Click. Clack.

Click. Clack.

Click. Clack.

I was bored. I was watching ants walk around the gallery.

Click. Clack.

Click. Clack.

Click. Clack.

“I miss the internet.” I told Bitey.

Bitey looked up from her screens. She was getting good at navigating the interface she had created. I guess that made sense.

“What is the internet?” Bitey asked. “Does it taste good?”

“I don’t know. I never tried to eat it.” I replied. “You could order food. You could do anything with it, really.”

“Why don’t you just make it again?” Bitey asked.

“I don’t know how.” I replied. “I have the screens. But there needs to be someone to talk too. I never thought I would get bored during the apocalypse.”

“I think perhaps you are the only one.” Bitey told me.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Ant stuff.” Bitey told me.

“Could you be more specific?” I asked.

“I can.” Bitey told me.

I waited for her response. Finally I sighed. “Will you be more specific?” I asked. I swear I could see her smiling. Can an ant smile?

“Wait.” I said. “Are you messing with me?” I asked. “How can I tell?”

“What do you mean?” Bitey asked.

“I can’t read your facial expressions.” I said. “Apparently in humans it's important. How do ants convey emotion?”

“With our antenna.” Bitey said. She waggled her antenna to demonstrate.

“So you use different waggles for different things?” I asked.

“No silly, we use pheromones.” Bitey told me. “Wait, have you not been reading our pheromones?”

“Don’t look at me like that.” I said. “What do pheromones do?”

“You know.” Bitey said. “Ant stuff.”

“Who taught you to be so annoying?” I asked.

“You did, Dad.” Bitey clacked her teeth at me.

“Okay, I’ll figure this out later.” I told her. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making a list and checking on the status of everyone you gave a seed to.” Bitey said. “I’m also looking for Pinchy. Have you seen Pinchy?”

“She’s around somewhere.” I said. “She killed that giant orge thing. People and things keep dying around here mysteriously. I think she is doing it.”

“What do you mean ‘you think?’” Bitey asked.

“Well, I can’t always sense her.” I said. “But you know I can rifle through the memories of any sentients that die inside my domain?” I asked.

“I’ve been wondering about that.” Bitey said.

“Anyways, whenever something dies here; I can siphon off bits of the soul. I have a special pod that collects and holds soul stuff. I can then see chunks of their life. Some of the souls have last thoughts of looming danger and then dying. I haven’t really pushed the issue because whatever is killing things out there is really taking the pressure off of Gina and her team of Ginomrants.”

“Okay, what about Shidel and that idiot you sent off a while ago?” Bitey asked.

“Oh, I forgot.” I said.

“Right.” Bitey said. “I’ll just put it on the list. I can send the skiff over to pick them up or check in on them.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I said. “I thought I had a way to see what they were doing from here, but they went out of range. I just get a general sense of direction. They haven’t been moving for a while.”

“How is Auggie?” Bitey asked. “Do you have a full crew?”

“No.” I replied. “He is still in a pod. But I could send the other two idiots. Winnie and Sid. They seem eager to do something. And it might be a good idea for negotiations if the army pukes see I can be reasonable.”

“We both know you can’t be reasonable.” Bitey replied.

“I know that. You know that. They don’t know that. Yet.” I replied.

“Did you ever figure out what you did wrong with the slow fall belt?” Bitey asked.

“Yes dear.” I replied. “It didn’t have stabilizers. All the tests here were just people stepping straight off the rig. Also he fell from higher up so he had longer to tumble. But he didn’t die, so I’m marking that as a win.”

“What about all the tree babies?” Bitey asked.

“Not everyone is happy about that.” I replied. “They won’t let me call the Kid Grove the kindergarten. But I’m working on that. I think in a couple of months the name will be growing on people.”

“This isn’t going to be the bubble gum incident all over again is it?” Bitey asked.

“No.” I replied grumpily. “It is not the bubble gum incident all over again. I don’t know why everyone keeps bringing that up.”

“Is there anything else you want to bring up with me?” I asked.

“Not really.” Bitey replied. “Gina said her new Rifle ants are doing a great job. She would like to take them out for field training. Are you still insisting on calling them army ants?”

“I don’t see how we could call them anything else.” I replied.

“Gina said she doesn’t like the camouflage pattern you put on them.” Bitey said.

“Tiger stripe is cool.” I said. “All the cool ants are doing it.”

“Ugh.” Bitey replied. “Well you have fun playing with yourself down here. I’m going up to make sure everything is being done right. You are next to useless sometimes Tree.”