《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》023: The pizza tree
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Bob groaned.
Cheese pizza.
Cheese pizza.
The worst kind of pizza since the beginning of all pizza.
Extra large.
The kind of thing that an elementary school classroom would share for lunch, with some left over.
And he had eaten the entire thing.
Why the f*ck did cheese pizza exist in the first place?
Peperoni pizza was invented before cheese pizza was.
Who, in their right mind, would strip the beautiful pizza of all its tasty decorations?
But, the most important question was...
Why the f*cking f*ck did he eat it?
* * *
Pizza, invented in ancient times, was always meant to be eaten.
The aliens who lived in a distant land known as Italy, the italians, were widely known for their massive contributions to Earth and all the best food the planet harbored.
All the best food the universe had to offer.
But there was always one creation that was rivaled by no other...
Pizza.
It was the greatest food known to humanity.
It was also the greatest food known to the gods.
It was irresistable, no matter the kind.
It was a weapon.
Nobody could resist it, even if they knew that it contained poison.
But in front of Bob...
This was...
This was a monstrosity.
It was a Christmas tree. Made of pizza.
What shocked Bob the most wasn't the fact that the people here actually celebrated Christmas, or the fact that the system had lied to him about the nearest pizza being on the other side of the planet.
It was the fact that some idiot actually made a Christmas tree out of pizza.
Sure, it might curry favor with the god of winter, but...
How could anyone eat frozen pizza?!
By the time it wasn't frozen anymore, it would already be Spring.
More importantly, the pizza would've already expired.
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Poisonous pizza, sure, but moldy pizza?!
Who eats moldy pizza?!
And even if it still didn't expire, nobody in their right mind would eat frozen pizza!
Even the goddess of ice ate hot pizza!
Who in their right mind would make anything out of pizza if it was inedible?!
Everyone...
"EVERYONE HERE IS AN IDIOT!"
Everyone stopped their caroling and turned towards him.
Bob froze when he realized that everyone was looking at him.
Bad pun, I know.
"Um, hello?"
Everyone continued to stare at him.
"What did I do wrong?"
Nobody blinked.
Bob wanted to be the center of attention, and he did want everyone's eyes to be on him, but not like this...
Bob thought about it for a little while.
Did he make a wish in front of a djinn?
Negative. He didn't ever find anything remotely like a genie during his stay here. He would have to ask the system if they existed later.
Was he dressed strangely?
Well, he was dressed differently from everyone else, and nobody he met had ever said his clothes looked anything better than hideous, but his clothes couldn't really attract that much attention, now could it?
That only left one possibility.
"Oh, dang it..."
"I really did say that out loud, didn't I?"
Nobody said anything.
Nobody was starting to do the opposite of what everyone else did these days.
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