Hello, customer service? No, nothing major, I’d just like an explanation as to why I’ve been reincarnated as a goblin. There’s nothing you can do? I’m very sorry, but that’s just unacceptable.

God told me that my memories would be fuzzy, but never said anything about becoming a goblin. How do I know I wasn’t always a goblin? No matter how fuzzy my past life is I distinctly remember being a human. Are you insulting my intelligence? Good sir, are you insinuating that my intellect is no better than that of a goblin? Why I never!

Oh well, some things can’t be helped. Leaving my mental breakdown aside, things aren’t that bad … is something only an idiot would say!

First of all, I’m a goblin … a goblin! The weakest of the weak, fodder amongst fodder, an enemy not fit to make an appearance outside the beginner areas.

Second, I’m but a wee child, wholly unable to defend myself, completely at fate’s cruel whims.

Lastly, I’m a goblin. When you think of goblins what are the thoughts that come to mind? Nothing good, right? Goblins stink, they’re ugly, their so called language is basically a bunch of annoying screeches, and they have no concept of cooked food much less good tasting food.

Calm down. Everything is going to be just fine. Screaming at imaginary people in your head isn’t going to help anything.

Now then, let’s assess the situation shall we. I’m a goblin. I’m less than a day old. I can almost, just barely crawl.

On a positive note, I’m a goblin. Goblins grow quickly so it shouldn’t take too long for me to be up and moving around. Wait a second … don’t goblins have short life spans to go along with their quick growth?

As I thought being a goblin sucks! Couldn’t I have at least been reincarnated as a slime? At least then I could change shape or drop down on top of enemies and suffocate them. Plus, everyone loves slimes, they’re adorable.

Alright I’ve decided. From this point forward it shall be my life’s mission to find a way to meet that con artist (god) and give the bastard a piece of my mind … and a fist to the face … or two … or fifty.