Chapter 15.

Now… to deal with this troublesome GDR.

I grabbed her hand, pulled her into my place, and shut the door behind us.

“Oh, could it be you’ve finally given in to temptation and are about to force yourself on me?”

“Cut the crap. What are you plotting now, Greater Demon Retard? Why are you here?”

She took off her mask and looked me directly in the eyes. It felt like she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes, but with her face that always appeared tranquil, it was impossible to tell.

“What?”

“It’s been over half a year and you still haven’t paid me a visit even once.”

“You do realize you’re the Greater Demon Retard, right? Why would I casually go and pay a visit to such a big shot?”

“And that’s why I decided since you won’t pay a visit I’ll just join the hero party.”

“Where’s the logic in that? That makes no sense! You’re supposed to be the hero’s greatest adversary and you’re supposed to despise the hero.”

“There are some things that are greater than my hate for the hero.”

“Like what?”

“My burning hatred for the good for nothing who won’t even visit my place anymore. I waited over half a year, you know. You could have at least sent a letter saying that you’re busy or something. But what do I get? I come back and find that the hero still hasn’t even started on the main storyline. What kind of idiot is this hero that he can’t even treat you to a beer to start the main storyline! AHHHH! Just thinking about it pisses me off.”

“I’m honestly amazed, even your pissed off face looks identical to your neutral face.”

“I’m not pissed off.”

“You just said you were.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Look, I’m just taking a vacation because this hero was a complete noob. I’m letting him grind his level up a bit. If he didn’t at least do that he wouldn’t have even been able to beat Xander.”

“Eh? For real? Not even Xander?”

“Yes, not even Xander. He was that much of a noob. It’s rare for me to get complete newbies.” Though he probably would have been able to with White, there was the chance he’d have just died in the crossfire from one of Xander’s large scale AOE attacks.

“But didn’t you just send him off to-”

“Yeah, he should be fine now… probably.”

“Wait, I’m not going to fall for you trying to pull a fast one. You just want to keep slacking off, don’t you?”

“Tsk.”

While exchanging our usual banter we entered my room. I took a seat by the window again while she laid down on my bed.

“You should really at least clean up your place… and stop using all these legendary swords in garbage bags as a carpet.”

“No matter how much you nag me about it I have no intention of doing so.”

“You’re such a pain.”

Sniff. Sniff.

Sniff. Sniff.

“Hey, what are you doing you weirdo? Why are you sniffing my bed like that.”

“You had a woman over? Wait… this smell, that damn silver furball again? Don’t tell me you finally crossed the line and did it with that cat. Beastiality, you’ve really sunk that low?”

“Of course not. She just showed up on her own out of nowhere because she allegedly “lost” her puppy. Don’t pretend you aren’t aware that the puppy cowering in the corner over there is hers.”

“So you’re admitting to the crime of rendezvousing with that damn cat then?”

“No.”

“Wait a minute. What is this?”

Sniff. Sniff.

“What are you, a dog?”

She got off the bed and approached me and started to sniff me.

“It’s not just your bed, her scent is all over your body as well. Are you still going to try and deny your guilt?”

“What are you getting so worked up over a stupid cat for?”

“She is certainly just a stupid cat, however, she is a stupid cat that can freely change her appearance to suit any man’s ideal woman. Not even I have such a convenient ability.”

“Well, you’re not exactly the type that needs that sort of ability, are you?”

“I clearly do.”

“Oh, so you wouldn’t need to wear a mask all the time? You’re right, that would be pretty convenient. You could also use that sort of ability to make different facial expressions.”

She silently stared me directly in the eyes with a deadpan expression.

“What?”

“I’ve always disliked the way you pretend to be oblivious.”

“I have no interest in women who can only show a singular expression.”

“That’s why you’ll never be popular.”

“I also hate cats.”

“I know.”

“If you know that then what are you pestering me for?”

“Because it’s fun to bug you.”

“I really don’t get why you’re annoyed that the hero is taking so long to start the main storyline. You should be thankful to me that you’re indirectly profiting and getting some relaxation time yourself while the hero is dawdling.”

“It’s lonely all alone up in that stuffy isolated castle. If you came to visit me more often it would be a different story.”

“I refuse.”

“You…”

“Nothing you do can change my mind. I am absolutely not going. Anytime I go a bunch of annoying rumors start to spread among your subordinates. Like how I’m pushing you down and forcing myself on you at night. Or how you’re left crying to yourself as I heartlessly leave you the next day.”

“There are such rumors? But all we do is play chess and drink tea while talking about stupid stuff. I’m usually losing to you horribly in chess every time, is that where the first one comes from? Then after being defeated so many times I am crying and begging you while I’m dragged across the floor while gripping onto your leg for one more match whenever you’re trying to leave the next day.”

“Yeah and your subordinates all misunderstand because you act so out of character.”

“I see. So the reason you won’t come is just because of these rumors that have spread? Then what if there were no longer any rumors? Would you come to visit then?”

“Hmmm? Maybe I’d consider it.”

“Really?”

“I only said I’d consider it.”

“Then…”

“Wait. What are you doing?” Her dress slipped down over her shoulders and dropped to the ground as she approached me and sat down on my lap facing me fully nude.

“If they become the truth then they will no longer be rumors, right?”

“Are you an idiot? That just makes things even worse. Get off me.”

“No. Ow. Ow. Ow. It hurts. Let go. It’ll come out if you do that.”

“Heal. The asteroid will come out. Don’t say misleading things that can be easily misunderstood.”

“What could possibly be misunderstood here? It’s my first time, you’re hurting me.”

“Yeah, it certainly is the first time I’m pinching your waist, stop trying to make me out to be some sort of sadist.”

“Aren’t you? You’re always bullying me when we’re on top of the bed together.”

“Yeah bullying you in chess which we coincidentally play on your bed. Ugh, even though I know what I mean it still sounds suggestive saying it. Seriously stop, I know what you’re trying to do here.”

“You really aren’t affected at all by my appearance in the slightest, are you?”

“Yeah, so get off of me, Greater Demon Retard.”

“Are you actually impotent? Did the devs screw up when they programmed you?”

“Did the devs screw up when they programmed me? I should be the one asking you that. They clearly screwed up when they programmed this irrational AI of yours.”

“Seriously, just what sort of woman is your ideal if I’m not it?”

“I have no ideal woman.”

“Then if I fell for that noob hero, what would you do?”

“Nothing, I’d send you off with my best wishes to join that idiot’s harem of floozies and bimbos.”

“You’re so damn infuriating.” Her body moved closer as her bare chest pressed up against me. Her skin was soft, unbearably so.

“You’re too close.”

“Oh? Are you finally starting to grow aware of me?”

“I’m not.”

“Then I won’t get off until I get a reaction. My pride as a woman won’t allow it especially when my people call me the top beauty.”

“You just want a reaction? You’ll get off and leave me alone if you get one?”

“Yeah.”

“Then don’t blame me for this.”

The centimeter gap between our faces decreased in a flash as I bit her lip.