Chapter 114

Nap Time

Thrush

Once again, I threw on my cloak. There were travelers along the road and I needed someone to drink a planes cutter ale for me. Anyone willing would do. Who was I to be picky?

With Jewelweed barely visible in the distance up the road, I threw my backpack down. When it unfolded to become my merchant’s tent, I made myself comfortable on the cushion.

I’d chosen a spot in the shade because it seemed inviting.

When no passersby stopped, I moved on ahead for a few miles. Stopped again in some shade and set up my tent once more.

I was approached by a few lone travelers this time. One had been visiting family. Wanted a snack for the road. Another was returning south from having made a delivery and asked for souvenirs. The third was looking for weapons. Called himself a dungeon inspector.

“That’s right,” he clarified. “I get my orders from higher up. I go round exploring dungeons and rate them for difficulty, for spawn rates where loot and monsters are concerned. That sort of thing.”

“I ate a dungeon once,” I said.

“What’s that? Ate a dungeon?”

The man burst into laughter and gave me a friendly push. I chuckled with him and gauged his interest over a few other items I had for sale.

“I’m looking for quality weapons,” he said. “You’ve got a lot of spears and arrows, my friend, but—I’m sorry to say—nothing I’d like.”

I arranged for a single planes cutter beer to show itself as available for sale.

“Interested in making a delivery for me?” I said.

“Sorry mate. Quite busy. Things to do.”

[Merchant Options.]

[Merchant’s Pitch Level 840.]

“It takes none of your time,” I said. “Only the blink of an eye. Take one sip of this special beer, and you will find yourself in a beautiful meadow. Only two other people have ever experienced a beer like this before. It’s a lovely experience.”

“I’m good,” he said. “Thanks though.”

[Merchant Options.]

[Merchant’s Incentive. Level 416]

“There’s something in it for you,” I said. “One gold coin.”

“Tempting, but I’m also in a hurry. Can’t be bothered to chase any side quests at the moment. I've got to be in Jewelweed tomorrow.”

I sipped at a mana beer as the gentleman gathered his things and rose to leave.

[Merchant Options.]

[Merchant’s Bluff. Level 520.]

“Just a minute sir,” I said. “Believe it or not, this beer transports you to a dungeon.”

The man stopped. Glanced over his shoulder. Peered.

“Dungeon?” he said.

I followed Merchant’s Bluff options until the man returned to sit himself across from me. I explained how the planes cutter beer worked and he nodded. Listened intently.

“I can leave this dungeon whenever I want,” he said.

“Whenever you want,” I affirmed.

“I’m an official, you know. City contractor for Lavenfauvish. If this is a trap, you'll be committing a crime.”

“I don’t explore dungeons,” I said. “I don’t know if there’s traps.”

With that, I beckoned him to his feet and led him to a barrel just inside my tent. Unbeknownst to the man, it was packed with nearly a fifth of my supply of cowbell roots. I set a tin cup upon the barrel and poured the man a drink.

“I’ve never experienced something like this,” he said.

“Hold onto the barrel,” I said.

“What for?”

“To… keep your balance as you’re transported.”

“Ah, makes sense I suppose. Alright friend. Last warning, this better not be a trap.”

“I smiled beneath my hood and poured the planes cutter beer for him.”

“Strange that it’s an ale,” he muttered. “Anyways, bottoms up!”

Hand touching the barrel, he took his first drink.

∞

Evan

Deceived.

There was a small shack in the middle of a meadow. A beautiful meadow, but there was no dungeon. Just me and the barrel I’d put my hand upon before arriving here.

“Damn it,” I muttered. “You’re going to be in a world of hurt when I find you. Bastard.”

It only took me a few moments to understand that there was no going back. I’d been deceived about that too. For all I knew, I was on the other side of the world.

I shouldn’t have said anything about a dungeon! Damn it! I knew I’d get suckered into something like this eventually!

Pissed. Livid.

I stormed over to the shack and pounded on the door. After no answer—stormed in. It was dark and I tumbled down an abrupt ramp that dropped me into the earth. I discovered a cellar filled with barrels of beer. All similar to the one I’d been transported with.

There was nothing of interest so I climbed back up and out of the cellar. I explored the meadow for some time, looking for hills. Trees that I could climb.

From all vantages, it seemed like the world continued on the same in every direction.

When I came upon a river, It seemed endless. But someone lived here. Someone frequented the meadow because there were trails made from repetitive foot traffic. Desire paths in the grass. Plots of land had been farmed.

I was directionless. The best thing I could do was wait until nightfall when the stars came out. Find true north. Then begin my long journey home.

Damn was I furious.

I sat in the shade of the shack for hours. Waiting. Organizing my supplies and diving foodstuffs into rations. Until something didn’t seem right.

Nothing had changed in what had to have been nearly 24 hours when something should have happened. There was no evening, no dusk, no nightfall. The sun should have at least come over the shack and the shadow should have moved to another side, but not even that!

This can’t be possible!

A movement caught my eye among the tall bushes of honeysuckle. A goblin came through, humming sweetly.

A goblin! They appear in numbers! I must be cautious!

I crept back behind the building and peered out from the corner.

The goblin swung her hands gaily, skipping as she approached the barrel I’d come here with.

“What’s this,” she said. “Better put you in the cellar!”

She shoved the barrel onto its side, rolled it a foot or two, then paused. She pushed it once more and put an ear to the staves. Scratched her head. Then she ran off the way she came.

Goblins were better than nothing, so I crouch-ran to follow her. I trespassed through honeysuckle, through goldenrods, through brown knapweed until I came to an area where curly dock grew. The goblin stepped over a sleeping man and dug through a bag for an onion.

I laid low for a few minutes until the man stirred and woke up.

Now was my chance!

I leapt out of the bush and raced over.

“Sir,” I said.

I saw the man’s startled eyes as he turned to me.

Then the world blinked away and I found myself in front of the merchant who’d deceived me an entire day ago.

After a moment of recovery—“You,” I snarled. “You bastard!”

I shoved him, but it was like shoving a mountain. Sprained my wrist, and I favored it while I glared at him.

“Do you have any idea how behind I’m going to be? That was a dirty trick! I was supposed to be in Jewelweed yesterday! How dare you! How-”

“Did you meet a man,” the merchant said coolly. “Hawkin.”

“I saw a man, yes,” I growled. “But what do you have to say for yourself?”

My jaw dropped in disbelief as the merchant began packing his tent up.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Excuse me!”

But the merchant was nearly all packed up.

“Listen here, sir,” I said.

He made to walk off, but I grabbed his cloak and yanked. The hood came off. He turned to me.

I screamed.