《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》021: 21
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Bob looked at the quest description again.
Then he did what every honorable human was good at.
He...
Put it off until tomorrow.
Wow.
Yes.
Like, he actually put it off until tomorrow.
Nobody was expecting him to do that, right?
For now, he would ask the system some questions, namely, how this world worked, why he was so important to the gods, what he would become the god of if he became a god, how long it was estimated for him to reach godhood, and most importantly, did pizza exist on this world?
He could put most of those off until later, but the latter was one that he had to ask immediately.
After all, what could possibly be more important than what he was having for lunch?
* * *
In the meeting place of the gods...
"Chaos, and all of his followers, are banned from this meeting."
All of the gods and goddesses in the room had serious exressions on their faces.
"Now, I know that all of you know what we're here for."
Some of the newer gods and goddesses had slightly confused looks on their divine faces.
"The future of Enam Tenalp may come down to this one thing."
"What..."
All of the gods and goddesses held their breaths as Boredom, the king of the gods, as he paused for a moment. There was so much tension in the air that if any mere mortal were there, the mortal would die immediately.
"Will Bob eat for lunch?"
* * *
"Hello? System?"
[ Yes? ]
"I repeat my question..."
"Is there any pizza on this planet?"
[ Erm, yes, there is, but- ]
"But what?"
"And why do you sound so nervous?"
Bob eyed the system suspiciously.
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[ Nervous? What could possible make me nervous? ]
[ Don't answer that. ]
[ Anyway, there is pizza on this planet, but it's on the other side of Eman Tenalp, and it would take months, if not years, to journey there, and once you are there, there is a- ]
"Enough."
Bob sighed.
The nearest pizza was on the other side of the planet?
"Do they deliver?"
[ No, of course not, and- ]
"Don't say more than you need to."
The system seemed to sigh in relief.
"BOREDOM!"
Bob called to the heavens.
"What is it, Bob?"
The God of Boredom sincerely hoped that it wasn't about lunch.
Food could lean on the chaotic side as well as the good side.
If Bob ate something that leaned on the chaotic side of things, like pizza, which was the most chaotic food in existence, the chances that he would choose chaos over order when he ascended to godhood would be greater. Currently, the chances were 50/50. If Boredom influenced his choice in any way, the chances of Bob choosing chaos over order would rise, no matter how subtly Boredom influenced him and what he ate.
"...Gimme pizza."
"Wait, but are you sure you want pizza? Why don't you eat vegan foods and drink a lot of tea? That's very peaceful an-"
"Who cares? Gimme pizza."
"I strongly suggest that you choose vegan foods and tea over pizza. Those are way more healthy, and-"
"I said, gimme pizza."
"If you eat vegan foods and drink tea, I'll give you-"
"NO KIND OF BRIBES CAN MAKE ME EAT SH*T AND DRINK LEAF WATER!"
"Well, then, at least don't eat pizza... Maybe dumplings?"
"I...
WANT...
P I Z Z A !"
The God of Boredom went silent.
"..."
"Fine. Pizza. You happy now?"
Bob started a little victory dance.
The God of Boredom turned away, in fear of losing his divine vision.
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