“Sir, I must remind you, slaves are not allowed inside the inn.”

“Slaves?”

Joe looked over his shoulder at the two demi looming behind him. Bored, absent minded, give me food stares dominated their faces. Something you would see on a domestic cat waiting beside an empty bowl.

“How dare you! I have never been insulted so much in my entire life! These are my wives!”

He beamed back, spraying the man with his salvia. Angry lunatic misanthrope persona usually worked in similar circumstances.

“Huh? Hubby’s mad? Should I banish this evil man?”

Neira joined in, hugging him from behind, pressing her cheek against his cheek while her eyes screamed murder at the terrified clerk.

“He’s a nuisance but the blunder he made is not worth his blood.”

Calm and susurrating voice filled the room and at the same time large beads of sweat spread over the paling face of the clerk. Whatever his eyes fell upon, brought him great pain and misery.

Draped in shining silk robe a red lipped goddess entered the room. Long black curs framed her face while her cold blue eyes burned into the soul of whoever stared too long and too casually into them.

“M-Manager…”

The clerk squirmed.

“Silence.”

Her voice had power that send chills down the spine. Joined by a red-haired maid in a skimpy dress, the women bowed deeply before them. Such frontal assault! Joe held his breath. After what seemed like ages, these two rewarded his eyes with such splendid view.

“Dear customer, please forgive me this lack of hospitality and his bad manners. If you still desire, Shanea will guide you to your room.”

Joe replied with a nod, eying the busty maid. The dangerously low cut in her work attire and frills of her dress surrounding some properly sized melons sticking out at him, made him a happy man.

Neira’s claws dug into his sides.

“Jealous?”

He rubbed her fluffed out cheek.

“Grow a pair if you want me to stare at you.”

“Pff… Who would want to.”

She released him from her arms and went ahead, swaying her rump, flaunting her own assets. With a smile, Joe followed her. Neira could bother a dead man wide awake if she tried to but he still enjoyed her company. Compared to her vile tongue, her feelings were pure and her efforts never been halfhearted. If she just weren’t so, so… flat. Sigh. A man cannot take anything for granted but where there’s a will there should be a way. Joe promised himself to look up a way to improve the general volume of… certain assets. With magic and all, there just had to be a way.

“Will this room be up to your liking dear customer?”

A queen-sized bed that could fit no less than five people. A mountain of pillows and expensive looking bedding. A pool sized bathroom with running water supplied by a miniature waterfall and a magically heated tub. A private garden with a pond. A solid oak table for nine people surrounded by richly encrusted chairs. A fireplace, a sofa and a hide of some sort of a beast that would make it just the right spot for some… fun. Every detail, no matter how small or insignificant screamed at him how expensive this place will be.

“Perfect.”

That wiped the smirk off the maid’s face. Making sure she could see it, Joe pulled out a long gold chip from his item box and wedged it deep into the exposed valley on her chest. It send two important messages. One, their belongings were safely hidden and no one would even try to rob them. Second, they were no people to be messed with.

One would need to either be excessively powerful to acquire the item box or really, really rich. Joe wasn’t sure how he got his box, probably it had something to do with his profession and the need to have a place to store all the bodies and body parts so they wouldn’t spoil.

“While we’re at it,”

He pulled out another chip and made it join its friend in the exploration of the joyful valley.

“We would like a meal and some… entertainment.”

Shanea’s cheeks burned bright as his whisper tickled her ear. Six more?! Was she included?!

What a troublesome customer they got this time. She was about to refuse the offer when another golden chip went down her valley.

“…Yes, right away sir.”

***

Large swarms of crickets or something similar from the local variety chirruped in the silence of the night. Without the smog of electric lights mudding the sky, myriads of stars shined and twinkled at him and Joe, Joe should be drunk.

“Toast to the damn poison resistance skill!”

He raised his cup to the sky then sipped without much conviction. The taste of carefully aged brandy tickled his mouth and faded as soon as his lips left the glass. Gone were the times when a drink such as this would put him to sleep.

“You know, you might as well be drinking water.”

Savila leaned against his side, her bare, freshly groomed and oiled fur shined in the moonlight.

“This taste better.”

She took his glass and emptied it in one long sip.

“Indeed, not that bad although I had better.”

“You did?”

“Dusk moonlight. It’s rare but that’s about the only thing that would make you drunk if only for a bit. An expensive escape from reality for people like us.”

Ah, the curse of too much points shoved into the CON stat. Their bodies burned through alcohol in matter of seconds and through food not that much slower. They ate a large meal not a while ago and he already had space for more. There should be some grilled meat left, maybe…

Her hand begun to wander underneath his robe.

“Were you not satisfied?”

“Oh, no. They were exquisite. I have never been groomed better in my entire life. I no longer have split claws or knots in my muscles, my fur shines and “that” was an intriguing and pleasing experience but I am I jealous woman. Those mammary gland exhibits had you for long enough. Come, that pelt by the fireplace demands to be used and I have several ideas how we might fulfill those demands.”

“And here I thought you of all, would never ask.”

***

“H-hi…”

A tiny voice came somewhere from beyond the sea of black tentacles, waving happily at him.

“You again? What have I done to deserve the pleasure this time?”

All he wanted was some sleep but no, the second he closed his eyes and this happened.

“THE PROPER QUESTION WOULD BE, WHAT HAVE YOU NOT DONE?”

From within the darkness came a figure Joe knew too well for a mortal. Her Black robe gave a curious flutter as she walked while her heels clicked and clacked against the invisible floor like a clock, measuring his lifespan.

“I have a bad feeling about this. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”

“OH, DO NOT EXAGGERATE. WHAT WE WANT IS AN EASY JOB. YOU SIT BY A DEAD OR DYING AND WAIT TILL THE MORNING. YOU MAKE SURE THE PERSON IN QUESTION IS TRULY READY TO PASS ON AND NOT JUST SLEEPING. YOU MAKE SURE THE BODY IS NOT DISTURBED. YOU MAKE SURE THE FAMILY KNOWS WHAT TO DO AND DO THE PROPER THING WHEN THE TIME COMES. NOBODY WANTS THEIR GRANDPA BURIED IN BETWEEN CARROTS OR SELERY.”

“IT’S DONE BY THE DAWN FIRST LIGHT. THEN YOU CAN LEAVE.”

“The potato. Remember about the potato.”

“AH, YES. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. MAKE SURE THE PERSON YOU WILL BE TENDING HAS HIS OR HER POTATO WITH THEM. THE POTATO SHOULD BE FRESH AND UNCOOKED. IT MUST BE BURIED OR BURNED ALONGSIDE THE PERSON IT BELONGED TO AND IT CANNOT BE EATEN OTHERWISE IT GETS COMPLICATED.”

“Waaaait a minute! I did not sign for any of this! You expect me to do all that? What happened with the “let the dead bury their dead?” or something like that.”

“Erm, that did not end well. Hordes of zombies roaming all over the country… No. Gods made a strict decree about what should be done with a discarded body. Besides, you are my sage. As such in the absence of a priest or a priestess, you are allowed and even required to fulfil those duties…”

“UNLESS SOMEONE MEDDLESOME GETS INVOLVED.”

“U-huh…”

“QUITE RECENTLY A DECREE BEEN MADE PUBLIC, INTRODUCING THE CURSE OF ETERNAL BANISHMENT AS A PUNISHMENT FOR DISLOYALTY AND SEVERAL OTHER MINOR OFFENCES.”

“Eternal banishment?”

“YES. IN SHORT, PEOPLE ARE BEING DENIED THE GRACE OF PROPER BURIAL. PRIESTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ATTEND THE DECEASED BODY AND THE SOULS ARE BOUND TO WANDER THE LAND OF THE LIVING AIMLESSLY TILL THE END OF TIME.”

“They confiscate and destroy their potatoes…”

“That sounds troublesome.”

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA. FINDING ALL THOSE SOULS AND DOING THEM ALL BY THE BOOK SINCE THEY HAVE NO POTATO ON THEM. IT TAKES AGES TO PROCESS ONE AND THERE ARE THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS AWAITING THEIR TURN WITH NO ONE TO GUIDE THEM.”

“Aha…”

The dream suddenly turned from bad to worse. After all the efforts he took to live a proper and calm life somewhere in a village at the end of the world where nobody would bother him…

Perhaps a ray of hope still shined somewhere out there upon him?

“Say, let us have a test run. I’ll do one person and if it goes poorly we will call it quits. Is that acceptable?”

“If you insist. However,”

An exceptionally slimy tentacle pat his head, leaving tons of sticky gunk behind.

“I am sure you shall do just fine.”

Exactly what Joe was afraid of.

Doing just fine.