《Heart of a Mer》78. Equal Ground

Advertisement

They had made it halfway down the hall when Sophie cleared her throat loudly and the sound of her footsteps faded. She had been walking behind them, and Katie had stopped as soon as Sophie had made the sound, so Riley paused as well. She flipped over on the wheeled board she was perched on and stared as Sophie leaned against the wall. One of her red brows was quirked up into a raised position above her eye and she had her arms resting over her chest.

Despite the lack of tension in her posture or expression, Riley could not help the prickling sensation that crawled up her scales as Sophie stared between the two of them. After a moment, the woman’s attention settled on Katie. “Do you have anything you’d like to share with the class?” she inquired.

Katie’s cheeks darkened to a deep crimson and she looked away with a cough. Her throat rumbled as she seemed to choke on air. “Ummm…” Katie trailed off and said nothing more, though the tang of her emotional scent made Riley’s nose crinkle.

Then she found herself as the new target of Sophie’s gaze. “What about you?” Sophie pressed. “Keeping any secrets?”

Riley grinned and shrugged. “Plenty,” she agreed. “Are you referring to anything in particular?”

Sophie gestured with a finger. “What’s going on between the two of you?”

Leaning back on her hands, Riley flicked her fins and her smile widened until the muscles in her face ached. She never thought that this sort of life, this environment of a family, would prompt her to smile so much. “Nothing,” she replied easily. Then she poked her tongue out and winked at Katie. “Yet.”

Watching Katie turn an even brighter shade of red made Riley’s heartbeat quicken in her chest. Katie was not the only one struggling with poorly suppressed emotion and longing. It had only gotten more difficult now that Riley knew Katie shared those feelings.

“And what does that mean?” Sophie inquired. Her brow had raised a bit higher and Riley shrugged. She glanced at Katie and grinned. She was enjoying Katie’s blush and her fumbling.

Katie coughed and wrung her fingers. “Well…we have…feelings for each other,” she admitted finally. “But we are waiting because I still have a lot to learn about being a Mer.”

Though it was Katie speaking, Riley quickly noticed that Sophie was looking at her instead. There was gratitude glimmering in her eyes and Riley nodded subtly back. Katie was allowed to make her own decisions and Riley was not going to refuse a relationship if that was what Katie wanted. She wanted it too and would never impose a decision over her friend’s life just because she knew more about their shared culture. But that did not mean she was going to take advantage of Katie’s lack of understanding either. A bond was powerful. Already, Riley’s heart ached with the early beginnings of that connection. If Katie followed through without understanding, she could be seriously hurt, and that was why Riley had insisted Katie consider learning more about herself before making a decision. It seemed Sophie knew Katie had not gotten to that choice alone.

“I am sorry we did not tell you,” Katie continued. “It honestly just happened and we did not get a chance, it was not for a lack of wanting to.”

Sophie pushed off the wall and lowered herself down so that she was sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. “Katie, I’m not mad at either of you. I just wanted to confirm what I saw back there. This is a good thing, I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

Advertisement

“So you do not mind?” Katie checked.

“What is there to mind?” Sophie countered softly. She had leaned forward and embraced Katie at this point.

Katie leaned her cheek against Sophie’s collarbone and shrugged. The shaky jerk of her shoulders and the way her gaze was trained downwards made Riley’s heart squeeze as though caught in the jaws of a barracuda. It made her tense and lean forward, just in case Katie’s distress grew. “I do not know. I guess I am just worried because it is Riley and she is-”

“A girl?” Sophie inquired.

Katie shook her head. “I was going to say that she is also your daughter and I am not sure if that would be weird, but…yeah, that too, I suppose.”

Riley flicked her fins and remained silent as Katie fumbled to explain. She supposed she understood the first concern. Mer culture rarely discouraged bonds of any sort. Love was love, but that among siblings was one of the few instances where Mer sought to avoid a forming bond. It posed too many risks for future children and risked muddling familiar and romantic emotions. She had heard stories in the past of Mer who had been driven to insanity because of the war bonding with blood incited within them.

But she and Katie were not siblings. They shared an adoptive mother who had taken them both in, but they had grown up separately and had no sustainable blood connection between them. So far as she understood, her and Luna’s DNA within Katie was more akin to giving medicine than altering Katie’s bloodline. She did not fully understand it, but she did not sense her scent or Luna’s affecting Katie’s own natural one, so she was not worried.

She was confused about the latter statement and why being a girl had anything to do with potential problems in their bond, but now did not feel like the appropriate time for those questions, so she bit back her curiosity and concern.

Sophie shook her head and the muscles in her arms tightened as she squeezed Katie closer. “I don’t care about that, Katie. And it’s not like the two of you are sisters. This is admittedly a unique situation, but I just want you both to be happy. I just also want you to both be careful. You’ve been through a lot and my only worry is that you might rush into something you’re not ready for because something feels good for once. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.”

“That is why it is best that we wait,” Riley agreed with a dip of her head. Though her heart sunk to say otherwise when she did not want to wait, she knew it was important for Katie to have the space she needed to make the decisions best for her in time. There were rarely second chances when it came to bonding. It was as fragile as it was unbreakable, and Riley knew she would rather wait a lifetime than move too fast and have the focus of her desire hurt in the process. Katie was more important than that. “There is plenty of time and no rush,” she finished finally, though she was sure her smile looked partially forced. It felt like she was forcing it.

A lesser part of her wanted to hiss in frustration and enjoy their mutually shared feelings. But she swallowed a lump rising in her throat and with it, attempted to squash that part.

Katie’s returned smile was small and Riley wondered if it was because she had a lot on her mind or because she was just as reluctant to wait. But regardless of the reason, she nodded in agreement and that was all that mattered. Then she turned back to Sophie. “It is okay?” she checked again.

Advertisement

Sophie rolled her eyes and her arms visibly tightened around Katie once more. “Of course it is,” she replied. “Now come on, let’s go find everyone else. You really do need a little bit of time to relax. You’re starting to wind yourself up over all the little things and I’m worried for you.”

Katie’s head bobbed and she pressed her hands to the floor to push away and pull herself back onto her board. “Okay,” she agreed. “You are right, maybe I am just worrying for nothing. I am sorry. I just want to relax now.”

“Go on ahead,” Sophie encouraged with a jerk of her chin. “I want to talk to Riley for a moment, we’ll be right behind you.”

Katie’s brows dipped together and she pursed her lips but made no comment. “Okay,” she agreed quietly. Then her hazel gaze swivelled in Riley’s direction and she shrugged. Riley forced a grin back, but her gut twisted into a knot. She was not certain what Sophie might wish to discuss privately, but it did not feel like anything good.

Her unease grew as she watched Katie venture further down the hall and disappear around the corner. Though she had not seen the entirety of the house yet, Riley knew Katie would not get lost. It was impossible to miss the sharp scent of the ocean water funnelling into the large pool room, and if she strained to listen, Riley could hear the commotion coming from the same direction. Katie would find it without trouble. Riley had noticed the changes in her since she had woken. It was like some part of her Mer instincts had finally settled and taken root properly within her. With any luck, it meant she would learn far faster and more easily now.

With the lack of need to fret over Katie, Riley found herself hesitantly meeting Sophie’s gaze. The woman was remaining patiently silent for the moment, but Riley knew she could not avoid whatever conversation was coming for long. “Am I in trouble?” she inquired. Under different circumstances, Riley may have scolded herself for such a meek approach. In the past, she would not have cared if others wished to drive her off – she was too prone to moving on anyway – but here things were different. She had found a family, a potential mate, and a place to reside forever if she desired. She did not want to lose any of that, and with so much to lose, it made it hard to find her usual bravado. So as she stared up into Sophie’s deep green gaze, she found herself shifting awkwardly. Her shoulders hunched and she bowed a little lower to the floor.

Sophie clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Of course not. But the fact that it was your first assumption proves we need to talk.”

Sophie had stood up, though Riley did not see the point because she merely dusted off her pants and took a few steps closer and sank back down next to Riley with her back leaning against the wall. “Katie was more vocal about her fears, but don’t think I didn’t notice just how spooked you were through that conversation. You hide your emotions pretty well, so maybe I misread it, but your statement just now makes me suspect otherwise. You expected me to be angry with you specifically when you both told me about your shared feelings. Why was that?”

Riley shrugged and twisted her fingers together until the joints strained and her fingers turned white. She kept her gaze trained down. “I do not know…I guess…It is just that Katie is your…” Riley’s words failed her and she licked her lips and faltered.

“My what?” Sophie pressed. “My daughter?”

Riley swallowed the lump lodged in her throat and nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed.

She flinched as Sophie leaned forward and curled her fingers around her chin. The tug was gentle, but insistent as Sophie dragged her head up to meet her gaze. “So are you,” she replied with a firm edge in her tone. “Riley, has something happened recently to make you start doubting that? Have I done something, because I really hope you know that.”

Riley shook her head. “No, I do know that,” she agreed. “But Katie is your real child.”

Sophie shook her head. “Katie is just as adopted as you are,” she reminded. “I thought you already knew that.”

Riley’s chest heaved as she sighed. “I did. That is not how I meant it…I just meant that she grew up with you. You raised her. She is your child in everything but blood.”

Sophie shook her head and tapped her finger against Riley’s nose. It felt funny and she wrinkled her nose up and leaned her head back away from the touch. “So are you,” Sophie pressed. “What, just because you didn’t grow up here, you think that means you’re less a part of this family? That you’re not entitled to the same treatment or love?”

Riley merely shrugged and bit her lip. Tears were stinging in her eyes, but she was biting them back. She refused to start crying. She was not that weak, she would not allow herself to be. Even in front of Sophie. Not again.

“Do you want that?” Sophie pressed.

Riley chewed her lip in a poor attempt to smother a whimper. “Yes,” she whispered.

“Then why do you keep putting yourself below Katie in my eyes? Riley, a relationship won’t work between the two of you if you don’t see each other as equals. Whether you intend it or not, that will fester between the two of you. Listen to me, I do not love Katie more. I have known her longer, but I will not pick favourites.”

“I do not think that you would,” Riley lamented. Her heart squeezed in her chest. She did not like the feelings crushing her chest or that she could not put more faith in herself and those who had thus far done nothing but love and accept her, but she could not help the doubt that leaked in. Nothing good in her life had ever been consistent. She wanted to cling to this desperately, but she could not help anticipating having it snatched from her.

That was part of what made it so difficult to want to wait with Katie. She wanted to enjoy the feelings as best she could as soon as possible before something took that from her as well. “But time has a way of forging bonds that make that choice for you,” Riley admitted finally. More quietly, she found herself mumbling, “And time has not been very kind to me.”

She chewed her lip more. She knew she should not. She needed to be stronger than this. Katie needed it. Luna needed it. Sophie and Lewis had endured so much because of her and they just wanted to settle into having a proper life. She could not blame them for that when she wanted the same, but she also refused to burden them with her turmoil. That would not be fair. She needed to be stronger and keep it to herself, just like she always had.

Despite telling herself that, Riley wound up slipping sideways while tears spilled free down her cheeks. She anticipated falling over, but she was caught quickly in Sophie’s warm embrace and pulled closer. “Riley, do you have any siblings?” Sophie inquired. Her fingers tangled in Riley’s mussed hair, and she could not stop herself from nuzzling closer to the woman holding her.

“My mother did not see reason in repeating the failure she experienced with me,” Riley admitted bitterly. The similar sorrow surrounded in the icy calm Riley always tried to use as armour against her pain leaked through her body as she spoke. She had always wondered if a sibling would have made things better. Perhaps they would succeed where Riley had failed and her mother would have eased up. At the very least, it may have given her someone to talk to and confide in. Someone who understood and could make things more tolerable.

“You are not a failure, Riley,” Sophie refused firmly. “But okay, let’s look at Nero and Luna, then. There’s a big age difference between them. Do you think because he’s been in their lives longer, that your aunt and uncle love him more than Luna? Or that their love for her is weaker just because she was the second child into their lives, or because she was gone for so long? Are Nero and Luna in competition for that love?”

Riley shrugged. “No, I suppose not,” she agreed. “But that is different.”

Sophie’s heartbeat was steady against Riley’s ear, but the woman tensed and there was a sharp intake of breath as Riley spoke. She could taste the frustration burning beneath Sophie’s skin, even though the woman was trying to be patient. “It’s not different. Katie has had a lot more time with me, and due to that, I know her very well.

Katie’s father and I were always very close friends. When she was little, Katie grew up considering me an aunt. But her mother never wanted children and her father wanted them desperately. I don’t know the full story between you and your mother, and I would never expect you to tell it, but in Katie’s case, she was her mother’s compromise to keep Michael from leaving her. She was convinced he would if she did not give him a child.”

“Would he have?” Riley inquired. She could not quite understand that. Mates were bonded for life. Sure, there were arguments and compromises, but having a baby, choosing to bring new life into the world was not something that would be taken lightly. Usually mates joined mutually, and if children were not desired, it was discussed very early in a bond. Some Mer did not desire them, but if it was wanted by one and not the other, they would not bond, simply remain friends. Human traditions seemed far more complex and loose at the same time.

“Perhaps,” Sophie murmured. She had begun petting Riley’s hair, and while Riley had a gnawing feeling in her gut about Sophie having to support and care for her again, she did not have the will to pull away. “I don’t know. Michael loved Roxanne a lot, but a few things were straining their relationship. We’ll never know what might have happened. Katie was born into a family dynamic of having a mother who tolerated her and a father who doted on her constantly. But when he died, Roxanne saw no further use for Katie. She left her here and we’ve barely seen or heard from her since. It weighed heavily on Katie for a long time. She never quite understood what she had done to make Roxanne leave. It took me a long time to convince her that she was not at fault. Just like I imagine it’s going to take some time to convince you of the same.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Riley could not stop the question from tumbling from her lips. Sophie’s embrace was warm and she appreciated anything the woman had to say to her, but she could not help wondering if this was private information about Katie that she should not be hearing without the girl’s consent.

“To help you understand,” Sophie answered. “I have known Katie in varying capacities all her life. She is my first child, but that doesn’t make you any less important, Riley. I see a lot of both of you in each other. The struggles you’ve had to face, learning at a young age that love and acceptance weren’t given freely…Riley, I can’t imagine what that must have done to your psyche, but that is not how it works, not in this family. You don’t have to earn my love, you already have it, and nothing is going to jeopardize that. Nothing. Do you believe that, Riley? Be honest with me.”

Riley bit down on her lip and winced as her fangs pierced the thin skin. It hurt, but she did not unclench her jaw. She wanted to answer positively. She knew that Sophie loved her, but she could not quite bring herself to believe it was going to last. It never really had before.

All of her past friendships had severed at some point or another. Even with Charlie. Though their connection remained strong, they spent so much time apart because his family would not tolerate her presence for very long before driving her off at any given time. She knew her aunt and uncle loved her, but to stay and have that love, she needed to endure the mistreatment of someone who hated her and sought to control her. She had been forced to accept that loneliness was the price of freedom. It was hard to convince her heart otherwise, no matter how she tried to hide it.

“No,” she muttered brokenly as more tears leaked from her eyes. “I have never felt more loved or safe, but I cannot believe it will be that way forever.”

She glanced up at Sophie and found liquid sparkling in her jade eyes. When Sophie bowed her head and leaned forward, Riley’s vision was obscured by a wreath of fiery curls as Sophie pressed their foreheads together. “Only time will fix that,” she lamented. “But I want you to always remember that I love you. I may not have known you as long as Katie or know you as well yet, but you are just as much a part of this family, you are just as valued and loved.”

“I am not in competition with Katie,” Riley protested. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She was glad Katie had a family, she would never want to compete for that attention or try to take it from her.

“I wasn’t trying to imply that you were,” Sophie responded. “I know you’re not. But I need you to understand that I would never be angry with you for a mutually made decision between you and Katie. If I needed to be angry, it would be at both of you equally. If anything, I’m so proud of you and very thankful that you’re as selfless as you are. I have my concerns about Katie after everything that she’s been through, just as I have my concerns for you, but that’s only because I love you both so much and I want what’s best for you. What I do want to impress, Riley is that your family is here for you, no matter what.”

Riley sniffled and hummed. She did not enjoy feeling this weak, but there was a small part of her that craved it. As much as her pain was raw and present, Sophie was warm and steady. Riley pressed her nose against Sophie’s collarbone and breathed in her scent. It was like inhaling fresh fruit and warm, calm shallows, and Riley relaxed. Sophie was wreathed in sorrow, but it was a bitter skin that love was bursting from beneath. That told her this was okay. Riley took another breath and allowed some tension to slip from her formerly rigid form. She truly hoped this sense of belonging would be eternal.

“I can’t take your pain away,” Sophie shattered the silence in a soothing voice. “But we’re going to all work together to heal and grow as a family. I need your help with that though. I understand you’ve had to deal with everything on your own for so long – and I would never force or expect you to share anything you’re not comfortable with or ready for – but I will ask for your trust. Have faith in yourself and the rest of us, that our family can make it through anything. After everything we’ve been through, I think we’re ready to tackle the collective trauma, yeah?”

Riley swiped her fingers under her eyes and nodded. “Okay,” she agreed. She pushed herself up and took a breath. Her grin was wobbly, but she forced it regardless. “I am sorry.”

“For what?” Sophie retorted with a smile and a quirked brow.

Riley shook her head. “Nothing, I suppose. Thank you.”

Sophie nodded. “Better. And you’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for; what family does for one another…Katie, are you going to come out from lurking around the corner now?”

As Sophie spoke, Riley twisted around. She tasted the air and finally realized that she had been so preoccupied with everything else that she had failed to notice how Katie’s scent had stayed strong instead of fading.

Katie was only partially visible around the corner, with her forearms flat to the floor and her fingers laced together into one fist she was resting her chin on. Her eyes were glossy and her cheeks a little red.

“You did not leave,” Riley stated lamely.

Katie’s brows dipped and her nose wrinkled as her face scrunched up and she shook her head. “Nah,” she whispered back, though there was a strangle in her tone that made Riley’s heart seize. Before she could react to it, Katie pushed herself up onto her hands and began pulling herself over. Her scales had mostly grown back in now, and when she flicked her tail lazily from side to side as she crawled forward, the smooth armour helped her slide and propel. It tugged the start of a smile onto Riley’s face. Since Katie had woken, it was like something had changed. Her instincts seemed more harmonized, and it seemed to be allowing Katie to sink more comfortably into the Mer half of her nature.

When Katie reached them, Riley placed her hand over the top of Katie’s. Just as fluidly, Katie flipped her hand and laced their fingers together. “Are you okay?” she checked. Her hazel eyes were still glistening with unshed tears, but her focus seemed entirely on Riley, rather than what was nipping at her.

Riley dipped her chin. She still hurt, but she felt infinitely better than she had. “Are you?” She squeezed Katie’s fingers. It had to have been hard to hear her past recounted the way she had. “I am sorry, I did not mean to pry.”

Katie tossed her head. “It is okay. You did not pry; mom told you. Besides, as much as it hurts, some parts were good and I always want to remember. My past had its fair share of pain, but it is still a part of me. I am glad you know. You should know, I want you to. We have to wait, and I am alright with that, but there are not supposed to be secrets between mates, right? That has to start somewhere.”

Riley could not help but chuckle and shake her head. “Where did you hear that?”

The easy grin and casual shrug of Katie’s shoulders helped reassure Riley that she was going to be alright. "Karina," she replied.

Riley could not help but roll her eyes. Karina and Nero were lovestruck. Riley now understood why it was so easy for them to stay so smitten with each other, but her more mischievous, independent side could not help but wrinkle her nose and stick her tongue out. But she sobered quickly and her smile slipped.

It was brave of Katie to open her heart about her past and offer transparency, but Riley was not certain she was ready to do the same. She squeezed Katie’s hand more tightly and tucked her chin. “I am not sure I have the strength to discuss my past so openly,” she admitted. “Not yet.”

“That is alright,” Katie murmured. “There is no rush.”

“One step at a time,” Sophie added as she rubbed her hand up and down Riley’s spine. The motion sent warm shivers through Riley’s nerves and she hummed. “Figuratively,” Sophie added with a chuckle.

Her smile was still weak, but Riley believed it felt more genuine this time as she glanced between them. She took a breath and let it whistle out slowly between her teeth. It was not easy, but she could offer something up. Sophie was right, and she felt she should take a stroke in the right direction, even if it was just a small one. “You asked me once,” she began as she glanced at Sophie. “And I still do not like it – it reminds me of all the bad feelings of my mother – but I suppose I do want my new family to know my past too. My birth name is Raelyana.”

Just uttering the name caused a bitter twinge in Riley’s heart and she flicked her fins anxiously as she glanced between Katie and Sophie.

Sophie’s mouth moved as she repeated the name silently. She shrugged. “It’s a lovely name,” she decided. “But I still think Riley suits you much better. That was brave of you.”

Katie hummed in agreement. “I definitely like Riley better too,” she agreed. At first, the statement was solemn and genuine, but then Katie’s brows tucked in and she stuck her tongue out impishly. “Raelyana sounds a bit too classy anyway.”

“Katie! That’s a terrible thing to say!” Sophie scolded, though Riley picked up on the mirth in her voice. Katie merely shrugged and her grin widened.

“What does ‘classy’ mean?” Riley inquired.

“Katie’s calling you unsophisticated,” Sophie explained.

Riley scoffed and returned Katie’s impish grin. “Well, I am unsophisticated by choice, not from lack of knowing etiquette. What is your excuse for the same?”

Katie stuck her tongue out and mushed her face up. “My excuse is that you are a bad influence.” She leaned forward and Riley stiffened as their lips met. Katie was just as soft and warm as the last two times, and a purr rose instantly in Riley’s chest. Her heart felt like she had swallowed a tiny fish live and it was swimming frantically around her ribcage in search of an exit. The feeling might have been unpleasant if it was not so wonderful.

It was only a quick kiss before Katie pulled away and flushed bright red, but she was purring too, and Riley could not contain her grin.

“There you all are!” Riley twisted and looked up as Lewis rounded the corner and stared down at them. He jerked a thumb back the way he had come. “I thought we were meeting back up with Karina and Nero and Luna? You three just disappeared…why are you all just sitting on the floor? Did I miss something?”

Riley was still leaning against Sophie, so when the woman began to laugh, it jostled her enough that Riley carefully sat up a bit more to avoid the odd sensation. “Always, hon,” Sophie snickered with a shake of her head. She waved her hand to motion him over. “Join us.”

As Lewis passed, he plopped his good hand down on Riley’s head and ruffled up her hair. Instead of ducking away as she would normally, she stretched up into the contact and hummed contentedly. The touch only lasted a moment before Lewis squatted down beside them and then tucked his legs up under him. He draped his good arm around Sophie’s shoulders and leaned sideways to kiss her cheek.

Riley smiled as she watched them. Sophie and Lewis had done a lot for her, and it thrilled her to see them so peaceful and happy too. They certainly all deserved to rest after everything they had been forced to endure.

Lewis must have noticed her staring because he smirked and winked at her. Riley made a noise in the back of her throat and stuck her tongue out in response.

    people are reading<Heart of a Mer>
      Close message
      Advertisement
      You may like
      You can access <East Tale> through any of the following apps you have installed
      5800Coins for Signup,580 Coins daily.
      Update the hottest novels in time! Subscribe to push to read! Accurate recommendation from massive library!
      2 Then Click【Add To Home Screen】
      1Click