White. Everything was white. Walls, lights, floor and even the odd gown draped around his body, all bore the same shade of white. Well maybe not everything. There was this enormous blue arrow just after the giant blue X mark on which he stood.

“New arrivals please follow the blue line.”

Joe read and scratched his head. The line run into the brightly illuminated tunnel at the end of witch, even brighter light shone. Here and there “NO TRESSPASSING” sings floated as if suspended in midair.

With a shrug of his arms Joe followed the line. Passing the white tunnel turned out to be remarkably… uneventful. The bright light at the end came from a massive spotlight set at the mouth of the tunnel. It hummed silently and cast a long wide beam, back into the tunnel.

Walking around it, as the line directed him, Joe came to a stop before door.

“ENTRY, ONE PERSON AT A TIME”

He read squinting. Placing white letters on a white door in a white, brightly lit room was not the best idea. Since he was alone, he knocked and entered.

“PLEASE SIT. I’ll BE THERE SHORTLY.”

A voice akin to a sound of grating tomb stones greeted him. He closed the door behind him and sat in the white chair in front of a white desk with possibly a white notebook placed on it. Out of nowhere a woman in spotless black robe and thick, curly silver hair, appeared and took place behind the desk. Her slender pale fingers tapped carefully something on a notebook that actually was there while her black, beast eyes were focused on the screen.

"NAME?"

"Joe Faver"

"OCCUPATION?"

"Retired software developer, Full time professional gamer."

"CAUSE OF DEATH?"

"Um... I don’t know. I just suddenly got here."

"NO RECOLLECTIONS? NO FLASHBACKS?"

"Not really."

"OKAY. HAPPENS. LET'S SEE... HIT BY A TRUCK. YEAH, WE'LL GO WITH THAT. LEAST PAPER WORK."

"NOW, MOST IMPORTANT MATTER, DO YOU HAVE YOUR POTATO?"

“Excuse me?”

“YOUR POTATO. THE ONE YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE WITH YOU. DO YOU HAVE IT?”

“Um… No. Is that bad?”

“NO POTATO?”

“No.”

“OH… YOU’RE FROM THE ROUND ONE AREN’T YOU?”

“Round what? Earth?”

“ARE YOU REALLY, REALLY SURE YOU DON’T HAVE A POTATO? POTATOES ARE YOUR FRIENDS. YOU CAN GROW THEM, EAT THEM, SELL THEM AND… THEY MAKE THINGS EASIER.”

“Yes, I am sure. I don’t have a potato.”

At that she seemed troubled.

“VERY WELL THEN. PLEASE BE PATIENT AS THIS WILL TAKE A WHILE.”

She typed in something, hit enter and waited drumming her fingers against the desk.

“Can I ask something?”

“IF YOU MUST.”

“Am I really…”

The silver haired office lady gave him a stern look even before he finished his question. A frown appeared on her perfectly smooth temple.

“YES, YOU ARE DEAD. YOU WERE IN THE WORLD OF LIVING. YOU DIED AND PASSED TOWARDS THE LIGHT, HENCE YOU ARE HERE.”

“And you are?”

“DEATH.”

That send chills down his spine. Curious thing. He was a soul now and yet he trembled at the name.

“WERE YOU EXPECTING SCYTHE WIELDING SKELETON? THOSE WERE THE TIMES… EVERYTHING WAS SO SIMPLE, SCYTHE FOR THE PEOPLE AND SWORD FOR THE KINGS…”

“THERE ARE SO MANY PERVERTS THESE DAYS. I CAN’T EVEN DO MY JOB WITHOUT STUDDED LEATHER THONGS, HIGH HEEL BOOTS AND A SET OF DOUBLE D’S… EVERYBODY GOT THEIR EXPECTATIONS… AND THIS DAM THING WORKS SLOWER WITH EVERY PASSING SOUL.”

“I see. So… what now?”

“WE WAIT. THERE YOU GO.”

“YOU ARE NOT REGISTERED AS A FOLLOWER OF ANY KNOW RELIGION. THERE ARE NO SECT ASSOCIATIONS ON YOUR FILE AND YOU DON’T HAVE A POTATO.”

“I was baptized.”

“NO, YOU WERE NOT. YOU PARENTS GOT DRUNK AND YOUR FATHER SPILLED VODKA ALL OVER YOUR CRIB. THAT DOES NOT COUNT.”

Fuck. Damn alcoholics. No responsibility for their own son…

“NO MATTER, WE WILL DO THIS BY THE BOOK.”

She pulled out a gigantic black grimoire, titled “BOOK OF LIFE” in black capitals on the black cover and begun reading tiny black letters packed thickly onto the large black pages.

“MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. THERE IS FORTY YEARS WORTH OF READING IN YOUR LIFE AND SOME COMMENTS BY OTHER SOULS YOU MINGLED WITH.”

“DO NOT WORRY. WE HAVE ALL ETERNITY.”

“Ah yes, the eternity. You mind if I grab some tea?”

A white porcelain teapot waited on a white table in the corner. The tea was steaming since he realized it was there.

“BE MY GUEST.”

Joe filled two cups and went back to his seat, placing one cup before the… “lady” as he nickname her.

“HOW KIND OF YOU. THANK YOU.”

She sipped the tea, holding the cup in one hand and the saucer in the other while the pages turned on their own as she continued reading.

“I’ve been wondering. Why all the white? Wasn’t it supposed to be a black tunnel with a dim light at the end and all?”

She raised her head to look at him and after a while that seemed like eons, she gazed away and continued reading.

“THERE WERE COMPLAINS. PEOPLE WERE LOST IN THE DARK OR TRIPPED OR GOT KIDNAPPED BY SOME UNMENTIONABLE ENTITIES OR GOT STUCK IN BROOM CLOSET FOR EONS WITHOUT A WAY BACK.”

“THAT LEADS TO NOTHING BUT HEADACHES. ALL SOULS MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR.”

“DOING IT THIS WAY IS MORE… CONVENIENT.”

“It does seem reasonable.”

A heavy curtain of silence fell upon them as Death continued reading while Joe sipped his tea. One thought bothered him. What if he stayed at home and played with his fuck toy. Maybe none of this would happen? Fuck toy, Elena. He had not called her by name in nine years. She was his toy, his pet. He did his best to never think of her as anything more and yet…

Ann, his fuck toy number two and his lawyer, took care of everything. In case of his death his savings were to be divided between the two women with a lump sum send to his fuck toy number three that from time to time kept him company.

At least they won’t starve. That was taken care of, but what about…

“So, what about me?”

“THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION MR FAVER.”

“YOU ARE THE WORST HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER RELIVED OF THEIR LIFE. YOU ARE SO, SO… BLAND.”

“NEITHER VERY GOOD, NOR TRULY EVIL. JUST BLAND”

“YOU DO NOT DESERVE EITHER SALVATION NOR DAMNATION AND WE CANNOT HAVE THAT MR FAVER. ALL SOULS MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR.”

“Joe. Please call me Joe. I never liked my surname and now since those are my final moments, I’d really, really prefer if you’d call me Joe.”

“VERY WELL JOE. LISTEN.”

“NORMALLY, I WOULD NOT DO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO BUT SINCE TIMES HAVE CHANGED AND SINCE HANDLING YOUR CASE IN YOUR CURRENT STATE WOULD PROVE TROUBLESOME, I SHALL GRANT YOU SOME TIME FOR YOUR SOUL TO DECIDE WHICH WAY IT WOULD FOLLOW.”

“SINCE I CANNOT RETURN YOU TO YOUR BODY FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, I HAVE SELECTED THREE CANDIDATES WHOSE JOURNEY ENDED ALREADY BUT WHOSE BODIES CAN BE STILL USED.”

She spread three cards, face down on the table.

“CHOOSE ONE AND MAKE YOUR SOUL COMPLETE… OR AT LEAST REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR POTATO.”

Joe reached for the nearest card but before he could flip it, Death put her palm over his hand, sending chills through his whole being.

“NO PEEKING.”

Trembling and still feeling the touch of something unearthly, he tapped one card and pushed it slightly towards her. Death picked it up and smiled.

“THIS COULD BE INTERESTING.”

Slowly her face faded away alongside his consciousness.

Later, much later.

Something within a deep darkness made a laud “DING” and…

Welcome Traveler!