It was a couple of days before I got a chance to go to the library and see Claire. As I opened the door and stepped in, I was immediately comforted by the smell of pulped and processed wood. The library wasn’t extensive, but it was sufficient for the small number of people who frequented it. I walked down the rows toward the desk we always sat. The limited lighting due to the walled-up windows created pockets of looming darkness that were great for getting engrossed in a good book. Unfortunately, the library didn’t have a very robust selection of those types of books. Being in the library also made me wonder about the original purpose of the Walker camp, and why it was so imperative that we not know where we were.

I passed the final row of books and turned the corner. As expected, Claire was sitting at the table and reading a book. It was a thick, heavy tome with a picture of a battle on one page and dense writing on the other. Even though she was reading about war, Claire wasn’t one for fighting and didn’t go to the matches. She did seem happy that I won and was interested in how I beat him. But even with how close we were, I still hadn’t divulged my secret. I had flirted with the idea almost as much as I flirted with her, but I never felt there was a right time.

While I was telling her about my match, I remembered the dream I had while still in the locker room. It was something that had been happening to me since my first day at camp, but I hadn’t had it for a while. I decided then to share it, so I brought it up to Claire.

“What was it about?” She signed.

I focused on the table in front of me while I explained my dream. “At first, I heard my dad’s voice, which is strange because until then, I couldn’t remember what it sounded like. But then, I woke up in the white room.” I looked up at her just to make sure she knew which room I was talking about. Everyone woke up in a similar place, but I didn’t want any confusion with my story. “But it was different from when I first woke up. When I woke up, no one else did. I yelled for help, but no one came.” I left out the part about crying for my mom, but that didn’t have any bearing on the story.

“Strange,” she commented with a frown, “maybe it was just from stress before the fight?”

“Yeah,” I sais and nodded in agreement, but I couldn’t get the image out of my head. I felt as if it wasn’t a dream, as if I finally remembered something from the gap in my memory, but I didn’t say that.

“Have you mentioned it to anyone else?” She asked.

“Like who? The cadre?” I may not have shared all my secrets with Claire, but she knew I didn’t really like the camp or the cadre. She never said anything bad about them, so I refrained from saying too much, but there is only so much that can be hidden from people who were as close as us.

“No, not them. I know how you feel about them. Plus, I don’t think the cadre will care. I meant the other Carpenters.” She pointedly stared at me after she signed the last part.

I hated it when she pushed me in that direction and she knew it. I wasn’t close to them and Claire was always trying to get me to open up. She always mentioned that I needed other people to talk with. She would say that not having friends was bad for me. I always countered that she was the only friend I needed. Nevertheless, I tried to take her advice and occasionally attempted conversations with others. It was a good thing I did too. If I hadn’t then I might not have been able to get John to be in my corner.

“No,” I said. I looked away from her because I didn’t really want to get into the same argument again. Luckily, she didn’t press the issue. Not only did I not want to talk to anyone in general, but I didn’t want to talk about my dream to them because it would open the door for other questions about my parents and why I was in the camp. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information with anyone. I didn’t want to know about what they were told either. Also, if I told them about my family, then I would be inclined to mention how I think that the whole thing is a lie and how much I wanted to escape. I had enough trouble not mentioning it to Claire whenever she brought it up. With more people to keep my true feelings from, the harder it would be to hold it in.

Claire knocked on the table and pulled me from my daze.

“Will you tell me if it happens again?” She asked. Her eyebrows raised and she smiled brightly.

“Of course,” I replied. I thought then that I would do anything for her if she continued to smile at me like that.

We talked for a little longer after that, but it wasn’t about anything serious. I regaled her with how I was celebrated when I went back to the rooms and showed off my new rank. She was happy that the others celebrated my win, but she was nonplussed about the position. I thought that maybe she had already heard about it. She didn’t really care about those things anyway, but she knew I wanted to be on a squad for missions, so she was happy. Eventually, I had to get back to the garden for some extra job details, so I left her with her book. I found out what day she would be in the library next, then said goodbye and left.