She started to stretch her body.

“Time for the second step. Visualization and Projection.”

She said.

“But how should I turn the Regal part of myself into an attack?”

She asked herself.

“Being a queen means that you have to rule. So I should create a technique that involves ruling or having complete control over something.”

She immediately knew what she wanted to rule.

“Elements.”

A few days later, Richard was ordered by Serket to check up on Amelia and see how well she’s progressing.

He stood on a tree several hundred meters away to take a look.

“?!”

He was shocked to see complete and utter destruction around the area where Amelia was. There was several trees on fire, craters in the earth, spikes of ice everywhere, and electric sparks appearing every now and again.

He searched for Amelia and discovered that she was sleeping on the ground, in the middle of the destruction.

Seeing that, Richard smiled.

“Good work, Amelia. If this continues, you might be able to meet your mother again.”

He completely disappeared after saying that.

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