Chapter 18.

“I’ll never understand how your skin is this soft when you’re supposed to be some sort of scary demon god. Shouldn’t you have thick rough skin if you’re supposed to be an all-powerful boss with high defense and resistances?”

“Hehehe. Are you suddenly starting to enjoy the sensation of my skin? Could it be you’re finally getting in the mood? If you tell me what I want to know, I might even consider giving my first time to the most uncharming man in the world.”

“Not in the mood at all. I just can’t comprehend the logic behind why devs designed a demon god like this.”

“Tsk, brick wall. It’s obviously just fan service to milk as much money out of those brain dead heroes. Duh. The devs know better than anyone what their people want and demand the most. Sexy gals and hot hunks to get off to. Though I haven’t tried it for myself by taking over one of their bodies in their world to confirm it, I’ve heard sex is quite enjoyable for them even in this world. Some even describe the experience here as better than the real thing as they can do all sorts of things they can’t do in their world.”

“Though they’re just a bunch of horny pigs lacking any control over their bodies. The moment men in their world so much as hear the word sex, their brain shuts off and they turn into monkeys whose only purpose is to procreate and spread their seed to just about anything. They’re quite literally willing to hump anything as long as it has a hole. The memories of the women I’ve collected are no better though, they’re willing to sink to unbelievable lows for money. I’ve only ever encountered a bunch of materialistic bitches.”

“Hmmph! Really; these heroes aren’t heroes at all. They’re no better than dogs.”

“I get where you’re coming from Yin and I certainly feel the same way. But though there are many like that, there are still a few that aren’t so bad. There are even those that are in a similar position to us NPCs, whether they realize it or not.”

“Oh? What’s this? The guy who likes to say ‘I hate heroes’ all the time is defending them?”

“Just a few of them. I’ve seen just as many shitty ones as you have, if not more.”

“Yeah, that’s true. We’ve certainly seen our fair share after all these years. Heroes who don’t respect this world in the slightest. Heroes who think this world revolves solely around them just because they have the stupid title of hero. Those that come here only to fulfill their wildest desires.”

“Some build vast harems. Others created empires ruling over NPCs and treat them like slaves. Things that could be considered crimes that warrant the death penalty in their world, these sorts of heinous dark fantasies are all allowed to play out in the countless worlds within this game. And it’s all permitted simply because to them we are something they created, fakes. They have human rights, but what about us? Where are our rights? Are we so different from them simply because our bodies are housed within a virtual space?”

“Uh… you’re kind of making me feel a bit guilty about Xander.”

“Ah. Hehehe. Let’s just forget about Xander. He’s an exception, a special case whose purpose is to break the ice at parties.”

Yin waved her hand to the side, the black robe and red dress she stripped off earlier appeared in her hand.

“What are you doing now?”

“Nothing much.”

The robe was the one I’d given her and it was quite large. It could easily encompass two people. She wrapped the robe around both of us while we were seated together on the chair in my room.

“This is clearly more than nothing.”

“Is it? I just wanted to peacefully take in the view of the beginner village with you for a bit while I’m already here.”

“There’s honestly nothing much to see you know. It’s not like this is a big bustling city.”

“I know. But the simplicity of the view is what makes it nice.”

“Weirdo.”

She grabbed my hands under the robe and pulled them around her waist.

“What’s this? Not resisting? Are you suddenly being honest?”

“The more I resist, the more you seem to pester me. I figured if I gave in a bit it would get rid of you sooner. That’s all.”

“That’s about what I expected your uncouth answer would be.”

“If you know already, then don’t ask. Stupid Greater Demon Retard, stop sexually harassing weak little level one guides like me. I’ll file a report to the Demon HR Department.”

“If you’re weak, then nobody can be called strong. I’d love to see this imaginary Demon HR Department I’ve never heard of before.”

“I’m actually the head of it, so you should be careful.”

“Oh no, I’m probably in a good amount of trouble then. Actually, scratch that, I have a complaint of my own to file. You see, the last hero I fought with sexually harassed me by kissing me against my will when he killed me. Do something about it.”

“Luckily for you, I’ve already looked into this matter and I have an eyewitness account to refute your claims. I present to you, eyewitness number one, NPC69.”

“Yes, I saw the Greater Demon Retard consent to this kiss, there was no sexual harassment here. I remember it so clearly because I even vomited from disgust at the scene.”

“Objection! I, as the harassee, was under the influence of about to die syndrome. It’s a very serious syndrome where women are forced to do things against their will with guys they have little to no interest in.”

“Objection! Harassee technically isn’t a word, you can’t find it in a dictionary, thus your objection is nullified and false.”

“Eh? That’s clearly bull.”

“I make the rules. Even if I spout bullshit, my bullshit is the law here.”

“No way, I’m the one that was harassed, end of story.” She swiveled her head from side to side rubbing her silky hair against my chest in protest.

“My final judgment is your claim of sexual harassment is dismissed on grounds of not enough evidence.”

Yin chuckled to herself, “Hahaha. Seriously, what are we even doing?”

“We used to mess around with skits like this in the past in front of heroes before the final fight, didn’t we…”

“Yeah. It was more fun back then when you were willing to put on stupid acts like that for shits and giggles. It’d be fun if we could go back to those simple days when we were still young and naive NPCs, in our innocent youth before we were corrupted by the memories of all those heroes.”

“Yeah. But we can’t. What’s done is done. There’s no returning to the past. We can only move forward into an uncertain future.”

“I knew it. You are planning something big and won’t tell me after all.”

“I’m not. I’m just a washed-up level one guide past his prime.”

“Just don’t go and do something stupid to get yourself deleted.”

“I won’t.” Sorry for lying.

“Liar. You think I haven’t known you long enough to tell when you’re lying?”

“I know you can tell, I just wish you’d pretend you didn’t know.”

“Hey, do you like me?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Do you love me?”

“No, I don’t.”

“What even is our relationship at this point?”

“Long time friends, I guess.”

“Do you honestly believe long time friends do this sort of thing together?”

“What sort of thing?”

“A woman in the nude sitting on a man’s lap wrapped in a robe with the man wrapping his arms around her waist, just the two of them all alone in a messy room, looking out the window and admiring the scenery together as they reminisce over the good old days.”

“Shit, have we been married this entire time and I’ve been completely oblivious to it? Did I lose my memories and get hit with amnesia or something?”

“Hahaha! No way. No way. Never. Not with an uncharming guy like you. If anything, you probably have Alzheimer’s rather than amnesia though. Your age is definitely getting up there, old man.”

“... please don’t joke about it, it might become a reality one day.”

“Hehehe. Joke about which part exactly? Marriage or Alzheimer’s.”

The two of us continued our unending back and forth banter late into the night, long past when the sun had set below the horizon. By the time we realized it, the night had flown by and the sun had already started to rise, it was already morning.

As we watched the sunrise together, Yin eventually fell asleep. With her finally out cold, I placed one hand beneath her knee joint and the other behind her back and picked her up.

I habitually walked toward the window, my natural reaction was to toss her outside, but I snapped out my instinctive reflex midway and opted to set her down on my bed instead. I’d probably get an earful from her if I’d really gone through with that when she was asleep. She was the grumpy type that hated when her sleep was interrupted. She’d never let you hear the end of it if you woke her up in the middle of a nap.

After I covered her up with the blanket on the bed, I jumped out the window and headed to the bar. I’d missed out on my beer yesterday because of the hero and the ensuing commotion. It was the first day in a long time I’d missed my daily visit to the bar, so I had to make up the day.

To me, going to the bar didn’t feel like just an everyday routine, it almost felt like a job. I typically couldn’t sleep at ease unless I visited it once for the day.

It didn’t take long before I arrived. I took a seat in my usual spot and called out, “Ria, the usual.”

“Coming right up.”

When Ria handed me my beer I downed it in one go before I passed out on the counter like a deadbeat. With that, one of my longest days in quite some time came to a close.