In this world, you’re either an asshole, or you’re a Kauri. I consider myself an asshole. But from that first cup of coffee Kauri was nothing but generous.

I sat down in his office and we went through the form after form after form. When he had clients I chilled in the boardroom, making endless cups of coffee and downing an entire litre of milk.

After he’d finished with the forms and verified my identity we got down to the real business – contacting Crusher Media.

‘Now I'm going to send Crusher Media an email,’ Kauri turned up the heater in his office, then took a seat behind his computer, ‘But we need a subject line in our email that's gonna attract their attention. I’m sure Crusher Media get a ton of emails every day. We need to send them an email that we will be 100% sure they're not going to ignore.' He looked at me, 'Any ideas?

I shrugged, 'We're suing your ass.'

Kauri rolled his head from side to side, 'Maybe, it just doesn't sound professional enough. Are they really gonna take us seriously?'

I nodded 'Okay, can you translate We're suing your ass into lawyers speak?

Kauri nodded slowly, 'Yeah... something like Class action lawsuit RE: ElitheHill. How does that sound?'

I got on my hands and knees and bowed down to him. 'Man, you are a God.'

Kauri laughed. 'I'm not a god. I've just spent too long in a law office.'

He typed the subject line, hit send and then turned to me. 'What do you say we get out of here? Go grab a drink?'

I raised an eyebrow, 'A beer, my god, I can't remember the last time I had one.'

Kauri laughed. ‘Yeah, you can get a beer. I don't really do alcohol anymore, but -'

'Oh wow.' I said, 'I was wrong. Maybe you're not a god. You're a saint. You don't drink alcohol. You help out homeless bums at bus shelters, and you make a damn good coffee.'

Kauri just laughed, 'Hey, just trying to do my best to make the world a better place.'

So we went out, Kauri paid and I ate a lot more than I drank and meanwhile emails from Crusher Media started flooding Kauri's inbox

****

'You must be a legit threat to them,' Kauri said the next morning, ‘Usually, with these big corporates anything remotely legal takes at least a week to reach management,' he gestured to all the emails in his inbox, 'These guys clearly don't want this to go to court.'

'So what are we going to do?' I asked.

'Well... we don't really want it to go to court either.' he pointed to my stained clothes. 'You can't afford it and quite frankly, neither can I.'

He shifted his gaze over to the door of his office, 'And the law firm, they don't know I'm doing this man, Crusher Media is a big fish. Too big for these guys. Officially, I'm acting on my own.'

He gave a grim smile, 'So we're going to negotiate. I'm just writing an email now - what I'm going to say is we will meet with them in three days time to discuss payment for your book. That's what you want right?'

I nodded, 'Yeah I want payment for my book and the rights to it.'

Kauri started typing and I stroked my beard, ‘I also want a public apology from them and I want an independent investigation into Crusher Media.'

Kauri winced and scratched the side of his head but he typed what I’d said anyway, 'I'm not sure how we'll go with those last two.' He said, 'Maybe with a normal company you'd get away with that sort of stuff. But Crusher's so big that I don't like our chances one bit.’ He huffed, 'In fact, I'm surprised they're even meeting with us, they must really want to keep this out of the courts.'

I nodded. 'Yeah, I could tell a story or two.'

For the next two days, I didn't see Kauri, he had a massive backlog of work he needed to clear up. 'Really, I should be working full time with you.' He told me, 'This is big, this could be a lot of money, but - still gotta eat, right?'

I nodded, 'You got to do what you got to do man. Thanks so much, for everything.'

On the third day, I ate half a cheeseburger and half a Big Mac that I scavenged out of a rubbish bin for breakfast, showered under a water fountain, then walked down to Kauri's office. We took a cab to the airport then flew for an hour to a much nicer city than the one we'd been in.

'Crusher Media's headquarters.' Kauri explained, This place was a town in the early days but they've built it up around them.'

We took another cab through the city streets. They were clean, treelined, without a single homeless person in sight. Then, in front of us, rising up above the city like a monolith was a building I recognized - The Crusher Media Tower. At the top, somewhere in this sea of glass, Richard Balls sat watching us like a wannabe Dr Evil.

After convincing security that we really were here to sue the pants off Crusher Media, we were taken up the elevator, and into Ball's office. Balls was sitting at his desk, a businesslike smile came onto his face when he saw Kauri. That smile change to a frown as soon as he laid eyes on me. Beside Balls was his lawyer, a man far older than Kauri with a far more expensive-looking suit.

Balls was wearing a sparkling gold watch that matched a pair of diamond rings on his fingers. He gestured to the chairs in front of him and we sat down, 'It's good to see you, gentlemen.' Balls said, glancing at his wrist, 'Only 10 minutes late.'

'Sorry,' Kauri said, 'Your security took a little while to convince that we were the real deal.'

Balls laughed, 'You know how it is...' his eyes flickered over to me, '...we get a lot of rabble in here.'

The lawyer beside Balls was staring at Kauri, 'You've taken this man's case up. Do you believe anything he's saying?'

The inflection in his voice was so perfect that I couldn't help but doubt myself. He must have practised it a million times.

'Yes,' Kauri matched his tone, 'I do. And I believe that you don't want it to go before the courts because you think you'll lose.'

The lawyer just smiled, 'If it goes before the courts, it can get into the press. Crusher Media is very happy with the way it has acted. But if we can avoid the courts and...' he coughed, 'unnecessary cost to your cash-strapped client. We believe that would work out in the favour of both parties.'

Kauri nodded slowly, ‘Okay... so... you wish to go ahead with what we’ve proposed.’

Balls and his lawyer laughed, they looked like little demon twins.

‘No,’ Balls’ lawyer said, ‘no way. We have, however, decided to offer to buy Mr Hill’s story from him.’

‘No.’ I said, ‘no way.’

‘We haven’t even discussed the price,’ Balls’ lawyer said.

‘Don’t have to. I’m not selling my story.’

‘Even for two million dollars?’

There was silence. I looked across at Kauri. Until I arrived at Crusher I’d been a nobody. A lame-ass unemployed dude whose only habit was reading. I had hardly any friends, I had never visited another country, or been invited to a party.

But all that had changed – I was being offered two million dollars. The sort of figure most people dream of. The sort of figure someone living on the street has no right to refuse. But then I thought about all the people who had got me to where I was: Astra, Hera, Victor, Clive and the crew in the resistance, Lonely Cultivator. To take the money would feel like betraying them all.

I took a deep breath.

‘No. Not for two million, not for ten million, not for a hundred. I want my story.’

Balls and his lawyer looked at each other. Balls gave a slight nod.

‘Right...’ Balls’ lawyer made a little scribble on the tablet in front of him, ‘Here’s what we’re offering Mr Hill – seen as you will not sell us your work. We will pay you two cents a read, for the 12 million reads that weren’t included in your debt to us. However, we will also take your book off of our platform. You will not earn another cent from us. You will not get an apology. You will not get an investigation.’

I stared at Richard Balls face, it was completely impassive.

That was when Kauri spoke up, ‘Make that ten cents a read.’

‘Three cents,’ Balls’ lawyer bit back.

‘Seven.’

‘Five cents,’ Balls lawyer put down his legal pad, ‘We will not go any higher than that.’

Kauri held up his hand, and look around. ‘Is there somewhere we can go? I think we just need a moment.”

Balls’ lawyer gestured towards the hallway. I stared at Balls’ face one last time. He was staring at Kauri.

We walked to the hallway, Kauri checked up and down, then said, “Okay. That was intense.’

I laughed, ‘You did well... I think if we keep squeezing we can...’

'Eli. I think if we keep squeezing I'm gonna poop myself.' Kauri held up a finger, cutting me off, ‘We have to agree Eli. This is the best thing they’ve offered so far. I don’t think we’re going to get another cent out of them.’

‘I think they could do more... It’s not about the money Kauri – it’s about revenge – sticking it to them for all they’ve done to me.’

Kauri shook his head, ‘We’ve done well with the negotiations so far Eli. To be honest I didn’t expect to get this far. We can’t afford court. We can’t afford to have them turn us down. 5 cents times 12 million reads Eli – that’s six hundred thousand dollars.’

I nodded, ‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’

‘Okay. Let’s go get rich.’

Kauri clapped me on the back, ‘That’s my favourite part of the job.’

We walked out there and we signed some forms from Balls’ lawyer. Balls signed some forms from Kauri. Then we got up to go. I couldn’t wait to be out of that air-conditioned, sweet-smelling hellhole.

‘Ahh... Counsel Kruger.’ Balls said, smiling at Kauri, ‘Which law firm are you representing here today?’

Kauri shook his head, ‘None. I’m here on my own to represent Mr Hill.’

‘Ahh, but you work for Colman and Co? Right?’

Kauri swallowed, ‘I don't’ see how that’s relevant to today’s busine-’

‘-Oh, no, no it’s just that Coleman, your boss, likes to putt around at a few of my golf courses. Will you say hi to him for me?’

Kauri’s face went two shades lighter. I jerked my head in the direction of the elevator, ‘C’mon, let’s get out of here.’