Chapter 21

Part 1

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, and almost started freaking out before I remembered that summer break had officially just begun. Before I knew it, the school year had already flown by and I’ll be headed off to university in a couple of months.

Looking back at it now, these past four years of high school felt like absolutely nothing. It seems like just yesterday when 14-year-old Johnny entered high school for the first time, shy and nervous, completely confused about what to do or where to go. I’ve come a long way since then, though. I’ve met tons of new people who’ve helped me a lot throughout the years, including helping me forget the embarrassing stories of my past. These four years have been some of the best years of my life, and I would definitely repeat them if I had the choice to. I can’t believe it’s all over now.

Graduation was yesterday. It was the last chance for everybody to get together and say their goodbyes before starting a new chapter of their lives. It was a day of both excitement and sorrow, as we were excited to finally move on with our lives, but at the same time, we knew it was our last opportunity to see some of the people who mattered the most to us. For me, this was the case too. Although I’ll still be seeing Will, Rebekah, and Alyssa often as we’re all headed to the same university, I had to say goodbye to most of my hockey team, Mr.Matthews, the janitors at our school, and some of my other really close friends. I was okay with that, and accepted the fact that I probably won’t see any of them ever again in my life again. I was okay with not being able to spend any more time with any of them anymore, with all, but one. That one person I can’t afford to lose just yet.

I shouldn’t worry about that right now though. After all, it’s summer break! I get to do whatever I want for two whole months before shit gets really busy again. I’ll take this as an opportunity to make this the best summer yet!

Part 2

To say I did nothing today so far would be an understatement. I started the day off by watching some YouTube videos, then sleeping, then playing some games, then watching more YouTube, then sleeping some more, then eating, then playing games again, then sleeping, then watching more YouTube, and then here I am now. It’s only been like 6 hours into summer, and I’ve never been more bored in my life. I already kinda wished summer would end soon. I turned on my phone to see stories of everyone else having fun with their friends or at the airport, ready to fly off to their vacation destination. While all that’s happening, I’m stuck here inside, sitting down and doing absolutely nothing.

No, I can’t let my whole summer be like this! I need to go somewhere today. I opened the calling app and immediately called Will.

“Hey, you busy right now?” I asked.

“Yeah, kinda in the middle of something right now Johnny boy.”

Suddenly, I heard Rebekah’s voice yelling from the back. “HEY! Turn off your phone! I didn’t arrange this lunch with you just for you to talk on the phone the whole time!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Will said lazily to Rebekah. “On second thought, what’s up Johnny?” he directed back to me.

“Nah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. You guys have fun,” I said before hanging up.

So that’s two of my options already eliminated.

Next on the list was Alyssa. I hit her up asking if she wanted to do something, but she told me she made plans to go eat with her own friends soon. Then I asked everyone in the group chat for the hockey team if they had time to spare. All of them had their own things to do apparently.

I was left with only one option left. I dialled in Xela’s number and waited for her to pick up.

“Hi!” I greeted enthusiastically.

“Hi,” she responded. “Is there a reason why you called me?”

“Do you not want me to call you?”

“I didn’t say that. Did I?”

“No, but you were like ‘is there a reason you called me?’”

“I didn’t mean it in an insulting way. I just wanted to ask ‘is there a reason you called me?’”

“Okay.”

“So is there a reason why you called me?” she asked.

“I’m really bored.”

“Okay,” she replied dryly.

“So… you wanna go on a ride with me?” I asked politely.

“Not in that death machine you call a car, no.”

“Why??? Come on, I’m really bored right now and everyone’s got their own stuff to do.”

“Sucks for you.”

“Admit it, my car’s not as bad as you make it out to be. After all, you have ridden in it several times already and you’re still here alive right now. You’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Isn’t that what you said that one time your car almost broke down in the middle-”

“We don’t talk about that,” I cut her off. “Nothing’s gonna happen this time, I swear.”

“Fine,” she agreed reluctantly. “But… you gotta treat me to something of my choice, deal?’

“What do you want? McDonald's?”

“No, I’m feeling fried chicken right now.”

“KFC?”

“That works.”

“Okay, I’ll be over in 10 minutes,” I told her.

“Okay.”

Part 3

“Mmmmm, this chicken is sooo good,” Xela said while taking another bite out of her KFC. “Do you want a bite?”

“I’m driving right now.”

“I’ll feed you,” she offered.

“No.”

“Okay, your loss,” she said. “Where are we driving to anyway?”

“I don’t know. We’re going south.”

“Any destination in particular?”

“Nope,” I answered.

“Okay. When are you turning back then?”

“I don’t know, whenever I feel like it I guess.”

“Knowing you that could be all day, you know. We could end up in Anchorage for all we know.”

“We’re not going to end up in Anchorage. That’s like a six-hour car ride,” I reassured her.

“I don’t know Johnny, if you keep driving south you’ll eventually hit Anchorage sometime.”

“There’s no way I’ll be driving for six hours straight without turning back. I’ll turn back eventually when I feel like it.”

“How do I know you’re not driving me out to the woods to kidnap me?” she asked jokingly.

“You trust me enough to know I won’t do that to you, right?”

“No.”

“Wow, and all this time I had all my trust in you only for you to not have an ounce of trust in me.”

“Pretty much.”

For a little while after that, there was a silence in which I turned on the car radio while she continued to eat her chicken.

“So… we have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?” I broke the silence.

“What are you talking about? We literally saw each other just yesterday.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, which caused her to break her smile and stay quiet for a couple of seconds.

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. You can just tell me whatever you want.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Wherever you want. How about all the way back when we lost in touch.”

“Fine. My memory is kinda hazy from back then, but let’s see. You had just encouraged me to start dating Chad and had promised that you wouldn’t go anywhere if I did. About three weeks later you completely stopped talking to me at all.”

“Don’t put it like that.”

“Do you want me to continue?” she asked.

“I'm sorry. You can continue.”

“Good. Okay, let’s see. While you were gone I was just mainly spending time with him I think. We’d often go places and do things together, but to be honest I never really felt much while I was with him. He’d always be distracted on his phone or doing his own thing and I’d just have to be there pretending to be entertained. Whenever we saw you there, we had to play it off like we were the ‘perfect couple’, when in reality we were far from that. Also, other girls who wanted to be with him always gave me shit, asking me why he chose me or saying how I don’t deserve him, but I didn’t really let that bother me too much. Eventually, it got to a point where it was starting to hurt both Rebekah and Will, and we both noticed it. That’s when they did that beach thing again and we properly talked again for the first time in a few months. After that, we were all busy preparing for exams and stuff, and then graduation happened yesterday, and then here we are today. I’m eating my fried chicken while you have absolutely no clue where you’re driving to.”

“Okay,” I responded.

“All that for an okay?” she asked, pretty disappointed in my response.

“Good storytelling and thank you for letting me in in the past few months of your life,” I corrected myself.

“That’s better,” she replied. “Your turn now, Tell me what’s been going on in your life,” she said, bringing back her smile.

“Do I really have to?”

“You made me say a whole damn paragraph.”

“Fine. So it starts when you two start dating and I decided to distance myself in order to not get in between your lovey-dovey relationship.”

“Don’t call it that!” she interrupted.

“Do you want me to continue?” I asked mockingly.

“Sorry, go on.”

“To be honest, as much as I don’t want to tell even myself it, I was extremely jealous. I’d see you two sometimes at Filip’s Cafe and I remember thinking to myself how you guys looked way better than you and I would. I don’t know, you guys seemed like the perfect couple and I couldn’t help but keep staring at you guys while you two kept doing couple things. I couldn’t stop thinking things like ‘I wish I never told you to go for him’ or ‘I knew I should’ve listened to everyone else’. Oh yeah, I also started talking to Alyssa along the way. I’m sure you two have met. She helped me a lot through that period of time, and even went as far to get you and Chad to break up for my sake. After that happened, I think I met you at a party the next day throwing up again, and then the beach thing happened.”

“You were really that jealous over me?” she asked with a hint of happiness in her voice.

“Does that make you mad?”

“Nope, I’m not complaining.”

“Good.”

“Are we done catch up time now?’ she asked.

“I think so.”

Part 4

“I knew this would happen. You’ve been driving for four straight fucking hours now and you still haven’t turned back!” Xela exclaimed.

“I didn’t feel like turning back just yet. I was having fun talking to you after all.”

“We can still talk even after we turn back, you know that right?”

“I never thought that far.”

“Oh my god Johnny.”

“I don’t think when I drive.”

“You never think, Johnny.”

“You’re not wrong about that,” I agreed with her. “Well, what do you suggest you we do know? You wanna turn back now?”

“Let’s see. It’s 10 P.M right now, and if it took us four hours to get here it’ll probably take the same amount to get back. So it’ll be 10, 11, 12 , 1. NOPE! I am not letting YOU drive us back at 1 A.M.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

“Didn’t you say yourself you get really sleepy at the wheel at late hours?”

“You have a point there,” I stated. “Well, what do you suggest we do now?”

“We’ve driven for four hours, so we should arrive at Anchorage in around two hours. We’ll just have to rent a room in a motel when we get there.”

“Rent a room in a motel? Are you out of your mind?” I asked.

“What other choice do we have?”

I thought about it for a second, until I realized we really couldn’t do anything else. “Fine,” I agreed.

“Good. Now keep concentrating on the road and try your best not to fall asleep so that we don’t crash and die before we get there.”

“You’ll have to help me with that one by keeping me entertained.”

“What other choice do I have?”

Part 5

After around two more hours, we finally reached a cheap enough motel. Xela and I approached the front desk where a lady was there ready to greet us.

“Hello! Welcome to Anchorage Inn! Are you here to book a room tonight?” she asked politely.

“Hi, yeah. Are you guys still vacant tonight?” Xela asked the lady.

“Yes, we’ve got tons of open space tonight.”

“Alright, can we get two rooms please then?” Xela asked.

“WHAT? Two rooms?? Are you insane??? I can’t afford that much!!!” I jumped in.

“So what’s your big idea? Share a room together?”

“Yes!”

“Who knows what you’re going to do to me in the middle of the night.”

“Oh grow up, you know that’s not going to happen.”

“Who even knows anymore with you.”

“It’s just sharing a room together, chill out.”

“Fine, we’ll have one room then,” she told the desk lady.

“Alright will that be one bed or two beds for the two of you?” the desk lady asked the both of us.

“One!” I yell out before Xela could even say anything.

“You’ve got to be kidding with me,” Xela said.

“Do you not want me to have enough gas money for the trip back?”

“Fine! You better not do anything weird though.”

“You better not do anything weird to me,” I retorted.

“Why would I do anything weird to you?”

“Okay, so one room one bed one night for the two of you?” the desk lady asked.

“Yep,” I replied.

“That’ll be $70 in total.”

“Alright,” I agreed and paid the lady.

“Have fun tonight!” the desk lady told me while handing me the keys and raising her eyebrows.

“That’s not what we’re here to do!” I yell back.

Part 6

It was already around 12:00 A.M by the time we arrived at the room. We were planning on going to sleep right after taking a shower as it was pretty late already.

“You want to go first or should I?” Xela asked, referring to who gets to take the shower first.

“How long do you take to shower usually?” I asked.

“Not long. Like 15 minutes around.”

“I can wait then. You go first.”

“Alright.”

“Do you want me to get anything from the front? You need extra towels or shampoo or conditioner or whatever you use?” I offered.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll live.”

“If you say so.”

Moments later, she entered the washroom while I stayed sitting just outside it.

It was a small room, with one bed as we ordered, and also a mini-fridge with nothing in it. It didn’t have any sub-rooms connected to it, with the exception of the washroom. There was no television or anything to entertain ourselves with, but that was fine as we were only staying for the night and we were gonna go to sleep soon anyway. I didn’t detect anything dangerous or disgusting about the place, but it certainly wasn’t too fancy either. The lights were still working pretty well and the walls seemed to be recently painted. Overall, it was a fine room for the price I paid for.

“Are you still there?” I heard Xela say really quietly, to the point that I would’ve missed it if I was any farther from the washroom.

“Mmhm,” I replied.

“You’re waiting right outside the washroom door? Creep,” she said, this time speaking much louder than the last.

“It’s not like I’ve got anything else better to do in this room right now.”

“Go lie down on the bed, get some sleep. Didn’t you say you were tired earlier?” she asked.

“Yeah, but did you forget I also have to use the shower after you?” I reminded her.

“Right.”

For the next few seconds, we both stayed quiet. The silence was being filled by the sound of the water hitting the floor of the shower.

“So… University of Toronto, huh?” I asked, starting the conversation again.

“Yeah.”

“You excited?”

“Sure, I mean it’s a new city and country and everything. New apartment, new school, new places, new people. It’s going to be hard meeting new people and getting around places not knowing a single person in the whole city, but I think I’ll be fine.”

“What about your brother Jeremy?”

“He doesn’t count.”

“Okay,” I said. “Do you know when you’re leaving?”

“My brother wants me to leave earlier to get familiar with the city and everything. I don’t have an exact date, but I probably won’t spend the whole summer here.”

“We’re all gonna miss you, you know. Not just me, but also Will and Rebekah and all your other friends.”

She took a long pause in which I could tell she was taking a deep breath in. “I know,” she replied. “Alright, I’m done my shower. I’ll be out in a minute and then you can take your shower.”

She dried herself and got changed, and shortly after came out of the washroom. Once she exited, I walked in and proceeded to take my shower.

“I’ll try to visit as much as I can though,” she said, this time her being the one sitting next to the washroom.

“Good,” I commented. “I really admire you, you know? If I was in your position right now, I’d be shitting my pants and not wanting to leave just yet. You seem to have your composure, like you know everything's going to be fine in Toronto.”

“Thanks, but trust me, I’m really not all that great.”

“In my eyes you are,” I complimented her, feeling my lips curl up into a grin.

There was a slight pause, in which I could just hear her smile.

“What will I ever do without you, Johnny?”

“You wouldn’t last ten minutes without me there, admit it.”

“For the first time, I think you’re right on that one,” she said jokingly. She paused for a few seconds before starting again. “I’m gonna miss this place a lot. I’m gonna miss the school, I’m gonna miss Filip’s Cafe, I’m gonna miss my house, I’m gonna miss the city itself. I’m gonna miss all the friends I’ve made here, I’m gonna miss Will, I’m gonna miss Rebekah. And who knows? I might even miss you. It’s not easy saying goodbye.”

“Stop. You’re talking like you’re leaving tomorrow. We’ve still got some time left. No need to rush anything.”

“You’re right. I should just think positively for now. I’ll deal with that stuff when the time comes.”

I turned the shower knob back and the water stops running.

“Done already? That was a quick shower,” Xela commented.

“Yeah, I’m not really feeling a shower right now. I’ll just take a longer one tomorrow.”

After getting out of the shower, I dried myself and got dressed. Shortly after, I left the washroom.

“You ready to sleep now?” I asked.

“As long as I’m at least 5 meters away from you, then yes,” she said, implying she doesn’t want to sleep on the same bed as me.

“Where do you suggest sleeping then?”

“The couch.”

“What couch?” I asked. She took a look around the room, and when she realized there was no couch in the room, gave an annoyed face.

“I’ll sleep on the floor then.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor. It’s cold and bugs may crawl around in the night for all we know.”

Knowing she had no other choice than to sleep on the same bed as me, this time she gave an even more annoyed face.

“Fine, but we need to set boundaries,” she said as she was grabbing the extra pillows. She placed them on the centre of the bed and made the pillows act as a barrier between the two halves of the bed.

I couldn’t help but laugh, which made her even more annoyed. “Are you in middle school or something?” I joked around.

“Shut up, it’s either this or I’m sleeping on the floor.”

“Okay, okay. I’m not against the idea.”

Part 7

20 to 30 minutes went by, and I could tell I wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping. To the right of me, Xela was rolling around, trying every method to fall asleep. When it got to a point where watching her try to fall asleep was hurting my brain, I decided to speak up.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked.

“Nope,” she said casually as if she already knew I wasn’t asleep either. “You?”

“Nope,” I answered back.

“How about we play a game to help us fall asleep?” she suggested.

“What game?”

“I don’t know, how about Truth or Dare?”

“Nah. We’ve already played that with Will and Rebekah already and we can’t do a lot dares while laying down like this.”

“How about 21 questions?”

“Isn’t that a game for people to get to know each other better? I feel like we know enough about each other already.”

“Then it doesn’t have to be questions about ourselves. It can be about whatever we want. No boundaries.”

“You wanna do 21 questions each person or just 21 questions in total?”

“You really think we have enough time to do 21 questions per person?”

“Alright, 21 questions in total it is then.”

“You want to start or should I start?” I offered her.

“I’ll start. Were you and that Alyssa girl ever dating or did you have a thing for her?”

“Awww, you’re so cute when you get jealous,” I mocked her.

“Shut up and answer the question.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Uh, no, we never dated and I never liked her like that. We just got along well and were friends is all,” I answered sincerely. “My turn now. Did you and Chad ever do anything, uh, you know, intimate?”

“What?! No, ew. Unless you call holding hands only when you were looking intimate, no, we’ve never done anything ‘intimate’,” she said. “I’ll ask now. What was your and Rebekah’s relationship during middle school? She’s told me a bit of stuff and I noticed some things back in the day, but I never really got around to figuring everything out.”

“Do I really have to answer this?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh. I used to like her back in middle school. I never got around to talking to her or telling her how I felt, and at the last day of school she confessed to me but it was too late as she was gone the next day anyway. All those feelings are gone today though. We’re just friends now,” I explained. “What are we at now? Four?”

“Yeah, four I think.”

“Okay.” It took me a while before asking the next question. “Will you tell me before you leave when you’re leaving?”

She took a deep breath and also took some time before answering it. She turned her head to face me, which was previously starting at the ceiling and placed her hand to the side of my face. “Of course I’ll tell you,” she said gently.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“You promise you won’t break your promise?”

“I promise I won’t break my promise.”

“Okay, you better not break your promise then. You have the next question,” I reminded her.

She stayed silent for a few seconds while her lips formed into a smile and tears slowly started generating in her eyes. “What would you do if I told you I’m really fucking terrified of moving to Toronto and leaving everything behind?”

The whole room went silent for a good six seconds before I gave my answer.

“I’d believe you, of course.”

“Is that it?”

“I’d also believe in you. If there’s anyone I know that’s strong enough to get through whatever comes in their way, it’d be you. There’s nothing in the world I’m sure you couldn’t do if you’d just hang in there. Trust me, you’ll be just fine. Of course though, I’d still check up on you every now and then to make sure everything’s going well.”

“You have too much faith in me,” she said, grinning.

“Maybe I do. You better not disappoint me then.”

“Seriously, what will I ever do without you?” she asked, this time, less sarcastically though. “I think it’s your turn again.”

“Right,” I said before going into another really long pause.

“What would you do if I told you I’m not just ready to let go of you yet?” I finally asked.

Once again, the room went completely silent. Moments later, Xela spoke again.

“I’d believe you.”

“Oh really? And why’s that?”

“Because if you care about me even 10% the amount I care about you, then I know just how devastated you’d be after we say goodbye.”

Hearing that answer made me start to tear up, and that was when I knew it was time to call it a day.

“Your turn to ask now,” Xela said excitedly.

“I’m pretty tired now actually. You mind if we just stop here now?” I lied.

“Come on, we’re only on question seven. We still got fourteen left to go!”

“We’ll continue another time if you want. I just really feel like sleeping now.”

“Now that you mention it, I am getting pretty tired too,” she said while yawning. A bit after she completed her sentence, she went completely silent and knocked out.

I ended up falling asleep in a matter of less than five minutes as well.

Part 8

The next day, we spent majority of the day driving back to Fairbanks together and explaining to everyone where we had been the last night. We ended up spending the rest of the day together as well before we both went back home.

The next day after that I woke up and she was nowhere to be found.

I checked my phone and received a text from Xela:

Xela: Sorry I broke our promise.