《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》029: I need plot armor
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Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect...What?
"What are you guys talking about?"
"What do you mean, 'What are you guys talking about'? You just used the legendary Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect on poor Ector!"
Bob just used the...What...?
"How does he actually know how to use the Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect?!"
"WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?!"
* * *
When everyone finally quieted down, Soanso spoke up again.
"Anyone who dares to challenge Bubby Sh*tface-"
"Bob Something."
"Anyone who dares to challenge Booby Suntrap-"
"Bob Something."
"Anyone who dares to challenge Rob Somebanks-"
"Forget it."
"Anyone who dares to challenge Bald Sh*tbrain may challenge him now, and anyone who defeats him automatically gets first."
"But-"
"Enough, Simpleton!"
Wait... Was he calling him a simpleton? No, it was capitalized, never mind...
Someone raised his hand.
"I, Shen Qi, would like to beat little englishman up!"
Soanso sighed.
"Shen Qi, I know that you're profficient in fist-based spells, but what do you have to gain fro-"
"I would also like to request that if I can beat little englishman up, he will teach me how to use Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect, and if he beats me up, I will submit under him and be his disciple so he will still teach me the Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect!"
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Ah.
Shen Qi actually thought it through this time through a stroke of common sense brilliance, something that Bob lacked.
Shen Qi's eye twitched.
"WHO INSULTED ME AND COMPARED ME TO THAT TINY ENGLISHMAN?!"
Bob frowned. What?
Soanso sighed.
"Fine, Shen Qi. I guess it's pretty fair."
"Now, it'll start in three..."
Shen Qi jumped 10 feet onto the stage, shaking it.
"Two..."
"Um, I kind of lack anything that can-"
Arthur waved his hand and Bob splatted face first onto the stage again.
Nobody laughed this time, after seeing what he did to Ector.
"One..."
Shen Qi cracked his knuckles.
"Battle begin!"
Shen Qi leapt forward.
Bob grinned like a madman and rushed at Shen Qi.
After all, he was the protagonist; What could possibly happen to him?
* * *
Ten seconds and a bloody beating later...
"What? Englishman go poof? Where englishman? He needs to teach me Ultra Turbo Super Mega Divine God's Fist Nose Shattering Face Exploding Pow Pow Pow Face Punch, the famed secret technique of the Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Pow Blammy Punch Fist sect!"
* * *
Bob groaned as he sat up under the elppa tree.
But he was the protagonist...Plot armor...What?
Dang it...He must've gotten a concussion when Shen Qi beat him up the first time.
Boredom didn't give him plot armor and instead resurrected him every time he died, adding to his debt... Darn you, Boredom!
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