So, I died.

Right as I was about to finally give up the NEET life, too. All slicked up in a nice suit sporting perfectly combed hair, whistling at the prospect of a brand new me....then a truck punts me across the street.

Now I may have been imagining it as my life was flashing before my eyes, but wasn't the driver's seat empty? Was I just targeted by Truck-sama?

Damn, what a cliche ending.

That and another thought passed through my mind right before death: Fuck, my browser history!

...

Me, 0 months old.

It'd been a full week since my murder. When I arrived and I couldn't understand a single word people said and my body hurt all over I knew it could mean only one thing: I was a goddamn baby. I was used to it at this point but that didn't mean I had to like it.

Yet again, for the second time now, I found myself thinking that I now understand why babies cry so much. Every slight discomfort is the greatest pain you've ever felt--since, after all, it's the ONLY pain you've ever felt. Skin and muscles so tender they feel like they'd bruise with the slightest touch.

I stared up at a beautiful woman with deep brown hair and the most stunning blue eyes. She was fair-skinned and oval faced.

I amend my previous words: A very beautiful woman. And her's was a classical beauty with high cheekbones, a small chin and a proud nose.

This person....I felt like she must've been my mother in this world. Who else would look at me with such gentle affection? From my experience that was the only explanation.

But, there was a problem: She was too damn hot!

Dearest mother, forgive your sinful child for his vile thoughts... but if you shove those glorious knockers at me please don't be surprised if I become an exceedingly early bloomer!

I'm your son but I'm still a healthy man, what's more to me you're just a stranger right now, I can't think of you as a mom yet! Those two weapons of mass destruction, get them away from my mouth right now! A tent will really be pitched, you know?!

I thought all that but I still enjoyed the sweet nectar without complaint.

The opportunity to suckle delicious milk from two bountiful mounds such as these are too rare to pass up.

And I'm a baby. Nothing wrong with it.

Don't you judge me.

...

1 month old

Ah, so bored. Nothing to do.

I found myself getting hungry again. For like the fifth time today. Fortunately mother likes to breastfeed often. I think she likes it a bit too much. Is it normal for mothers to moan when they breastfeed? It's not, isn't that so? You're too erotic, mother of mine. Please stop letting out those lewd sounds when no else is with us and just focus on propping my head up properly, okay?

I felt guilty towards mother. I mean I cried incessantly and my gums hurt like SO much I'm sure I'm teething. Which is really surprising. Don't I have at least five more months before that happened? And was it just me or did the tips of these growing teeth seem a little sharper than I recall? I guess I wouldn't remember the sharpness of my teeth when I was a baby but compared to my life as an adult, these teeth were pointier? Maybe it was just that my tongue was so soft.

I felt myself struggling to roll over. Blast these damn bedsores. I stayed in a crib almost all day so you can imagine how bad they got.

Oh and I had a lot of time to just think. I discovered that my parents must be really rich. Sometimes mother took me in her arms--pushing me against those soft pillows of her's, almost suffocating me--and walked around. The house was huge. Marble floors covered in blue and gold carpets. Rooms everywhere, paintings litering the walls.

I even saw what looked like a very sizeable conservatory as we passed by a window. Neat.

We had loads of servants too. Mother even took me to look at this one baby who'd just been born.

His hair was weird, a sorta evergreen color. And get this, his name was Basil! A perfect name for him with that kinda hair.

Poor kid. Your parents really are merciless, dying it when so young. If they keep it like that he'll be made fun of in the future. Especially with that ahoge.

It defied the laws of physics, that thing. If he smiled or laughed it twitched happily. If he was nervous it wiggled back and forth. If he was crying it drooped and If he was scared it'd stiffen up like the raised hair of a startled cat.

Interesting fellow, I thought. Seeing how delicate and soft-looking he was I knew he wouldn't be able to protect himself once the bullying kicked in so I decided to make him my follower and guide him a bit.

You've got good luck, kid. Our fates seem aligned, so don't worry. Those who bully you are bullying me and we can't have that now, can we? Tsk, I feel bad for any idiots who try to mess with a follower of mine, such foolish and unfortunate souls!

Now sure I might've been a pretty weak dude, weak constitution and all that, but I never let people push me around in my previous life and I wouldn't start now. Still though, what was up with all the servants? What, am I some politician's son or something? I hadn't seen my father yet so I couldn't know. Hey, don't tell me my mom's a mistress?...No, with her looks she could pretty much have her pick of any man in the world. If she was someone's mistress that'd really be her vastly undervaluing herself.

So where the heck was this father of mine then?

...

3 months old.

My mother was obviously a foreigner. The servents spoke clear english, but her? Couldn't be. That said, the words were smooth and lyrical, very pleasant. But I was sure mother was not speaking any language I was even remotely familiar with. Which was odd since I'd learned a dozen or so to read the raws of my favorite novels back in my other life--the passion of an otaku can drive one to amazing feats.

Although what's more odd is she would only speak the language in front of me, and only when we were alone.

I once attempted to speak one of the words I learned from her but she just smiled and held a finger to my lips. Her alluring face held a trace of mischief that was unmistakable.

Moving on.

Apparently my name was Damien, Damien Claybrook. I'd heard the servants call me "Young Master Damien" while addressing mother as "Lady Claybrook" so I pieced the clues together. I kinda disliked that name.

...

2 years old.

I met him recently. Obviously the man I'm talking about is my father.

He felt like a confident guy, full of life. He was imposing, I suppose? But not in an overbearing way.

He was blonde-haired. It was a very deep and surreal kind of shade, like an angel's halo. Lustrous and fine, with slightly browned skin that came from being in the hot sun for a long time. It'd been fair blue skies for months, where the hell had he been to get that nice tan?

His eyes were also blue like mother's, but much sharper. He was quite tall, too. I didn't dislike him.

But I still didn't know why he'd been away so long and why he left after such a short time back. I felt slightly resentful.

Not because I wanted to get to know him better or anything like that. Nah, it's just...Son of a bitch, man, leaving a wife as pretty as mother home alone, how fukken wasteful! Think of how lonely she must have been. Her bed would've gone cold if it wasn't for me.

Hmph, if she wasn't my mother and I were old enough I would've stolen her by now. And I hate netori.

Know your sins, O worthless father of mine.

Ah, and that's right. I displayed my genius as well. To explain, I showed off the benefits of being reborn.

As if walking on two legs by the mere age of 6 months was not enough to stun the staff, being able to sing and play the piano at age 2 was already threatening to flip their worlds upside down.

I'd practiced the piano for ten full years due to my past grandmother's insistence. She said women loved men who can create music, as if that'd motivate me. It didn't. Okay, maybe a little--I did have a dream or two about using those music skills to seduce the pretty next door widow. A fantasy of a kid in the midst of puberty.

However that wasn't the main reason I practiced this time around. It was soothing. My fingers gliding across the keys gave a sense of comfort, every motion a form of meditation.

It helped me forget.

Looks like that passion and effort paid off too. I got to see some interesting faces.

Hah, this daddy is too amazing, eh? Come, peasants. Worship me.

Mother's praise was endless and her voluptuous figure squeezed me into a tight hug the moment I was done. Tsk. A perfectly good milf. Sadly incest wasn't a fetish of mine.

....But mother, no matter how hard you squeeze it's impossible for us to get any closer. Actually if you keep this up I'll start ignoring you. It'll really be pitched one of these days and then where'll we be? Plus I understand babies are cute but please keep those hands off my cheeks, okay hon? Startin' to remind me of gram-gram now.

Meanwhile father just stared at me as I had played. I sensed something deeply worrying in that gaze.

...

I was right. A few weeks later, as soon as the guy came back from whatever it was he was always busy with the first thing he did was put a knife in my hand and tell me to go hunt a boar.

A. Fucking. Boar.

The knife and hunting mission were a set. He called it an early birthday present.

I'm only 2, understand?

And father, even if i were twenty years older I wouldn't want this kind of thing as an early birthday present, okay? In the first place my extensive and carefully cultivated talents(shameless narcissism) never extended to the physical aspects of life. I, sir, am an intellectual.

I may be tall for a 2 year old, and I may have the mind of a 22--well, 24 now I suppose--year old young man, but still.

I tried acting like a normal kid, all scared and meek. No dice. Bastard carried me deep into the woods behind our home and rubbed me with some sort of smelly powder. He laughed good-naturedly and said, "Be home in time for dinner."

I might not live till dinner, you ass!

I cursed him with all my might, fear gripping my heart. Alright, I told myself. Calm down bro. You got this.

Just then two boars decided to show up. Thrice my size, beady eyed and probably hungry.

Haha....yeah no.

I ran like a little bitch, tripped, cried, nearly got trampled and finally manned up. I'm not even sure what I did but before I knew it the beasties were laying in a pool of their own blood while I felt a dull pain in my arm.

I also felt strangely good. As I gazed at their corpses I was suddenly struck with the most curious hunger. It was mixed with no small amount of pride. Is this the feeling of acquiring your own food? I felt like Bear Grylls. Iwanted to roast them on a spit right now.

Holy shit. I think I like this! My hunting spirit was born in that moment.

I'm never trusting that maniac again though.

Mother, your taste in men is a bit...

Well I guess she at least knew right from wrong. When I returned home with a broken arm father nearly lost a nut. Mother really has terrifying aim with a letter opener.

...

I'M GONNA HAVE A SISTER!

Mother had been pregnant a while already and there were still six months until I turned 3.

I stood with father outside the master bedroom, both of us in constant nervous motion.

The whole thing brought back a wave of memories.

It wasn't my first time having a sibling, you know. In addition to two older brothers I also had another little sister in my past life too. But she, well... she had her own life to live and that rarely included me. Though who could blame her? Back then I'd been in and out of hospitals up untll middle-school. I'd rarely had a chance to meet any of my siblings before I got better.

I did get along fine with my brothers. They were 5 years old when I was born and had always been around me from the start. My sister, though, she was only 2 when my health started going to shit. Was I around 4 myself when that happened? Something like that. She'd been too young to have any real memories of me in any case so while I was stuck on a bed she was out with friends.

Then when our parents seperated she moved to the next city over with our dad and couldn't even come visit me.

After I started getting better and our parents, after several years apart, fixed their relationship we all moved back in together. However the damage was done. It was around the same time when I was able to attend school with her but by then it was like we were strangers. I did do my best to get along her but I dunno, maybe we just lost the chance to connect.

I was afraid my inexperience would create the same lukewarm relationship with this one as I had with my previous sister.

The thought was depressing.

I guess I just have to do my best to avoid that though, huh?

By the way, it seems like Baz's mother, who I'd strangely not seen in quite some time, has also returned pregnant and is expecting to give birth soon as well.

...

She's so cute! She had the same beautiful golden hair as father and had the same deep blue eye color as both father and mother. They named her Dahlia.

I carried her in my arms with mother by my side, both of us laying on the bed.

My heart swelled just looking at her. A sense of protectiveness washed over me with her every cry and frown. I knew her pain and wished I could take it into myself instead.

Her cheeks were soft and pinchable and despite knowing I shouldn't the desire to grasp those cute little dumplings in my fingers was almost overwhelming. Grandma, my two mothers, you are forgiven. I understand now.

She's so tiny and fragile, I thought. My little Dolly.

I knew her all of an hour and already couldn't love her more

...

3 years old

It's now been exactly three years since my rebirth. Dolly is six months old, also exactly.

She was amazing. It was only one word, but she spoke. Okay, half a word.

She tried saying my name but couldn't and instead formed a nickname which I shall always cherish.

"Day."

...

4 years old.

Father went away again.

Mother took me from my room at the dead of night, scaring the crap out of me as I thought I was being abducted for a moment there since this hadn't happened in quite some time.

But no. She just dragged me into her and father's room. I was smothered by two soft white bunnies. Her arm, acting as my pillow, put my neck at an uncomfortable angle.

Dolly, gods know when, had also snuck onto the bed. How did she get out of her crib?

Her hands and feet were wrapped around my left leg, her entire body snugly enveloped by the thick blanket.

Mother drew me in closer, sighing contentedly. No, gimme some room here! Can't...breathe...

Gah!

Dolly, that really hurts, you know? My hand isn't a chewtoy! What's with these ultra-sharp teeth?!

You two, please just let me sleep!

...

5 years old.

Snuck into the kitchen and made some pudding today. They said it was dangerous so I was rarely allowed inside.

Had to make the best of it when an opportunity arrived.

Unfortunately the pudding wasn't very thick. More of a warm milkshake but it was still pretty good.

Dolly loved it, as did mother.

Mother even called the head chef, Vince, to have a taste. He was a young-looking blonde--a dirty blonde, almost a brownish, not nearly as enviable as father's and Dolly's golden locks--guy with really long hair tied in a ponytail that hung over his shoulder. He had a lot of tiny scars on his fingers but he was still a prettyboy....I disliked him on principle but he was a cool dude.

Man nearly broke down into tears once he tasted it though, his image totally broken. What, has he never had pudding before? He asked who made it. Seemed surprised when I said it was me. Had to make it again to prove it. I added some cocoa powder this time which wasn't as good as I thought it'd be but still delicious nonetheless.

From then on I was given free reign to enter the kitchen whenever I wanted.

Only annoying thing is that when I tried to make myself a snack Vince would always be there staring at me. It was creepy.

Few weeks later a whole bunch of people came and watched me cook some french fries.

I left to eat in my room under the fierce gazes of strange men and women. Feeling oddly guitly and somehow pressured I let them know I left some for whoever wanted the rest.

I got a cool-looking ring and piece of paper before they left. One of the women, a vixen with an enticingly slim waist and cherry-red lips, tried getting me to come along. I readily refused. Sorry, pretty sis, but no. Those lolipops may fool other children, but not me!

Ahem. Although I must say those breasts are quite good....Maybe we can work something out.

Or so I was thinking before mother came up from behind and placed a hand on my shoulder. The lady smiled at my mother, which she returned, and they stared unblinkingly at each other for several long minutes.

They didn't seem to get along very well at all.

Actually, they were scary! I felt a chill down my spine. Those two had an aura of death around them!

Dolly, your brother is in danger, stop stuffing your mouth and help me!

...

6 years old.

I write down all my thoughts in a diary now. Just feel that'd help give me some way to vent a little, and maybe keep a record of my time here.

So, first entry: ( I gave up on cooking things myself. I usually just give the staff some recipes and retired from my short career as a chef. I kept getting letters from that lady though. Or I had been but I think mother is throwing them away recently. Before I stopped getting them the lady did say in one of the letters to come see her some time, but the city she listed was one I'd never heard of so I doubted that'd happen anytime soon.

Nevermind that.

Dolly and I played in a garden today. It was a large area full of flowers of every color and shade. She loved it there. One time she was so smart, somehow making a crown of violets and giving them to me as a gift.

The levels of cute she radiated was downright criminal. I'm going to become a siscon at this rate.

The only annoying thing was that this time a snake was hanging on the branch of a tall tree at the center of the garden and tried to bite her.

I was so furious at that thing's impudence that I grabbed it, tore off it's fangs and shoved it back down it's throat. I now keep it as a pet.

It's very obedient. But it's fangs grew back...Was that normal? Can snakes do that? )

...

( Father's home a lot more these days and continues his unreasonable training. Before now he had left some rough-looking men behind and had them "play" with me. Which for some reason involved swords and arrows. A lot of arrows.

The fuck? What kind of person did this?! How the hell do swords and arrows even exist in this day and age? What, are we gonna reenact a war or something? Fuck!

The guys who he left for me were very hardcore. They ran me ragged every day. Literally.

"Run around the estate." On the first day that's all they said, then they just left. Didn't even say how many times or anything.

....The personal property of the Claybrook estate, with the mansion at the center, had a circumfrance of around 12 miles. Just getting to the edge of the property from the mansion was a 2 mile jog. In total, going to the edge, running one full time around the entire estate and going back hame...it was pretty much at least 28 miles on your feet from start to finish and took a little over 3 hours to traverse if you ran fast.

I ran around twice, stopping there because I knew I'd collapse if I kept going.

When I first got back after the hellish run, dead tired, my legs cramping like crazy, they frowned and said I was too pathetic to be so spent after just a few hours of jogging.

I wanted to slap them.

Then one day they followed. I saw them standing at my starting point just looking at me with a strained smile on their faces.

These Spartan bastards, isn't this way too much for a kid? I nearly die each time I do this, you know? Fuck, this big bro didn't reincarnate just to be treated like a slave! And you even want me to do pushups after that? Handstand pushups? With my fingers? Fucking hell!

Oh, sure, they didn't tell me to do those forms specifically but I knew these sadists would mock me if I didn't do at least that much. They do it all the time themselves, I'd seen it. If I didn't do it too then they'd surely come up with something even more mindbendingly difficult!

My poor fingers almost broke several times.

Honestly if it wasn't for Basil massaging me every day with some kind of balm to help my quivering muscles and Vince's kid, Philip, making me nutritious meals to keep my energy up, well, I'd have broken down by now.

Eventually it was just too much so I may have caused a few problems for these bad men that made them hesitant to get within twenty feet of me. I don't know why they're so scared.

I only put poison ivy under their blankets as they slept. And placed bear traps outside their doors(they have super fast reflexes, don't worry. One of them won't be using their big toe for a while though).

And maybe created a special concoction that caused some explosive diarrhea.

What's so scary about that? But father wasn't going to quit anytime soon. In fact after he dismissed them he took over instead. Now I had to run around the estate with a sack of rocks tied to my back!

And just this afternoon he took matters into his own hands and gave me a stick. Which I had to use to defend myself as he viciously smacked me around with the flat of a sword.

No, seriously, what's up with all the goddamn swords? This isn't the dark ages for crying out loud! )

...

( Because my sister never really goes out and interacts with other people besides our staff she's able to be considered an absurdly sheltered girl who lacks common sense in regards to various interpersonal relationships.

Which led to a pretty troubling event.

It all started when she overheard one of the maids talking about her new boyfriend. Not knowing what this was she asked what a boyfriend is supposed to be. The maids were put into an awkward and flustering situation and quickly explained, apparently, that a boyfriend was "A person whom you want to spend a lot of your time with every day."

....Ahem. While this isn't wrong, it's a bit...a bit TOO vague, okay?

Dolly is just too innocent. I told her so and she asked why but I was too worried about how to properly explain it so mother stepped in and said, "A boyfriend is someone you don't mind kissing and and hugging and holding hands with."

This was also kinda ambiguous but I couldn't really find anything wrong with it.

Later on she learned words like lover and husband and kept bothering me about it so I just gave up and told her they were special friends and family.

I think my explanations were the most vague out of all of them but who cares? Not like anything bad is going to happen and she'll figure it out herself as she grows up.)

...

[ Father and mother took us out to a party in the city. But, how do I say...it was kinda out of place? There was a castle and everything and it looked really behind the times.

Also why did we take a carriage? Do rich people not like to use cars? We didn't even own a car from what I'd seen. Plus no TV. Actually everything in the house seemed pretty antique except the fridge and oven. Which I'm still not sure how they work since one looks more like a large box without any plug-in while the other has these weird, flat, electric-looking burners that you just place pots and pans on. No dial or anything, just these letters near the side you tap on to control the level of heat.

I really have no idea how they work. They were a strange mix of old and new.

Ahem. Anywho, the place we stopped at was another mansion, a bit smaller than ours. We were led into a wide ballroom where a lot of self-important-looking people dressed all fancy and sipped wine from glasses. I've noticed it since a while ago but the clothes we all wear were old-ish as well

Seems like something you'd have found in a lightnovel drawing with a medieval setting. All colorful and intricate, bunch of overcoats with ornate designs. Which I did find kinda cool but out of place. Like seriously what time period did these people think this was?

Some other kids were there too but I ignored them.

There was this one guy who kept giving me a funny look, though. The fuck are you looking at, pig-face?

I told him such. He got angry but just turned away. It wasn't until a mini version of him--son?-- decided to pick on Baz that things got physical.

Oi, no one can boss Baz around except me, my mother, father, his mother, his sister, also Dolly, and no one else!

I slapped the prick across the face. The big baby ran to his father, who saw, and the big one got even angrier. He was yelling, calling me an unruly brat. So I slapped him too, then kicked him in the shins. A satisfying punishment to both parent and child.

"Reprimanding this big bro? You don't have the qualifications!" I sneered, full of righteous indignation.

Everyone froze.

Some armored dudes stepped in and tried to grab me. What, that guy's lackeys? What's with the armor?

Father waved his sword and a red light shot out that totally sent those cosplaying scrubs into the air.

Jesus christ that was awesome! I felt endless excitement. Was that magic? It's like some kinda fantasy world shit or someth--...Ah.....

....Is what I thought at that time.)

...

7 years old.

( Been a while since I last wrote something here. So, uh, apparently I reincarnated into a fantasy world. I know, I know. Crazy, right? Damn. I wish.

But nope. I had already began my studies into this world. My parents recently started hiring tutors for me so I got a chance to learn a few things I'd been ignorant of before. I checked it twenty times. Checked every history and geology book I could find, read and read till my eyesight swam.

I wanted to say they were just fiction books, not real. But seeing one of my teachers summon a small flame on the tip of his finger and use it to light a candle made that impossible.

Well, that explains the swords. Lack of lightbulbs. The carriages. Also the giant castle and city.

It's official.

I'd ignored it up to now. Rationalized that everything was just a bit outdated, that my family was seriously old-school. That maybe people around these parts were just like those amish folk who disliked technology.

Really I guess I was in denial. I can't be like that anymore. No one can, not when you see things as ridiculous as magic happen right before your eyes.

I guess it's really time for me to learn about this new world of mine. )

...

(Oh my god. My tutors are totally crazy about me. Everyone's calling me a genius and stuff. But for a guy who has the benefit of having experienced a past life in an age where technology reigned supreme and had little to do but read and study due to a somewhat weak body...a lot of the things they taught was just too simple.

At least the math stuff was. Still had to catch up on thousands of years of unknown history and literature but that's just a matter of reading and memorizing.

I wonder If beastmen and elves exist here? Wouldn't be a fantasy world without them, eh?

Big breasted cat-eared milfs...you must surely exist!

I hadn't come across that information yet, I'll be on the lookout. )

...

( THEY DO EXIST!

My biology teacher confirmed it. There's a whole host of different races on this planet I never even heard of before! Freakin alien looking bastards too instead of just your standard basic bitch races! But forget that, more importantly there's beastkin!

That settles it. I'll scour the world for a pretty beastkin girl, marry her and have myself a big tiddy cat-eared goth milf. That was my dream, nay, the dream of all men...

No, wait, did this world even have goths? No matter, I'll just find a suitable candidate and make her one if it comes down to it!

Oh, and I dismissed a few tutors. The ones who taught basic subjects like math and science weren't any use to the me from a world more advanced in such matters. Most of the stuff I already learned when i was in elementary school. I assume even when I got to this world's high-school or university level material I'd have already long gone over it.

But father got me new ones to replace them. Now I had a tutor who taught me horsemanship, a tutor who taught me formal dance, and a tutor who taught me proper etiquette. Dolly seems to want to participate as well.

I feel the last will be useless to me, however. In this life I shall do as I damn well please! Hmph. Before I was limited because of a weak constitution so I held back a lot, but now? Haha, the world is my playground!

I started teaching Dolly some things myself in addition to what the tutors had her learn. Get her on the early track to success. She'll be a genius too! A real one.

I was also intending on teaching Baz and Philip. They'd also get an early start. Not that they had to receive much enducation besides things like reading and writing since they weren't nobles.

Yet for my followers I go above and beyond.

Despite it probably being improper or inconceivable in the eyes of nobles, I intended to teach the two everything I'd learned during my life here!

As for Dolly, I'd teach her subjects and concepts that'd allow her to advance this world by decades!

Me, I wouldn't want to change the world. Unlike those protags in novels I don't know how to build things like guns or whatever. You won't see me inventing airplanes or anything like that.

But maybe Dolly, using the concepts I'll teach her, can figure out how to create a few things like that herself. Or if not then someday pass down that knowledge for future generations to work on. )

...

10 years old.

( Got kidnapped today.

Yeah. That's what I get for leaving a gambling den with purses fat on silver and gold. Fucking Will, last time I trust a thief like you. Respectable area my ass.

Mother must've been worried sick.

But don't I have way too much freedom for a 10 year old, though? She didn't even flinch when I strolled out the door. And this isn't the first time either. Mother, please be more responsible.

Ah, it's cool though, really.

The bandits who found me were nice dudes. They were apparently deserters from a neighboring country.

The previous king had been a tyrant, it seems. I'm not sure exactly what he did or why but he got his people angry enough that a lot either fled or fought back. I only heard that when he tried to order a purge of the capital city's slum area and started to collect virgin girls his own armies finally turned against him. Big battle. He lost. His hired mercenaries betrayed him too and now his head hung atop the doors to his own palace.

If this were a novel that guy would've been the kind of baddie who lasted for years. But this was reality and in reality people like kings were pretty easily done away with if the people's hearts were united. I mean you really think his knights would serve that kinda fuckhead? They had families too.

Even if the whole Order was corrupt they'd never accept this kinda guy. Having some crazy leader like that was likely to get themselves killed too. So why not chuck him out and secretly gain benefits under some new king who DIDN'T have a hard on for mass murder? It only took one kindly knight who was guarding the king to just walk up behind him and use him as a pincushion.

People tended to forget leaders were only leaders because the general populace allowed it. And knights and all that? They were part of that populace. So it really didn't pay to be so mean. Being incompetant was one thing, being a black-heart bastard who enjoyed watching people suffer was another.

Dude was outta luck. Why didn't he make sure who was loyal? But nah he just assumed they'd protect him even after all the tomfuckery he caused.

These guys left before that, however, fearing the worst or predicting it long beforehand. Took their families with them. As illegal immagrants though they didn't get much in way of jobs. And once they were here they didn't have the resources to make the trip back and wouldn't be welcome if they could. Deserters were treated like outsiders to almost everyone, so....yeah.

They didn't know anyone, or the area, and there were too many of them. Plus deserters were, as I said, treated pretty disdainfully. Had to turn to the bandit life just to scrape by. But they weren't bad people.

And actually they'd swept up and totally destroyed all the small bandit clans scattered here and there so they were actually pretty good?

At first they wanted to just take all my stuff and leave me buck naked--and don't think I didn't see you looking at me weirdly, Big Sis Bandit No.3! Damn shotacon, away with you!--but I said, "Hey, why not work for me?"

Technically it was work for my family. We were a pretty big deal from what I understand. Father was a famous explorer? Or general? Or both? I wasn't clear, just heard a few snippets of stories from other people about him.

But anyway, in short, I got my own forces now!

Father, please faithfully take care of their living expenses. )

...

( Some kid challenged me to a duel a few hours ago. Said I humiliated his friend--that bastard who was tryna get pissy with Baz a while ago--and that he's here to dispense justice. What crap. I promptly thrashed him.

Told him he better not come back or I'll cut off a hand and have make it into a sandwhich for him to snack on. Boy nearly pissed himself. Man I wish I could record things in this world!

Obviously it was just a threat meant to scare him, but come on, he deserved it. Besides teaching a brat like him a lesson can't be wrong.)

...

( I was in the city window shopping, having slipped past my guard. After the whole kidnapping incident father appointed me one. But I allow none to act as my babysitter. Okay, maybe if Dolly was with me I'd allow it, but wanting to loom over me like this is a big NO otherwise. I needed no one's protection!

I'd had enough of people looking over my shoulder in my previous life, treating me like a glass figurine. I didn't want to repeat that kind of stuff again.

(Edit, I guess: I would later find out that the guard was there to protect other people from me, not the other way around. The nerve! When have I ever caused trouble for someone who didn't earn it themselves? Is it not right to defend yourself? Ever since the time at that banquet I got the feeling everyone's treated me like a troublemaker...)

It may have been a bad idea this time.

That kid came back and brought some friends with him.

Had to beat them all up. (No, really, self-defence is a good thing. Why couldn't they have just left me alone? What's with this spiral of violence?)

Just a few bruises, I held back! Still got father to frown. Not because I beat them up but because I beat them up and lost the guard at the same time so now without a reliable witness I looked like the bad guy. Not good.

Mother just laughed and patted my head once she saw how I robbed them blind before letting them go. (They wanted to strip me bare and humiliate me, why shouldn't I just take a few baubles from them? It's a lot more merciful than what THEY wanted to do.)

"As expected of a son of mine!"

Mother surprisingly has a few rogue-like tendencies, doesn't she? Her eyes really glittered when she saw all the gold and silver stuff I'd laid out. Women usually liked shinies though so I thought nothing of it.)

...

( A few unsavory rumours started spreading about me recently. Every other month, each time I went to the city with mother and father for a party we were obliged to attent for appearances sake, I'd almost always be harrassed by some asshole who was friends with some other asshole. And since a lot of them were children of Nobles who'd traveled from other territories to attend it meant that I should just put up with it.

But dammit. At first it was just a few jeers, maybe a shove, but eventually they really wanted a good brawl. And no, I'm not going to take that lying down.

There's only so much bullshit you can take before you have to say "fuck it." My line, personally, was drawn when you started thinking you can beat me up and I won't do anything about it. )

...

( Everyone's out to get me. All these bratty "Noble" snobs....They were Noble in name only, not merit. The hell you tryna mess with this daddy for? Why? Why me? Why can't it fukken end?

Who are you anyway, when did I attack any of you? Is it really worth it to gang up on a person for the sake of some asshat who deserved a good knock on the head in the first place? To attack their friends who weren't even a part of it, like cowards?

This...this is just complete and utter bullying! So be it then, I'll show you what hell feels like. And fuck me if it doesn't feel like spiked rods up the ass!

Son of a bitch, there's a limit to my benevolence, you know?!

I can forgive you giving Philip a black eye, but look at Baz's ahoge! That's an important object for study, you understand? And you nearly pulled it off! It's going to need stiches now! His ahoge is his life, what kinda character will he be without it?!

Sending someone to pick on my people is going too far!

This Young Master is PISSED OFF!

That's it.

Explosive diarrhea for all of you.

Don't blame this big bro for being ruthless, who told you to offend me?

Ai, sometimes I scare even myself.... )

...

( I turned 12. Currently I'm writing all this on a chair near a quieter corner in the ballroom, having finally gotten some time alone.

My birthday was today and they have me all dolled up. Girls were looking at me from across the floor but, for whatever reason, didn't approach. It was like that for a while already. Often times when I visit a party with my parents the other Nobles brought their own children. And quite a few had daughters. Who never talked to me at all.

I felt...quite bitter inside, if I'm honest. I didn't feel like my face was too bad. I think it was even a bit handsome, probably? But, well....

Like, it was a bit...cold? It was a little hard for me to smile warmly. My face just naturally refused such actions and only sneers, smirks or disdainful, mocking kind of smiles could be easily brought out.

I guess I wasn't the approachable sort of guy with a face like this.

Look at how they're quivering over there. I could only sigh in regret.

I mean don't get me wrong. This big bro is into mature women, you see? But this was a problem that would likely continue in the future and that complicated a whole lot of things. Like my ability to find a suitable wife.

And they were just kids, I didn't want them to hate me.

What if Dolly became like that too? She might hate this kind of cold-looking and unfriendable older brother.

Only Baz and Philip were comfortable around me and that's just due to how long we've all known each other, plus the fact they were my attendants so they kinda had to.

It was really hard for me to make new friends with this face of mine, especially now with all the bad rumours that had spread about me.

I'm sorry, little ones. I'm sorry, big tiddy cat-eared goth girls. I'll try harder in the future, so don't hate me, okay?

If only that had been the end of my sorrows. It wasn't. There had also been a whole lot of brats waiting in line to "duel" me. Just another attempt to beat me up under the guise of exchanging poi--]

I felt a familiar jerk on my coattail.

I looked behind to see Dolly along with a huge crowd of little girls.

That's right, those girls I'd just written about who I assumed were avoiding me were currently taking out their accessories and placing them naturally into Dolly's cute little hands.

Her armed were covered in all kinds of bracelets, hiding almost every inch.

Her fingers were lined with rings, gems of all colors sparkling under the light.

Her neck thick with chains of delicate gold and strings of pearls.

Even now she was accepting more things!

I was flabbergasted.

"Uh, Dolly? What's going on here?"

The girl blinked innocently then went on to explain that one of her new friends took her aside and asked if she (Dolly) could help her talk to me in private (Why? I was instantly suspicious.) right before wordlessly handing over a silver bracelet.

Then immediately after that, inexplicably--to Dolly's mind at least--other girls came up and started to hand her things too. Which resulted in the current situation.

She held up the "gifts" and said, "Please big bro?" Or that's what her eyes seemed to say. And speaking of her eyes, they had to be the widest, most puppy-like eyes in the world right now.

My heart bled. I felt betrayed. Cheap too.

I soon realized how gravely I had misunderstood, how blinded I had been under my own misconceptions.

These girls weren't frightened of my face at all! Instead, they were....they were extremely covetous! Of me! WTF!

They didn't stay away because they were put off by my face, and neither because they were shy. No, they had been holding each other back instead, not allowing any to take the lead!

But one of them came up with a cunning idea, which was quickly found out. Now the rest used the same idea for themselves and showed no signs of taking it easy.

Look at their glowing eyes, they were fully determined to recieve their end of the deal.

I almost coughed up blood.

Dolly, my dearest little sis, exactly what do you think this looks like? I can't go, it'll besmirch my good name!

...What do you mean they paid for it fair and square? What do you mean they're only 10 minute sessions? Dahlia, that's not the point...

Don't you understand what you're doing? You're seriously going to sell out your big bro for a few trinkets?! Are you even planning to split the earnings with me?!

And why the boys? Don't think I don't see them in the back.

What, they're paying too? For what? No, it's obvious.

Damn, I understand you don't know anything about the girls' intentions but you clearly understand what these dudes want, right?

...WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TRUST ME?!

THIS ISN'T A MATTER OF TRUST, DANG IT!

After so many people even I'll get tired! And I have to put some time aside for the girls after each bout? That'll just drain even more of my energy! There's way too many girls too. No way I'll be able to visit them all tonight anyway either! I'm not even a lolicon, why do I have to--

Huh? It's okay? Why do say th--?

....WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M BOOKED FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS?!

I nearly fainted in anger. But I really felt the pressure moments later when I spotted what was going on even further behind us.

Father, stop making bets on how many rounds I'll be able to win before collapsing, also why are you trying to impose all these kinda rules before it's even begun? With both arms tied behind my back, 64 rounds? Be serious here please...I'm still human.

And mother, stop setting up future appointments. How can you even be interested in the little shinies these kids have to offer?...Wait, hold on now, some of them aren't girls? Actually weren't they these kids' moms...? Don't tell me...shotacons....? S-So many?

Hey, hey, this isn't funny...I can't take on so many at once! Their fingers look reeealllly scary, you know!?

My cheeks felt the premonition of torturous pain.

You can't do this to me, mother, you can't!

Just then the woman in question walked over.

"..."

Not the puppy-eyes again! Why are you two so good at that!

What do you mean they won't take long?

...WHAT DO YOU MEAN JUST A LITTLE SKINSHIP?!

I don't care if it's only a few pinches and rubs, how could y--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY PAID FAIR AND SQUARE??!?!

Those are the same words Dolly used just moments ago, weren't they? Word for word, even!

You mother and daughter pair, you're just...just...

And now father made his own way over.

Cue the puppy-eyes.

My face twitched.

Bah, you're traitors, every one! All of you are just a buncha traitors!

I don't want a family like you anymore...

( I'm back. I did, as a matter of fact, last 64 quick-paced fights and 16 ten minute private sessions. I hate to admit it but Father was spot-on in his assessment of my abilities. Bastard went home a richer man tonight. As for Dolly and Mother...they held glistening mounds of wealth that dwarfed father's earnings. A few family heirlooms were suddenly no longer in the family and would definitely be sold back at an extravagent price eventually. The figures of the two humming a merry tune as we walked back towards our carriage made me sniffle just a bit. My limps meant nothing to them, nothing!

I wont go into detail about the fights since it can easily be imagined how it went. As for the girls, every fourth match Dolly and mother would drag me off and throw me into a room with one of their customers. As soon as I entered they became petrified. I really didn't know what to do about them but I was grateful since I could use them as a break. It was the older ones that have scarred me.

....I don't want to talk about them right now...

I immediately collapsed during the last visitor and I recall waking up staring at the face of some green-eyed girl. Apparently the chick was kind enough to lay my head on her lap after I passed out. Though it would've been a far better idea to call an adult and get me some medical care considering all the blows I'd carelessly allowed to hit me in my exhausted state during the latter matches. But I was still really touched.

She was an angel, that girl. A real angel. Yeah.

Of course I realize I'd probably have thought that about anyone who gave me even the slightest bit of care after the way I'd just been treated, but who cares about that? )