《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》022: The gods of Earth
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It was here.
The pizza.
The pizza was here.
The pizza was here.
It was perfect.
It was marvellous.
It was flawless.
It was...
It was...
Cheese pizza.
...
Wait, what?
Bob looked it over again to make sure his eyes weren't lying.
Unfortunately, they weren't.
The pizza...
The holy pizza...
The holy pizza, which Bob had argued with the most important god on the planet for...
The holy pizza, which Bob had argued with the most important god on the planet for was cheese pizza.
It was CHEESE PIZZA.
The most hated anomaly of a pizza since the beginning of pizza itself.
It made even less sense than vegan food.
What was the point of eating it?
To avoid harming animals?
Then why did it have cheese?
It was horrible.
Bob had no idea why it existed.
Was pizza still pizza if it didn't have toppings?
Bob sniffed and glared at the most horrible insult to pizza known to mankind.
Wiping his tears on his sleeves, Bob decided that there was only one thing to do.
He would eat it.
* * *
The God of Boredom groaned as he stared at the probability of Bob joining forces with Chaos.
The only reason that Boredom was the king of the gods was that he didn't lean to either Order or Chaos, and since Order was just barely winning, being at least a million times more powerful than Chaos was, Boredom being the ruler would ensure that order would prevail. This was why he wanted Bob to become the god of money; Money didn't lean on either side.
Anyone who followed cultivation could only either become a god or goddess of order or a god or goddess of chaos. They would reach enlghtment and become powerful, but they couldn't really tip the balance of things.
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Following the path of the system, as a human, however, was the only way that one could become a god or goddess who chose to balance between chaos and order. This was because the system was based on power, while the human was the most chaotic being in the enitirety of the infinite universe.
All this was hard enough, but why...
Why did all that tasted good belong on the chaotic side of things?!
The current ratio of the probability of Bob joining forces with Chaos over order was 61.29:38.71.
There was only one thing to do.
Boredom would contact the gods on Earth for help.
* * *
Boredom frowned as he thought about the only god who could help him.
The music gods and goddesses, such as Swift, Bieber, Beyonce, and Gaga, were already helping him. He couldn't possibly ask them for more, as they couldn't possibly give more, and even if they could give more, Boredom just couldn't stand them all breaking into song whenever they met.
That left either the money gods, or...
Or him.
The money gods were greedy and always made sure that they got on the good side of every deal.
That, and the major ones, like Trump, were a headache to talk to.
That only left him.
The most powerful and dangerous god on Earth.
The God of the Internet.
It was time to make a deal with the devil.
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