It wasn’t until I arrived back in the garden that I realized I didn’t mention to Claire my conversation with the colonel the night before. It was still early in the day, so I had time to talk to Sarah, do my assigned work, and make it back to the library if I hurried. Walking to the library and back, and talking to Claire took enough time that the other cadets were in the garden. When I went looking for Sarah, she was discussing something with another cadet, so I decided to do a few of my details before talking to her.

During the day, there was a lot of pruning, trimming and growing of all the plants. Due to being a substandard Carpenter, I can’t do those things. Technically, I could prune and trim, but without the same type of connection with the plants as the Carpenters, I not as adept as the other. I’ve actually been told that I butcher them. Therefore, my detail is to take care of all the detritus created from the plants. Whatever was discarded, I gathered up into piles, and then I broke it down into mulch to be reused.

Since work already started and I didn’t get to any that was left from the day prior, there was a lot of debris strewn about. I gathered it all to a pile and got to work. I didn’t know how difficult the task was for Carpenters, but for me, it was intensive labor. I could only manipulate one branch at a time and I had to continually focus on it. Whenever my concentration slipped or I focused on something else, I lost the color pattern. It was still hard even after years of doing it, but through practice, I had become almost as quick as a Carpenter.

By the time I was done with my morning work, I had found Sarah tending to some tomatoes. I walked up swiftly, afraid that she would try to evade me, but also scared I might change my mind. I squatted down next to her and didn’t waste time.

“I’m sorry,” I stated flatly. In response, Sarah just rolled her eyes. “Listen, you know me, and-”

“Know you?” She interrupted. “How can anyone know you? You barely talk to anyone. You always seem mad or sad, and when someone tries to interact with you, you get defensive. Personally, I stopped trying to include you or get to know you years ago.”

Her words stung, but she was right. I took a deep breath, intent on opening up. “I should have done more to help you and everyone else,” I said.

“Big whoopity-doo. That doesn’t help me much now, does it?”

I closed my eyes tightly and took another deep breath. “No. It doesn’t,” I said, letting out the breath. “But I can work to be a better part of the team and try harder to look out for others.”

Sarah stopped what she was doing and stared at me for a moment. “Why now?” She asked, then continued to mess with the plants.

“I don’t trust them,” I said. That was the first time I said those words aloud. I wanted her to know my biggest issue with the Walker Military Facility. “I never have. I don’t think they will ever let us leave, and I think that they’re lying to us.

“Why do you think that they are lying to us?” She didn’t stop messing with the tomato plants, but I could tell she was just going through the motions.

“You’re really asking me that question? I thought you’ve never trusted them.”

“I never have, but I was wondering why you thought that.” She emphasized the “you”.

“Do you remember when we first arrived, and we had individual counselings with Sergeant Michel?” This part was hard to say and I hadn’t even told Claire. I focused on the point where the stalk of the tomato plant entered the soft dirt. “He told me I killed my parents when my abilities activated. I didn’t believe him and I still don’t.”

“Why?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” I started. I couldn’t tell her it was because of my abilities, I wasn’t willing to give that information, so I decided to keep my answer vague. “It’s just a feeling I have. The story didn’t make sense to me, and I don’t think I would do that.” Luckily she didn’t press my weak reasoning.

“Something similar happened to me.” She looked up quickly, and we made eye contact. “So why didn’t you talk to anyone about it?” She asked before I could press her for more information on her past.

“When I went back to the room, I saw everybody laughing and smiling, and I got upset. I started to think everybody liked it here.” She scoffed after I said that. “So I shut everyone out. When you told me everyone thought I was buying-in to their lies, I realized the truth. It hurt, though, to be accused of that.”

Sarah let out a long sigh. “Sorry. I was frustrated and you’ve been a good scapegoat lately. Honestly though, with your new position, you might be the best person to help us.” I gave her a questioning look and she continued. “The amount we have to produce in the garden keeps increasing but I think we are at the limit now. The cadre doesn’t listen, not even Sergeant Michel. Maybe with your new rank – congratulations by the way – they would listen to you?”

“I can definitely try, but I don’t have any additional access to the cadre.”

“That’s fine. Whatever you can do. It’s also more than that, though. We have problems with the Welders, which I’m sure you noticed. The cadre still treats us like shit. The biggest problem though is the lack of information.”

“Yeah, that’s something I’ve thought a lot about too.” I tried to not sound too eager. I made a lot of plans in my head over the years to get information. Unfortunately, they were only dreams and lacked any real substance. “What if we tried to get more information?”

“That’s what I’m asking you to do,” Sarah remarked exasperatedly. “I want you to use your rank and try to get more info.”

“You misunderstand me,” I said conspiratorially. “What if we tried to get the information ourselves?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t trust the cadre, and I don’t trust them either. If we asked questions, why would we trust whatever they told us? We need to get the information ourselves.” I decided then to take a big leap of faith because any information I could get would help me once I made it out of the camp. “I need to know the truth and I think we all do. Plus, I need to know about what is going on outside of the camp.”

“Why outside of the camp?”

“Because, I’m going to go on a mission.”

She didn’t understand at first, but I explained to her that when I finally got to go on a mission, I wasn’t coming back.

“What are you going to do when you’re out?” She whispered.

I was planning on running as far away as I could from that place and not looking back, but I was quickly considering other options. I started to improvise on the spot but they weren’t lies. Everything I said felt right and it made me feel powerful. I wanted to escape but I wanted everyone else to be free also. After escaping, I could find help and then come back and if I couldn’t find help, then I would find a way to get them out. The validity of the plan hinged on the information we could get too. What if there was a city right outside? What if we were in the middle of a desert? Whatever the situation was, it felt so good to talk to someone about it.

After I told her that, I had her support, and she mentioned that the other kids would be willing to help too. I knew others would, but I don’t want to let too many people know about it. Sergeant Michel told us the more people who know about a plan, the less likely it would remain a secret. However, I did agree to let a few other people know, mainly those in our original group of six.