Before every match, Caleo would request a stereo be put in his teams’ locker room. He would bring a mixtape with him that he would play at high volume in order to get his team into the fighting mood. The mixtape was usually filled with dwarven death metal, but he’d also throw in some gnome new wave, druidic celtica, and goblin-punk for good measure.

With the assistance of Delvo the equipment manager, the gladiators donned the armor that would help protect them in the arena. Caleo wore silver plated armor made similar to the Piercing Light Knights of yore. He never wore a helm, however, as he dreaded getting helmet hair and would rather lose a match than win one not looking good while doing so.

Zeratron’s armor was heavy like Caleo’s, but far more menacing looking. His was fully made of obsidian. Spiked pauldrons added both offense and defense, and his shovel-chinned dragon helm gave him extra protection in the neck area. Zeratron’s obsidian dragon armor was voted “coolest armor” on numerous unofficial fan sites.

Arcanus was still trying to wash all the urine from the piss balloon out of his hair. Once he was all washed up, he put on purple robes that made him look more like a scholar than a fighter. Fenrick still wore his school uniform and made no indication of wearing something different.

Once the cassette tape ran its length, the room was filled with a heavy silence. It was mere moments before they had to report to the fighting square. Caleo took last-second precautions, checking over his gauntlets and making sure his breastplate was fastened.

“This is it; you guys ready?”

The three said that they were, but Caleo could tell that they weren’t fully ready for the battle to come. Their responses were meek; the music didn’t fully do its job this time. He knew then that this was the time to prove himself as not just a good captain, but a great one.

“Guys, seriously, we have to get ready. This is probably—no, I know that this will be our most important fight yet. We can’t just be ready; we need to be hyped.” He said, raising his voice louder than they had heard from Caleo before.

“Come on, Fenny boy, I need you pissed the fuck off right now!” Caleo screamed in Fenrick’s face. “This is the only time your shitty attitude is actually an asset for anybody. Get hyped! Get fucking hyped!” He grabbed him by the collar of his uniform jacket and shook him relentlessly.

Caleo’s pre-match tactic proved to be effective. Fenrick’s blue eyes started to turn swirling shades of red and yellow.

“Are you hyped?”

“I am hyped…” Fenrick seethed.

“Are you fucking hyped!?”

“I’m fucking hyped! I’m fucking hyped!” Fenrick repeated.

“Get more hyped!”

“I am hyped, so hyped! Dammit, I just wanna take a wheel of cheese and lick the shit out of it!” Fenrick foamed at the mouth.

“Er, ok good,” Caleo quickly turned his attention to Zeratron. “You need to get hype Z-tron, your old man is watching! Prove to him that you can slap these fools around.” Caleo gave Zeratron a firm push for motivation. Zeratron, being of much greater size than Fenrick or Arcanus and clad in heavy armor, barely moved from the push. However, he started nodding slowly, a steely determination began to burn in his crimson eyes; he banged his breastplate and let out a grunt of anticipation. He put on his dragon helmet and nodded to his captain.

Caleo turned his attention to his third teammate. “Get hyped you fucking nerd!” He gave Arcanus a firm shove. Despite experiencing the tradition many times before, Arcanus wasn’t prepared for the sudden push and fell right out of his chair. He gave a lame cry as he hit the floor.

Caleo made his way to the locker room door. “Let’s go out there and KICK SOME GUNGANNON ASS!” The captain swung the door open and stomped out. His three teammates marched behind him in unison, ready for what would undoubtedly be one of the biggest fights in their young gladiatorial careers.

***

The now hyped-up team marched through the backstage area and made their way to the long tunnel that would lead them to the heart of the arena. When they reached the tunnel, they were met by Delvo, who held in his arms the weapons that the fighters would be using in their match. With a strained expression and knees shaking, Delvo struggled merely holding the weapons—particularly Caleo’s gargantuan Berserkir Blade. When Caleo walked past, he took his sword from Delvo, lifting it with one hand and swinging it around with ease. Zeratron took his Ebony War Axe, which was quite a hefty weapon as well, and Arcanus took his Arcana Staff. Once the heavy load was lifted, Delvo sank to his knees, huffing for air. Fenrick didn’t have a weapon of his own and headed toward the battle completely unarmed with only his school uniform to protect him.

They walked towards the bright daylight coming from the end of the tunnel. As they got closer, they could start to hear the cheers and cries of the crowd in attendance. The PA announcer could be heard addressing the crowd about what they were about to witness. The Gungannon Primary marching band played the town’s fight song “Battle at Landsea.”

With an assuring nod to each of them, Caleo lead his team out of the tunnel and into the arena. They were greeted to an arena jam-packed with spectators. The sea of fans in the stands rained down massive boos, but there were some cheers for the four sprinkled throughout. The semi-mixed reaction wasn’t foreign to them, as they always had a small section of loyal fans that always cheered them on at every away game they did. Some of them were native Hardirians who traveled to the games. But being the best team in the world, they also had their fair share of bandwagon fans in every city they fought in.

Zeratron stopped and scanned the seats, it wasn’t hard to find his father within the VIP box, with his shiny head and expensive white suit illuminating him like a shining beacon. Chris Christian waved down to his son, and Zeratron waved back before he caught back up to his teammates.

“And here they come folks: the team that many call The New Heroes of Hardires! Captain Caleo Pyrateson along with Fenrick Freygar, Arcanus Imperna, and Zeratron. They have been undefeated for over 2 years, but that streak may finally be snapped as they face their greatest challenge yet: give it up for YOUR Gungannon Sea-Monkeys!”

Right as the PA announcer made the announcement, the crowd erupted in a loud cheer that reverberated throughout the venue. From the tunnel on the opposite side of the arena emerged four figures. Neither of the Hardires team could make out exactly who they were, but each shape looked drastically different from the others. There were three that were roughly the same height, but the fourth was very tall, almost towering over his other teammates, and another one was very slender.

“Let’s go see just who we’re dealing with,” Caleo told his team, and they all stepped up onto the massive square fighting platform. The opposing teams met each other in the center of the square.

Fenrick immediately took notice of one of them, staring down at him with amethyst eyes. “You weren’t bluffing back in Hardires, you really are a part of this team, huh?” He said to the small, dark-haired human that he stood across from.

Ziggy Ratt gave a slight grin, “I’ve been waiting for this day for so long: the day I get to defeat my idol!”

Caleo gave a perplexed look to Ziggy Ratt. “What the fuck? Why the hell would you want Fen of all people for an idol?”

“Why the hell wouldn’t he?” Fenrick replied.

“Cause you’re a fucking idiot, that’s why.”

“That’s okay, Ziggy here can be an idiot too,” the human with features foreign to Dubion said to his opponents. He was equipped with a metal bow and a quiver of arrows on his back.

“I wasn’t talking to you, coward,” Caleo said. The Hardires captain wasn’t fond of bows or guns or anything that attacked from a distance. He respected fighters that were man enough to attack their targets upfront and personal. He tolerated magic solely because he had a magic user on his own team, and knew that at least some ranged support was necessary for any successful arena team.

As Caleo measured them, none of the opposing team looked impressive or intimidating to him. However, he noticed that one of them was staring daggers at him. His look did intrigue Caleo slightly, he wore a tactical vest and a ballistic mask with red flames painted on it. Two Mountain Eagle handguns were holstered at his sides, and a broadsword was strapped to his back. Caleo met his gaze, and he could tell without asking that this person was the captain of their team.

“This match will decide just who will be the last remaining undefeated team in the division. That’s right folks, someone’s O has got to go! Let’s hear for your fighters; Cadarock Masterson, Hyata Urabara, Urk the Troll, and from the Bob and Ziggy Show: Ziggy Ratt!”

The crowd let out a deafening cheer as the members of their Gungannon team were announced, the loudest one coming for Ziggy the celebrity.

“So Gungannon’s letting magic-wielding trolls on their team? I must say that they have gotten rather desperate!” Arcanus said in a seldom-delivered insult. Someone from the crowd could be faintly heard yelling “What a dick!”

The fourth member of Gungannon’s team was a tall but abnormally scrawny bluish-green skinned troll in amber mage robes. It seemed to have a very blank stare through the tusks that jutted out of its jaw. Due to goblin-kin not having a specified gender, they had the option of choosing to go on either a male or female team. The relatively few who were actually enrolled in a school chose male, but there was a goblin who was a member of a championship-winning female team about a decade ago.

Unexpectedly, Cadarock—the human in the ballistic mask—drew one of his Mountain Eagles and aimed it right at Arcanus’ head. In a flash Caleo swung his massive sword around and pointed it at the masked captain. Now all eight of them were on edge, and the crowd were stomping their feet in anticipation.

“Before we begin, I have just one more thing to say to you,” Ziggy told Fenrick.

Fenrick raised his eyebrows curiously.

“I’ve told my team to leave you to me, they won’t interfere in our fight. And when we start, don’t hold back—give me Animal Lord!”

A look of surprise came across Fenrick’s face, but then he threw his head back and laughed loudly. The laughter seemed to drain all the pent-up anger and aggressive energy that Caleo built in him back in the locker room. “What makes you think you’re worthy enough to do combat with the likes of him?”

“I will prove that I am worthy—just give me the chance and you’ll see!”

“Eh, I don’t really feel like letting him out. It’s exhausting and I can’t get out of bed for almost a tenday every time I use him. Owlbear will be more than enough for you I’m sure.”

“No, give me your best!” Ziggy said defiantly, not backing down.

Fenrick’s eyes looked around here and there. “Ugh. Okay, I’ll make you a deal: if you can get one good hit on me in the first few minutes of our fight, I’ll give you what you want.”

“I would rather you give me your all right from the start, but if that’s what it takes, then I’ll do just that.” Ziggy Ratt lowered his stance, signifying that he was done talking and ready for the fight to begin.

The teams raised their weapons, and right as they heard the loud, deep ding of the bell, they charged at each other with utter abandon…

And here we go! The fight is on. Who will be the last team standing? Find out next time in the super-duper-awesome-mega-chapter edition of Clubs and Stubs!