《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》026: Mage Academy
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After gaining about ten pounds of fat and losing about ten bronze coins, Bob decided that it may have been time to stop eating pizza.
At this rate, he would turn into a broke pig in no time.
...Nah.
Bob went back to eating the pizza.
He felt like he might have been forgetting something, though it couldn't possibly be that important, now could it?
* * *
Meanwhile, On the other side of the city, Mage Acadamy...
"Alright, students."
A professor with a thick white beard, fancy monocles, and a fancier robe stepped up onto the stage.
"Today, as you should already know, because you're all over here already, the mage acadamy will be accepting new students."
"Now, I know that many of you want to become magi, but first, I will explain the rules.
First of all, we will have a test.
Those of you who can pass the test will move on to the second stage.
The test is very simple.
You will have to destroy a magical plant in the course of three seconds.
I do not care how you do it; Tools are part of a mage's success, while having actual skill is fine too.
After that, there will be a simple tournament.
Everybody who has already passed the first test will be accepted as students, while participation inside the tournament is optional and those who place high will receive a reward.
Does everybody understand?"
Most of the new students nodded.
"Good."
"Now, we will commence with the test."
"First off, we have...Bob...Something?"
The old mage looked around.
"Is anyone here called Bob Something?"
* * *
Bob groaned.
"...Maybe you should stop eating azzipis?"
At first, Azzi had been grateful that a customer was providing him with so much business, but now...
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"NEVER!"
Bob threw up all over the floor.
"Okaaay...Maybe I'll stoooppp..."
"Easy, little guy. Wouldn't want to have to hire more than one cleaning mage to come and clean up the mess later..."
Mage?
As in, Mage Academy?
As in, the Mage Academy on the other side of the city, which Bob had come to the city for in the first place, which should've been having the first test right now?
"SH*T!"
* * *
Bob huffed and puffed and failed to blow the academy down as he arrived at the front gates.
"Am I...late?"
Bob let out a sigh of relief when he saw that people were still killing the magical weed over and over, with the weed growing back each time.
"And who may you be?"
A professor with a thick white beard, fancy monocles, and fancier robes turned to Bob with an eyebrow raised as he saw Bob arrive at the gates.
"I'm here to participate in the test, sir."
The professor's eyebrow went higher.
"This is the last student listed, so unless you're that late guy...Bert Smith?, you are not qualified to participate in the entry test."
Bob sighed.
"It's Bob Something, sir."
"Ah, right. I guess you can try the test after this guy."
He glanced at the scrawny kid who was trying to pull the weed out.
The weed finally came out after 3 seconds of strenious efforts.
"And..."
"FAIL!"
The scrawny kid looked dejected.
"But...But I got the weed out..."
"You failed, because you failed to do it within the three second limit."
"But...But..."
The scrawny kid held up a weird broken-looking stopwatch that said three seconds.
"I said you failed, so you failed!"
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The mage huffed and pulled out a fancier stopwatch that read 3 . 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1.
"But...But...Nooooooooooo......"
"You're up next, Barb Shumpif."
"It's Bob Something..."
"Whatever, nobody cares. Say you are ready when you are ready."
Bob walked over to the weed and pulled out his lighter.
"You are ready."
"Finally, someone who actually follows the rules..."
The mage's impression on Bob improved a little.
"Go!"
The mage pressed down on the stopwatch.
Bob set the weed on fire.
The weed immediately burned.
The mage yawned and stopped the stopwatch.
"Good job. You passed."
The mage waited for the weed to grow back.
It remained a pile of ashes.
The mage slowly turned toward Bob, who looked happy that he burned the weed.
"What?"
"You...You...The weed..."
For the first time since arriving at this school, the mage failed to form words.
"You..."
Bob sighed. He was going to have to pay for a new magical weed now, was he?
"You...Are the most talented fire mage I have ever seen!"
What?
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