Tezmont

“Well, and with this… we’re done with the annoying twins!”, I turned around, just after sending said twins to a dimension in which they would surely perish; for, even if they were strong (for mortals), sooner or later they would fall before endless hordes of deities. I had to start sending them the weaklings first, and the twins may get the best of them, but soon their real opponents would show up, and that would be it. I was in a good mood! “So, why not deal with these annoying siblings too?”, I turned to the 1st Guild Master and his sister.

And, as expected, his sooo concerned and lovable daddy put himself between me and his treasure of children. Of course, that husk of a man would always protect his little ones, but there was a new flame in his eyes, surely rekindled by his interaction with those purple twins. Hey, they served some purpose in the end!

“Feel free to send me along with Ank and Hunah, Tez!”, The 1st Guild Master screamed… And for using a nickname I simply hated, I almost did as he wished, but I contained myself. The plan that I set in motion so long ago, before even I taught the other [Gods] how to sacrifice mortals to strengthen themselves, was finally reaching its conclusion. After all, I didn’t get to that point being without self-control.

“What, kill you? No, no, no! The guild was founded with a purpose, right? And, guess what: …your moment finally is here!”, I didn’t get to this point being without self-control. I didn’t, but… Then, I simply couldn’t hold back the huge smile from crossing my entire face.

Kon and his older sister went pale, and their eyes deliciously wild.

“What…?”, the 1st Guild Master almost couldn’t believe what I had just told him.

So I elaborated:

“Things became quite chaotic down south after your friends killed a certain bitchy [Goddess], right? Plus, even though you knew that the sleeping [Dungeons] were getting so active, you spent all this time fooling around, how disapproving…”, Almost like one of my subordinates tried to kill someone who held possible vital information for you, and got you entangled in an entirely different and equally impossible to ignore situation? “Because of this, the [Dungeons] down there in the old emerald country have all fallen under the control of a certain cult! And they are aaaaalmost there, so, so close to finishing their objective!”

“Tch! Then take me out off here already!”, Kon screamed, bashing against the golden bars of his prison.

“Sure”, I shrugged. Giving a sideways glance to the man who locked the siblings inside the cage, I added “Go ahead, face one of the oldest beings in this universe, and die miserably. I don’t really care.”

The 1st Guild Master and his older sister turned to their father, waiting.

Ho, hooo? Had I really hit the jackpot here?! Originally I planned to harvest that guy way further ahead in the plan, but…?

“No”, he said, sullen.

“What?! What do you mean ‘no’? The whole world will be destroyed if the cult manages to summon it!”, his son shouted, veins pulsing, irrationally angry.

“If you go, you’re only gonna die. If that thing was so weak that you could defeat it, the first [Gods] would have done it as soon as we were created”, the 1st Guild Master’s father, Kul Dragonthrone, the [Dragon God] and the second strongest sapient (as we know it) being (originating) in this entire universe replied.

“If we don’t do anything, we’re gonna die too”, Ur, the [Dragon God]'s daughter talked back, as her younger brother was almost frothing in the mouth just by staring at his father.

“…Then I’m going with you.”

“No!”, Kon yelled back instantly.

“Then I’m not gonna set you free.”

“Kon…”, Ur touched her younger brother’s shoulder, and he seemed to calm down.

“…Fine. But don’t go thinking that we’re gonna forgive you for your behavior in these past centuries just because of this”, the young [God], the 1st Guild Master finally gave in, and his father let him and his older sister free, dissolving the golden cage with a hand movement. The trio opened a portal to the real world, but before stepping away to deal with all those supposedly important stuff, bound as a family again, and blah blah blah... Then, the boy looked back at Taffy. With an expression full of regret, he seemed about to say something to the monster, but she interrupted him:

“Oh, my! Don’t worry about me. Go. I’ll take care of this trash”, and Kon, reassured, went away.

“Wait, what?”, I asked, not sure if I had heard the monster correctly. Then, I was staring at my own body? “What?”, asked again, seeing blood gushing uncontrollably from my perfectly clean-cut neck.

I was beheaded, and Taffy stood, fingers covered in blood, besides my inert body.

Before my [Health Points] could even properly register the damage, however, or my amputated head touch the ground, a second body sprouted from my neck; “Taffy” had healed me after almost killing me, just like I did with her “children”.

“You bitch!”, I screamed at the monster before me, more angry than afraid, for I knew that it couldn’t kill me. “Do this shit again, and I’ll-!”, I was interrupted by the piercing gaze of the creature, which, once it truly opened its eyes, merely gazing on them and the higher soul they reflected, my own pupils immediately exploded, and fire burst from my burning brain. “GAAARH!”, I cried, feeling an even more torturing pain than before. “YO- YOU FUCKING WHORE, I’M GONN- GAAAAAHR!”, after healed a second time, I tried to threaten the monster again, but suddenly appearing right before me, and touching me with her index finger, my own bones overgrew, and pierced my own body from the inside, I became a spiked ball.

“Where’s my coffin?”, Taffy asked, serious, her mere gaze rotting away my brain.

“[S- Shadow Self! Hyper regeneration!]”, I conjured, becoming black mist, and reconstructing a perfect silhouette hundreds of kilometers away from the monster. “[NUCLEAR BLAST!]”, I blasted the equivalent of 50 megatons of explosives over the thing; any matter in direct contact with the explosion was instantly vaporized, so intense that [Spell] was that even the wind pushed way by its detonation was capable of shredding entire cities to little bits no larger than grains of sand in an area of many kilometers away from the target itself … But there was something weird: she didn’t even try to avoid the attack.

As if wanting to prove something to me, the monster instantly dispelled the huge mushroom-shaped cloud resulting from the explosion effortlessly, revealing herself, unscratched, in the middle of it all, with all the ground that should have been melted into lava around her frozen solid.

Then, in the blink of an eye, she disappeared.

“I don’t ask two times, Tez”, I heard the voice of the monster behind me. Suddenly, I broke into cold sweats, and my legs started to shake. But that was an irrational fear, for I knew:

“D- Don’t play tough, you little bitch: if you kill me, your pets will never be able to fetch you that thing.”

“…You’re right. That’s why I never planned to kill you in the first place”, she replied, and instantly, a portal to the middle of the capital of the empire appeared beneath me. “If you don’t tell me where’s the fucking coffin, I’ll fucking rape you in the middle of your own capital”, she- no he concluded, having changed sexes with the same ease that monster stopped one of my strongest attacks. He was serious.

“I will tell you!”, I gave in. “It is in the lab, beneath my palace!”

“Oh, my! Thank you, Tez”, the monster said, again looking like just a frail housewife. “Then, I’ll be going to get the coffin back”, she concluded, and stepped through another portal she opened.

And I started to think that, with that whole plan, since the moment I planted that spy close to her house (the first [Zemi] her pets ended up killing) to look when she would show an opening and allow me to take the damn coffin was a mistake…

Because I kinda had destroyed the thing that monster wanted the most.