《Bob's Ascension to Godhood》020: Why did the Bob cross the road?
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Shen Qi looked in front of him.
The englishman known as Bob was a mangled heap, and Shen Qi would probably suffer some consequences if he killed a fellow adventurer, even if he was a minor one.
Shen Qi commenced with his failed attempt on trying to come up with a good excuse.
* * *
"You're saying..."
The doctor eyed Shen Qi's bloody fists.
"Yes, I say he crossed the road."
"Explain your bloody hands."
"Err, I had to pick him up and carry him over for an emergency first aid."
"And the bloody parts on your body?"
"He was a mangled heap."
"And why did he cross the road?"
"Because... Because he thought that magic carriages weren't dangerous?"
The doctor eyed Shen Qi suspiciously.
"Alright."
Shen Qi breathed a sigh of relief.
"But you'll have to pay for the medical fees."
"Wait, what?"
"But...But I had nothing to do with it!"
Shen Qi tried to give the doctor his legendary puppy eyes.
"That only works on the nurse."
Shen Qi groaned.
It was a bad idea to beat the annoying englishman up.
* * *
Bob groaned.
"Hello, it seems that you're finally able to wake up!"
The nurse quickly walked over to where Bob laid.
"How long was I out?"
"About 2 days, sir."
"Two frickin days..."
Bob thought about reporting Shen Qi for beating him up, but quickly got rid of the idea, due to the risk of Shen Qi getting angrier and beating him up again, which would risk death as well as injury.
[ Hello! ]
Bob sighed.
"How much does this cost?"
"5 gold coins."
"WHAT THE F-"
"But Shen Qi will be paying for it, so don't worry."
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The nurse waited for Bob to calm down.
He didn't.
"Shen Qi, as in the guy who beat me up for no apparant reason?"
The nurse giggled.
"He said that you crossed the road and got hit by a magical carriage because you thought that magical carriages weren't dangerous."
Magical carriages?
Maybe if he got hit by one and asked to not be revived here anymore, he...
No, that was a stupid thought.
"Are magical carriages pulled by horses?"
[ No, they are not. ]
"So they're powered by coins? You literally burn money to drive around?"
[ This is much more cost-efficient than using your planet's fossil fuels to power cars. Being a fossil fuel, oil is, quite literally, money, and it is actually more valuable than normal money, since-]
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
Bob turned to the nurse.
"Where's this 'Shen Qi' guy?"
"Sir, would you like to meet him?"
"No."
"I'll go get hit by a magical carriage now, if you'll excuse me."
Bob left the nurse to her standing by the bed.
He wondered why he didn't see the nurse the last time he had to be healed.
Maybe he could get someone to teach him some self-healing spells, since that looked like it would be needed a lot in the future, or just any spell in particular, since that would also prove very useful.
He would go ask about it.
* * *
"Hmm?"
The receptionist yawned upon seeing Bob arrive again.
"You want to be a mage?"
"Yeah."
"Well, you're in luck, the mage academy is accepting new students now..."
Bob almost got a heart attack, which was actually pretty likely, that with Bob not being the fittest man on the planet and all that.
"System, how do I get abs?"
[ You already have abs, though they are currently completely invisible. ]
Bob sighed.
"Okay, I can't believe I'm asking you this, but how do I get chiseled abs?"
[ Either change your form once you become a god or exercise. ]
"That's a no-brainer."
"..."
"I'll just have to become a god faster."
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