April 10th, 2011, Saturday, 9:02 AM.

I was lazing on the couch watching the morning news, the Brockton Bay Wards were getting a new member, again. Shadow Stalker had joined last year sometime, around August I think, she totally looked like a Death Eater though, I’m not going to lie, she had a creepy-ass mask and wore a black hood over an almost entirely black costume. Triumph bless his little heart, had gone, and aged out of the Wards, who only allowed people below the age of majority. Triumph had been fast-tracked straight into the Protectorate.

I wiped an imaginary tear from my eye, they grow up so fast.

The newest addition to the wards should have called himself 'Absolutely Jacked Man' but instead, he was getting introduced as Browbeat, I wondered idly if he had been given a stern talking to about his choice of name, heh. Browbeat was a tall guy and his muscles looked like they belonged on an absolutely top-tier bodybuilder, his power must have been Super Swole. Browbeat’s costume covered his entire body except for his eyes, it was a dark blue bodysuit with a simple repeating blue diamond pattern of a lighter shade.

Browbeat had been positioned between Vista and Shadow Stalker, he absolutely dwarfed them both, the size disparity between the three of them made him look even bigger by comparison, and I had no doubt that it had been done for exactly that effect. I watched them answer question after question from the press, each of them pausing thoughtfully before answering. Either they were being fed the lines through an earpiece or the questions were curated in some way, they were all softballs, it was all part of the show I guessed.

I sighed, this was boring.

I was sitting around doing nothing, but at least this time I was getting paid. Coil had contacted me a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue with a job offer that he wanted me to look over only this time the client was him. I hadn’t done an actual job for Coil in the entire time we had worked together, strangely enough, he was simply my hook-up for finding jobs, so this was very unusual, and had the potential to mess up our relationship if it went badly.

The job he proposed was a long-term contract, which wasn't something I had done before, which he had to have known, but I let him give me the elevator pitch anyway. I would be on call, for the next few months. I would get paid a small amount for each day that I was on call, regardless if he a task for me to complete or not. If he did have a task, I would get paid a fair amount appropriate scaled to the difficulty of the task, if the task involved combat, bonus pay would be negotiated based on the perceived threat level. It was honestly a good deal all around, and I was tempted to take it outright, but I was much more hesitant than ever when it came to just agreeing to things these days, what was the catch, I asked him.

Coil straight up told me that the targets I would be expected to fight could be anyone, the Wards, the Protectorate, New Wave, Azn Bad Boys, Empire Eighty-Eight, the Merchants, and any number of other people. It depended entirely upon on who was between Coil and whatever his goal was at the time, a goal I wouldn't be made aware of unless it was necessary for the job, Coil had added.

This worried me a bit, but I had been working with Coil for around two years at this point, and as far as I knew he had never intentionally fucked me over or ratted me out to anyone. Even when that bounty had popped up, he hadn’t blinked an eye at it and continued to send work my way without pause, we had a good but distant working relationship.

I was worried if I said no that it might come to an end.

This wouldn't be as crippling to me as it would have, say a year ago, when I hadn’t been as well established as I was now. Now I was smarter and stronger than ever, I even had a reputation for kicking the ass of any aspiring bounty hunter that thought they could take me down. I had money to spare, I even had some connections through which I could find more work. I could have said no and gotten along simply fine without him, but the man had helped me out for years, so I decided that I would help him out in return.

I told him to call me when he had a target in mind.

April 11th, 2011, Sunday, 11:57 PM.

It was just before midnight when Coil called me for the first time, I snatched the phone up from my bedside table and answered it immediately.

"Yes?" I asked calmly, already getting out of bed.

"The Undersiders, who are currently working for me," Coil said coolly, "Are about to be attacked by Lung and Oni Lee."

I didn't say anything for a moment, and Coil continued to explain the job.

"I need you to make sure they don’t die." Coil said evenly. "I believe you know what both of them are capable of?"

Come on man, the first job is fucking Lung of all people? With a side of Oni Lee? Of course, I knew what they could do, who the fuck didn’t? I didn’t say any of this, of course, I wasn’t an idiot.

I took a deep breath, and then let it out, I had a job to do.

"Where are they?" I asked easily, after a brief pause.

My phone dinged and I moved it away from my ear for a second to see what it was, the docks, the Undersiders base, and the last known location of Lung were all listed on a map application that I definitely hadn't installed on my phone. Yikes, there were some pictures I needed to delete ASAP. I didn't think Coil was the type to be looking at my longboi, but I hadn't made it this long by taking risks.

"I'm on my way." I agreed, after a moment of studying the map.

"Very well." Coil said coolly, before hanging up.

The entire time I was on the phone I had been dragging my costume on with wires, and by the time Coil had hung up I was ready to go. I hopped out of the window of my apartment and shot off into the sky in an instant.

It wasn't until a minute later that I realized that I had no idea who the fuck the Undersiders were.

April 11th, 2011, Monday, 12:02 PM.

I had initially gone high to get my bearings before setting out towards the blinking dot on my phone, I started moving lower when I got closer to the docks, trying to see if any fighting had broken out already. I saw a burst of fire over a rooftop in the distance and changed directions immediately. I came across a tall man who was shooting fire all over the place and yelling in anger. That would be Lung, but I couldn't see Oni Lee anywhere. Lung was a big dude, covered in awesome tattoo’s and he had a striking mask covering his face. I spotted who he was fighting after a moment of searching, there was a girl in a dark costume hiding on a roof nearby, completely unmoving, probably one of the Undersiders.

Lung leaped from the street, straight up onto the roof in a single jump. Holy fuck, that was some crazy strength, I brought myself closer and did my best to draw his attention away from the girl.

"Hey, Burnt-Face Man!" I yelled mockingly, before slapping him with a person-sized wire-construct shaped like a hand. "Try this on for size!"

Lung dug his clawed feet into the roof and face checked my construct, but it only drove him backward about halfway across the roof instead of sending him flying.

What!?

The girl hiding on the roof was looking at us both in shock and I couldn’t help but notice that she still wasn’t running away.

Come on lady get moving.

"Uh," I said weakly. "Did it fit?"

Lung let out an angry shout and shot a massive blast of fire at me.

I barely twisted out of the way of it and Lung raised his hands up before firing off a barrage of fireballs like he was from a god damned anime or something. I moved out of the way, but he keep shooting at where I had been floating before, I watched him strangely for a moment, what on earth was he doing? Lung stopped firing after a while but kept his arms outstretched, he made no move to try and aim at me again.

"What are you aiming at?" I said hesitantly.

Lung yelled again and adjusted his aim, he began to mercilessly blast the area I had been in before I moved away again. What in the seven hells was this guy on? Was he setting up a god damned hell-zone grenade or something?

"He can't see you!" The girl yelled out suddenly, before desperately diving out of the way of Lung's sudden leap towards her.

Oh.

I caught her with wires before bringing her up beside me, she was struggling and trying to escape like a crazy person, but she stopped after a moment while looking down at the distant ground. Lung tried to shoot us again, but I just moved out of the way once more, he said something in a language that I didn’t speak, sounding angry before he started scratching at his eyes with his claws.

"Hey, chill," I said easily. "I'll take care of this guy, you should get out of here, Coil's orders."

I gave her a giant wire thumbs up and put her down on another nearby roof. Lung raised his head and it was a mess of bloody cuts, it started healing slowly and now he was looking straight at us, there was a fire in his eyes.

"He has high-speed regeneration," The girl said belatedly, "Super hearing, pyrokinesis and he gets bigger and stronger the longer he fights."

All useful information, I thought, but I knew all of it already, except for the super hearing part.

"I blinded him with pepper spray already," She continued, trying to give me every bit of tactical advice she could between each breathe. "I also made hundreds of insects bite him on his," She hesitated, "You know."

She jerked her head strangely.

"I don't know. Bit him on his what?' I asked, curious.

Her posture looked awkward as she pointed down to her crotch area and Urchin felt a slow realization come over him. Lung was getting bigger now, pumping himself up, he must have heard us talking because he let out a yell and jumped at the building we were standing on. I slapped him back down to the ground with a hand three times the size of the first one, he hit the roof with an explosion of debris before breaking straight through it.

There was now screaming coming from the buildings nearby, but I was much too upset to care.

"You did what to his dick?!" I shouted in outrage, "That’s messed up, and what's this about insects?!"

I tried to picture it and flinched away from the mental image, the girl let out a noise of protest.

"I didn't bite him on the dick." She said angrily, "I made the insects do it."

That's what I said, you crazy woman.

Lung had started to climb back onto the roof, he was even bigger now and didn’t look injured at all by my last hit.

"It was a combination of bees, wasps, black widows, brown recluses, and some fire ants." She said, "I tried to get as much venom into his system as I could, to try and slow down his healing."

I was horrified, and I made sure to tighten my wires around myself locking down all of the gaps. I was going to buy some heavy-duty ski goggles, or a visor or something, and a cup! I wasn't stepping near this chick without full coverage ever again.

Spider bites on the dick, fucking what.

"Lung!" I shouted down at him, and he turned to look up at me. "Your dick is going to fall off, man! You need to get to the fucking hospital or something!"

Lung’s mouth dropped open a bit in surprise and the girl was now looking at me like I was an idiot.

"Skin necrosis and shit man!" I continued wildly, waving my arms. "That shit is fucked up!"

I could have sworn that he looked down at his dick for a moment, I felt a shiver rock my body and shook my hands out at the idea, Lung suddenly let out a yell of rage.

I fucking feel you, bro, that shit is nasty.

He leaped at us again and this time I hit him with two hands from both sides and turned it into a big ass ball around him. I was tempted to throw the poor guy towards a hospital or something, but he was far too angry right now, and his junk probably looked like a 'Bad Dragon' product now. You couldn't take that kind of stuff into a hospital, they had rules against that sort of thing.

I wondered idly if that tinker Dragon had ever tried for that sponsorship before, I shook my head and refocused on the situation at hand.

I lifted both constructs up into the air and then flung them down towards the ground, releasing Lung to smash straight into it, he impacted with the noise of shattering concrete as he completely cratered the ground, he also got right the fuck back up as if nothing had happened.

Jesus Christ.

Lung stopped advancing for a moment and looked behind us as three gigantic things suddenly leaped off the building above us and landed right next to us.

I had to stop myself from slapping everybody the fuck off the roof out of sheer reflex.

"Who the fuck are you guys?" I demanded from the closest beast.

The colossal beast tilted its head strangely at my words and I realized suddenly that there were people riding on top of the things.

There was a tall dude in black leather who was wearing a white skulled motorbike helmet, his costume looked like what Dean’s bargain bin version wanted to be when it grew up. Sitting behind him was another guy who was dressed like he was royalty or something, he had a fancy circlet on his head and everything. A thickly built girl with short dirty-blonde hair sat on a different creature, she wore a big fur-lined jacket and a dog mask that she must have bought for two-dollars, woof. The final girl had long messy blonde hair and a skin-tight purple bodysuit that had black highlights and a large 'Tt' on the front of it.

The group climbed off the giant spiky beasts and the dog-girl whistled before pointing down into the alley. Where these giant creatures dogs? They dove off the roof and attacked Lung with fervor. I watched him get tossed around for a moment before turning back to the group.

The Tee-tee girl opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off with a particularly important question.

"Why do you have such large Tee-tees on your chest, woman?" I asked with a shit-eating grin that nobody could see, but everybody could hear.

She immediately looked annoyed, I was truly a master at first impressions. The guy that was dressed like royalty started laughing his ass of.

Heh, finally someone that wasn't a sociopath laughing at my jokes, I was worried for a bit there I’m not going to lie.

The girl that I had been protecting shifted uncomfortably inside the wire grip I still had on her. I eyed her warily for a moment, ain't nobody biting me on the dick. I let her go onto the roof and made the 'I'm watching you' gesture at her, but she merely stepped back a bit from everybody.

The tee-tee girl finally spoke up, still looking pretty annoyed.

"Hilarious." She deadpanned, before turning to the bug-girl. "We’re the Undersiders, thanks for the help."

What the hecking heck?

"Hey! What about me?" I pouted behind my mask.

Tee-tee glanced over and gave me a shallow nod before dismissing me once more, wow, unbelievable.

Wait if they were the Undersiders, then who the hell did I just save? My gaze snapped over to the big guy with the helmet when he suddenly started moving towards the edge of the roof to look down at Lung and the giant doggies.

"What did you do to him? He's supposed to be stronger than this." The skull guy said evenly, and I turned to watch the battle with him.

Lung was tossing the dogs everywhere, he was clearly stronger than them now, but the dogs were durable enough that they kept coming back and latching onto his limbs before he would fight them off all over again, the bug-girl spoke up, repeating what she told me before, minus the dick thing.

I watched her warily when she skipped over that part.

"Introduction time. I’m Grue." Grue said calmly and pointed at Tee-tee. "That’s Tattletale."

Grue turned and pointed at the girl with the fur-lined jacket.

"That's Bitch.” Grue continued, "She also goes by Hellhound."

Wow, rude, why not call her that then? I thought, he also didn't say anything about the last guy, this dude was kind of a dick.

"Fuck you, Grue!" The guy with the circlet said annoyed, "I'm Regent."

"What are your names?" Grue asked evenly, pointing first to me than the bug-girl.

"Urchin, Mercenary," I said easily, wondering if they knew about the bounty.

Grue nodded hesitantly before turning to the girl and we all watched her shrink in on herself at the attention.

"I," Bug-girl started hesitantly. "haven't picked one yet." She finished more quietly.

"I know what we can call you!" I said immediately, but she cut me off.

"Absolutely not!" Bug-girl shouted and crossed her arms in front of her, like a game show.

Well shit, she was quick.

"The heroes will be here in about a minute," Tattletale said smiling. "If they see all us baddies duking it out, they will definitely arrest us all, we had better skedaddle."

Who the fuck says skedaddle? I'm also totally not a baddie, I’m a goodie who does work for baddies, there is totally a difference. Bitch whistled and the dogs managed to scale the side of the building in a handful of seconds.

Lung was still crawling out of a hole in the side of a building that they had managed put him through, he was also really fucking big now, taller than the giant dogs and he just kept getting bigger. I was going to have a hell of a time trying to contain him now, I might have to go for operation toss Lung into the ocean after all. The Undersiders all climbed up onto the dogs and turned to leave with nothing more than a wave.

They tore off into the night, leaping across the rooftops, leaving me alone with the girl who murdered Lung’s dick.

"Hey," I said seriously, and she looked at me, looking ready to run. "Don't bite anymore dicks okay?"

"Shut up!" Bug-girl yelled angrily, then looked surprised at herself.

Strange girl, I thought before starting to respond, which of course was when Armsmaster popped his head around the corner of a building and shot Lung in the crotch.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" I yelled in anger.

Lung yelled with me, furious at the world.

He managed to take two stumbling steps towards Armsmaster before he fell on his face, he began shrinking a moment later. Armsmaster immediately started to tie him up, he cuffed his hands and feet before tossing the villain over his motorbike, which had rolled around the corner a couple of moments before, seemingly on its own accord.

"You need any help getting out of here?" I asked the bug-girl while keeping my eye on the hero.

I was getting ready to bail because if I stayed Armsmaster might try and bully me, the bug-girl looked at me then down at Armsmaster, clearly skittish.

"You're going to let me go?" She asked and I blinked at her from behind my mask.

What?

I started to respond but Armsmaster cut me off, he was standing at the foot of the building looking up at us. I watched as he crossed his arms, he truly was a master at using those things, what an honor to be in his presence.

"Urchin." Armsmaster said calmly, "Who’s the girl?"

When I abruptly picked her up with wires, both her and Armsmaster tensed in alarm. I quickly moved her off the roof and lowered her down to him before vanishing the wires, bug-girl stumbled a step before moving backward out of arms-reach of the hero.

Heh.

"She was beating the crap out of Lung before I got here." I said easily, "I was just passing through; thought I should help out."

Armsmaster took a step backward from the girl at the news, realizing that anyone that could tangle with Lung would be dangerous. I looked down at them both, and the girl was staring back up at me.

I've got her this time, I thought. Armsmaster might be able to talk some sense into her, I just had to warn him.

"Bug-girl!" I said abruptly, "Don't bite anymore-"

"Shut up!" Bug-girl shouted again, and I fled.

Armsmaster watched me go no small amount of worry etched into his posture. Fuck it, I was afraid of her, I'm not going to lie.

Be careful man, she's got dick spiders.

April 11th, 2011, Monday, 1:18 PM.

My phone started to ring just as I reached my apartment building.

"Hey," I said cheerfully.

"Urchin." Coil sounded pleased. "Well done, I've received word that Lung has been taken into custody."

"Yeah," I said easily. "I never saw Oni Lee though, want me to go after him?"

Coil seemed to give that decent amount of contemplation before he spoke again.

"No," Coil said finally, "I will call you with your next task."

You better not leave me waiting for three fucking weeks this time man.

"Alright," I said just as he hung up.

Say goodbye next time asshole! How rude.

April 11th, 2011, Monday, 12:17 PM.

I watched as Dean and Chris ate lunch together, on the other side of the cafeteria. They chatted and messed about with each other, looking like any other group in the cafeteria. They hadn't changed that much in a year, but I saw them pretty much every day so maybe I just couldn't tell. I narrowed my eyes in thought, they were both a bit taller, probably. I looked to the other side of the room easily spotting Rory Christner talking to Victoria and Amy Dallon, the celebrities of the school. I wondered if they knew he was Triumph, Victoria suddenly leaned over and pulled Rory into a hug.

Oh, they were dating, there was no way that they didn't know who he was then, right? Amy rolled her eyes at the pair, before looking away from the two in disgust. I laughed quietly to myself before I stood up, I took my tray to the rubbish bin and cleaned it off, before stacking the tray on top with all of the others.

My sense of paranoia had been renewed at school, I was once again studying everyone at the school, nearly everyone I had encountered during the Lung fiasco had looked and sounded around my age. Did the Undersiders all go to Arcadia as well? Was the school secretly being overrun by villains? I shivered, or worse? I couldn't protect myself at school with my wires, so I was still wearing a cup, just in case. I walked past the heroes on my way out the door, but they didn't even give me a second glance.