The worst Shark’s parents could really do was reinforce their rejection and disapproval, but that wasn’t any comfort considering how much it had hurt the first time around.

“Whatever you do, Thea, don’t blow up at them. Getting angry won’t change anything,” they warned as they tried to convince their finger, currently perched on the doorbell, to push.

“It’s not a matter of getting angry,” Dorothea corrected. “I’m already incensed. But I won’t show it.”

Shark nodded, giving her a grateful glance when she put her hand over theirs for them to push down together. It sang in quiet bursts through the shop, and they waited. Shark prepared to gaze into the eyes of one of their parents, but the man who answered was totally unfamiliar.

He offered a kind smile. “You must be Shark. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Shark gaped like a fish, dangling and pierced through the throat with a hook.

“May we ask who you are?” Dorothea requested.

The stranger laughed. “Look at me, my manners flew right out the window. Please come in.”

Shark studied the front room in a daze. It felt as if not a single thing had changed. Shoes hung with their laces tied together on pegs or sat neatly in prim pairs on varnished shelves. A counter sat in the middle of the room; this was where Finnley always worked, deft fingers weaving thin multicolored threads or sewing insoles, outsoles and heels together with an almost blurring speed. Shark remembered sitting on the counter and marvelling at her, laughing as she loosely tied leftover threads in their hair or around their fingers and toes.

Vaguely, they heard voices exchanging from the higher floors. It had to be frayed nerves, but it almost seemed as if one of them was rather young. Like a child’s…

“Gods, fuck, why…” Shark gasped, holding on to Dorothea’s hand for dear life.

Their mother tapped down the stairs with a wee one, not even a year old, in her arms and the stranger behind her with a hand on her back. She wore an embarrassed, nervous, and frightened smile when she halted before her guests.

“Hello, Shark,” she greeted in a trembling voice. “Er, this is your, um, your stepfather Markhus and your sister River. A-Adopted, of course, but even so. This is your family.” The laugh she capped that statement off with was too high and just a second too long.

Shark bit back a response about how neither of these people were anything to them, how Finnley hardly was either after everything. Instead, they reached out to trade a firm handshake with Markhus before toying gently with River’s fingers when she grasped at their thumb. “Hi there…”

“We all have a lot to talk about,” Markhus said. The easy, confident manner with which he spoke and moved helped hold the entire situation together. “Do you feel up to joining us for tea, Shark? We’ve got some snacks we could pull out, too.”

“It’s fine, really. Don’t go to the trouble.” After the initial flash of anger and grief, Shark had plummeted into a numbness without bottom. The only thing that kept them together through the clomp upstairs, the arranging of the table and being seated was Dorothea’s presence.

“So… Where should we start?” Finnley asked, giving Shark the opportunity to direct the conversation.

“Sorry about earlier. The cake,” they said, not knowing what tone to take. “I didn’t tell him to do that, I just wasn’t ready to talk to you.”

“Please don’t apologize.” Finnley bounced River and cooed when the child let out a whine, and Shark gritted their teeth against a pang of jealousy that drove through their heart with a sharp, heavy swing. “One day, it’ll be something to laugh about.”

A scream rose from deep within, but it simmered beneath the surface, too weak to emerge. “What happened to John?” To their father.

Finnley looked at Markhus, and he smiled to encourage her. Shark wondered then what it must have been like for her, seeing her child after so long only to walk away defaced and alone. How it must have felt to go back home with the panic of that interaction, the humiliation, to explain to her new spouse what had happened and what might be coming. They wondered if she understood that any and all of this pain and discomfort would have been the merest fraction of what Shark had been through.

“After you left, your father became even more determined to prove the worth of our family and restore the Olyen name. He took your place on the battlefield, and…” Finnley bowed her head. “I’m sorry, Shark. He didn’t make it.”

It registered as a ripple in the numbness in that moment, waiting to erupt like everything else. “So…this?” They gestured to the three of them, the new happy family.

“Markhus and I met a year after John’s passing and married two years after that. River was orphaned about six months ago, and we took her in. There’s not much to tell…” It was the same voice and smile at every turn, all begging for Shark’s approval and forgiveness. Finnley cleared her throat, glancing at Dorothea. “And this young lady. Your partner…?” She eyed their twined hands.

The hope in her voice was absolutely disgusting. Shark had never been so revolted, and it was almost enough to make them reach across the table and slap her. “No. I’m courting a man at the moment, in fact, and you haven’t earned the right to know who he is.” Not that they could have told if they wanted to anyways.

Finnley’s eyes were bright with tears, and her lips trembled. Despite everything, Shark pitied her, and they wanted to apologize for everything and tell her it wasn’t her fault, that she’d never done wrong. Even if it was bullshit, the small part of them that was still her child wanted approval.

“Alright then.” Shark slapped their free hand against the table and stood, and River let out a squeal. “Shit. I mean, oops. Ugh. Come on, Thea. Time to go.”

Finnley jumped up, alarmed, and Markhus took their child so she could approach Shark and take their arms. “Shark, isn’t there… There’s so much to talk about. Please don’t…”

Shark backed away from her touch. “If she turns out like me, would you abandon River? Would you tell her that she’s not enough and make her feel like there was no place for her here? Would you control her until she felt like her only choices were to run or die? I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I left because neither of you gave me a fucking choice.” Their voice broke, and that show of weakness was all the more infuriating.

Finnley flinched. “I… I won’t fail her, no matter what.”

Shark took a deep breath and let it out, feeling the slightest sense of relief. “Good. I can tell you’ve still got a lot to learn and accept, so get it together while you can, okay?” They shook their head, feeling dizzy. “For now, that’s all. I don’t know if there’s a future for me in your life. I can’t tell if it’s too late yet. I’ll get back to you if I choose.”

She had the smarts to accept the huge step these terms were, though the brimming over of her tears betrayed how much it stung. “Okay, Shark,” she whispered. “I love you. Please never forget that.”

“Good to meet you, Markhus.” Shark waved from the stairway and got a nod and thankful smile in return. Things could have been far more heated, and that would have been entirely within Shark’s rights. However, with so many things unsaid, they were running away again.

“Everything I imagined,” they began once the night air was flowing through their burning throat, “just went up in smoke the second I saw them. I had so many lines rehearsed, and…” They stopped walking, sensing the imminent breakdown seconds before it came. “My father fucking died, and I wasn’t there, Thea, I wasn’t there, and…!”

She caught Shark as they fell to their knees, and she held fast around their back as they sobbed into her neck. “Oh, Shark…”

“If I hadn’t left…” The tears made it hard to breathe, and their words were broken up by gasps. “I was standing still, and the wh-whole time, everything was moving on without me!”

“If you’d stayed, you only would have suffered and made a life that wasn’t even your own, or worse. Any choices your family made are their own burden. You can’t bear that guilt.”

Shark let out a choked laugh. “That coming from you of all people just sounds so wrong. You’d never live up to those words, Thea.”

“That’s why I can say this to you.” Her hand drifted over their back, and they closed their eyes to sink into the comfort. “It’s not a good way to live. I want better for you than that.”

Shark took a few moments to breathe, deep and slow. “We have to change this world, Thea. It hurts. Every day, it hurts so much.” They shuddered against a new fit of sobs. “You’ll be with us, right? You don’t have to fight, but I want you to be there.”

Dorothea sniffed, crying the sympathetic tears they’d known she would. “I promise. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Okay.” Shark leaned back to smile at her, laughing when she wiped their tear-stained cheeks clean. “I’m a total mess, right?”

“No, you look beautiful. Like you’re feeling things that need to be felt.”

Another pitiful laugh bubbled out. “I love you, Thea.”

“I love you too.”

“But,” Shark said, continuing after pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, “I’m reaching out now. You’re not my only person anymore.”

Dorothea smiled. “I’m happy for you. And I want you to know I mean it when I say that your life is your own. The thing you want to do is big. You can’t go dividing your life between where I end up and where you need to go. That’s not what I want for you.”

It tore at Shark, but she was right. “I want my life to have you in it, but I… I’m a Sacerian.” The realization hit just as the words came. “I want to make things better for my people. I ran away when I needed to, but now I want to be strong and face everything that’s ugly. And you… I know I said before that your path was mine, and your choices were always going to be linked to mine. But I’ve changed. There’s another person I want to see if I can hold close now, and because there are so many other people who I’ve never met or who haven’t even been born yet that I could help by doing something here and now… I’m not going to tie my life to yours in absolute terms. I don’t need to anymore.”

Her smile was filled with nothing but joy and pride for Shark. “I’m glad we were both there when we needed each other. I want you to always have happiness.”

“I feel the same about you, Thea, so I want you to listen to this. Life is too damn short to waste it thinking you’re not worth living it.”

“Okay. I hear you.”

“No. Listen to me. You’ve never changed because you never sought out anything to change for. Now that you’ve been made to encounter and experience new things… It’s okay to say that you’re allowed to live a happy life, Thea. If you’re willing to say that to me, it’s got to apply to you too. Be happy so I can feel safe leaving you by yourself from time to time, why don’t ya?” They half-smiled.

She shook her head. “You’re different, Shark. You’ve got a long life ahead of you, and you won’t die and leave anyone else to mourn you for decades. Or hate you. I… I want to move on, and I’m trying, but it’s scary. There’s just so much to consider.”

Still stuck on this! Shark couldn’t bite back an incredulous laugh. “Thea, any of us could literally die tomorrow. You dying young isn’t exactly a special thing. It happens to tons of people. We all face death every day, on and off the battlefield, and it’s tempting to say it’s not worth it, but we still treasure everything we have, every moment, because it’s not worth getting any older if we don’t. I don’t want you to give up!”

Dorothea stared, shocked. “I’m…not special,” she said, dumbfounded. “I’m really not.”

“I mean, to me you are, but I guess that’s basically what I just said, yeah.”

She laughed, hugging them tightly. “I’ve wasted a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, haven’t I…?”

“Me too. Lucky enough, it’s not too late to get our shit together.”

“You’re right.” She withdrew and cupped Shark’s cheek, searching their eyes. “But more importantly, will you be alright, Sharkie?”

Who knew? “I… I need time. I can’t even feel it all right now. It’d help if I can still lean on your shoulder for a while longer. Just not too much, I promise.” It was better this way. She wouldn’t always be there, so they had to get used to not depending on her.

“Anything you need.” She paused. “If you say I deserve to be happy in the ways I was scared of… Maybe I can believe it. Can I, really…?”

Of course it wasn’t that easy for her to change. “Just choose to believe it. Besides, it doesn’t matter in the end what other people think of you or what you should get. Take what you want to take and give what you want to give, and life will throw punches at you either way. It’s not easy to live the life you want, but it’s worth it.” Even after everything, Shark could still say that.

“Will you come with me to the library tomorrow? The one in Cerid’s house.”

“Oh my. Cerid, you say? Consider me an avid lover of literature.”

Dorothea nodded, smiling. “I’m happy for you, Shark. You make a lovely pair.”

“Heck yeah we do.”

She sighed and tugged with playful gentleness on their braids. “Why is it that you’re always right, and you always say what I need to hear right when I’m the most confused?”

“I’m a psychic magician.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“I’m also your best friend to the end of time.”

“Absolutely, undeniably and forever correct.” She pulled Shark to their feet, letting them lean on her as they put an arm around her shoulders.

“Welp. I’m gonna go cry some more.” They leaned their head on hers. “I’m gonna stay at the Novaks’ place. I just wanna be in peace, and I feel like they’re less judgy than the Tamlins.” Shark grinned. “But something tells me there’s something you need to settle, or take back?”

“I…” Dorothea swallowed hard. “Is it really okay?”

“You’re going to make me tell you again? Really?”

“Okay, okay!” A blush spread from her neck upwards. “I…” She squeezed her eyes shut and yelled to the sky. “I love him! I want to tell him, no matter what! Even if it’s going to be hard, I love him so much!”

“FUCK YEAH!!!”

She wore an adorable, girly and giddy smile. “He said that I’m the earth, and he’s the rain.”

“Wow. That sounds really sexual.”

“Sharkie! Don’t ruin it! It was incredibly romantic!”

“You’re the one who’s been ruining it! Go get him!” Shark pushed her onwards now that they had reached the street where their paths needed to diverge. “Expect interrogation tomorrow!” they called, and she laughed before rushing away.

There was so much more to say to so many people. Shark wanted to fill up all of the emptiness that hatred had brought into their life with love. Like Dorothea said, it would be a hard road ahead. But it was worth it.