‘Talk about terrible timing for unexpected guests. They just had to show up when I’m in a sorry state like this. They also didn’t give me enough time to make my throne. How am I supposed to sit menacingly atop my throne and look down on uninvited guests if I don’t have a throne yet?’

Glancing at the pile of bones behind him he quickly comes up with a plan b. He spreads the bones out so the pile covers a wider area at the cost of some height. Climbing to the top of the pile he adjusts the bones to make it more comfortable to sit on. Taking out his saws he puts their scabbards away before propping them up on either side of him with their handles pointing at the ceiling. Plopping down in between them he awaits the arrival of his guests as if he were the final boss of a dungeon.

Moving through the dark hallway three people cautiously approach the dining hall. The group makes it to the dining hall, finally revealing themselves as they enter.

The group consists of two males and one female, each with blood red eyes, black hair, and pale skin. Their clothes are all a familiar gothic style, with the woman’s dress being nearly identical to the one Evangeline wears.

[Vile fiend, you have a lot of guts kidnapping a member of our family. The price for laying your wicked hands on a noble vampire will be death. Don’t even think about talking your way out of it either. We already made sure we’re in the right place. Vampires are very keen when it comes to blood, even more so when it comes to the blood of our kin. No matter what excuse you come up with I can smell my kin in this cave and there’s no hiding it.

Do you have anything to say for yourself scum? If you have any last words you’d best speak now. Even though we won’t believe you we’ll at least pretend to be listening to the words of a soon to be dead man.]

‘Vampires, as expected. It seems the Youngblood family has finally come for Eva. Still, it doesn’t look like they have any intention of hearing me out. At the very least fighting three of them at the same time in my weakened state might be slightly interesting.’

[I hope you’ll forgive my lacking reception, after all I wasn’t expecting guests. Now what business could a group of noble vampires have in my humble abode?]

Jellal questions the vampires despite knowing full well their purpose in coming here. To make matters worse he “accidentally” let out a suppressed chuckle while calling them noble vampires, obviously mocking them.

[Ah, I know! You’ve heard of my prowess and have come to beg me to accept you as underling. If that’s what you truly want I don’t mind, but you have to be sincere about it. Anything less than putting your forehead to the ground is an unacceptable to show true sincerity in begging for a potential master to pity you and take you under their wing.

Of course, even then I have high standards for accepting underlings. If I accepted dregs like you just because you begged this place would be full of useless trash. Well? I’m waiting, and I don’t like being made to wait by lesser beings than myself, though all beings are lesser beings when held up against me.]

Jellal smirks maliciously at the fuming vampires. Their anger is obvious for anyone with eyes to see. Trying to contain their rage and keep up their noble visage they clench their fist so tightly their nails dig into their palms, drawing blood.

Unable to contain their anger after being so blatantly looked down on they activate their blood magic. Whether by coincidence or some form of silent communication they all activate it at the same time, causing the blood dripping from their palms to draw out into various weapons.

Looking at the blood magic Jellal’s tempted to intervene and try to break their control over it. Fighting back his mischievous urges he leisurely climbs to his feet. Leaping into the air he lands at the bottom of the bone pile he uses wind magic discreetly to slow down and glide for the last couple inches, causing his landing to exude elegance.

His bone saws are left standing up at the top of the pile. By leaving his weapons behind he’s able to mock the vampires without so much as opening his mouth.

The enraged vampires fan out with the woman staying in front of him while the men position themselves on either side of him.

The female vampire’s weapon of choice is a spiked whip while the man on his left opts for a halberd and the man to his right goes for a spiked mace.

The crack of a whip signals the start of the battle. The halberd user maintains his distance while the mace wielder rushes in to engage in close combat. To Jellal their actions look as if they’re in slow motion, which is to be expected from someone whose eyes adapted to traveling via lightning.

Turning his upper body slightly he faces the man to his right while the whip passes centimeters away from his face. When the whip is fully extended he reaches out his left hand and grabs hold of it, before using it to block the mace being swung at his head from above.

Releasing his grip on the whip he spins around to his right as the halberd narrowly avoiding the blow aimed at his back. Completing a full rotation he clutches it with his right hand he pulls it past him toward the stomach of club man who gets a flesh wound on his waist while attempting to dodge.

The whip quickly returns to the fray, this time aiming at his ankles. Rather than avoid it, he steps on it with his left foot before releasing his grip on the halberd and throwing a spinning back kick at its wielder. The man manages to lift his weapon up in time to protect his chest but is sent careening into the wall.

Blood leaks from the man’s mouth as he loses control over his blood magic and falls to the ground. Brushing the blood from his mouth he lifts his head to glare at Jellal but he’s shocked to find his vision filled with a foot.

The man catches a boot to the face knocking him upward into Jellal’s waiting right hand. In a smooth motion Jellal grabs the man by his face while he’s on his way up from the kick and smashes the back of the man’s head into the wall causing a spider web of cracks to spread out from the point of impact.

Thanks to his discreet use of earth magic the impact was mostly mitigated, running counter to the flashy cracks he created for dramatic effect. Even with all that he made sure to knock the victim unconscious so no one will ever know the truth.

The man slumps to the ground after Jellal releases his face, his head drooping as he sits against the wall. Ever the showman, Jellal turns his head to look at the other two vampires before casually turning to face them.

[If you have any last words say them now. I’ll at least pretend to care about what you’re saying even though I don’t speak weakling.

So, what do you want to do now? If you run away at full speed there’s a millionth of a percent chance one of you actually gets away. Will you abandon your kin and run like pathetic cowards or stay here and suffer similar fates together?]

While leisurely strolling toward the vampires Jellal doesn’t forget to taunt them. To give them hope he even exaggerated the odds of one of them escaping his clutches. Now all he’s waiting for his how they respond.

The pair look at each other before wildly rushing at him. Seeing their response he can only sigh and retort internally.

‘Didn’t you just say you could smell your kin in the cave less than a minute ago? Did you decide to abandon the person you came to save and commit suicide by attacking me or is there an alternative motive? If you know you can’t win it isn’t a bad choice to avoid drawing in another one of your kin, if that’s what you actually intend. There’s also the possibility they consider Eva unreliable in a fight so they left her alone.

Whatever the case may be it doesn’t matter. They’re taking her and leaving whether they want to or not … after I teach them not to act so arrogant in front of a superior being such as myself.

I can almost picture it now. I’ll finally be free of all the nuisances I inherited from those useless bandits. At last it’ll just be a man and his pet ruffing it in a cave the way it should be. Only this cave is total crap. I haven’t been here that long and I’ve already had multiple invasions. I thought this place was supposed to be hidden, yet somehow everything that moves in this freaking forest is able to find it.

The first thing I’m doing when I finish my business in Pavise is moving to a new base. Better yet, I can make my own. If I do that I can make the layout however I want, plus I can hide it so it’s impossible for outsiders to stumble upon.’

While Jellal’s thinking about unnecessary things the pair close in and start their attack. The whip extends towards him while darting around sporadically thanks to clever use of blood magic. The club, on the other hand, changes shape as it approaches.

The club transforms into a pair of blade crossing as the vampires aim for a one hit kill. As the weapons approach, Jellal maintains a calm expression as he stares at his opponents. When the weapons are centimeters from his skin he seemingly disappears, causing their attacks to hit nothing but air.

Rather than disappearing Jellal simply took advantage of his superior specs. With just his raw physical strength he can easily move faster than their eyes can keep up with. Normally exerting that much power would damage the ground and leave obvious traces, but with a little bit of earth magic backing him up he’s able to go zero to a hundred in an instant without leaving any evidence behind.

Before they have a chance to look around for their missing opponent the remaining man is struck in the back of the head, falling unconscious next to his comrade. The final vampire turns her head slowly as she stares at the menace who easily took them on with ease, a hint of fear present in her eyes.

[While I’ve got your attention there’s something I want to ask you. You don’t mind right?]

Hearing his question she immediately responds in a panic, not daring provoke his ire.

[Of course not, not at all. As a noble vampire it’s natural for me to try to help others the way a true noble would. I would never think of dodging something you asked.]

[If only true nobles acted in such a humane manner. If they did this world would certainly be a much better place. Alas it isn’t so.

Back to my question. Due to circumstances beyond my control I’ve been in contact with one of your kin lately and it’s led me to wonder, do vampires require some exorbitant amount of sleep? Until you showed up I had only met one vampire and she’s almost always sleeping. If you would be so kind as to enlighten me I would appreciate it.]

Her face twitches when she hears him mention a certain lazy vampire who always prioritizes sleep above all else. Even though she did her best not to let it show he still caught it, confirming his earlier suspicions that Evangeline is the embodiment of laziness.

Letting out a cough she pretends nothing happened as she tries to downplay her own words.

[While we do mostly sleep during the day it isn’t due to needing an abnormally large amount of sleep. You see, under direct sunlight our abilities weaken quite a bit. This is because of our bodies’ unique makeup. As a result of us not usually coming out during the day there are many myths about us floating around such as needing excess amounts of sleep or being killed when exposed to the sun.

Well would you look at the time. We’ve really stayed too long this time and should really be going.]

[Oh? Didn’t you come here to find your kin who had been kidnapped? Do you really not need to find her before you go home? It seems like a waste of a trip if you don’t even try to accomplish the task you set out to do.]

[It’s true one of our own has been kidnapped and it saddens us more than you could ever know. In our distress we mistakenly barged in here and acted rude to you and I hope you can find it in your extremely big and generous heart to forgive us for that.]

[I understand, really. How could I hold a grudge against such amiable people? But there is one thing I’m confused about. When you first arrived you said you could smell your kin in the cave. Not only that, you even claimed it was impossible for you to be wrong. If that’s true how could you have ended up in the wrong place.]

[Hehehe, that was just bravado. You know how it is, we can’t very well act like we’re searching at random can we? It was truly a mistake we ended up here and if you let us go we promise to never step foot in this cave again. We just got the wrong spot, that’s all. In fact we got the wrong general area. Just let us go and you’ll never see us again, we promise.

Since we’re in the wrong area we need to go a ways away to search. In fact, we have to go a long ways to search, like the other side of the world. You’ll never see us again, promise.]

After throwing out any excuse she can think of the vampire immediately turns and tries to walk away as if nothing happened. Before she can make it a single step a hand latches onto her should with an iron grip, stopping her dead in her tracks. Her face cramps up when she realizes she can’t escape.

[I haven’t been much of a host since you arrived. I insist you stay a while longer, until your comrades wake up at least. In the meantime I can help you look for that kidnapped kin of yours. You just stay here and wait, I’ll go look around and see what I can find. You never know what’ll pop up around this place; it used to belong to bandits after all.]

In the blink of an eye Jellal leaves the dining hall and dashes to his room. Inside Evangeline is sleeping as per usual, leaving him speechless. Grabbing her by the back of the neck like she’s a kitten, he pulls her out from under the covers.

Completely exposed to the air she finally wakes up. Looking around frantically she finds herself suspended in midair at Jellal’s hands.

Without giving her a chance to complain he carries her toward the dining hall. When he arrives he’s greeted by the sight of the female vampire vigorously shaking her companions.

[Would you look what I found? It’s a vampire! This wouldn’t happen to be the one you’re looking for would it? It must be nice to be reunited after having been separated for a long time.]

[Hehehe, Evangeline, sis, long time no see.]

Evangeline’s face lights up with a bright smile as she rushes over to her sister. Grabbing her hands she starts excitedly shaking them while telling the tale of her great adventure.

[You finally arrived! You wouldn’t believe what I went through this time. I was sleeping in my special place when a bunch of bandits came and kidnapped me. They must have been incredibly careful while moving me since I didn’t wake up until after I was already here. Then this guy showed up and killed all the bandits. He even let me out of my cell. And then earlier I heard a loud bang and went to investigate only to fall into a trap he set up to protect this place. If it wasn’t for me triggering them earlier you would’ve certainly been doomed before reaching this room. After that I heard another bang and found him sweet talking a strange dirt cube. I don’t know what’s special about it, but I suspect it’s some kind of rare secret treasure!]

Listening to her explanation Jellal begins wondering what the world looks like from her incredibly slanted perspective.

When Evangeline settles down they grab the unconscious vampire before heading for the exit. Before they enter the passage Evangeline stops to turn around and give a wide, exaggerated wave towards Jellal.

[Bye! I’ll be sure to stop by for a visit some time!]

Turning back she leaves with her sister while Jellal stares at her back dumbfounded.

‘Is this the legendary power of positive thinking? How formidable! Speaking of formidable, I wonder what my status is looking like after all the nonsense I’ve been through recently.’ [status open]

Name: Jellal

Race: Gaia Kin (Goblin)

Gender: M

Age: 0

Level: 60

HP: 4000/4000

DEF: 950

STR: 950

AGI: 950

MP: ???/???

MGD: ???

MGA: ???

Points Available:

Skills: Adaptability; Danger Perception; Concealment; Parallel Thinking; Sawsmanship; Battle Born; Berserk; Regeneration; Mercy; Normal; Hyper reactive; Masochist;

Special: Named Monster; Heart of Darkness;

‘I see my status is at the pinnacle of not making sense like always. It’s nice to see incorporeal screens can have a sense of humor in this world.’