“Of course he has the Golden Prophecy with him,” Qube said cheerfully. “I’m sure he’d be more than happy to show everyone. After all, it affects us all!”

“Of course,” the Bard echoed somewhat faintly.

“Hey guys,” the subject of their conversation called, “you have to come check this out!”

The duo hurried to catch up with the rest of the group clustered around the entrance to the Thieves Guild. Looking into the shadowy rotunda, Qube gasped in alarm. The entire area was filled with thieves (which was to be expected) and giant rats!

“Oh no!” she said, instantly flashing back to the last time she’d entered the guild, only to encounter the thieves and rats engaged in a never-ending battle. She’d thought they’d defeated the unusually large rodents! Before she could act, however, her now-well-trained mind caught some subtle differences between then and now.

Firstly, there was no battle music. Instead, it was just a low, creaking hum, with a few deep notes every now and then but no trace of the normal heart-pumping tunes.

Secondly, there was no active fighting, even though they were all huddled together.

And thirdly, some of the thieves seemed to be trying to teach the rats how to play card games.

Fourthly, she was pretty sure that one of the rats was winning, judging from the pile of coins in front of it.

While there were weapons drawn, all of them seemed engaged in such traditional thief tasks like the “stabbing between your own fingers as fast as you can” game, or being used as ineffective toothpicks, or being handled by a mix of people and rats over in the training area. The rats, while still diseased-looking, didn’t seem in pain, and were instead enjoying themselves enormously with their new friends.

The leader of the Thieves Guild looked up as the party entered, his eyes brightening as he spotted the Chosen One.

“Ah, welcome, welcome!” he said, much more cheerful than the last time Qube had seen him. He glanced over the group, then hesitated when he looked in Qube’s direction. “Ah!” he exclaimed. “I think I recognise that outline! You’re the one who helped us last time, aren’t you?”

The Chosen One looked surprised as Qube blushed slightly.

“Remember, when I got us the house?” Qube reminded the Hero. She nodded at the empty mount on the wall where the quest item had once sat. She hoped that the rest of the thieves wouldn’t suddenly get mad at her that it had been stolen again.

“Oh,” the Chosen One said. “Well, that’s not strange at all.”

“It is a little strange, Chosen One,” Qube said reproachfully. “Since I only used [Lesser Haste] and [Lesser Shield] on the leader and his second in command, I think that the invisibility curse hasn’t been completely broken for them but they can still somewhat see me.”

The Hero rubbed his eyes and looked at Qube.

“Sure,” he said uncertainty. “I’m sure that makes sense. For some reason.” Qube nodded at his confusion. Curses were very difficult to understand sometimes.

Idly she wondered if she would be better at casting spells if she used her magical staff.

“Anyway, we got the Golden Slime, so reward please,” the Chosen One said, holding out his hand to the Thieve' Guild leader.

“Sure thing, lad, just hand it over,” the leader replied, holding out his own hand.

The Chosen One stared at his outstretched hand, then down at Squiggles, who grinned. Her teeth shimmered with a golden sheen. He scratched his cheek.

“Well, guess it’s worth a shot,” he said with a shrug and awkwardly picked up the sharktopus. “Come on, up you get,” he said.

“Chosen One, that’s not how you carry her!” Qube scolded, reaching to correct his grip.

“Stop moving,” he told Squiggles. She flailed harder, indignant at the undignified treatment. “No, Squiggles, stop, let me—ah!”

The Chosen One, who had been attempting to gently rest the large sharktopus on top of the leader’s palm, lost control of the wriggling pet, who knocked aside the leader and fell onto the floor. Instantly, she sprung back up onto her tentacles, hissing at everyone as she rapidly slorped away and hid under an occupied table.

“Squiggles, no!” the Hero said as she fled.

“My darling!” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady cried and nearly shoved the Hero out of the way to follow Squiggles. Several rats and thieves who were playing cards at the table looked up as the giant arachnid rushed them, before returning to their game as she knelt down beside the sharktopus.

“Lady Squiggles!” Sewer Bard (Sencha?) said, striding after the Hunter and eyeing the players with suspicion. The cage he’d been held in was right next to the table.

“Are you hurt?” Qube asked Squiggles, abandoning the Hero to go check on her pet.

Even Definitely Bad Guy looked mildly worried about the small drop the monster mascot had taken. He slowly drifted over to the others.

“Ah, that’s the ticket,” the leader said, ignoring the ruckus and handing over a small bundle of herbs to the Chosen One. “Thanks for that. I don’t suppose you’d be interested in joining our guild?” he asked hopefully. He glanced over at the cluster around Squiggles with a wistful expression. “You seem to have some powerful allies.”

“Nah,” the Chosen One said, dusting himself off and also looking at his party members. “Plus you got rat buddies now, that’s cool. They’re like your own team mascots.”

From underneath the table, the hissing increased.

“Not as cool as a sharktopus, of course,” the Hero hurriedly added. “Especially one who is a good girl that caught the Golden Slime and now gets to have the reward all to herself.”

The hissing stopped.

Qube stopped trying to coax Squiggles out from under the table and looked over at the Hero. “You’re letting her have the loot?” she asked incredulously. The Hero shrugged.

“Eh, I only did this quest because you wanted to. It’s just a bunch of regular herbs.”

“Well,” Qube said, somewhat mollified by the gleeful expression on the sharktopus’s face as her blunt snout emerged from the shadows under the table, her glittery white teeth gleaming in the candlelight. “That’s very nice of you, but we don’t pick up and drop people without asking.”

The Hero knelt down next to the table and looked at the partially-emerged pet.

“I’m sorry; I thought he would catch you, or you’d grab hold,” he said. He held out the bundle of herbs enticingly. “Do you forgive me?” he asked.

Qube frowned as she cast [Identify] on the herbs. She didn’t recognise them. Those weren’t regular herbs at all!

“Wait, Squiggles,” she said, reaching to intercept the treat.

The sharktopus’ nostrils flared seconds before she pounced, chomping down her treat and narrowly avoiding taking a few of the Fighter’s fingers. The Healer watched the monster carefully for any signs of ill health. Squiggles started dancing under the table.

Qube decided not to ruin the moment by mentioning she didn’t know what the herbs were. She’d just have to keep an eye on the little beast.

“[Minor Cleanse],” she whispered, just in case.

“I think that’s a yes on the forgiveness,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, with an amused smrk. “Come, my love, let us leave this sordid place,” she said as she reached out and wrapped the sharktopus in her many arms before carefully depositing the pet onto her usual place of pride on her back.

“Yes, this place has no fond memories for me,” Sewer Bard said, walking over to the grate that they’d used before. “Ladies first,” he said, bowing to the trio of women.

The Hunter ignored the Hero as she waltzed past, even as Squiggles happily opened her mouth at him.

They were all too busy leaving to notice the strange new gloss added to the sharktopus’s glittering teeth.

---

“So this is the Golden Prophecy,” Sewer Bard said reverently as they clustered around the crumpled sacred document. “The versions told to me have always been incomplete, almost deliberately vague.”

“The power coming from it is immense,” Definitely Bad Guy said wisely.

“Why aren’t we in it?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady asked.

There was an awkward silence.

“Well, cuz I had to choose you,” the Chosen One said. “That was the whole adoption process with the names and stuff.”

“Speaking of which, what names would you all like to have?” Qube asked, cutting in with a question she dearly wanted answered.

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady shrugged. “I’m still trying to find a name that suits all of me,” she said simply. “I might test out a few, see if I can find one that encompasses me.”

“When dealing with those in the Devs’ realm, I have no issue with being referred to as Sebastian,” Definitely Bad Guy said with his usual precision. “It will both aid our cause, and they will perceive it as being more accurate to their original classification of myself. If you wish to keep referring to me as Definitely Bad Guy while we complete our quest, I have no objections to that, either.”

Sewer Bard was thoughtfully strumming on his lute.

“While I am loath to discard the moniker bestowed upon me by my Noble Patron, I believe I have a solution,” he said, as if making a grand decree. “I shall blend the two, and henceforth be known as Sencha Bard, both in this realm and any other.”

“You just don’t want the word ‘sewer’ in your name, do you?” the Chosen One asked, cutting through the pomp.

“Would you?” the newly-named Sencha Bard asked.

“Point,” the Chosen One conceded.

---

Having completed one of the city’s quests, and somewhat settled on what everyone was called, the team made short work of the few remaining quests. Qube had even managed to persuade the Chosen One to swing by their house, so she could spend some time in their garden, picking herbs, and brewing in their alchemy room.

True to his word, the Chosen One let her do whatever she wanted, only groaning a little when she said she wanted to go to the Royal Library.

It wasn’t until they were halfway to the paradise of books that Qube suddenly realised the flaw in her plan.

“Chosen One,” she asked, looking at the man walking beside her, “do you still have the Royal Library token, or did you give that to Zakora?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” the Chosen One said, waving off her worries, “or at the very least entertaining. We’ve gotten in there before so I can’t imagine we would need to keep it on us. Otherwise I never would have been allowed to hand it over.”

“The medallion can’t stop you from handing it over,” Qube reproached the Hero. “Not unless it’s magically bound to whoever holds it. And I don’t want to break into the library…again.”

The Chosen One started to object, but paused as a thought struck him.

“Oh, actually, yeah, then I can get her to mark the location of the Time Temple on my map. It never actually updated after we handed our stuff in. Probably because of the whole making it rain tokens deal.” The Hero turned, and started heading towards the inn as he spoke.

“Making it rain tokens?” Qube repeated as the rest of the party swerved to follow their leader.

“Like when there’s so many gold coins being thrown at you it’s like a rainstorm,” the Chosen One said casually as they made the short journey to the still chicken-infested inn.

“That would be amazing!” Qube said, her eyes sparkling as she imagined just how many places they would be able to access if they were showered in enough tokens to make it seem like rain. Why, they’d practically be able to make their own city with that many Royal areas! It wouldn’t be a Cobbletown, but rather a CobbleKingdom!

“Yeah, I should try pulling out all our gold coins and making a pile out of them,” the Chosen One enthused, his own eyes sparkling with a very different kind of emotion. “Then I could try using them as a bed, like a dragon!”

Qube, being a very well-trained Companion, didn’t point out how uncomfortable that would be, but instead nodded along, bending her mind to how they could contain the mountain of coins and stop them from spilling everywhere, thus destroying the mountain effect.

So busy was she with this vision that she barely paid attention to the Chosen One swiping a Save Point, entering the inn and borrowing back the Royal Library medallion he’d lent Zakora, or the dutiful marking of his invisible map with the location of the final Temple.

In fact, it wasn’t until they were leaving the inn and she’d just started to tell the Chosen One about her plan, which involved them finding some planter boxes, or a wide trough and filling them up for his golden nap time, that she was forcibly brought back to awareness of her surroundings.

Which is to say that the inn behind them exploded.

Again.

And a mass of troops made of shadows swarmed over every available space.

Again.

As into the plaza strode a figure dipped in darkness, the despot of the kingdom, and murderer of most of Qube’s loved ones, the Evil Emperor.

Again.

But this time, something new occurred. The Evil Emperor looked not at the Chosen One, or even at Qube. Instead, his horned helmet swivelled and fixed…

On Definitely Bad Guy.