《Slaying Monsters for Dummies》3.3 An audience with the Queen

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Seren trails Nathan who walks with perfect composure with his box of Twinkies, immune to the jeers and comments from the pair of drunk college students they picked up at the park entrance. Why they think a man carrying Twinkies is the height of humor, she will never know. He has this lopsided grin that Milo had when someone was rude to him and he had the means to retaliate, especially since Umpire rock just came into view.

Umpire rock, also known as Rat Rock, is just a big striated mass of schist that a hundred people could stand on at the same time. Really its only notable feature is how appropriate the name is tonight.

Seren cannot help but smile when Nathan whistles with his finger, an incredible skill as far as she is concerned, and rats start gathering around.

There is barely any light but the drunk students chuckle turn silent, then get replaced by expletives as the swarm conglomerates. Seren knows a group of rat is technically called a mischief, but the term does not do the situation justice. Shadows roll and undulate under the sheer number of rodents until a form emerges out of nowhere.

Two screams and the sound of footstep sprinting away spell the end of the night for the two idiots behind her. Seren’s grin soon mirrors Nathan’s, coming here was worth it after all.

The figure steps forward.

Under the darkness, she can see the figure of a rat standing upright and moving forward with a strange gait. Instead of the lean figure of a domesticated rat, this one is a bit pudgy around the bottom and some bumps at the front speak of too many saggy breasts for Seren to contemplate. That shit really isn’t natural. When the silhouette hits the light, it’s as if it had been human all along.

No transition, no change. Just one image to another.

The person standing in front of them is a young woman barely out of puberty. She is wearing several layers of ratty (obviously) clothes in brown and black, but while she should look like a homeless person, the strange apparel gives the impression of a damaged gown. She is rather short and her shape is… Seren is going to go with voluptuous. She is probably the teenager’s wet dream honestly. The memory of the rat form only makes Seren appreciative of the perfect honey pot the queen has successfully morphed into. She has a cute chubby face with two prominent incisive, slightly elongated ears, and tousled brown hair. The whole effect is complimented by a cheap plastic tiara and black eyes.

Those eyes are not black as in they have black iris. They are black. Completely black.

Nathan bows smartly.

“Greetings your majesty”

Seren follows suit by curtseying and saying her greetings as well. The whole scene makes her shudder. On the contrary and as far as she can tell, Nathan is completely genuine in his treatment of her. She couldn’t do it. She is not scared of rats, they just disgust her. They are disease vectors for Christ’s sake!

The rat queen blushes cutely and takes out a fan from some recess in her quasi-gown, demurely using it to hide herself. Seren thinks she must have picked the gaudy horror from the dumpster behind a Chinese fast food joint.

“Knight Turner, it is always SUCH a pleasure to welcome you to our court.”

Nathan winks and the queen turns a delicate shade of tulip. He was the one to suggest she speaks using the “royal we”. Seren knows this is technically called nosism, though frankly she is not ready to share this information with Nathan. Only Milo and Yuki know she is a word nerd and she intends to keep it that way thank you very much.

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Thinking about Milo again brings a pang of melancholy. He is gone, but so is his murderer. The hole in her chest is not gone but its bite is not nearly as painful.

The Varog will not take from her again.

“Your majesty, I come bearing a gift and a request. Will you grant us an audience?”

“Oh, oh yes, an audience! Of course! Have you… Have you reconsidered our offer to be our king?”

“Alas your majesty, the situation has not changed and I must decline.”

Seren does her best to maintain a poker face. Agrias before, and now the rat queen? Nathan is such an underage monster lady killer.

She takes a moment to appreciate that her life has turned into such a mess that the word combination “underage monster lady killer” actually makes sense. Gah.

“Oh.”

The poor thing looks absolutely dejected then her face turns resolute.

“Bring me my throne, loyal servants!”

A wriggling mass of shadows resolves itself into a large seat and as it reaches the light, the queen plops on it with a satisfied sigh.

Seren has seen many esthetical horrors in her godforsaken life, including the very worst that money and ignorance can bring together with her Dad, back in Russia. Gold plated Nike shoes, escorts dressed as gladiators and even a full size statue of a fat man with all teeth replaced with diamonds, yet this, this takes the fucking cake.

The throne is fast food children prop in sickly shades of red and yellow, with the shiniest pieces of junk incrusted in it with a hammer, if the innumerable fissures are any indication. Several striped bands made out of pink post-its circle Frankenstein’s furniture and the whole unholy thing is crowned with plungers which have apparently been skewered through the headrest.

What. The. Fuck.

The queen looks at them and frowns, then her face turns into a pout.

“Hum… Something feels wrong!”

Nathan speaks without missing a beat.

“Your majesty, perhaps it would be better if the throne is, huh, higher compared to us, so that you don’t have to look up so much.”

True enough the throne currently sits in a recess in the ground which means the poor thing has to crack her neck too stare them in the eyes. Embarrassing.

“…. Maybe on this boulder?”

The queen turns even redder and her eyes shine with tears.

“I’m… I’m too tired…”

She sobs

“I can’t make them move it!”

Nathan steps forward and places a paternal hand on her shoulder. She leans into him and buries her head on his chest.

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Seren and I will help you move it. Huh, right Seren?”

Nathan gives her an imploring look. Sigh. Thank God her tetanus shot is up to date because else she would not touch this blasphemy with a ten foot rusty pole.

Nathan pats the queen’s head for a little while, whispering encouraging words.

Seren takes an instant to appreciate the moment. The gesture is curiously soothing. There is tenderness in it, an undeniable feeling of concern and sympathy. The queen’s appearance calls for revulsion in its rat form, and sexual attraction in her human one. Nathan only shows respect and friendliness.

“Here have some sugar, it will help.”

Nathan takes out a Twinkie out of his pocket and gives it to the queen. She looks at it like it’s a gold bar and shreds the paper. They manage to heave the “throne” on a boulder by the time she is done devouring the sugary treat and when she sits on it, she looks much better.

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“Thank you. Now you may offer your gift and present your request and we shall consider it.”

Nathan presents the case of Twinkie. Judging from the giddy laugh and hand clap his gift hit the bull’s eye.

“Now onto my request. As you know we are In conflict with the voracious Varog and I have come to request your help.”

The queen’s expression turns resolute, and she swipes the air with her hand dismissively.

“ I have thought this over, and I will not assist you. The life of my servants would be wasted facing such dangerous opponents.”

“Of course your majesty, that said, I do not want your aid in combat. As a knight, facing them in battle is my call.”

Jesus, isn’t the man full of shit.

“I only beseech your help in locating them.”

He takes a piece of fabric and a strange copper bar from yet another pocket and present them.

“ Those two item bear the mark of their magician. Should you locate him, or them, I would be able to bring them to battle.”

The queen picks up the two things and sniffs them. She nods to herself but soon her face crunches in displeasure.

“Knight Turner, we are concerned by your willingness to face them! Surely such a dangerous foe could spell your end!!!!”

Seren thinks there is less exaggerated drama in a high school rendition of Hamlet. The man just takes it in stride.

“Worry not queen, for we already faced them thrice and emerged victorious!”

The queen’s tongue darts out as if to taste the air, and her eyes bulge.

“You speak the truth!” She squeals. “Such a valorous knight! We shall assist you in this endeavor! Hum, but we demand compensation! A boon to repay the effort of my servants!”

“Your majesty, would more food be deemed an acceptable payment?”

“Yes, and next time bring me some meat, and also bring me something red!”

The surreal negotiations being at an end, they both bow to her one after the other. As Seren leans forward the queen mimics her and whispers in her ears.

“Thank you for your help with the throne, you are a worthy rival, knight Nechayeva! We will yet steal him from you!!”

Wait what?

As they prepare to leave, Nathan turns away one last time. His demeanor has changed to serious.

“Your majesty, have you decided on a name?”

“No knight Turner, I cannot seem to be able to name myself. Perhaps you could…”

The queen looks hopeful.

Nathan nods.

The world stops.

Seren knows she is not as sensitive to magic, or “The flow” as he calls it, as Nathan, yet even she can tell something momentous is taking place right now. The air is filled with the expectation that can only be found during nominations and game changing penalty shots. She finds herself holding her breath. She does not even dare to switch paths.

“Your name is Piper.”

Something… Unlocks. This is the best comparison she comes up with. Something is resolved, and something is born. Seren feels that she has just witnessed history though the question remains: Was she on the right side of it?

The queen, Queen Piper now, nods in acknowledgement. Her stature already feels different, more mature and more provocative. And… Taller!?

“A pleasant name, a loaded name, and a name freely given. Yes. This is suitable. We shall remember this moment knight Turner, and we shall remember you.”

Seren shivers. They walk away and the form of Queen Piper dissolves itself in the shadows. Her onyx eyes are the last thing to go, glittering in the darkness. She prays Nathan knows what he’s doing because she remembers the tale of the pied piper of Hamelin, and more importantly how the story ended.

“Was this wise? I do not want to demean her or anything but she’s a monster in the original sense”

“You think I should not have helped, ignored her instead?”

“That would have been more careful. I mean, things turned out for the best and we haven’t been swarmed by rats so maybe you made the right call. It’s just, I can tell that you made her more queen-like like and if what you say is true you basically made her stronger, except she is not human. She could still decide that people intrude on her territory and start to make them disappear and that would be our responsibility.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think she will. When we met her she was barely articulate and did not have her crown but she was already the queen of rats. Not because she looks like a queen, but because the rats obey her. By being helpful and nice in her hour of need, I made sure we would become allies.”

“I see. Do you intend to try to get all magical creatures we meet on our side?”

“I doubt it’s possible. That said I do intend to ally as much as I can, yes. There is something else though. Are you familiar with the term: fake it till you make it?”

“yeah, you, huh, try to convince yourself of something and then your brain eventually think it’s the truth, right?”

“Yes. You probably noticed that your magic is influencing you?”

Seren stops for a second. Could it be true? In the past few weeks, she has not really acted like she usually does and she blamed it on fear, grief and exhaustion. Her aggression and her unwillingness to compromise… Could they be caused by the paths?

Are they fucking with her mind?

“You ok there?”

“What do you mean? Are we being influenced? Am I becoming crazy?!”

“Ok Seren take a deep breath. Your magic, the paths you mentioned, they are a part of you. They are you.”

“I just… I don’t want to become insane!”

“It’s not crazy ok? We are, in part, the sum of our experience. After what you have lived through, it’s pretty obvious that you’re not the same person as before. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Right… Right. Yeah, that makes sense.”

Still, this is super scary, and creepy. Yet… It explains a lot. Seren had career plans, working for Chauham would have let her develop a significant network, not to mention the pay. Her ambition and greed should have battled with her hatred of fetters. The old Seren would have at least considered the offer… But not the new Seren. The old Seren had outgrown Vassily’s lesson, seen the old blademaster’s obsession with the art of the sword as adorably outdated. The sword as a weapon is not just obsolete; warriors have given way to soldiers, trained to work as units. More importantly, power is not in the hands of the soldiers but those who send them to war. This is not a world of Ronin and Errant Knights, this is a world of project management and network development.

Except, this is no longer true isn’t it? This world collapsed not long ago, in a geyser of arterial blood.

Now she understands Vassily’s words, his disdain for rules and his pride when she landed a killing blow on his armor for the first time, striking him with all the strength in her teenage body.

As if sensing her distress, the paths switch to show her a way to escape from the car. This time, her usual headache is much more subdued.

Is she getting better at it?

It’s clear that her perspective has changed, it is also clear that the paths make her more… Feral. They only answer to primitive impulses, and so she is becoming less… Civilized.

She kind of needs it.

Nathan is right, the paths are her magic. They are who she is, and they influence how she thinks just how hunger and pain influence her behavior. It was not some mysterious mojo that made her almost kill Liam, it was her own uncontrolled anger. She has to get better at using the paths. She needs to learn how to control her power, like she learnt how to control her emotions. They are not the paths, they are her paths.

She turns to Nathan with renewed resolve. He is focused on driving, but a quick glance tells him she is done musing.

“Hum, I believe we were talking about queen Piper?”

Oh.

“Oh yeah, sorry I lost touch there for a moment. Fake it till you make it. Elaborate.”

“Right… Well, Gwahin mentioned several times that magic is governed by intent and affinity. By doing my best to make her look more human, I believe that I made her more human, period. She will never be harmless, but she will always be someone we can negotiate with and that makes her better that the Varog. “

He stops for a moment.

“I was also thinking that if I were to wake up naked and alone in a city like New York with no idea who I am, I would definitely appreciate if someone took the time to fill me in.”

“Next time you suggest getting a throne can you be more specific about what a throne is? If I ever lay my eyes on that anathema to good taste they’ll probably fall off.”

“Aw come on it was so cute…”

The rest of the drive is spent in companionable bickering.

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