Chapter 139 - Epilogue - One Final Memory

I opened my eyes to an unending wave of pain. The searing agony was so intense that I almost blacked out again before my mind was rid of all its haziness, as I had the three hundred and seven times before. Every last part of my body, from head to tail, felt like it was on fire. I couldn’t crane my neck to look at myself, but I knew I was in an impossible, unlivable state.

I couldn’t even scream. None of my vocal chords remained. It was like they were being torn out, again, and again, and again, and again. My throat wasn’t the only part of my being subjected to torture. My eyes were missing from their sockets, pried away by a pair of jagged metal fingers. My body had been split apart, cut down the middle and spread open like a cow’s hide strung up on a tanning rack. I could feel the air blowing against my brain. Its folds screamed each time the burning knife was brought down upon it, but my suffering was unending. I couldn’t think for long enough to find a solution. There was nothing but pain. I couldn’t help but surrender myself to the torment, to wait as it washed over me and robbed my consciousness again.

The same experience was repeated. Once. Twice. A hundred times. With each iteration, I felt something in me break. I felt the cusp of insanity pull my nerves apart and mangle them beyond repair. I stopped trying to wake by the eight thousand six hundred and second repetition.

I couldn’t be bothered to care.

There was nothing left, nothing but to slowly wade through the unending hell that was my reality. I didn’t know when it started, why it started, or what I had done to deserve it, just that there was an infinite abyss I couldn’t escape.

It wasn’t until the nineteen thousand and fourteenth repetition that I finally recalled my purpose, that I was enduring the pain because it was my duty. So I grit my teeth and bore through it. Or at least I tried. My jaw refused to move. I couldn’t tell if it was because it simply hadn’t responded, if it had been taken like my lungs, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. It was the thought that mattered. Knowing that I still had my will was all I needed to resist.

Log Entry 2731

The covenant has come to term. Control of your body has been surrendered to Flux, goddess of the eternal flow. All restrictions have been disengaged and administrative privileges have been surrendered.

The message I awaited finally showed, after the thirty three thousand and eighth repetition. Slowly but surely, the pain began to fade. My thoughts began to clear, and my gears began to turn. The goddess had entrusted me with an important mission. She had told me of all the costs it would come with, that I would be a tool in her grand scheme. And I had accepted, under the condition that I would be reborn, free from the inhibitions that had plagued me in my previous life.

In retrospect, I realised that it was not the best of ideas. I knew how obnoxious I became, but for once, I felt like I was finally free to be the degenerate I had always been afraid to expose, that I wouldn’t be judged for who I was.

I could feel my body piece itself back together. The brain on the desk crawled back into my head. The chords in my throat took their rightful positions, and my frame was folded back together.

I began to recall all the times I played make believe as a child. It was like I was acting out one of the fantasies I had once had. But only, it was real, and far more vivid than any make-believe scenario I could have conjured. A playmate’s face surfaced in the back of my mind, but it vanished soon after, just as I began to recall all her adorable features.

Log Entry 2732

Your formative memories have been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

Her smile crumbled, fading white as my feet began to move. Step by step, they plodded through a path lined with shelves. My neck refused to move, but even looking straight ahead, I could tell that they were infinitely tall. There was no ceiling in sight, no matter how far I walked.

After what felt like an eternity, I found myself standing in front of a desk, staring down a familiar face. The progenitor, the one that had created my species. I knew, instinctively and logically, that he was not to be defied.

And yet, I continued to approach, teeth bared.

Log Entry 2733

Your levels and classes have been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

“Oh.. it’s you,'” he spoke whilst casually fiddling with a wand. “That’s certainly quite the divine aura you have there. Care to tell me which god I’m dealing with?”

“I am well aware that you are not as senile as your hideous, decrepit frame would suggest. Do away with your facade, Alfred Llarsse.”

A familiar voice came from within the depths of my throat, but it wasn’t mine. It was too feminine, too foreign, too powerful.

“I suppose I do have an idea or two. There are few able to pull off such an elaborate ruse.” Alfred spoke as he set down his hat and raised his wand. “And there are even fewer that would be willing to approach me in my own domain.”

The celestial’s aura flared to life. Raw energy radiated off his body as my head began to spin, around and around, like a loose coin inside a washing machine. It took me a moment, a long, long moment, to realise that the distortion lay not with me, but my assailant. The world around the old man was twisting out of shape. The infinite shelves distorted and bent around him like light around a star, forming a vortex made of books and wooden ledges, a spiral that threatened to swallow my consciousness.

Log Entry 2734

All notable memories have been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

A thick golden energy began to leak from my body. The viscous liquid turned a mix of red and black as it flooded my surroundings. It was like an incarnation of death. Everything it touched crumbled to dust. Time almost seemed to come to a standstill as I watched it spread and conquer. I could see each book as it was taken by the abyss, piece by piece. Each title was clear to me, in a language I failed to understand.

The wave’s target, the man, produced a glass vial from one of his drawers and emptied its contents into his mouth. The golden power that danced from his frame grew stronger, more intense with each passing moment. Before long, he began to glow with all the brightness of a solar flare.

But his flames were not allowed to burn.

Log Entry 2735

Your values, motivations, and desires have been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

The darkness grew sharp gnashing teeth and used them to eat through the light. It swirled around the man’s aura, sapping it away and turning it to black. Like a damaged lifeboat, he was slowly but surely drowned in the darkened tide.

Log Entry 2736

Your otherworldly knowledge has been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

Blood began pouring from every one of his orifices as he fell to his knees. The darkness began taking over his body, dragging him down in the abyss. But he remained calm, composed, unbothered.

“That is quite the amount of power, for a proxy.” His voice was raspy. “You may as well descend, if you wish to use this much divinity, Flux.”

“Unlike you, I am not foolish enough to walk unknowingly into an obvious trap,” said the woman inside my throat.

“Perhaps, but it never does hurt to hope.” His aura flared to life again and burned away the darkness.

Log Entry 2737

Your remaining life force has been sacrificed for a temporary increase to your efficacy in combat.

But it was immediately suppressed.

“So? What are you going to do to me now? Kill me?” asked the man. “I said it to that little experiment of yours earlier, and I’ll say it again now. You’re welcome to try.”

“You’re confident,” said the woman.

“Of course. I’ll have you know that not even Flitzegarde was able to end my life.”

Their voices grew more distant as my mind began to fade.

“I am aware of your soulstones, Alfred, and all seventeen of their locations. But I am not here to erase you,” said the woman. “I am here to negotiate.”

“You have me by the groin, dear goddess. I’m not quite sure we’ve defined the term the same way.”

The man’s form distorted as he began to fade from my view.

He was growing hazier.

Everything was growing hazier.

“Grant three requests and I will spare you, pitiful and dysfunctional as you are,” said the woman. “Return the souls of my warriors, put an immediate end to your operation, and serve me. That is all I require.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t quite see myself agreeing with your terms. I’ve already processed both Frederick and Archibald. Adhering to your second request would go against my goals, and I do have to say that while I am certainly open to experimentation, I do tend to find myself more dominant than submissive.”

The sensation was vague, but I could feel my face warping. My eyes were narrowed, my brows were furrowed, and my lips were twisted into a scowl.

“I have never seen a man so premature,” said the woman. “I understand. I will rescind my first demand.”

“But not the other two?” asked the man.

“Know this, deviant.” Her voice grew deeper. It was heavy, heavy enough to echo through my mind. “It will not be long before the imbecile that is the goddess of order is dethroned. Obey me, and I will allow you to do with her as you please immediately upon her fall from grace.”

“Oh? Now that is certainly an offer worth considering.”

I could feel my body slowly pitching forward as they continued to converse. The floor was approaching and receding, over and over, as I began losing feeling in my fingers.

The woman made me smile. “The seed of chaos has already been planted. You were the one that served to raise it, and too quickly at that.”

I didn’t want to smile.

I just wanted to rest.

The man scoffed. “And it will take another thousand years to bear fruit regardless.”

“Perhaps, but your scheme is not on any better timeframe.”

“I suppose not,” said the man. “Fine. I’ll play along. It isn’t as if I have any other choice.” He breathed a muffled sigh as I finally hit the floor. “So? What exactly do you want me to do?”

“It is simple, really.”

I could barely hear her voice, even though it was coming from my throat.

“Impede Kael’ahruus. He is the only obstacle.”

My eyes closed as my body started to meld with the darkness. I knew I had to keep them open, but they wouldn’t listen.

“Your sole duty is to prevent the lion from finding his prey.”

Those were the last words that I heard her say.

With that one final memory, all that remained began to fade.

It would not be much longer, until she would fulfill her half of the covenant.

Until I would be truly reborn.